Navigating the driving years can be hairy and scary no matter what, but here are a few tips to help you make it less painful! 

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone! 

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE

Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1: (00:00)

Well it took me a lot longer to get to this episode than I expected, but we are at episode 100 that is a milestone. And today we are gonna just talk about briefly a few things that I found helpful and kind of things that I wish I would've done differently when taking my kids through the driving years and getting them their first car. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2: (00:25)

Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with

Speaker 1: (00:45)

Your

Speaker 2: (00:45)

Host Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1: (00:51)

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bark Today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so before I get into the topic today, I just want to say that after recording the last episode that I published, I had a lot of hesitation about publishing it.

Speaker 1: (01:39)

And the reason for that was after reflecting on it for a little bit is that the impact of my legal case and how much they dug into my life, which I don't think I really mentioned in the episode, haunts me. They dug into every aspect of my life, listened to my podcast episodes, looked at things from my past like my little brother dying and the reason behind my, my podcast episodes and anything and everything you could think of, they asked me about, it shook me and it's been really hard to put myself out into the public again. I actually like cut back on how public I was about anything. So most people didn't know about us selling our house, didn't know about us moving into our rv, didn't know a lot of the things going on, and I even made all of my social media private for a little while too because it was so disturbing how much they were trying to dig things up so that they could avoid having to face the fact that they're wrong.

Speaker 1: (02:38)

So that's what's so infuriating about not having the due process that I'm legally supposed to have and that they could manipulate the process like they did because they know they're doing something wrong. . So just wanted to say that, that I considered not publishing, that I considered not continuing with the podcast, but ultimately then they win and I'm not gonna allow that. I have something to offer here. I have information that might be helpful for you. I went through some really hard times raising my kids and did it all the harder way as I've said before. And so I'm just gonna keep sharing that stuff and I hope you're here for it. Alright, so today's topic about taking your kids through the driving years, how scary is that? Have you already reached those years of them actually being behind the wheel and driving? Holy cow.

Speaker 1: (03:30)

For my three kids, each one was different. We did each one a little bit differently in how we had them train. The first one did parent taught, the second one did a driving school and then the third one did parent taught. And I don't know which way is better because each one of them, it kind of fit their personality. So the second born doing the one where she went someplace and was taught by somebody else, it was helpful for her to learn from somebody else than from us. And each one just, you know, was different in how they approach driving And it seems to me that kids, well at least one of my kids wasn't as anxious to get her license and and get going. And then the other one was like out the door the day she turned 16. So I was gonna say that kids are seem to be getting their licenses later and this and that, but that's not really true when I think about it because it just, it wasn't that way for each one of them.

Speaker 1: (04:27)

They just had different things going on and then also covid happening and all the stuff around that affected how we did things with the the youngest. But the biggest thing that I wanted to share, and this is probably gonna be a really short episode unless I kind of go off on a tangent, the biggest thing I wanna share is how we handled the cars. So with the firstborn, I was at that time I was driving my car for work and so we got her a car, we ended up buying her a new car and it wasn't planned to do that, but buying her the new car kind of like set the stage for the other ones, which probably wasn't wise on our part, but we just got a really, really good deal at the time. You know, this is way pre covid before everything blew up with the used car and new car market the way it is right now.

Speaker 1: (05:13)

But we ended up getting her a new car because it was like at the end of the month and they needed to move the cars, you know, move some of the cars off the lot. And so they made us an offer that was like less than what we were finding for the used cars. So we got her that car and to this day, I'm trying to think how many years it's been now, when did we get that for her? I guess it's been eight years and she still has that same car. So it's been a good car for her. Now when we decided to get the car that we did, what I did was I researched the safety ratings for different vehicles and I narrowed it down to three vehicles that had good safety ratings for teen drivers. It was important for me that you know, they had like the airbags and all the things and that had been found to be a, a good car rated for teen or inexperienced drivers.

Speaker 1: (06:05)

So that's how I found her car, the make and the model and how we started looking for it. We just didn't go out there and get any car that was a good price. We looked for one that had the good safety rating. Now by the time the second born got to driving years, the job I was in provided me a vehicle and so my car was just sitting in the garage and not being driven a lot. So I went ahead and let her use that car and that car became like the , the teen driver car. So she used that car until the younger one got to driving years and then it passed on to him and we got her her own car, which was the same make as the oldest ones. And then the youngest one drove in my car until he was ready to buy himself a truck.

Speaker 1: (07:00)

And when I stopped driving that car and was provided a car for my work, that car was at 110,000 miles. He just recently bought himself that truck. And so now the car, which is a Honda so it's like it drives forever and ever it seems it is now at 200,000 miles. So I stopped driving it at 110,000 miles the second born probably put a good chunk of that, those miles on it. And then he finished off using it for his first couple of years of driving and bought himself a new car around the time that he turned 18. So, or bought himself a new to him vehicle but having that car that wasn't a new car had some miles and was paid off, worked really well for us. So now that car that he drove has passed back to me, it's now my car again.

Speaker 1: (07:55)

It has 200,000 miles on it but it's still driving. We just had to get the air conditioning fixed because it went out right at the end of the summer and or I guess it was last month in September, but it's still driving. It has a little bit of like noises it makes and this and that, but it's still going. And so all of that to say, what I recommend is if you're not yet at those driving years, kind of look at what you're doing with vehicles for you and your spouse if you have one, and see if it's gonna come to a place to where you're gonna move into a newer car and then move them into your old car if that's possible. The other thing to say is the car that I drove that ended up being the second and third born's car for a little while, um, that one was also one that was rated high for safety ratings.

Speaker 1: (08:46)

The Honda c r v the only thing is and verify that now 'cause that could have changed. So don't take my word for that. But the only thing at the time when I was getting the firstborn, her car was at Honda CRVs, they hold their value a lot or at least they did. I don't know if they do now. And so it seemed like they were really high priced and we couldn't afford that. So second born ended up getting that one and the third born did too. So just wanted to share that piece of gotten past the teenage driving years wisdom to just give you a, a piece of information. The other thing is if you get a newer car and you finance it, get gap coverage. , I can't tell you how many vehicles we've had to have totaled or they've totaled them since we got out of those initial years and moved them into other vehicles and um, these weren't accidents that were their fault, it was them being hit by somebody else.

Speaker 1: (09:41)

So just so happened, I think we've had three totaled cars in the last year, so that's been a bit frustrating. But that first car we bought in the other one that was the teen driver car, neither one of those has had issues wrecks or anything like that. It was the subsequent vehicles that we got. So hopefully this helps you. I don't know what's spunky with my voice if it sounds a little funny right now. But hope this helps you and feel free to provide me feedback. Let me know how things have gone for you and I'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom

Speaker 2: (10:19)

Strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on

Speaker 1: (10:22)

Social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time. Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone. Check out pinwheel@pinwheel.com. Use code be.mom 10 for a discount.

EMF radiation exposure & our kids' digital devices is the topic of this interview with Defendershield founder, Dan DeBaun. Tune in to hear his top tips and tools!

Check out all that Defendershield has to offer for your kiddo HERE!!

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

Check out the DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT:  GRAB YOUR ALL ACCESS PASS HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone! 

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

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MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So the topic of my podcast is often about how to help you be proactive as a mom when giving your kids digital things and helping to guide them in that world. That is what the podcast is founded on and what it's all about. Well, today's episode, we are going to go into another realm of this whole thing around the digital stuff that I've never dived into before. And I'm so excited to bring you an expert in this field to help you get on the top of this too. All right. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:36):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:00):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about. Start at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay. So today I am so excited to bring you an interview or a conversation that I had with an expert in the field, around the exposure of our kids, to what our devices are putting off.

Speaker 1 (01:51):

I'm talking about how they communicate with the world and get all of their information that has to come from somewhere. And when it is collecting information, we are inadvertently being expos to electromagnetic frequency radiation. So today I am talking to the founder of defender shield. His name is Daniel Debaun, and he is an internationally recognized expert in EMF, radiation, EMF, shielding, and EMF related health issues with a special focus on the effect of exposure from mobile devices, such as laptops, tablets, and cell phones. His concern regarding the health impact of EMF emissions grew from over 30 years of engineering experience in telecommunications industry, he has had a variety of executive positions in multiple large businesses, such at and T and bell labs in various other things. He's been the co-author of a book called radiation nation, the fallout of modern technology. And he is the CEO of defender shield, which is the world leader in EMF radiation protection solutions.

Speaker 1 (03:00):

So I'm so very excited to invite him onto the podcast today. He shares so much valuable information to help you take these nuggets and use them for your kids. Like seriously, make sure you listen to this entire interview and in our convers, and at the end, he gives some very useful nuggets, very useful tips that you can take today to help make sure that your kid is minimizing their exposure to the things that our devices are inadvertently putting out, whether we are aware of it or not. Okay. I hope you find this so very valuable. I absolutely did, and I am so very excited to bring it to you. So stay tuned. All

Speaker 3 (03:45):

Right. So I am so excited today to be talking to Dan with defender shield, and I am really kind of amazed that I have not explored this topic on my podcast yet, and it's very important. So I'm have you here today. Dan, tell me a little bit about yourself and what brought you to this space.

Speaker 4 (04:04):

Well, Dolly, thanks so much for inviting me. I'm excited to chat with your, uh, your listening audience, uh, about a subject that's really fairly controversial and really understood. And so we have an opportunity today to sort of chat about that, to help people understand this space. I started in telecommunications 30, 40 years ago. I, I actually wrote the technical standards and, and did the testing on telecommunications equipment for years and years and years. So about 10 years or so, 15, maybe close to 15. Now my sons were visiting me. They had their laptops on their, my wife says that can't be good for you. I want grandchildren. And she was implying that there was an emission coming from a, from a laptop that, that, um, affected the male sperm. Um, and I said, look, I've been doing this stuff for many, many years. There's no way the power levels are gonna have any sort of impact to the human body.

Speaker 4 (05:05):

But then I thought about it a tiny bit. I had never looked at the research side of, uh, the medical research side about these kind of exposures. And even back then, Dolly, it was true that after three or four hours, it's potentially true up to 25 per center of the mill sperm became became immobile. So we, we knew from that study work, that it, it actually can affect you. And then of course, other data that I was stumbling, of course, stuff I've never looked at before seemed to verify that there are potential concerns that we should have as parents and users of these technologies. I built a laptop shield for my sons, cuz I'm actually a mechanical engineer. Although I'm an industry, I spent an electrical world and I built a shielding device for my kids. And um, by the way, Dolly, I, I still don't have grandchildren, but uh, , that was the whole purpose of starting this journey. so that's how I got started. And, and, and once I had a device to protect, I started building other devices that were sort of using the same technology I had and then, and my son and I wrote a book radiation and the purpose of it was so people could read it and, and sort of make decisions about, about this controversial space themselves. So that's actually how I got started.

Speaker 3 (06:30):

Uh, it's really interesting. And isn't it crazy that it's kind of like we won't have anything on our radar until someone makes a comment or, or, you know, just kind of spikes your interest on something and then it takes you down a rabbit hole of exploring that a little bit. Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:43):

I mean, I used to worry about electronics interfering with electronics. I never worried about electronics interfering with the human body, but after my wife's comment, she had an intuition which is actually pretty accurate and it did start a journey that, uh, didn't intend, but certainly have embraced over the last 10 years.

Speaker 3 (07:03):

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. So your book is called radiation nation. The fallout of modern technology is that like on Amazon Barnes and noble, those type of places.

Speaker 4 (07:12):

Yeah. Amazon it's like one of the best sells on Amazon. Uh, it's like interesting how, you know, um, there this, he hemp up interest in trying to understand this space and we wrote the book that, that, that was really intended to try to let people understand what it is, what science says, so they can make their own choices and, and it's been fairly successful fortunately for us.

Speaker 3 (07:39):

That's awesome. So kind of to, as a baseline, just if you can explain, like in layman's terms, what, like, for someone, you know, I hear things about 5g and I'm like, is that 5g in my phone? Is it 5g someplace else? Like just an understanding for the general public, what should we know about like EMF, electro magnetic, frequency, radiation, and 5g and all of that.

Speaker 4 (08:04):

Okay. So my wife was commenting on the laptop that my sons were using and it was the wifi. It's the connection to the router. That is a transmitter and it is being transmitted from the, a laptop to the router. And it's a power, there's a certain amount of power being trans. You can't see it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it, but it's actually there and it's making a connection. And, and so when you have a device like that, what it transmits out of the device in all directions within that room and keeps on going into the other rooms, those can go up to almost 2000 feet. It's fairly, they can go fairly far and it's called an omnidirectional signal. It goes every way you are using it. Well, that's true for, uh, cell phones, tablets, anything that's using Bluetooth, wifi or cell tower connections are transmitting power with a cell phone.

Speaker 4 (09:07):

You have the generations of cell phones, the first, second, third, and fourth generation. And then as you pointed out, you have a fifth generation, the fourth generation up to the fourth generation, those signals that you use for your cell phone, they can go actually up to five miles. So there's enough power to get five miles and it's going in all directions. And, and so that's the fundamental characteristics of technology today, and we're putting it very, very close to our body. And then here comes 5g, which is fifth generation next generation technology, which what's really interesting about that. Dotty, it's not introducing a lot of it is not introducing new connections from a cell phone to a cell tower. A lot of it are all what's referred to as sub gigahertz. It's like the speeds are not that fast. Uh, but, uh, uh, the speed of the frequency rate is, is around one gigahertz.

Speaker 4 (10:08):

It's, it's a, a, um, a wave that moves in the air and, and it's moving at a rate of one gigahertz, um, roughly, um, three feet in milliseconds and it gets to the cell tower with 5g. The other part, which is really the more controversial part of it is that there's new rates that are being introduced much, much higher speeds. And that's where science is getting pretty concerned because we've never had these really, really, really fair speeds in our environment. And that's really what you hear about in the controversial space. Most of what you have in the 5g today is not out there is, is the stuff we've seen all along is coming out of our cell phones, no different than it has been in the past, but it's when it's the small cell site, the, the cell tower right in front of your house, that's about 15 feet high or less. And it's transmitting at much, much higher, fast 23, giggers, uh, 60 gig it's 90 gigahertz. They're really, really fast rates. And that's where the controversial lies that is producing broadband services to the house at speeds, UN uh, haven't been available in the marketplace and now is, and that's where the controversial lies.

Speaker 3 (11:33):

Okay. Wow. So that's interesting. That makes it makes sense more. So what are the, you mentioned the thing about the sperm count, what are the health effects and the things that are known

Speaker 4 (11:43):

Over? So it varies substantially some research scientists that do the work, talk about the danger potentially can lead to, uh, cell damage D DNA damage cell damage, and Dr. Powell, for example, or Paul, however you wanna announce it. He talks about the cell breaking down and becoming potentially a tumor or a non-cancerous or cancerous tumor. That is the been reinforced by study work for the national toxicity program, which is the federal government study coup several years ago, with 25 million they spent, and they found that the epidemiology study that found frontal lobe cancer and heart cancers related to ex exposures, statistically significant changes. In other words, the populations were big enough that we could conclude from the epidemiology study, that there could potentially be that danger with that kind of exposure valley. Those are the, uh, those are the most extreme, uh, and, and are not the things so much.

Speaker 4 (12:56):

We find in the human body with kind of exposures every day. However, something like 20% of us or so were actually impacted in very different ways. There could be neurological impacts, physiological tingling, a of the eyes, uh, ring, uh, the tinnitus, the ringing in the ears. You may be tired, depressed, fatigued. You may have memory loss. So these are varying degrees of exposure, which influences the, the body. And in fact, some argue like in the classroom, there's so much wifi in the classroom today that it it's like millions of, um, of times more than it was 50 years ago. And, and that constant increased invisible power level in the classroom is, uh, potentially impacting, uh, our kids. Uh, um, and so that's the controversy you hear about that is the power that's found within the classroom. Now that's a constant seven, eight hours that they're exposed and there's, you know, maybe depression, anxiety, stress of independent of the schoolwork that's itself.

Speaker 4 (14:12):

And, and so there's that kind of thing that impact the human and, and by the way, do believe it or not, it's, it's like more women than men, which science has not been able to, to, uh, define why, but we know that roughly 20% of the human is impacted by the exposures to cell phones and laptops and wifis. And it, it it's, um, a growing component because maybe our environment is growing and, and of that 80% of women that are affected, you know, you may have a headache, uh, all day. And, um, that's because it could be true. You're sitting next to a router all day. So all of a sudden these technologies we have around us, you just have to be aware of those things around you and the potential influences that may have on, on, on you and your kids.

Speaker 3 (15:08):

So it's not like, um, I mean, it's just kind of like most other things like in moderation and being aware.

Speaker 4 (15:15):

Yeah. I it's like the world health organization who considers, uh, RF signal the signal from a cell phone to the cell tower as a two B carcinogenic. That, that means that it's a potential cancer. So it's not like the world's avoiding it. They're beginning to understand it. And many argue that it'll become a probable carcinogenic the next round with the hook. So it's not like nothing's happening, but it is a controversial space. And it's more are our environment today. And, and 20% of you are influenced, uh, in a negative way.

Speaker 3 (15:58):

So interesting and something we just so much need to be aware of as they ramp up the power of our phones and all of that, all you, you know, like before I was aware of all of this, I would just think, oh, wow, a faster phone, you know, remember this and stuff like that. Like, yeah,

Speaker 4 (16:14):

We're, you know, AEC actually dial, that's a really, really good point. We've had electronics around us for long, long amounts of time. But think of this as only the last five, 10 years, we have all this electronic stuff, you in our pockets, you know, you had a mainframe computer down drive a hundred feet in a building you had that had huge power levels of exposure. It didn't matter because I wasn't in the room now that is in my computer, on my laptop, same power levels, same computing capacity, and it's sitting on my lap. So it, it is, that's why it's sort of, of our, our technology. Our environment is changing along with the technology exposures there's potential impacts to the world health organization. I, I mentioned it's a, a possible carcinogenic. Uh, so is gas when you smell gas, that odor it's a, um, is so an organic material smell and that's considered a two B Cogenic as well. So if you have a wifi in your room and you have a, a gasoline 55 gallon drum gasoline open and spewing the volatile organic compounds into the room, there are equivalent in terms of what the world health organization defines.

Speaker 3 (17:35):

So really it's just about being aware of it, being an influence, and then being able to kind of have it in moderation and not, you know, always have it, you know, like on your chest or in your pocket or on your lap, that type. So

Speaker 4 (17:49):

Absolutely does. In fact, giving you a description of it, what would you do? You'd put a top on it and you take the gasoline and you put it in the other room. That's what you'd do. And the same thing with a router. Uh, you, you don't need it in the same room as you are. All you gotta do is figure out what room it can be in. That's relatively safe for your right.

Speaker 3 (18:09):

Okay. So then let's take this a step further when it comes to kids. So I'm a big proponent of them not having their phones in their bedrooms and all of that. I mean, it's not even the, not just the phones, but like now we have like the Amazon echo devices that they have as their alarm clock in their bedroom and those type of things. So it's really about an awareness that, that does, Haveit something. And so maybe it needs to not be on their nightstand at night and maybe they need to not have it someplace right. All of the time.

Speaker 4 (18:41):

Okay. So, uh, uh, let's chat a little bit about that. There is a federal communications commission standard. It was generated about 30 years ago, and it's describing what the power of a signal between a, a, a cell phone and a cell tower. So the federal government does define the standard. It was over 30 years ago, and I remind people over 30 years ago, if I had a cell phone, none of my friends had it. So I wasn't very much on it very, very often. So all the transmit power levels were, you know, at that time there wasn't much of it. So that standard sort of was okay, well, the standard was established by the FCC looking at six foot male military. And they established that if a signal penetrates one to two inches and it heated up less than two degrees, the power level would have to be no more than 1.6 Watts.

Speaker 4 (19:46):

Just remember 1.6 Watts. And, and so, and why heating ? Well, the RF signal that you have from a cell phone is a microwave signal. You know, a microwave works at two, three gigahertz, and a cell phone is about one gigahertz. And when you put a piece of meat in the oven and the, and you turn the microwave on it, it heats up the water between the cells, the cells oscillate, they heat up and therefore cook. Well, that's what the standard prevents in theory, that it can only heat up more than two degrees because it's a thermal signal. Okay. How many people does that represent in our population? About 3%, we have smaller men, smaller women, young kids. They were never exposed to these kinds of things early on in their lives. And all of a sudden your children at six year old are getting a cell phone to call chat with grandma.

Speaker 4 (20:46):

And so the standard that was developed 30 years ago to protect the user represents protection for about 3% of the population. What does that mean? Well, again, the cell phone standard protects, uh, six foot male from one, two inches penetration into the head us year, old child. It goes completely through their head. There is no resistive path for that signal. Good. Remember it's not object signal. It's not just connecting to the cell tower. It's also going through your head. And so now you have a six foot child, a six, a six year old child. That's using a phone fairly regularly, unlike you and me when we were growing up and it's going completely through. So what's the implication. We really don't know cause phones have not been around that long at this kind of pervasive use. And so the standard is not been updated by the FCC.

Speaker 4 (21:43):

And it, it, there is a lot of Contra from the medical community and the FCC actually, to the extent, uh, Dolly, that they actually went to, uh, a court. They had an appeals court in Kennedy and, and Dr. Deborah Davis, a couple of scientists, they, they bought a court case to the FCC and the FCC see lost in court because they actually didn't evaluate modern science to understand where it really was and how much impact it really had on the human. So the FCCS been pushed back to look at it. So we know for sure, as I said, it represents 3% of the population, and we have a lot of I, a plethora, thousands and thousands and thousands of studies that show potential concerns. And so even the FCCS been pushed back to start looking at it. So for all of us, all of that means is you have to be aware of what you're using and, and how you're using it. And how much time are you using it and, and know your environment.

Speaker 3 (22:51):

Oh, very interesting. I mean like the gist of it is there are concerns. We don't know exactly what act, but for a small body and a small child, we know it's not a positive thing most likely. Right.

Speaker 4 (23:03):

And, and right. We, we don't know. Uh, I mean, honestly don't know, like we were talking about five to G you know, most of 5g is gonna be fine. It's sort of the same as everything, not fine. It's still the same as everything else has been for us, but the stuff in front of your house, that 23 gigahertz, if someone tells you a scientist tells you that it's dangerous, they don't know what they're talking about because there's no studies that characterize what the danger could be or not be. It's just different. If, if you are an informed researcher, you may think there could be comparisons to the current technologies being used to that new, but we really, as you just pointed out, we really don't know. And so that's where question becomes important. Right?

Speaker 3 (23:54):

So to then tell me what you have created with your company defender shield, as far as like what products you have and how that can help parents out there with devices.

Speaker 4 (24:04):

Well, I, I mentioned to you about my son's using a device. I created called a defender pad, and it's a bunch of shielding technologies. We put in into a platform to prevent the signals from passing from the device to the human. We have cell phones, shielding devices, we blankets, we have pregnancy, uh, protection. Why do I say pregnancy protection? There are some scientists that say when a, a young woman, 12 years old puts a, a cell phone in her back pocket, the signals strong enough to influence the egg, maybe potentially mutate the egg. And so when a child puts it and, and it, she becomes, uh, married. And once kids, there's a potential for that mutated today to be influenced in the child if a child's born. So there's that kind of concern. And that's why I begin looking for, we know from a study in San Francisco that at high levels of exposure to first trimesters, uh, you are three times more likely to miscarriage in that first trimester with those I elevating, uh, conditions.

Speaker 4 (25:20):

So you have to be aware of those. And that's why the, the protection for the, uh, for the, uh, pregnant woman, uh, we have pouches, we have, I have earbuds I'm using right now as we are chatting. And I actually created a, uh, a device in which I convert the, the electrical signal and I put it into, uh, an acoustical connection. So I have no emissions at all, uh, at the head level. So that was another one of the devices. Uh, we, we came up with that would, it's not much, let's put it this way. When you have a, a cell phone directly to your head, a as we we've talked about it, there's a potential that it can influence the frontal lobe cells. If you have it, one who feet away, 80% of that danger is gone by four foot, 98% is gone. So we have devices when you choose to pick something close to your body, but you don't need it close to your body.

Speaker 4 (26:21):

If you are taking a, a cell phone and you put it four foot or more away, a laptop, four foot, or more way, you are actually fairly safe. And, and it turns out that if you have a laptop, not in your lap, on your desk and you use to need the net connection to it, you really don't need any device protection, because all you're doing is moving that signal. That would be the wifi signal to the router, and you're eliminating it by connecting it. So there are ways of mitigating potential dangers by simply managing your environment. In fact, Dolly, I often talk about it as, uh, bees in the room. If you are aware of where the bees are, they're the transmitting power levels, and you begin turning them off or moving them away. You reduce exposure in general, one B won't kill you a thousand will.

Speaker 4 (27:15):

And all you have to do is think about where those bees are in the room and just turn 'em off and move 'em away. And you're pretty safe, very actually by simple management of your time. Another thing is, it's not just, um, the closeness, uh, how close you are to the device. It's how much you use the device. If you are using a, a device, a couple of minutes a day, a cell phone, till you had a couple minutes a day, it was unlikely that it'll ever impact you. If you are using it heavily more than an hour to two every day in 10 years, you are two to three times more likely to have frontal cancer, believe it or not. And so the duration of use of the technology is also important. So let me get back to other of things we have, we have blankets that are for, for moms that wanted actually, it was a baby blanket originally, but well, a lot of adults choose it, believe it or not. We have the earbuds adult headset, uh, headset to that are acoustical pouches, blankets, uh, devices that you can, we have a whole bunch of products, all designed to protect you. If you choose to have a device next close to your body for an extended period of

Speaker 3 (28:34):

Time. Okay. I love that kind of that summary in your, um, points about being four feet or more away connecting laptop to an ethernet cable and than the duration that you're using, the, the device, those are three really good things that parents can use as a strategy for mitigating the exposure. Right? Um, in addition to the tools that you, that

Speaker 4 (28:58):

Val, let's say, you're taking your child in a stroll, in a stroller, don't put your cell phone in the back of the divide of this stroller. That's close to your child's head. So keep it in your, not near your, your body, but in your, as a wallet or in, in your, anywhere other than the child's back. So that's a simple thing you can do and keep the child protected. And you still have the device available in, in, uh, to be used when you want to mm-hmm

Speaker 3 (29:29):

. So then you could also like your, like the pouches and things that you have, you could certainly use one of those.

Speaker 4 (29:37): Yeah. Right? Exactly.

Speaker 3 (29:38):

Exposure while you're on your walk, Dolly.

Speaker 4 (29:41):

We, we were talking, I just remembered there was some other question about sleep. You were talking about a, and so let's talk about that because that's important be because kids are going to bed with these, uh, I'll, I'll give an example, um, by telling you a story, I was on a, a podcast and I was talking to this person, very, very bright person. And I said, your bedroom's a sanctuary. There should be no transmitting signals in that room. Uh, all devices, even in, in the case of a cell phone, I, I don't even recommend you've put it four foot or more way, get it out of the room. You don't need it in that room, eliminate all those kinds of things. And the person was very nice. And, uh, she said, well, you know, like that's good coaching. Uh, I'm, I'm sure that, uh, my husband and I, we have our phones in our room.

Speaker 4 (30:38):

And, well, thank you so much for letting us know about three or four weeks later, she calls me up and she said, I didn't believe a word. You said the way she would describe me. She says, I didn't believe a word you said. And I said it in the RF signal influences the head. It influences the sleep. Um, and so like, you have to get in the pattern, taking these things outta your room, because it disrupts the, my, uh, the, uh, me toin that's being generated throughout the body. And she said, my husband and I are now sleeping throughout the night. We simply took the laptops. Or in fact there was the phones out of our rooms. The other dimension of that discussion I had with her was simple. When you look at a, um, a lap, a laptop or, or tablet, when you're sleeping, before you go into bed at night, there is a blue light.

Speaker 4 (31:26):

You may have heard of this Dolly, a blue light blue light is part of the spectrum of sunlight, right? It's it's believe it or not visible electromagnetic radiation. That's what it is. It's visible. The blue component is very high on the spectrum of light and very, very close to what what's known as ionized radiation, x-ray radiation. That's roughly where it is. And it is the part of light that actually helps you go to sleep or stay awake. In other words, blue light is the trigger in the back of the eye. The crypto pro is a protein in the back of the eye that turns the on and off switch for a melatonin. And so when you are looking at the screen at 11 o'clock at night, and you've decided to go to bed, the melatonin hasn't been turned on because you had the blue light penetrating your eye and the switch hasn't turned off.

Speaker 4 (32:26):

And so believe it or not, it disrupts the, the, uh, the pattern of sleep only because it delays the melatonin and, and, and the, and the potential, uh, deep sleep and everything. The, the sick nature of our 24 hour cycle. Is it being impacted when you are actually looking at that blue light at night, before you go to bed? So it's a combination of removing products and watching how the technology you're using is impacting, uh, the, the sleep pattern and other ways. Um, so it is a, it is no question, very important for sleep that you really pull tablets, laptops, cell phones out of your sleeping area. Particularly if it's close to you, you do not wanna do it. Cause it is disrupting your sleep pattern.

Speaker 3 (33:17):

So will the, you have like think guys saw him on your website, the blue blocker glasses. Oh

Speaker 4 (33:21):

Yes. Did they actually, yeah, actually, that's why I did it because people were like, during the day, you're not gonna not use a screen. And it is only the blue component of the signal of the, of the light that you're worried about. So we have filters that we put on that takes that signal out, and we have a light 50% shielding and another one that's 99% shielding. And that's why we did it because people who want to read at night, they can go with the, the shield 99% shielding, and they actually have no impact to sleeping pattern as a result

Speaker 3 (34:01):

Of that. Okay. So then that would be a good alternative if they need

Speaker 4 (34:05):

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you wanna do it, you can take that precautionary measure.

Speaker 3 (34:10):

Okay, cool. The other thing I wanted to go back to was on the earbuds. So kids are, you know, like all crazy about their AirPods and things like that. Is there anything that can be put on AirPods specific that helps to block it? Or is it just kind of a lost cause with those

Speaker 4 (34:24):

the, the answer is no, but, but let's talk about it because this is pretty serious, in my opinion. And I, I hate to talk about this detail, but, um, a, a cell phone, as I mentioned is 1.6 Watts per kilogram. That's the maximum amount of power, a Bluetooth signal, which is used to communicate to the earbuds is dot three Watts. It's five times less, the power level, five times less, the power level. So it's safer to some extent, but not necessarily the safest. And the reason why is because you have Bluetooth is a signal that goes from the, the device, your cell phone to the earbud. And then many of these devices communicate between each other with Bluetooth. And it turns out that.one.one, watch 15 times the power level of a cell phone can influence the frontal lobe cell and mutate the cell. It's not like it's not completely safe. It is from science. We have some data, not that much, but some data has indicated that kind of potential danger and have identified.one Watts as all it takes, which is really not much power at all. So in my opinion, dot dot, you do not want to use those devices. Uh, you, you just yourself needlessly. And if you had a standard peer earbuds, that's fine. Would that a wire, if you wanna do an improvement to that use acoustical connections like I designed and also was all in a market, other places.

Speaker 3 (36:14):

Okay. Yeah, that was gonna be, my next question was the difference between the wired ones and the wireless ones, cuz like all of the iPhones. Now you have to use an adapter in order to use the wire ones cuz they don't have a Jack anymore.

Speaker 4 (36:28):

I know it's like crazy. It was good for business, I guess,

Speaker 3 (36:31):

I guess so. I mean I have my own pair of AirPods that I bought years ago before I realized that as any, I just didn't really, you know, it was always kind of like one of those things like surely they're protecting us and wouldn't put something out that's gonna cause this harm. But it's, it's clear that there is exposure there and every kid ha seems to have those in their ears when they're walking around. So

Speaker 4 (36:53):

Dolly actually you bring up a really good point. One of the things I always say is you have the architect and you, your own destiny, you can't rely on anyone to keep you protected the FCC. They didn't intentionally. They certainly did not intend to create a standard that was 30 years later. Not as protective as it should be. They didn't do that. But that's a consequence when, when I smoked cigarettes 12, when I was 12 years old, many, many, many years ago, you know, I, I was a big man and believe it or not, even back then science knew about the link between cancer and smokey. How many years later did it take for us all to know that you shouldn't smoke over 30, 40 years ago, right? Trans fats, you know, there was a lowly biochemist 30 years ago. He said, it's not the cholesterol in the eggs that are killing us. It's the trans fats were used in the Cookoff French fries. It's Cogenic and how many years did it take for that to be banned it band in the us now it's been that way for two years, but we knew 30 years ago that it was potentially dangerous from a science perspective. I don't see this as that much different. It's a technology that we created in our environment, which is really, really good for us in so many different ways. It, it changes our lives, but it also introduces the concerns that we should be thinking about.

Speaker 3 (38:22):

Right. So cigarettes are a prime example of that and they're still out on the market, even though we know that you're right,

Speaker 4 (38:27):

Exactly. It's obviously I don't smoke anymore. I haven't for 40 years. So

Speaker 3 (38:34):

Yeah. So, okay. So I think you have given some really, really valuable tips on navigating this because technology's not going away. There's advantages to it. Like we're here connected right now because of it. So I think this is really good starting point for parents to just be aware of this and to help try to mitigate the risk of the exposure because you know, we're not gonna get the devices out of these kids' hands and no,

Speaker 4 (38:59):

No. Hey Ali, in fact, you reminded me when you mentioned that when we had the defendant pad, I wasn't really thinking we're gonna create other product lines. And then I read an article one day that these parents bought a, uh, their six year old daughter, a cell phone. She kept on pushing, pushing, pushing. And a year later after they got her, she, she passed away from, uh, front lo cancers. And I said to myself, I know I can stop that signal. I did it with the defender head and I said, look, we're not gonna throw away our technology, but we have to find a way of maybe making it slightly safer if you think it's endangering. And that's when I adopted the technology from one device to another simply because I'm not gonna throw my cell phone away. But at that time, believe it or not, I never had a cell phone close to me. I was just, I never did. But now I will, because I know I'm protected with a shielding device. So if you're gonna use it, watch your time, your distance and duration, uh, as well as the shielding, uh, if, if you choose to have devices long, extended period of times, close to your body. Awesome.

Speaker 3 (40:13):

Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. That's the, the, you just summarized it all with time, distance, duration and shielding. So yeah. Yep. Um, I really, really appreciate your time and your expertise and really taking the time to explain all this. And I think that all of the parents out there are really gonna benefit from this. So thank you so much for putting your passion into something that can help people. Well,

Speaker 4 (40:35):

Thanks so much daddy for invite. I mean, I, I really did enjoy this. I always, I, I think our goal in life is to try to help people understand what decisions they need to come up with. And, and that's what I consider pretty important for us to do so. And I think you do as well. So thank you so much for the work you do as well.

Speaker 3 (40:55):

Yes. You're welcome. Thank you so much. We just have to kind of join hands and, and move forward and, and create your own destiny like you said, so. Yep.

Speaker 4 (41:03):

Yeah. Whether you we're architects of the, our own destiny, don't let wait for anyone else to help you.

Exactly.

Speaker 3 (41:11):

All right. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (41:15):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom is isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 3 (41:28):

Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with

Speaker 1 (41:33):

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

I've said it once I've said it twice, I've probably said it a hundred or maybe even a thousand times since I launched this podcast a year and nine months ago. And that is that all of the options that have come out in the last couple of years to help parents navigate this wild, wild west of the digital world and all the things are true gifts to us parents. And as if everything that's out there, isn't awesome enough. We have a new option for the dumb smartphones. Like, yes, I am not kidding. Knock your socks off. This is incredibly exciting. So for this episode, I have an interview with the founder of this new phone, and you are going to want to listen to this state to

Speaker 2 (00:44):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life, proud to be that mom layer. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:09):

So yes, I am not kidding. You are not gonna wanna miss this interview. This is for a new company that has created what I call a dumb smartphone, but this one, an extra feature that makes it not so dumb. The company is called Tru me, and I will leave it to the founder to explain the meaning behind that name, which is pretty awesome and gave me kind of chills because it's exactly the things that I talk about all the time, but yeah, it grows with you and it kind of fills that app that a lot of parents have told me about. And then I hear complaints about when it comes to the dumb smartphones that they are great for when they're younger and as they get a little bit older, but there's kind of a gap there where you're not quite ready to give them access to all of the things, but they're kind of outgrowing that phone.

Speaker 1 (02:02):

So one creates a little bit of a bridge there gives you much more control and kind of lets you guide them into what I've referred to before is the deep blue sea of all of the digital things. So I think you are going to absolutely love this as a new option for your kiddo. And if you have younger ones to start them out and help guide them and teach them healthy habits around tech. Okay. So I won't delay any further in introducing the founder of Trumie who is bill Brady. And I will let him explain who he is and what's he about and all of the things around this phone. And before I shift over to that, there is a link in the show notes to grab this phone with a $30 discount and you can also go to their website directly and use my code, be that mom for that same discount. So check it out in the show notes or use the code at checkout. Be that mom. Okay.

Speaker 3 (03:05):

All righty. So today I have bill here with me with Trumie wireless and I am so excited to have you join us today. So tell me a little bit about yourself, about your family, wherever you wanna share with me and what brought you to create the Trumie phone.

Speaker 4 (03:21):

Hey, thank you, Dolly. Great to be with you. So yeah, my name is bill Brady and uh, I'm the co-founder and CEO of Tru me wireless. That's actually not my most important job. my most important job is I've been married for 20 years and have a wonderful wife named Heidi. And we've got five kid. Our oldest is 17 and our youngest is five. So we are ourselves right in the thick of all of these questions surrounding kids and technology. And what do you do? And when we can empathize with every other family in America, that's dealing with the same things. So we, uh, uh, yeah, we've been involved in, in Tru me for the last year and a half. Uh, I've actually been in this space of technology for kids for about three years and originally got into this effort to try and find better solutions, safer solutions for families, for families actually stemming from 20 years to I've spent in the marketing world.

Speaker 4 (04:22):

Even going back to my time as an undergrad student in university, I was concerned about what I called the dehumanizing effects of technology. And, and so picture that, you know, 20 years ago or 25 years ago for that almost that was before everyone one had cell phones and it was certainly before smart phones. And it was certainly before social media, but as, as a marketer who uses all of these tools, I've watched with a high level of conscientiousness about what does technology really do to us. And as I became a dad was even more are concerned and sensitive about, Hey, you know, I don't want to give my kids too much too soon and just have them be living life on the screen instead of living life in real life. so that that's really where this all, uh, where this all started.

Speaker 3 (05:17):

Awesome. Um, so just outta curiosity, where does the name truly come from?

Speaker 4 (05:23):

Our mission has everything to do with helping kids accomplish their full potential. We want kids to have, you know, energetic, confident, vibrant lives, where they can really become all that they want to be, where they can find their true selves if you will, or they're true me. And we took that concept and, and put a little bit of an invented, spin on it and call it true me. So there's layers of meaning there. Wow.

Speaker 3 (05:54):

I love that. Um, any of the ones that have listened to me on my podcast for a little while, know that I, I say this all the time that I feel like the digital space and the digital world that we allow our kids to be in is like robbing our kids of their full potential. It's a distraction. And it's like hindering their exploration of the world and all of that, and being able to find their true self. So cow, I love it. ,

Speaker 4 (06:18):

That's awesome. And you know, you, you touch on a really important point there and it's a fine line. You know, certainly if kids only live virtual lives where robbing them of everything that you know is beautiful and good in the world that the world has to offer and the depth of the true depth of human relationships. On the other hand, there are aspects of technology that are great. You know, the, the fact that my kids can, you know, have a, a video conference with their grandparents, wonderful. They live on the other side of the country. Recently, my kids did a tour of Jamestown with a doc who had been working at Jamestown for two decades. And it was so good that they felt like they were there and they had this great positive experience with history, you know, so there are some wonderful aspects of technology, but when it gets into just this default for life, you know, if that's all they're doing at the expense of being side and being in nature, playing face to face with friends, and you know, that that's where we really get into problems. And certainly with, you know, all the dangers that come with social media, for example, you know, there's a, uh, some, some, some very obvious things to watch out for there that we try and keep our kids away from.

Speaker 3 (07:38):

Totally agree. Wow. That is awesome. Like you are like right on the same wavelength as me, when I first discovered that there were, what I call 'em is, I don't know if I've said this to you yet. What I call them is dumb smartphones. Have you heard, heard them referred to that? That, in that sense? Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:54):

It, this certainly this, this, uh, category I've heard that what we've built is, is, is very, very flexible. So it's, it's probably less dumb than, than some of the other things out there, but definitely a limited, a limited experience smartphone. Yeah, for sure. Okay.

Speaker 3 (08:11):

Yeah. So we'll, let's dive into that a little bit. That was my next topic was let's talk about the actual phone, what features it has, how does it work and how is it different from the other ones on the market that are kind of aiming for that same goal of, of limiting access to the entire

Speaker 4 (08:26):

World? Yeah. So there's kind of a, if you think of, of the spectrum of options out there for parents, when it comes time to get their child a phone, you know, on, on one end of the spectrum, you have what I call the wild west, you know, it's get your child a $1,200 iPhone. It does anything and everything. It could probably launch a space shuttle if you wanted it to . And, and we know, we know now, you know, there's an increasing conscientiousness about the dangers of just wide open access to the web, all the, the content that's there. Certainly the, the, the, you know, pornographic and violent content, most people would agree. We don't want our kids near that stuff. There's also, however, you know, the dangers that are inherent in things like social media, we, where you've got this intense comparison culture that robs kids of their self-esteem and their confidence, social media is where you've got predators and bullies hanging out.

Speaker 4 (09:26):

And again, as parents we're learning, Hey, it's not worth the risk of, of immersing our kids in that stuff. On the other end of the spectrum, as an extreme, you've got some options that are completely limited to talk and text only, and particularly for younger kids, Hey, that's a great starting point. And, and I agree, you know, you, you don't need to give a seven or an eight year old, anything more than basic talk or text the challenge with, with some of those solutions though, is that they don't grow with the child. And as, as we were starting, Tru me, our goal was to create an operating system where you could give a younger kid a very limited experience, but then graduate them into increasing levels of responsibility and functionality based on real needs and based on their individual personality and maturity. So that's what we've done.

Speaker 4 (10:23):

Our, our phones, our Samsung devices, quality devices, the kids are, are happy to use. And the in dependable devices that parents don't have to worry about getting fixed all the time. And we've on those devices, we've put what we call our kids smart operating system. And, and that's exactly what it does as I described it. It gives parents the ability to custom fit that device with some very, very easy, intuitive controls, custom fit it for an eight year old or a 10 year old, or a 12 year old, or even a 14 year, 15 year old. It, it would still be relevant to them and the needs that they have for school and for their hobbies. That is awesome.

Speaker 3 (11:02):

So as far as like how it grows with them, I saw on your website that it has a parent portal and then GPS locator and safe listing is where they can, you can put in, who can contact them and versa. Right?

Speaker 4 (11:18):

Yeah. And that was, that was very important for us based on feedback. We'd heard about, you know, other solutions out there, you know, picture giving your, your child something that's completely locked down to talk and text, but if anyone can talk or text with your child, then it might not be as safe as you think it is. So, so when, as we were building Tru me, one of the things that was really important for us was to build this concept called safe listing, where you can, you can set that up with different, different levels of, of security, but make it so that the child can only talk or text with the, the people that you designate for a young child that might be 10. But then, you know, as that child grows, there might be 30 or 40 contacts, or, you know, 75 or a hundred contacts for an older child. You could, you could elect to remove that safe listing all together. For example, I have a 15 year old daughter and she knows what to do. If she gets an unintended call, she's not gonna get pulled into something dangerous at this point. You know? So in her case, I have the safe listing turned off for my 12 year old and younger absolutely. That safe listing is turned on. Okay. I will

Speaker 3 (12:33):

Of that too. How about with, so with the safe listing, like texting, only the people that are on the list can text them. That's

Speaker 4 (12:40):

Correct. Even, uh, even in group text. And that was one of the things that we had to build, you know, brand new functionality for. There was no existing mobile device management platform that, you know, would prevent having a, a safe, listed text contact, not be able to pull in, you know, additional people to a group text that was a way to get around that, that function. So with our safe listing, even in group text, you've gotta be on that list in order to have a conversation with, uh, with

Speaker 3 (13:12):

The child. So then how would it work? Like say that they have a group of like five friends and they have, you know, the, the access to the entire world phones and they try to send a child with this phone, a text. And some of those people aren't on the list is the entire text

Speaker 4 (13:27):

Blocked. Yeah. So the, the, the, you know, my child, they would not get the text, the rest of the group would, but my child would not get the text from that person that was, uh, who's not on their list. Okay. So like,

Speaker 3 (13:42):

If the, the main person that's sending it is on the list and then the other people are not, it would just be blocked completely. 

Speaker 4 (13:48):

I mean, if I'm, I'm not sure I understand completely the question, but yeah. If, if a person that my child has on their list has started a group conversation, but they've invited people that are not on my child's list. My child would not be able to send a receive with the people, not on the, not on the approved list. Something that's really important to note though, too. And this is a, this is an improvement we've made as we've gone. We quickly realize that there are situations where kids do need to have immediate act us to a person that might meet might not be on their list. So for example, my 12 year old daughter was going to babysit for a family who does, who didn't have a home phone. And, and that family said to her, Hey, take our cell phone number so that if you need to contact us, you can, and if we need to contact you, we can obviously that's important.

Speaker 4 (14:35):

Right, right. so we did set up, you know, again, just with making it as user friendly is absolutely possible. We set up a way where my daughter can add a, add that phone number herself in real time, and have it be available for the next 72 hours without my having to approve it. That's one of those security levels for a younger kid. You can have it set, so they can't have any access with that person until it's approved. But, uh, yeah, for that, that tween group we've found it's important that they'd be able to have immediate access. They've they've got, had some judgment, they know what to do and what not to do, but, but still have that, that ability to, to keep the overall approval in, in my parent portal.

Speaker 3 (15:20):

Okay. I like that, how it kind, I mean, it all kind of grows with them then, you know, like the features of it in the parent control.

Speaker 4 (15:28):

Another, another example of growing with is being able to add internet access, you know, for my, my eight or nine year old, they probably don't need the internet. But once my kids are getting into fifth grade and sixth grade, certainly by seventh grade, you can't do schoolwork without the internet. Like that's just not the way our schools run anymore. And so what he developed was what we call our kids smart browser, where you can give children access to this browser. And in the parent portal, you designate what sites are available to them and picture the awesome conversation you get to have with your kids. You know, we, we've designed all of this to encourage a, a Cooper collaborative relationship where you're sitting down with your kids and saying, Hey, help me understand what you need. Here's where I'm turning on the kid's smart browser. What are the websites that you would like access to?

Speaker 4 (16:25):

And then as a, as a parent, you can look at those sites with your kids and, and make sure that you feel good about them, and then put them on that list. Then when your child is using their phone and they open the browser, they see a dropdown menu with all those sites that were designated in the parent portal. And that's the O those are the only sites they have access to. There's not even a place to search for anything else. There's no search bar. You literally can go to the sites that are in that dropdown menu. So you're able to create a completely safe internet experience for your child, as opposed to just saying, no, we don't do the internet. You don't need the internet on your phone. That's just not practical that that's for, for a, a growing kid. That's not practical for the needs they have for school and for healthy high.

Speaker 3 (17:14):

I totally agree with that. And that's really kind of the drawback of some of the other options that are out there right now is the, you know, you reach a point to where I've got a, uh, my best friend has twin girls and they're just turned 13 and they both have one of the other options out there for dumb smartphone. , they're just like, please, can we have a regular phone? And I can't wait to tell her about this as her next step. Cause I don't think they're ready for the entire world yet, but they'll pay for something for a graduation. So to speak.

Speaker 4 (17:44):

That, that's the right. That's the right paradigm. We do the same thing with apps actually, you know, know, I, I'm not ready for my kids to have the entire app store at their fingertips. And as a parent, I don't have time to go and, and vet every single app out there that my kids might want. So what we've done at Tru me is, again, it goes back to that great parent portal that we've built, we've curated and vetted a suite of apps that are available for, to, for parents to put on the phone. There's no app store on the phone. So the kids don't see an app store of any kind, but inside the parent portal, I can look at apps for school, for hobbies, for music, for creativity, for spirituality, all those different categories. And then I literally just go click, click, click, click, choose the ones I want.

Speaker 4 (18:34):

And in a matter of minutes, they appear on the phone. And what parents love is that if we have put those apps in our collection, they can have a high degree of confidence that we've, we've gone through the vetting process to make sure there's no inappropriate content and there's no back doors for creeps to, to get at your kids. Some of those apps include, you know, the most popular digital classroom apps, a Google classroom, canvas, Blackboard Skyward. We've got apps from music streaming in there, apple music, Spotify, Spotify, kids, iHeartRadio, family, Amazon music. So if you're comfortable and some parents aren't some parents aren't, and it's your choice. If you're comfortable with your kids having access to a, a streaming service, then they get to in, you know, have that on their phone.

Speaker 3 (19:24):

Okay. That's awesome too. everything about this has been awesome so far. How about, uh, the other thing I wanted to know was for when they're younger, if you have the choice, does the par is the parent portal set up to where you can say what they have access to at certain times of day, like putting it in modes for like study time, that type of

Speaker 4 (19:42):

Thing. Yeah. The way we've built that right now is for any function or any app, you can, you know, build the window of time when that's available. So for example, we have a daughter who loves, loves, loves audio books. There there's an app on the phone called Libby where she can, you know, get digital audio books from the, from the library. Well, without a restriction on there, we would be wrestling with her all day all on that. So we have it set up. So that app is only available after school. And it turns off before she goes to bed, otherwise she would stay up all night, you know? So you can, you can set that kind of functionality with any app or, or frankly, any function, including the calling and texting. Okay.

Speaker 3 (20:28):

How about, what are the options for like the plans and, and the type, the, the, like the, is it the same phone for all the plans and you just choose the different plan that you pay 

Speaker 4 (20:37):

For. That's exactly it. So we have a, a couple of, of Samsung devices, the Samsung galaxy, a 12 and the Samsung galaxy, a 32. Those are the two phones that we've started with. They both have phenomenal cameras. The one has a 16 megapixel camera and one has a 48 megapixel camera. The reason we, we wanted to do quality devices like that is cuz pictures matter to kids. If they're gonna take, if they're gonna take pictures, they want them to be good. They want them to be good quality. So we we've gone that route and, and used good devices, not expensive devices, but enough quality that the, the, the picture quality isn't compromised when it comes to the plans, you, you know, first you choose your device and then you choose which plan you want. Unlimited talk and unlimited basic is 1495 a month. So very, very affordable.

Speaker 4 (21:31):

If you wanna change that to group text and picture texting the cost increases to 1995 a month. And if you wanna add the kid smart apps and the kid smart browser, it goes to 24 95 a month. And those are all truly on unlimited plans. We're not just pooling, you know, pooling a, a big block of minutes and data and hoping it's gonna work out. It's truly unlimited for every user. And those include calling to Canada and Mexico as well. So, uh, great plans at a, at a very affordable, very affordable price and phones. Uh, I should mention, you know, the, the ones, uh, a hundred and seventy nine ninety five, and the second one is two hundred and seven seventy nine ninety five. So again, we've tried to keep those at, uh, at prices that make sense for kids. I've never thought it was a good idea to get my kid a $1,200 phone. I just don't think it's necessary. kinda

Speaker 3 (22:27):

Crazy that, that, and the only, that was the only option when my kids were young.

Speaker 4 (22:32):

Yeah. thank goodness. There are more options

Speaker 3 (22:34):

Now. Thank goodness. Holy cow. I truly, I always mentioned this on my podcast that having these options is truly such, like, I call it a mother's gift, but a parent's gift. Yeah. Because it's just, there's so much out there. And unfortunately my kids minor, my youngest is 16 and my oldest is 23. They were in this middle school age when none of these things existed. So, okay. I'm so thankful for for the next to have this option. that's great. So I think I've covered all of my questions that I had for you. Is there anything else you who thinks pertinent for us to talk about or anything else you wanna share?

Speaker 4 (23:13):

Yeah. I just, I just think of the whole philosophy behind, you know, kids and safe devices. You know, this, this might be another place where, where we're different from some of our competitors. I think kids are inherently good. They're parently. They, they wanna do what's right. They wanna be successful. It's our job as parents to guide them and to give them some guardrails when they, when they need the guardrails. But I I've always thought that that approach of just saying to a, a, a child, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only kind of sense the wrong message. You know, it, it almost feels like a lack of trust to me. And I think the phone has, yes, of course, it's gotta keep them safe today. That's a given, but it's also gonna prepare them for the future. It's also gonna give them access to good content content that would help them in school content that would help them develop healthy hobbies.

Speaker 4 (24:11):

And certainly by the time they leave phone home, they've got to be disciplined, responsible users of technology, cuz technology will be part of their lives. So I think we do them a disservice. You know, if we say, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only. And as long as you live in my house, that's all you're gonna have. I don't think that's the right way to go. So we, we, our goal was to, to create a, a positive, healthy relationship between kids and parents give the kids the guardrails, they need give them technology that's per to their age, but you've gotta help them develop, you know, some of that discipline and responsibility on their own, all, all the while, keeping, keeping them away from the pornography and the predators and stuff. But they've gotta learn how to use apps and learn how to use the web.

Speaker 3 (25:00):

I totally agree. Like it's just kind of setting them up for success versus sending 'em down the dark. Like I call it the deep blue sea often, like sending them out into the deep blue sea without any flotation device. Never taught them how to swim, but yeah, go out there and then I'm gonna be mad at you all of the time for, you know, not knowing what you're doing.

Speaker 4 (25:21):

It's a good, good analogy.

Speaker 3 (25:22):

Yeah. So was there anything in your, if you're willing to share any of this, was there anything that happened with your kids that made you more aware that brought you to the awareness of the threat? Or was it just that past experience that you had that you mentioned? Yeah,

Speaker 4 (25:37):

We've been, we've been very, very fortunate in, in that we haven't had any of the, the really, you know, the really dangerous stuff happen with our kids. Partly because we were always very cautious. You know, we, we didn't, we didn't just say, Hey, here's your, here's your wild west phone? You know, we were, we've always been pretty de uh, deliberate about it. I've had numerous friends and especially while I've been in this space, numerous friends, tell me just some harrowing stories of sit situations. Their kids have gotten into some extremely dangerous situations in a, in a, you know, in a couple cases I've said to my friend, Hey, you know, forgive me for if this is too personal, but why on earth did you not have that phone locked down with the right parental controls? And on more than one occasion, the person has said to me, I thought I did.

Speaker 4 (26:27):

You know, and some of the controls that have been available to this point are so hard to use so complicated, so hard to stay on top of that. Parents don't know what really is set up correctly or not. Or in some cases, the kids are so smart, they get around the controls. And, and for that reason, we didn't build truly as a piece of software that just gets added to the phone. It's the operating system itself. You cannot, you know, a kid cannot can't get away from it. They can, they can reboot the phone. They can go on and off different network works, whatever they want to try, that operating system is always there. And so we we've built it with that level of, uh, conscientiousness, you know, hearing some of the, the other stories that are out there. So

Speaker 3 (27:12):

That brings up another question I wanted to ask you is about like the parental control apps that are out there that are real popular. Uh, I don't see that one of those would even be needed. Is that something that's an, an option that can be added to it or do y'all have that capability on it? You know, like the ones that monitor what texts are going out and kind of tell you what the kids have been doing as far as activity goes.

Speaker 4 (27:32):

Yeah, great question. And there are some good apps out there. They're not infallible, uh, but there are some good, you know, good apps for most, you know, for a lot of situations, our goal was to, to make them less needed. So for example, with, uh, with our operating system coming very, very soon, uh, in our next big release, you'll be able to remotely monitor all of your kids' texts, right? In the parent portal. You won't have to say, Hey, let me look at your phone and look at your text. All of that monitoring will happen right in the parent portal with some pretty advanced functionality, as that gets built out, you know, for alerting parents to potential problems and, you know, inappropriate language or inappropriate pictures or language that sounds like, Hey, this could be a bully or a predator, that kind of thing. And of course, that's something that's gonna, you know, improve as we continue to build it over time.

Speaker 4 (28:25):

But the first release of that is coming very soon. And, but you know, the other side of that is the need for monitoring. Everything goes down dramatically. If your kids are only talking to people that you've decided that you trust. And if they're only going to websites that you have pre-approved, I mean, just the whole need goes down dramatically. That's not to say that in the future, we won't have some kind of a, a, a partnership with, you know, with one of those companies, uh, you know, we may, we may do that at some point, but, uh, certainly right now the need doesn't exist. Like it, like it does if you're on another phone. Right, right.

Speaker 3 (29:01):

I get that. So when you, like, when you're gonna, so right now the parent portal doesn't have where it shows the text, did you say you're y'all are adding that?

Speaker 4 (29:10):

Yeah. That'll, that'll, that's coming in our next release, our next, uh, big release of the software. So, uh, literally a matter of weeks.

Speaker 3 (29:18):

Okay. And then with that, you can basically just see like a running list of what their conversations have

Speaker 4 (29:23):

Been running list. And then, you know, we're gonna add some filters that allow you to see, Hey, your kid talks to these people, here are the top five people they talk to the most. And if you wanna dig down on any of, one of those people, just click that. And they're the text with that person in particular, you know, you'd be able to see in that dashboard, Hey, here are the text messages that were flagged for potential inappropriate language or bullying language. All of that will be there. And also note that in, in the parent portal, you'll see everything. Whether or not a, a text has been deleted, it's still showing up, you still see everything it's all collected there. Okay.

Speaker 3 (30:05):

So then you're hitting some of the high points of things that I often mention as places where things slip through. And that's like, yeah, the sheer volume of text that can go through between people, a parent can often miss the conversation or, you know, something that they should be you aware of. And then the, like just the filter of the conversation. So that's good that y'all have that in the works and, and plan for that. Cuz I know I missed things that I shouldn't have missed, but it was because now it has been because of one of those filter systems being put on my son's phone and being able to be alert of things. Now it picks up silly things like his conversation with his grandparent and you know, who's gonna bring the gun and other things like that. But you know, like when they're gonna go hunting and stuff, that sounded really bad. Yeah. But you know, like when, um, they're talking about stuff that I'm aware of now, but it'll pick up on little things like that, that yeah. In the context of being with a friend, maybe something that I wanna know about, so sure.

Speaker 4 (31:05):

Yeah. Yeah. And better, you know, better that you get over alerted than under alerted, you know, better that you better to have a false negative than a, you know, a missed, a missed positive.

Speaker 3 (31:16):

Yes. All right. Well, I think that's everything that I had enlisted that I wanted to ask you about. Anything else you can think of that you wanna share? No,

Speaker 4 (31:25):

I think that's it, you know, happy to, to invite people, to come check things out. We do a lot on social media, uh, in a lot on our blog by way of, you know, trying to help parents really get through some of these questions that they have, uh, relative to parenting around technology. So on our website, it's Tru me.com T R om i.com go to our blog there and you'll find a lot of great content to help with some of these questions. And then on, uh, Instagram and Facebook, we are at Tru me wireless.

Speaker 3 (31:57):

Right. Awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming on today and sharing all of this with my audience. I think this is gonna be super valuable and I'm very excited to get this out into the world into more hands of parents so they can help their kids be their true selves. That's really awesome. Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 (32:15): Thank you, Dolly.

Speaker 2 (32:18):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

This episode highlights a few survival tips for parents to navigate the digital frontier of this holiday season and beyond!! Listen in to be prepared!

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Christmas time is upon us. And chances are you have some sort of digital thing that you're giving your kid or that your kid is going to receive this Christmas season. Am I right? My guess is I'm right. I know it will be for my kids. And so today I wanna talk about three of my top survival tips as you enter the digital frontier this holiday season and beyond stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:34):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned to in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:59):

Hey friends, did you hear is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use? It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a, some mall fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I get started on today's topic, I have to say something that I needed to say a couple of episodes ago. Like holy cow, I am going on two years of having this podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:48):

I launched it March of 20, 20 days before the big lockdown around the world. And all of the things that have come to be since then, it has been a lifeline for me in of like a mega storm that I had in my own life, trying to figure out all these digital things that happened about six months prior to launching the podcast really longer than that. But that was when things really came to a head. And it's amazing to me, as I am recording this episode, it is likely going to be episode 91. So I'm going on a hundred episodes. And that's typically about one episode a week for a while there I was doing two episodes on some weeks, but I just couldn't keep up that pace. So I've been doing one episode. I know other podcasts that launched around the time I did like shot off to the moon and had mega growth.

Speaker 1 (02:45):

And mine has been more slow and steady, but it is what it is. It's been a place for me to come and pay forward. Some of the struggle that I had as I tried to figure this out and also to pay forward what I see going on in the digital world and what I know being a mom that has kids that are kind of on the other side of those years, that are so very critical for their development. And the fact that I kind of took the hard road on all of that. like, I seriously, seriously did. And you've heard me say it before, but it's like my kids, I think as all of us, when we have struggles, when we have hard times that ultimately if we can see them as a gift and as a place that we are, are being challenged into creating something from that struggle, that it's not an all for not thing.

Speaker 1 (03:46):

And so the fact that I took the hard road, just because I was that first generation of parents as smartphones emerged, and all of the things came to be the fact that I can pay this forward is a place for me to help with my healing and a place for me to give myself grace and forgiveness, knowing that it wasn't all for not. And I know it isn't all for not, but you know, it's just one of those things as a mother where we have guilt and it's hard to move past some things that we may have done more out of ignorance than any thing else, but we wish we could get a do over on. And this is one thing that I have wished many times that I could get a do over on, but at the same time, I wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you if it wasn't for all that I went through when I did.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

So holy cow, 91 episodes, that is so amazing. It's sometimes I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna talk about next week. And then I just start looking through things. And I see parents that are struggling and are in a place like I was, and it, you know, the topics come and they kind of like roll with the times and the tides and the things that evolve. And I, I do think that this digital world is just ever evolving and changing. And it's one of the most important things that we can do is get a handle on this so that we can help guide our kids. And so that it's not someone else that's out there influencing our kids and molding them into the person that they're going to be while we unknowingly gave them these digital things. And didn't realize that the impact that they would have.

Speaker 1 (05:29):

So thank you so much for being here and for listening, if you are someone who has listened since the beginning of my podcast, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, your support has been amazing. And I truly do come, come to this each time I sit down to record and truly try to think through the things that are being talked about and the things that are out there and to come at it from a perspective of how I have seen my kids evolve through the times. So I hope you find this helpful and you'll continue to keep coming back. So let's talk about three top survival tips that I have come up with for this digital frontier of this holiday season. These are things that I truly take to heart and I'm using for my own family. And so I hope that you will utilize these in whatever way, shape and form.

Speaker 1 (06:25):

They are helpful for you. Okay? So if you're still shopping, these things are going to be helpful for you too. So my number one survival tip is to keep, keep some things dumb. What does that mean? That means don't make them all, something that is smart and interconnected and going to connect them to the outside world. So the first survival tip is to keep some things dumb. Do you know what I mean? Like everything has to be interconnected. Not everything has to have an internet connection, a wifi connection, be able to connect to all the friends, be able to look up the internet, be on the internet, be able to tell you what the weather is. Be able to tell you what packages were delivered to your house today. be able to be your alarm clock, be able to be your everything. Like we don't need everything to be interconnected.

Speaker 1 (07:24):

And I don't know about you, but I am frankly, a little bit terrified with how interconnected things are such as a post. I saw the other day, where it was a kid that was tweeting from their, a refrigerator because the parents had taken all of the electronics away and they were trying to get word out to the world that they had no electronics, that they couldn't tweet and that they were tweeting through the smart refrigerator that they had. Like, I know there's a time and a place for things to be connected. And that it's a wonderful thing in several instances, but in the hands of our kids, not everything needs to be connected. So let's keep some things dumb that they get. Okay. So if you're listening to this before Christmas or before a birthday, keep some things dumb, look for some toys in different things that don't have an net connection and aren't connected to all the things.

Speaker 1 (08:21):

Okay. I hope that made you chuckle. It made me laugh when I was writing it. okay. So number two, keep the big picture in mind. And now this is kind of one of those things where I want you to think about like before giving a gift, think about it in terms of this is a gift that I'm giving you, but if you can't handle it, then I'm taking it back. That type of thing. So what I mean by this, there's three things that I'm talking about. When I talk about keeping the big picture in mind, anytime that you give any of the digital things, how they interact with it while respecting the boundaries that you were putting in place, whatever those may be is going to determine how you proceed in the future. So if you give a gab watch or a TikTok watch or a gab phone or a pinwheel phone, you know, all of the different things.

Speaker 1 (09:12):

If you give a smartphone, if you put bark on a smartphone and you find they've disabled, it, whatever it is, that's digital. Even if it's something simple as a gaming console or, you know, some other digital thing that you've given a handheld digital device, and you find that they are breaking your rules, your boundaries, or whatever it is that you are setting in place, then that's where you need to rethink what's going on. So that's number two tip under this one is if you get push back, that means you push back because you are the parent. Okay. So look at the big picture of when you're getting push back, what is it that is causing that pushback? It is it the draw and the addiction of the digital thing that they are doing? Is it just them not being able to handle the influence of that thing?

Speaker 1 (10:06):

Is it that maybe you need to re-look at how you have it set up for them to play that to where it's, it's more clear when the time is up for that. Look at the big picture with that pushback means you push back as the parent and figure out what is going on there and why you're getting push back. And then my third tip under this category is to balance the non digital things with the digital things. You have to find a balance for that. If you have any kid at OS that have been in the gaming world, or had like interaction with digital things for a prolonged period of time, and you notice that there are attitude issues, there are, you know, just something going on, where they are, are not doing their normal things. They've lost interest in extracurr activities. Their personality seems different.

Speaker 1 (11:00):

They are constantly wanting to get done with it, with whatever family thing you're doing so they can get back to their game. All of those things are clues. Like I said, in one of my previous episodes in the last couple of weeks, all of those are like a, what I wanna call it like a, a shout out, a cry for help. They are trying to tell you that they are not handling the digital influence well. And so it's important to balance the non-digital things, the things that don't have that immediate dopamine release that immediate reward center being stimulated in their minds when they're playing them, it's an important for you to balance those things. So set up boundaries in place to where they are not only doing digital things and that they do have to do non-digital things in the world, too. Okay. So those are the three things that I recommend in terms of keeping the big picture in mind.

Speaker 1 (11:56):

Now, my third survival tip for the digital frontier. This holiday season is preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you've listened to some of my episodes, you know what I'm talking about. But like I have said many times before when we give them the digital things, when they learn about different things that are out there combined with their normal curiosity, their normal hormonal changes their normal development through puberty. When we give them this vehicle to where they can compare themselves to other, where they can go down rabbit holes of comparison and of learning new things of curiosity, that they start to think they are not enough. And when this is at an influential age, this creates a imprint on their mind, on their self-esteem to where they are not enough because they are comparing themselves to other things. So what I recommend that you do, and I have three tips under this category.

Speaker 1 (13:06):

Two is to have an open conversation about comparison. So if you are going to give them that smartphone or something to, or they have access to other things out in the world, have an open conversation about comparison and how pictures can be edited and filters can be used. And social media is a highlight real and is not the real world is not reflective of people's entire lives and likes and comments and things on their posts do not equate to their self worth and how you know, how valuable they are in the world. And you know, all of the things that surround that the second at tip under this category is to keep a close tie on social media. If you are giving a smartphone or giving them access to social media, have a very, very close eye on that and what they are doing on there, I would highly, highly, highly recommend delaying that as much as you can, then keeping a really close tie to them and what is going on, what they're seeing, what they're doing, who they're interacting with.

Speaker 1 (14:23):

Some of this is a black hole that you will not be able to control completely. So just be aware of that and be willing to do the work. If you are going to allow these things, be willing to keep that conversation open. If it's a younger kiddo, I, of course don't recommend it. I've made all the mistakes with this, but if you can have them have their login on your phone for certain apps, like some of them don't allow you to have more than one phone logged in, but other ones do have their login and go through their information, go through their messages, go through all of their things and have guidelines for if they post when they post and those types of things. And then my final tip for this is get your hand ends on my, be that mom method course when I get it published in it, I have a roadmap and I have tools for you as this journey evolves for you in this digital frontier that I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

As it evolves, this method that I have set up, it's gonna help you to evaluate new devices, games, all of the things. And it's gonna give you different tools to help you with navigating this with your kid. Okay? So let's go back and recap, cuz I kind of blurred some of those together. I think, to where I wasn't real clear about what I was saying. So top three tips or to keep some things dumb, keep that big picture mind and then preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you are allowing them to have outside access to the world through various things and outside interaction with friends and other people out in the world. Okay? So with the, keep some things dumb, not everything has to be connected, you know, so interconnected to the world under keep that big picture in mind, think about how they interact with their digital things and respecting your boundaries.

Speaker 1 (16:23):

Pushback means you push back as the parent, not meaning that you fight with them, not meaning that you start from a police of being suspicious or all these restrictions in place. But I, what I mean is be aware that when you get pushback, that means something. And so I encourage you to dig deeper and figure out what's going on there and then balancing with non-digital things. So they are doing some things that are not stimulating their mind, digital dig, can't talk, oh, digital it, okay. Not being stimulated with the digital things. Let's just change the word altogether. Maybe that wasn't even a word. And that's why I can't say it. And then the preserving, the I am enough is just opening up up that conversation about comparison and keeping a close watch on social media. And grad might be that mom movement method course when I get that up and running.

Speaker 1 (17:17):

And I, my apologies for talking about that forever in a day and not having it out yet, but it is what it is. Life keeps getting in the way and I promise you, it's going to be amazing once you get your hands on it. Okay. All right. So I hope that you grasp these survival tips that can use them, this digital frontier, the digital things are not going away. And I think they can be fun and they can be productive in all of that. If we just have some of these guidelines in mind. All right, thanks so much for tuning in. If I don't get into your ears in the next couple of weeks, have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season with your family. If you do celebrate that, I hope that you find peace and joy and love and all the things that you're hoping for through this season. All right. Thanks so much for listening.

Speaker 2 (18:05):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom in isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (18:19):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more or present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Sometimes the things kids do around having a phone seems annoying, but when is it more than that, & maybe a cry for help? Listen in for my mom guilt story!

Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!! 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So as we approach the holidays, I hope you have enjoyed my last couple of episodes that talked about the gift giving guide for digital and non-digital things, as well as the new pinwheel plus phone that is being released soon. Definitely a great option for giving a dumb smartphone or upgrading that dumb smartphone that you have given. And with some more features and a few more things that the phone has on it. But today I just want to talk about, as you give something digital, a few things for you to look at as warning signs that maybe it's time to pivot or revisit what things are being allowed and used in your home, by your kids, with the digital stuff. Okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:49):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:14):

If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So as you know, I am a mom that kind of did things in the uninformed and more difficult way. And with that sometimes comes some mom guilt. I didn't listen to my intuition and some of those early days, I really just didn't know what to do or how to do it.

Speaker 1 (02:08):

But when I look back at how things went for us in those early years of all the digital things, emerging and social media, being a thing, and all of that, there's a few things that I wish when they happened, that I would have picked up on them as a reason to pull back from what I was allowing and make a change, or just do kind of like a detox on those things. So if you have kids that have digital things right now in their hands, these things probably have happened to you. And maybe they, aren't a reason to just go cold Turkey, pull everything back, but just look at them as a warning sign and almost a cry for help when it comes to what you were allowing. I personally back when I think back didn't want to be that, that mom, and that's where the title of my podcast comes from, but I didn't want to be that mom that was real strict and that didn't allow these things.

Speaker 1 (03:14):

I wanted to be the cool mom. I wanted to be the mom that was fun and allowed her kids to do these things. I thought they were fun. I didn't realize there was any harm in them, but looking back, I can see that there were a couple of warning signs or cries from help that I wish I would have had more knowledge to change something that I was doing. So, and these are pretty common things. So just think about them, take them with a grain of salt, but kind of, you know, also realize that if you're seeing this more and more, it might be some, a reason for you to change things. So the first thing is the anxiety around the phone when the battery dies or when they have misplaced their phone. And can't figure out where it's at. If you remember me talking in the last episode about the pinwheel phone, one major thing that I noticed in my best friend, whose twin girls have never had a smartphone.

Speaker 1 (04:08):

And if only had the dumb smartphones is that they are not like attached at the hip with those phones. They misplaced them in their home. One of them lost one at when they went to visit the high school for an activity. And while, you know, it wasn't, you know, like she lost the phone. It wasn't that panic and anxiety that I've seen in my own kids when either there were someplace where they can't charge their phone. So it's about to die and that's like the end of the world, or they somehow misplaced it. And can't figure out where it's at. I personally have misplaced my phone before, and I felt a panic because I have so much information on there. And, you know, just all the things that I stay connected with. So, I mean, I think there's a place for that, but when you're seeing it in your kids, that may be a warning sign that they have become too attached to that for whatever reason.

Speaker 1 (05:05):

And I think that reason can be different for different kids, but when mine were younger and I remember a moment and this is kind of a side story, but we used to be in the stock show world where we showed animals. And there was one time where like, we would go to, if you're not from where I am, what you call, this may look different, but for us it was the rodeo. And so we would go to the rodeo. And at this time I think we were showing goats and it was like a day where we were going to be there on the rodeo grounds all day. And for whatever reason, we hadn't liked spent any time charging our phones or any of that. So then it's time to leave and we're going to go home. And we, the parking lot where we parked, they really squished all the cars in.

Speaker 1 (05:50):

And so there was like where our truck was parked. We had like this longer truck where it was parked, we physically could not back out. Like there was no way to maneuver our way out of the space because of how long our truck was, how close all the rows were to each other, how they were angled in the rows. There was like physically no way to get out of the parking lot. And our phone batteries were low. And at this time I think all but one kid had phones as well as myself. And so my phone battery was low and I was trying to communicate with my husband cause he wasn't with us and, you know, let him know what was going on. And he was going to come up and like pick us up because we needed to get home for something. And then we'd come back later to get that truck.

Speaker 1 (06:35):

And so, because I wouldn't give my charger to one of the other kids, there was this panic in tantrum that pursued or ensued. And it really, at that moment, it was like one of those moments where I was like, oh my God, like, why is this child getting so upset about this? This is a bit ridiculous. You know, like it's a phone and why do you have to have it be connected to it at all of the time? But at the time that didn't raise enough alarms or red flags in my head to change anything I was doing other than, you know, like chill out, you will get to charge your phone in a minute. I need to stay in touch with daddy and I'll give you my charger in a minute. You know? So have you ever had an instance like that where they freak out because their phone is going to die or they've somehow misplaced it and can't figure out where it's at and it needs to be with them at all times.

Speaker 1 (07:30):

If so, just keep in a big picture in mind, consider that kind of a red flag and maybe, maybe needs to be a place where you do a little bit of detox or setting up more boundaries for that kind of look at what the underlying thing is there that's causing that anxiety or stress. But a lot of times it's just the addictive quality of that phone. And the fact that they've become used to checking in, used to seeing what's going on and maybe they need to realize that those things don't need to be something that they do all of the time and depending on their age, maybe that needs to be something they disconnect from. The second thing is when they're resistant to your boundaries. So if you have boundaries in place, I honestly did not. And that was a big, huge mistake on my part, I believe.

Speaker 1 (08:18):

But again, there's that grace that I give myself for just not knowing, but if they're resistant to what boundaries you were putting in place. So you know what that might look like for you is where they are using the phone at what things you were allowing on the phone, whether you've set up to know their passwords and they've changed them, whether you are putting it up at a certain time at night and they are coming to get it without your knowledge or just resisting putting it up, if they are using it versus doing their whatever's required to do around the house or finishing their homework or going to sleep at night. All of those things are a warning sign or a for help on some level that something needs to change with what they're doing because the addictive draw of it is becoming too much.

Speaker 1 (09:03):

And then the third thing that I listed, and I think this is kind of the same thing as resisting the boundaries, but pushing back on your established rules, giving you talk back, or, you know, just disregarding what you have said that you want to happen. All of those things, I guess that is the same thing as resistance to boundaries, but just pushing back on whatever rules you make, or if you do set more rules in place and they still push back on that, it's time to go cold Turkey in my opinion. And that was one of the hardest things that we did in when we did decide to do that. And I wish I would have done it with each child when I saw these warning signs happen, but I dismissed them as related to their age to hormones, to puberty, to all of the things other than it being an issue with the digital things.

Speaker 1 (09:52):

And I think that's something that it's a very gray area and it's hard to decipher a lot of times and it makes it hard on us because we don't want to call them a liar that we don't trust them. You know, all of those things, we want to give them their space. We want to let them mature and grow. And we want to dismiss it as puberty as you know, their age as a mood or whatever. But when it's coming in relation to the phone, just look bigger picture and look at preserving that joy of missing out and re-establishing that they can exist without the phone, without the digital things, without being connected to the world. And that it's our life every day should not be about checking in. It should not be about posting a status. It should not be about how many likes or hearts we get on things.

Speaker 1 (10:41):

It should not be about how many views we have on a video. It should not be about us taking the next picture with a filter on it. We should be able to take a picture with no filter and not worry about what other people think. So, you know, we know this as adults, but as kids having all of these things in their possession is just such a insidious and can be such a negative trajectory of influence and impact. So really just wanted to emphasize that for you today because it's one of those things that is such a heavy place of mom guilt for me when I look back and I think about that situation at the rodeo and other situations like that, you know, you kind of laugh it off, maybe, you know, post about it on social media, how, you know, the, the charger I even made a post one time about, you know, I can't remember what it said, but it was something about I'm a mom of teens.

Speaker 1 (11:31):

I spend my days turning off all of the lights, making sure all of the phone chargers are working and that type of thing, it was kind of a joke. So that's one way for us to cope with it is to joke with other parents about it. And you know, it is a common mom's struggle, but just bigger picture of things, kind of look at how their relationship is with the digital things and realize that it's not a healthy relationship for them to have so much anxiety over their phone dying or not having their phone or having rules for putting it away. That's not a healthy place for them to be. And I believe it is a warning sign and a cry for help from them, even though they will adamantly tell you otherwise. So anyways, I hope that this short little episode will be a value to you as you move forward through the, if you celebrate the holidays that we do here in the U S if you celebrate the holidays and you are in the gift giving season, I hope you will use this as you move forward.

Speaker 1 (12:31):

And then also be sure to check out my, be that mom movement method course that will be coming out soon and grab that when you can, because it's going to be a toolkit for you and a roadmap, a method for you to follow as you go down this path, and this will just be one of several things I have in there to help you. Okay. Alrighty. Like I say, at the end of every episode, thank you so much for tuning in and listening and your support. I appreciate it immensely. And it is my true joy to help bring you tips and tools to help you navigate all of these things. I do think this is a new realm of parenting that none of us can ignore. And so I hope that my podcast is a place for you to find tools and tips and to make this whole digital thing a little bit easier, even though I know it, it can be straight up hard at times. Okay. All right. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in hope you have a nice holiday and I'll chat with you next week.

Speaker 2 (13:27):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (13:41):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom ten four hundred.

It is easy for any of us to get sucked into the constant interconnectedness of our world, so that is why it is time we embrace the JOY of missing out!! 

​​Be sure to check out my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course coming out soon for more tips on handling the Fear of Missing Out dilemma! 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shiny thing, the latest bit of mental blank, trying to have it, see it, do it. You simply know you won't go through it. The anxious clamoring in need this restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spurn the treasure on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt. Oh, the joy of missing out that is a poem called the joy of missing out and in is written by Michael Leunig. And that is going to be the topic of today's podcast. Talking about how we need to encourage our kids to experience the joy of missing out. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:17):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So last week we talked about the fear of missing out and this week. I want to talk about the joy of missing out. And before I get to a few tips to help you with navigating this with your own kiddos, I just want to talk about a little bit of a background on me that you may not know my podcast has been out now for, I can't even believe it when I say it, but a year and a half, I launched it in March of 2020, but as a background for me, I actually really got into the thick of things when it came to my kids and the digital things about six months prior to that was where we kind of hit our rock bottom, but it had been something that had been developing over the previous year to two years.

Speaker 1 (02:32):

And when I look back at a big picture of the decisions that I made with my kids, one of the, well, let me backtrack from that for a second. So before we gave all the digital things, my kids were active in our local FFA and four H chapters. We showed cattle and we showed goats at our local shows and we're very active, outdoor things. We're very active with going to different shows and showing the animals and all of that. The kids were very much into it. They did well at what they did. My youngest actually got like grand champion goat at one of the shows and was really passionate about it and really into making sure that everything was right and that we were raising the animals well and all of that stuff. Okay. Inter a X- Box gaming console and a smartphone. And now when I look back at this, it was a pivotal decision in a pivotal moment.

Speaker 1 (03:34):

And it was a moment where I felt good that we were giving these things. I was excited for him to be able to have them, his friends had them. And so I wanted him to have them and he was going into middle school and we'd done the same thing for the other kiddo, the next one up and kind of at similar ages. But like I've said before each one got the digital things at younger ages. And then of course they're much more interconnected as time has gone on with all of the things that have come out. So we gave those devices and then I can look back now and see a steady, like pulling away from these interests in these hobbies and these things that they were passionate about, where suddenly it was a chore to go out and work with the animals. It was a chore.

Speaker 1 (04:22):

And we got attitude about having to fill the water buckets and feed them and work them and go to the shows and do all the things it suddenly became to where there wasn't the same interest in those things. They were pulling away from those things at the time. I just thought they weren't interested in them anymore. And okay. We moved on to other things, right? Like my interests are not necessarily their interests. And so I'm always trying to make sure that what we are doing is because of what they want to do. Not because I'm trying to interject what I didn't get to do as a kid and that type of thing. Right. So now looking back, I can see that it was the introduction of these couple of things that just steadily kind of sucked them away from having any other interests and their main interests were consuming on these devices.

Speaker 1 (05:11):

And like I have, it said multiple times, I had no clue how to guide them on this. I had no clue of the addictive nature. I had no clue of the risk of predators. Like I truly had no clue period. And so things started accelerating and came to a head to where we reached a point where these things that I was allowing and giving, letting them have in their bedrooms and not having any boundaries around when, or how they use them was affecting schoolwork, was affecting sleep, was affecting every aspect of their lives. Self-esteem confidence, pretty much transformed their lives. However, it coincided with the things that happen already in the middle school years, like puberty, like massive changes in our bodies, right. And more self-awareness in more competition with peers when you suddenly, you know, have that realization of all of the things. So it coincided with those things enough to where I didn't realize what was going on.

Speaker 1 (06:17):

Okay. So then we came to a head of things in 2019, where all of these things that were impacting them had seeped into daily decisions and choice of who they were hanging out with and all of that stuff. Okay. And so that is when we hit rock bottom, where I realized that something had to change and where I realized that there were so much that was going on right under the surface and right under my nose. And it all stemmed to the interconnectedness of these phones of the games of all of the things. And so the only thing we knew to do at the time was removed the digital devices completely until we could get a handle on what was going on and figure out what the hell was going on. Like seriously, it was a major rock bottom, and a major point for me, where I've never felt so alone and so ashamed and just at an, a feeling of utter hopelessness.

Speaker 1 (07:19):

And I thought I was alone. And I thought that I was the only mom that was going through this and just really could not believe where we were because we had up until this culmination of events had really focused on providing family time, like quality family time and all these quality family things that we did. And then at the time we were, it was all so, so like fresh that I couldn't get the perspective that it was the introduction of these things without any guidance, without any boundaries around all this stuff that it sucked them away. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that it's their fault or that, you know, it's just, they're, they're like a victim of this technology and all of these things combined to suck them in and to basically crush them and to make them live in a place of not enough and a fear of missing out in all of the things.

Speaker 1 (08:14):

Right? So that's the perspective that I come from and what brought me to the point of making this podcast and wanting to share this information with you on a weekly basis. And so when I say that we need to help preserve and show our kids the joy of missing out I'm coming from a place of watching the joy, literally be sucked out of my children because I had no idea. And I allowed all of these things. So whether you just provide like certain limitations, such as choosing a dumb smartphone over a smartphone, or you actually put boundaries and put the layers in place that I recommend for the different things in order to build your village around giving your kids the digital things, whatever it is you decide to do that is appropriate for you, and that you want to spend time navigating is okay for you.

Speaker 1 (09:09):

But I hope what I'm conveying to you is that these things are addictive and they're inherently impactful on our children. And it changes from child to child, depending on what you decide, depending on their temperament, depending on their surroundings, their environment, their peers, and all of the things. And so it's important for us just realize that this is something that happens when we make these decisions to give these things. And so we need to have a game plan for talking to them about the fear of missing out and the not enough syndrome and all of those things and preserving that joy of life, preserving what they are supposed to be doing as children and as teenagers in order to discover what they're meant to be in the world. So that is, I'm very passionate, as you can probably tell about this topic, because I watched the joy of life being sucked out of my kids unintentionally, because I did not know.

Speaker 1 (10:11):

And because a lot of these tools that are out here today, weren't out there. And I also had no game plan, no roadmap, no nothing to tell me, where do I need to put my attention now? You know, like where is it? What's the most important thing that I need to be focusing on. I could see that there were all these things, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should allow on what I not, should not allow and all of that. So some of y'all that, listen, y'all followed me from the beginning. And I know, you know, so I'm probably speaking to the choir when it comes to y'all, but let's talk about a few tips then on how we can preserve or introduce the joy of missing out to our kids so that the fear of missing out doesn't take over their daily life and in the process, it may be that we also rediscover the joy of missing out.

Speaker 1 (11:08):

I know I personally have really been struggling with disconnecting from the world and, and trying to keep up with the latest news and all of the things. And so I know I could use a few reminders on this too, so hopefully you can as well. And then when you get all of this information, I challenge you to do a little joy of missing out challenge with your family, where you implement these things, and then you miss out on the world. That'd be awesome just to miss out on a few things, spending quality time together. I think we should all make that our goal, like seriously, let's just miss out on things and spend quality time together and quit having to be connected to all of the stuff that is just sounds like an amazing thing to me, to disconnect from the world. So let's talk about a few tips on things that you can do to implement this whole joy of missing out thing, which don't take these tips too, too seriously.

Speaker 1 (12:12):

Just kind of take the, just have them as a way to help guide you and your family and remind you how joyful it can be to be disconnected from the world. So the first thing to be intentional with your time, so schedule things that are important to you, whether it's working out, whether it's a meeting with a friend or it's writing a book or some projects that you have, that you're working on, make your time a priority instead of wasting time. And you'll find that you'll have a ton more time. So instead of spending an hour, scrolling on Facebook, actually schedule out the time for the different things that you know are important in that you need to get done each day. And then you'll find that you don't waste as much time scrolling on social media and things. I know I can sit there and it's just unreal how fast the time goes, as I'm trying to like squirrel through and check up on things, see what everybody's doing and posting and all that stuff in the time.

Speaker 1 (13:08):

It's just a time suck. It's just a time suck that doesn't give you much value other than just looking at things. So the second tip is just to live in the moment, live in the present, take a moment to listen to the sounds and see what's around you. Instead of it constantly rushing by if you're eating take more time to chew the food and taste the flavors. There's just so much that we rush through instead of just being present in the moment. And then the third thing is embrace tech free time, like get off of the things, unfollow people that are triggering that fear of missing out, get off of following people that are causing you some type of negative reaction, only follow the ones that lift you up and even just get off of the apps. I actually took a couple of my social media apps and I moved to them on, I have an iPhone.

Speaker 1 (14:07):

I moved them over to what is it called? The app library. So it's actually not on my main screen and I don't get notifications on my iPhone. So I will only go to those social media apps once a day. And I don't get anything pushed to me showing that, you know, I have a little red number saying I have this number of notifications. So I'm tempted to click that and see what's going on. Like, I literally have no notifications on my phone for the social media apps. And so that keeps me from wanting to go and check in all of the time. I sometimes still do just to see what's going on or to post to my story. But I have severely decreased. How many times I check in and look at that because not readily readily, I can't talk readily accessible from my main screen.

Speaker 1 (14:58):

The next thing is practice saying no, say no to some events and all of the different things. If you don't feel like you want to go to them, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. You can say, no, you can sit at home. You can, you know, do whatever you want, or if you are wanting to go to something, go to it. You know? So it's basically just doing what you want to do instead of doing what you feel like you have to do. The next tip is experience real life, not social media life. And this is something to really emphasize with our kids. Is that what we're seeing on social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life. It is not reflective of every person's struggles at every person's flaws. You know, it's like it's filtered. And so it's important for us to realize that and to get off of it and to realize we have life around us and life is going to pass us by if we aren't being proactive to be out into the world.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

And when it comes to my kids, that's what I saw was the biggest suck was to realize that all their interests shore sucked away and all they wanted to do was all these things that are on the digital things. And not that that's not okay to do, but it became where it was too much of that. So it's important to realize that if allowed to just do that, that it is going to suck them in and it's going to like suck all of their ambitions away to where all they want to do is that, and it can affect their self-esteem and all of that, like I've said before. And then the really the last tip is just to slow down, to slow down in everything and take more time, slow down and observe the world around us, slow down and appreciate our kids stages and our kids, you know, things that they do that annoy us slow down and just experience life.

Speaker 1 (16:50):

And I guess that's a duplicate of the one before, but just slowing down and experiencing the real world, getting out into the real world and not always just being connected digitally. Okay. So hopefully those made sense. I think some of them kind of overlapped a little bit, but the, just of it is to be more present in real life, experience, joy in life and experience the joy of missing out on catching up on all the things digitally and seeing what everybody's doing and knowing that whatever we're doing is enough. Whatever our kids are doing is enough and that they aren't there to prove anything to anybody else, or to get a certain number of likes, like seriously. And it is such a joy to miss out on that stuff and to just be out in the real world, doing real things. Okay. All right. I hope that this was super helpful to you and that you found this inspiring.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And I hope that you'll take me up on the challenge of doing the joy of missing out challenge, share with how you are doing that. What things are you doing with your kids? That's in the real world, real life face- to-face side by side and disconnected from all the digital things. I cannot wait to hear from you and see what you were doing for that. So message me, email me dolly@dollydenton.com or message me on social media. I can't wait to see how you are going to embrace this challenge and run with it and really make your kids or help your kids experience the joy of missing out. All right, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (18:26):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (18:40):

Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Could your kid be at risk of being an online bully? You'd be surprised how the anonymity of the digital world can lend itself to this! Listen in for a few tips!

https://cyberbullying.org/

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE 

MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So last week, we talked about the types of cyber bullying. Today. We are going to dive into what to look for, to know whether or not your kiddo might be the bully and what to do. I'm going to just give you some tips on things to help you navigate that. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:47):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So again, like I've said in other episodes, you know, I'm a mom that is like so passionate about paying forward. Some of the things that I've learned, and I have been there where I know how overwhelming it is, I know how you don't really know what to focus on. And it's all just kind of overwhelming. So if you were anything like me, you're just like, I just kind of hope they figure this out because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

And I don't have time to figure this out. Right? So if you were in that space, every single one of my episodes is here to help you navigate these little things that I think all of us need to know. I'm just trying to give you some nuggets, not from the standpoint of an expert, other than I am a mom that raised three kids and did it all the hard way. And I'm here to help you not do that. Now, if you are looking for more of a roadmap, I am coming out with that, be that mom movement method course, and it is going to be your roadmap and your tool kit, to be able to look at all of the different things and really help you navigate it. I have a resource list that has a ton of things for both you and things you can show to your kid, as well as things you can print out in order to fill out as sort of like an agreement between each other and all of that.

Speaker 1 (02:35):

So if you are that mom, that wants to be proactive, please check out my method course that is coming out soon. I am working diligently on it and trying to get it out. Life keeps getting in the way, but I promise you, it is almost to completion. And then I will be putting out the information on how you can get your hands on it. When you get it, you will have lifetime access and I will be updating it periodically so that it stays relevant with new things that roll out, because we all know that this digital world is ever evolving and we always have to be on our toes. So I just want to make sure that I am giving you something that stays relevant and that will have all the different things that you need to be able to come at this, no matter how the world evolves, it will give you a roadmap and a method to follow so that you don't have to do everything the hard way like I did.

Speaker 1 (03:29):

Okay. So keep your eye out for that. It's coming soon now for today's topic, we're just going to talk about cyber bullying, the context of you finding out that maybe your kiddo is the bully or things to look forward to know. Now, like I said, in the last episode, if you are using a service like bark, if you're outside of the U S or even in the U S and using a similar one, there are some other ones that are out there. One of them that I have mentioned a couple of times, it's called M spy. And it doesn't exactly do the same thing as bark, but there are other options other than bark, just none of them are as robust as bark in terms of how they monitor. But whichever one you may be using, that is one way for you to detect conversations and be able to be on the top of this without having to look too much into other things.

Speaker 1 (04:20):

I mean, we always want to look into the other things, right, but that's just one way that you will be alerted quickly if there's any sort of bullying going on that bark can detect. So one of the first things to realize and accept when you may be suspecting that your kiddo is somehow involved with this is to realize that it doesn't mean that your kid is a bad kid. This is key to understand and think in the context of their brain and their judgment and their reasoning not being completely mature. And we know that that doesn't happen until the ages that we consider to be adults, right? So it's important to watch your language when it comes to this. You know, I mean, of course you can do whatever you want, but labeling them as a bad kid or thinking you're a bad parent for this happening is just not something that I would recommend you burden yourself with, because it is just a natural tendency of being a child without the ability to reason through this and not really realizing the ramifications of it.

Speaker 1 (05:29):

So in this is kind of one of those things of like parenting psychology that you may have heard, but it's basically just avoiding, labeling them. Like as a bully, you could say, instead of like labeling them to where they feel shame as them, like something's wrong with them, it's better to address their behavior like saying that they have bullied are there, that, that they are engaging in bullying behavior this way. At the younger ages, it doesn't become intertwined with their child identity and the same thing for the person being bullied, saying the bullied child instead of the victim, which I think that's, it's pretty common for us to see that. But just in general, you know, when you're talking to your kids and stuff, instead of labeling them as bad, it's better to see that their behavior is bad. So there's many different reasons why a kid that you would consider to be well adjusted may be engaging in this act of bullying and treating others antagonistically.

Speaker 1 (06:31):

And like I said, they're often not emotionally or intellectually developed like adults are. So their actions to us seem frustrating, irrational. And sometimes we're just like, what, like, how could you do that? You know, how would you do that? But some common reasons is they want to fit in. They want to be like their friends, maybe they're being bullied by the someone themselves. Maybe they're looking for attention, or maybe they're being naturally more assertive or not realizing that what they're doing is going to come in on the other end as being aggressive behavior or harmful or harassment type behavior. So I think the moral of that story is that they don't have the maturity to realize oftentimes the ramifications of what they're doing in the tendency of the anonymous nature. I shouldn't say that word instead. The anonymous nature of the digital things lends itself to this type of harassing behavior, because they don't often have a way for the other person to know who they are.

Speaker 1 (07:39):

So it can just kind of lean into that. So there's the obvious times that you may know that your child is participating in some type of bullying behavior. If bark detects it, if somehow someone observes it, if you're notified by the school for some reason, but if you're not a hundred percent certain, whether they are in some sort of bullying behavior, I'm going to go over some warning signs that bark has listed, that they have identified as something to pay attention to. So one is that they often act aggressively toward family teachers or other adults. They may demonstrate controlling behavior. They may be hot tempered and get frustrated easily. They frequently test boundaries and break rules such as where you want their device used or when they can easily talk their way out of difficult, intense situations, and seem to have little sympathy towards others.

Speaker 1 (08:34):

Now, these are all things that they identify as, you know, a bullying behavior. But I truly think that the other thing on the flip side of that to think about is just their behaviors with their device or their console. Are they secretive about it? This, you know, and this could be a situation where it could be, they are bullying also be the bully, or maybe they are a part of some type of grooming relationship with someone else. So it can be nonspecific, but the bottom line is the red flags that it should raise. So, you know, thinking in terms of their behavior with their device, as in terms of following any boundaries or rules you've set in place for when they turn it into you, if you have their passwords, if they're only allowed to use it in a certain part of the house or a certain part of the day, if they're pushing against those boundaries, if you have those, then that is just a red flag that you need to investigate more and that it possibly could be something like bullying, but it also could be that they are the ones being bullied.

Speaker 1 (09:42):

It also could be that they are somehow being groomed or preyed upon by someone. So there's a lot going on there, but the bottom line is there's a red flag there that something's going on. And maybe it's not even those things, maybe it's just that they have this draw to the device and it's time to reign in on those boundaries that you set. So if you should discover that your child is somehow involved in bullying others, the most important thing to do is to sit down and communicate to them, talk to them, listen to their side of the story and see how they react to stress that you love them, but that their bullying behavior has to change. Talk about how it impacts that other person and how it makes them feel. And the statistics, you know, not necessarily like using numbers, but just say, you know, kids that are being bullied tend to have their self-esteem affected and tend to have more anxiety or nervousness around things.

Speaker 1 (10:39):

They tend to be more depressed. And they've even found that kids that are being bullied have a higher rate of suicide. And, you know, all of those things are important to just help them understand coming from a place of you realizing they probably don't realize those things and just address that with them. So, in addition to that, when you hit found out that they are participating in this bullying behavior, besides communicating those types of things, I personally would try to uncover the reasons why they are doing that. And it could simply be that they don't understand the ramifications, but what I found with my interactions with my kids, it was sometimes there's something else going on there. You know, how, when we were kids and things were happening with a friend or something like that, there's a lot of times, there's an underlying issue there that you need to uncover.

Speaker 1 (11:34):

Like if they are bullying someone else, perhaps they're being bullied or perhaps there's something going on at their school or with a teacher, like there's a lot of things. There's a lot of psychological things that can manifest as them bullying someone else. And I think it goes for the same as if we had no digital things and it was just us out in recess, or, you know, some peer interaction type social situation. It still comes back to the same psychological things that kids bully for various reasons. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but, you know, it's like their way of controlling something because perhaps they are being manipulator controlled in another space. So looking for the warning signs, having open communication, and then also trying to dig deeper and not just assuming that it is them being mean because they're anonymous, but also don't discount the fact that the, maybe there's something else going on, maybe, you know, a relationship, a friend that, that they have is doing something.

Speaker 1 (12:43):

There's all kinds of things that could be happening there. But the bottom line is digging deeper and realizing that it's a red flag with my kids, as I've said before, there were times where I had red flags going up, but I didn't know if it was their natural maturity process that goes on, you know, with puberty and with the hormone changes and all of the things that they're going through. But looking back on the other side of that, it truly was my intuition telling me something was going on and that I needed to investigate it more. And it's such a, kind of like an eggshell type tiptoe through the eggshells type situation, because, you know, you don't want to invade their privacy and you don't want to them to think that you don't trust them and that you, you know, they may get mad at you every time you breathe.

Speaker 1 (13:31):

And so many different things that make this, this whole scenario difficult. And it was all difficult before the digital things. And then the digital things came in and made it like a hundred thousand times worse. Right? There's so many things that go on there, but I just encourage you to realize that when you have that gut feeling, when you have a nagging that you just can't get past, know that that's your intuition telling you something. And it may take you a little while to uncover it. If you don't want to blatantly ask them and confront them, and maybe you even do do that. And they deny it all, which happened to me too. All of those situations just know that if you have that nagging feeling, that is something to listen to. And even if you don't get a response or don't uncover it, just continue to kind of explore that.

Speaker 1 (14:20):

And it may reveal itself. You're not wrong for doing that. And however you want to approach that is okay. Like I always say your approach is what works best for you. Don't think that there's a one way or the highway type situation with this stuff. You just have to kind of proceed with however you feel appropriate, but keeping those lines of communication when it comes to the digital things is so very important. And then when you have certain things in place to where it can detect some changes in behavior and things that will be red flags, such as pushing against your set rules or boundaries around different things. When you have some of those things in place, it will help you to realize something's going on before it gets too bad, hopefully. Okay. So I hope that that makes sense. And that is helpful for you as part of the focus on the whole bullying thing this month.

Speaker 1 (15:14):

I just wanted to kind of highlight that it is quite common for kids that we would not expect to be bullies, to actually be bullying another child. And so just realizing that and taking that shame and guilt away from yourself is such an important thing to do in this process. Okay. So I hope you found this helpful, and I hope you have checked out my digital wellness summit link in my show notes. I hope you will grab my method course when it comes out, because it's going to be a roadmap and a toolkit for you. And if you don't have bark, if you don't have some of the other tools, I mentioned like, if you need a dumb smartphone, gab and PennWell are awesome. If you want to start out with something like a watch, I've got links for the different watches. Gab has a watch now, too.

Speaker 1 (16:04):

You can use my link for them. So there's so many things out there to help you as a part of your village. So please grab those things. And if you need a place to stand for your own wellness, please connect with me. I have tools that will help you to navigate your own fitness and nutrition from a flexible standpoint of what works for you, but really can help you to implement healthy habits in your life. I can't tell you how much having that for myself has helped me so much through the years and through all the struggles. And I never expected it to be such a place of strength for me and a place for me to really dig in and take care of myself so that I can take care of my family better. They see that when you exercise, it helps secrete hormones and different things in your body that will help your mental state and all of that.

Speaker 1 (16:54):

And I, so I can attest to that, that when I had my hardest days, that was one thing I can control. And now in the midst of so many crazy things going on in my life right now, that is still a solid place for me to stand, to keep myself healthy among all of the COVID stuff, working out in the world as a nurse practitioner, and then with my family and helping us to all stay healthy and all of that. So check out my links or get in touch with me. If you need a place to stand for your own fitness and nutrition, the tools are things that the wellness library that I use can be used for the entire family. It has all sorts of different workouts from live workouts, group workouts, cycling workouts now, and then programs that you can follow that are proven to work.

Speaker 1 (17:44):

And I've used a ton of them. And I still cannot believe in five years, I'm still getting results. I'm still in, on dropping weight and toning and just really being the healthiest I have ever been. And if you don't know me and don't follow me anywhere, I am 47. Yes. I'm 47 and I'm in the best shape of my life. So whatever age you are, and however you're old, your kids are, that is something that is so powerful that you can do for yourself. So please don't discount that. Okay. I know my podcast is about digital safety and being that mom and proactive and all of that stuff, but your health and your daily healthy habits are so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect to your kids. Even if they're denying that, that they're watching, they're watching trust me. And it may take years and years because they are already preteens or teens and thinking that, you know nothing, but they're watching and it has a trickle down effect to them.

Speaker 1 (18:41):

They will eventually adopt the habits that you're demonstrating. And there's nothing more powerful than walking the walk and showing them even when they will not admit that they're watching, they are watching. So please implement that for yourself in your life. It's so very powerful. Okay. All right. I will get off my soap box and I hope you found this helpful. And please reach out to me if there's anything that you want to share with me. If you have a topic you'd like me to cover, please leave me review. If you haven't already. And I hope you have a fabulous week.

Speaker 2 (19:20):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (19:34):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.

Cyberbullying is on the rise!  Listen in to this episode for more info on the different types to be aware of and what you need to know to protect your kiddo! 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

I think it's safe to say when we were kids, a lot of us encountered bullies. Maybe we were even the bully nowadays with our kids on all the digital things and everything. So interconnected, it is very, very common and almost guaranteed to encounter a bully. If our kids are online on whatever platform they may be on, it is also very common for kids that you would not expect like our own kids to be the bully in certain situations. And so since October is national bullying prevention month, I'm going to take some time to really break this down and talk about the types of bullying that are out there and things to look for in terms of whether or not your kiddo is being bullied or might lean towards being the bully or witnessing it and how to educate them in these things so that we can make sure that no one out there is being the victim of this. Okay. So this episode, we are going to talk about the different types of bullying that occur. So you are aware that it's not just one thing and there's lots of things to think about. Okay. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (01:15):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:41):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty. So thank you so much to all of you that have checked out the digital wellness symposium thing that I have shared on my last couple of episodes.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

I still have that link in the show notes. So if you were still wanting to check that out, it is still available. You can get a digital, all access pass with the ability to listen to all of the different talks from all of the different experts in different areas that were in that. So please check that out. I think it is such a vital thing for us to be aware of the digital influence regardless of our kids' ages. And especially when they're younger and we don't realize that they are being influenced. So if you haven't checked out already, the link is in the show notes and that is available for anybody worldwide. So wherever you are give that elicit. Okay. I think it'll be a really good thing for you to check out. So like I said, October is national bullying prevention month. And so we all know, and most of us should be aware by now that there is a thing called cyber bullying and in the stats that bark has put out in their annual report where they basically, if you're not familiar with bark, it's basically a monitoring system where they monitor the activities of kids on their devices.

Speaker 1 (03:39):

And they are able to gather so much data. They don't like spy on the kids. They just alert parents of certain conversations, certain keywords that they're picking up on. And so they have such an amazing vantage point to provide information on this. That's why I love, love, love bark. And if you're not in the us and you don't have access to them, still go to their website. I believe you can still access it from anywhere. They have so much stuff on their blog. So many helpful things that they provide. They're such an amazing company, but they have such a great vantage point when it comes to stats like this, because this is what they do. They are monitoring across so much information and you know how kids can text and be active on things. Like if you have them texting through your phone, you can literally have hundreds of texts in a day between little group chats and things that they have.

Speaker 1 (04:36):

So it's a monster in bark is somehow navigating it. And so some of their stats show that 76% of tweens or the pre-teen age and 82% of teens experienced bullying as a boy victim or witness. And I believe these stats are from the year 2020. Yes, they are from 2020. And then according to some other stats that have been reported, one in four students report being bullied and during the whole pandemic scenario of the last year and a half, with all the virtual learning, it's led to new forms of bullying such as zoom bombing. So it's just crazy, right? It's crazy. All that we have to navigate and deal with. So what I want to talk about today is just the different types of cyber bullying. And I looked at different sources and there's different names for some of these. Some people don't have all of these types, but this is five common types that bark identified with all of their stats and things.

Speaker 1 (05:43):

So if you're not familiar with cyber bullying, it's basically just bullying. It's just online. And, you know, kids have their digital things intertwined with real-world life. So it's bullying and it can go across platforms and into their real life, into their school life, all of that stuff. Okay. So the first type of bullying that I want to talk about is harassment. It's repeatedly doing some form of abusive behavior against someone online. It could be something that is happening to them in a message in a social media platform. It could be happening on the chat of a game that they're doing through a gaming console. It could be happening in the game of, you know, something where they play with other people like on roadblocks, it could be happening in social media posts in the comments, and it could be happening in texts and emails. There's just, it can happen anywhere if they are online, it can happen to them where they are repeatedly harassed by somebody.

Speaker 1 (06:50):

So many parents with harassment, believe that blocking is the answer, but this doesn't always stop it. So you have to be aware that they can go across different platforms. They can create new accounts in order to continue to do this. If it's on Instagram, for instance, they have where you, when you block an account, it will ask you, do you want to block this account in any new accounts they create because they found that. So what, when blocked, some people will go and just make a new account and then start harassing them. That way they've actually had kids really, really get stressed by this and parents not knowing what's going on is a huge, huge factor in this. So when someone really wants to be a bully and they can be anonymous in it, they can really take this to the extremes in order to harass somebody.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

So recently in right now, as I'm recording this in 2021, Instagram has released more things to help you to control the messaging in those types of things in their app. But I know that if you don't have them on Instagram, just be aware, it's not just Instagram. It can happen anywhere and it can happen across platforms. So it's something really to talk to your kiddo about. The second form of bullying is masquerading. That is pretending to be someone you're not in order to hurt someone else. So masquerading is quite, quite common in the virtual world because anyone can make an account and you don't have to put your picture your face on the account. So you can always say you're someone else. And with all of the different apps that are out there for editing pictures and changing them up, there are editing apps that can make an adult look like a kid.

Speaker 1 (08:45):

So masquerading as someone to where you're anonymous is a very powerful thing where they can then go on and, you know, bully this person in some way, by pretending that they're someone else, this is also where the predators often start because they will pose as someone else. They will obtain innermost secrets from that child, like who they have a crush on and what they're mad at their parents about, you know, different things like that. And then they can take that and turn it on them or manipulate them with it. That's where a lot of the grooming and predator type relationships start, they're gaining trust. The kid is thinking that they are someone else. And that's where it starts. The next form of bullying is exclusion. When someone is intentionally left out of a group message in event or a photo. So it doesn't necessarily have to be them, you know, sending them messages and harassing them like that, but excluding them from different activities where they are seeing that they were being left out of things can be a form of bullying.

Speaker 1 (09:57):

Now, this situation can be something that, you know, it's just a matter of the kiddo, understanding that they're not always going to be included in everything. You know, all the things that their friends are doing. Like they are allowed to have other friends and do other things. And not everybody all be invited, but sometimes it can escalate and really cause hard feelings and different things. When they are blocked by someone, you know, something like that, they use the blocking, they use the different ways of excluding them to really hurt them. The next form of bullying is called doxxing. And this is basically where you release someone's private information to cause them harm. This is actually something that is really problematic and is happening more and more like, you know, releasing their home address or other private information about them. So this is where it is vital that if you are letting them on some platform that you go through the privacy settings and make sure that it is like, especially like Snapchat, make sure that it is turned off to where it doesn't show their location because kids have been doxed in situations.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

I don't know if that's you doxing, I guess docs would be the correct term, but they've been doxed in situations where someone is mad at them. And so they will call the police. And there's someone in a parent chat that actually told all of us about this, that they will call the police and they know your location. So they'll call a police to your address and see that there's someone in that address that is abusing the child, or has a gun, different things like that, something to where it creates this problematic situation. And this parent that was telling us about it, actually it was something like they said that the dad had a gun and was threatening them. And so all of a sudden their house was surrounded and they to prove that that was indeed not true. So it can be a very, very serious form of harassment and bullying.

Speaker 1 (12:02):

And, you know, can turn into creating a criminal situation and fraud and all sorts of things like that. So that's why it's important to not give them access to the entire world. And when you do step into the world of giving them access to something where other people can access it, that your privacy settings are set up to where they cannot be located like in real time. And then the last one that I want to mention is trolling. And that's where they are provoking or baiting someone just to get a rise out of them. Unfortunately, I think adults do this a lot too. And unfortunately I do think some of the social media platforms actually have, there's a way to like set up bots for some of this so that it invokes people getting mad and arguing and being divided about things, but a person trolls, when they make like inflammatory anonymous statements online for the sole purpose of derailing, an online conversation or provoking other participants in the discussion, it can be where they are just making an individual feel bad by constantly leaving negative comments on social media posts to hurt their feelings.

Speaker 1 (13:18):

But, you know, it can just be something where someone is trying to invoke a response or, you know, make the conversation go in a certain direction. That type of thing. I think it happens a lot in the last year or so since the election in the us and all of that stuff. So definitely something to consider when it comes to our kids. So those are the five types of cyber bullying that are identified on barks information and their stats. Another place you can check out for more information is cyber bullying.org. And on that, a couple of things, I just wanted to mention that when they talk about cyber bullying, it's for their definition, they just describe it as this it's willful, meaning that the behavior is deliberate, it's repeated, meaning it reflects a pattern of behavior, not just an isolated incident, there is harm that is being inflicted.

Speaker 1 (14:15):

And then it is basically, if you think about bullying in person between like an, you know, like out in the school yard at school, there's usually some imbalance of power. And so if you think of cyber bullying in a similar manner, it is some way of them invoking power over the other child. So it is some way for them to manipulate the person that they're bullying to control them in some way. Okay. So that is all I wanted to talk about today was just those types of bullying so that you can be aware that it does occur. And if your kids online it's likely to happen. And it is common for kids, you know, we wouldn't expect our kids to do it, but because it's online stuff can be so anonymous that they will have a tendency to just do it, not realizing the ramifications.

Speaker 1 (15:11):

So I think the biggest thing to take away from this is we need to talk to our kids and it goes along with us having the conversation and helping them to be mature in what they do. And as a mom that has raised three kids. And if you know my history, you know, that they all got introduced to phones at different stages because of how far apart they are. And so I saw the impact of that being different on each one of them, but I've also walked the path of choosing to course correct, and redirect what we did and take it completely away and then wait for a maturity level to come about before I let to that freedom out more so than I was doing. So I have seen that there is a maturity that happens. So when a kid has a free range, phone and access to social media or whatever at younger ages, they just don't have that judgment capability there that they will have when they get older.

Speaker 1 (16:16):

And it always has an addictive tendency. So I just think that it's our responsibility to have that conversation and be proactive with making them aware of what this is, that it has a name and that it's not okay to do it in. There can be legal ramifications. And they find that kids that are being bullied have a higher incidence of suicide, anxiety, depression, those types of things. So it comes back to communication with our kiddos and making sure we are very proactive in this space. The other thing is too, if you are giving them a full phone, putting bark on it. So you know what their activity is, you don't have to wonder. And in another episode, I'm going to talk about some of the signs that you can look for. And again, I'm a mom that is just passionate about helping other moms in this space.

Speaker 1 (17:09):

I have no expertise as far as like a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have walked this path. And sometimes I think that, you know, when we are looking for advice, at least for me, I couldn't take it from someone who wasn't walking my same path. And so it's always my goal to give you that viewpoint. But I also want you to make sure you reach out to an expert. If you feel like you were in over your head as always, okay. I say that all the time. And so I hope you understand that there's no guilt in that. There's no shame in that or anything like that. Okay. So that concludes our episode today. Just being aware of what type of cyber bullying is out there and having that conversation with our kiddo. And if you don't have bark on their phone, get bark on their phone.

Speaker 1 (18:00):

If they don't yet have a full phone, I would delay that if you can use something for the younger kids, like I talk all the time about, and I have links in the show notes for the watches for kids, and then also the dumb smartphones. They are a gift to us moms to have those things. And if you choose a pinwheel phone, you have complete control over when they can use that and how they use it, what apps they have on it. And you can put bark on it. So in places like the text messages, it can help you monitor so that it will pick up on conversations and alert you. So you can take a closer look and see if it's something that you need to be concerned about. All of those tools out there are such a gift right now. So if you aren't utilizing them, please check out my show notes and grab my discount codes and get them in place. They are part of your village that will help you to navigate this. Okay? So that's it for today. I will stop my rambling on and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (19:05):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (19:19):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.

How and when should we pull back on screens? This episode discusses a few things you can use to evaluate this & one fun way to spin that positively! 

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Busy Kid: https://busykid.com/

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)

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MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So it's no doubt that screen use affects our kiddos. And sometimes we allow it more than we want to, right. Life gets busy and we just allow more time in, it becomes a very slippery slope. And before we know it, we're seeing that maybe that's not the best positive influence. So how do we know when we need to reel it in? What are the warning signs for that? And then what are some things that we can do to make it a positive twist? When we are trying to instill our preferences and our boundaries for screen time and screen use in general, that's what we're going to chat about today. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:45):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:10):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Alrighty, so welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast. I was looking yesterday, I was working on my be that mom movement method course, and I was looking through my podcast to see a certain topic that is going to be discussed in one of the modules.

Speaker 1 (02:02):

And as I was looking, I noticed the stats for the podcast on how many downloads I'm getting each month, where they are in the world. And then the total number of downloads that I've had now, the growth of my podcast has been slower than other podcasts I know of, of other podcast hosts that I know personally. And that's just because I have so many different things that I'm working on in my life definitely have a lot of different passions. So I have not been able to bring on guests like I would like to and be on guests on other shows as much as I would prefer. And then my course has not been out in the world yet. And I want it to be very soon. It has been a passion project for me for nearly a year that I've been working on it. So it seems crazy to think it's been that long, but man, the world has been crazy this past year, but I was looking at that and I'm just blown away by the number of downloads and the number of people that are listening.

Speaker 1 (02:56):

Hopefully you all are listening. You didn't just subscribe. And it's just one of those things that's downloaded to your phone. I do have some podcasts I've subscribed to in the past that I just don't have time to listen to. And therefore they get downloaded and get counted as a download for them. And maybe I'm not listening to them. So maybe all of y'all are not listening. And I am talking to the wind, but if there is one or two people at least out there in the downloads that I'm having every month that is finding this helpful I make, or I believe that this is worth it in the end. At the end of the day, I am not here to promote something to you specifically, except for paying forward. What I have learned, what I have went through with my own family and trying to help you navigate this once I saw the big picture of things and went through some hard, hard, hard days as a mom.

Speaker 1 (03:48):

So I hope at the end of the day that you realize that's what I'm here for. The reason that I bring that up is I was in this group on Facebook. That was about like moms of boys or something like that. And this mom posted about kind of what we're going to talk about today, but she posted about screen time with her kid and she felt like, you know, she's just like lost him and it's hopeless and all of this. And so I commented on that post and said, you know, just some of my experiences and what I recommend. And then I commented that I had a podcast. Well, my posts got deleted by the people that run that group because they said that there can be no self-promotion honestly I can understand that how that could get out of hand if people are coming in and be like here, buy this, buy this, do this.

Speaker 1 (04:34):

But honestly, I, I really took time to comment from the heart to tell that mom that I had been there and that same exact spot is her and what I had done. And then they just deleted it because I mentioned that I have a podcast that I am paying forward the stuff, and I would do this completely for free. So it's not about whether or not you are using my affiliate links to subscribe to bark or pinwheel or any of that. I am providing that and hopefully passing on a discount for you because I know how hard it can be. But at the end of the day, I do this regardless of that. And so it kind of hurt me a little bit, that that group was all about, oh, we'll offer help, but don't offer help. So I get it, you know, I get it on the one hand, but I was really kind of offended by that.

Speaker 1 (05:18):

So I just wanted to bring that up, that I am here for that mom that finds her in the place that I was or for that mom that is not wanting to get where I was. And I hope that you know, that I hope that you feel that from my heart, the topics that I bring up are things that I'm seeing out in the world that are relevant, that I've been through. And that I just don't want you to take the hard road that I did. Not that you can't still get through it, but things are ever changing in this digital world. So we really have to be proactive and all of that. And you know, if you've listened to any number of my podcasts, I am like preaching to the choir right now. But if you're new to my podcast, I just want to say that I am here provide you, I can't speak, ride you with some nuggets to help you on this path.

Speaker 1 (06:02):

Yours will look different than mine, but at the end of the day, my goal is for you to help guide your kid through this and to not just leave them out in that big, vast, deep blue sea of all the digital things and whether you realize it or not, they are being impacted and influenced by the things that they see and consume and things that may try to get in touch with them, that type of thing. So not trying to be doom and gloom or scary or any of that, but I truly am just here to provide you tools and all of those things. Okay. So let's get to today's topic. So what I want to talk about today is when should you be concerned with screen time or, you know, like the effect of them being on some type of digital stimulation and like, what are the warning signs for that?

Speaker 1 (06:51):

And then what are some positive ways that we can kind of turn that around to where it's not just a negative, these are your restrictions. You better abide by this, or I'm going to take it away. Some kids need that, but I think there's a couple of things that are pretty exciting that I was looking at today that I, if I wish that when my kids were younger, that I would have had these things, I actually think they are like kind of vital to the raising of our kids and a huge missing piece in their education if we have them in a traditional educational setting. So I'm excited to kind of talk about this stuff today. So let's talk about when you are allowing your kid on screens. Of course, you've probably heard me say this before, but it's best to have it set up to where you have some control over that in terms of where they consume those things and for how long, but let's say you have kind of let them have free reign because they've, you know, been doing good and life's crazy and you're busy with work and those types of things.

Speaker 1 (07:50):

And you've just kind of let that go. And you notice that some things maybe you need to, Hmm, maybe you need to do something, but you're not sure, right. Or you're at the point to where it's obvious that there's something that you need to do, but you don't know what to do. So I was researching this and I found a psychologist's page, but where she was talking about four phases or four categories that kids can fall in in terms of the influence of digital things and where they fall determines what your next action should be. So before I go into those four kind of categories, I want to just say that when I was going through this, when we were really kind of having some issues and I didn't have any inkling of an idea of how to manage all of the things we did, some trial runs of just some restrictions and pulling back on how much was allowed.

Speaker 1 (08:49):

And it became very obvious, very quickly that wasn't going to be enough that we needed to more drastic. And then it came to a point to where it was blatantly obvious that something had to change. And that's when we pulled completely away from all the digital things for a period of time. And I don't think there's a right or wrong with this. I think this is something where you have to use your own judgment. So let's talk about the four categories. So the first one is healthy functioning, and this is where digital media is used as a tool to reach a desired goal. This is where there is limited use of entertainment and social media on digital things. This is where they have healthy mood fluctuations, which sometimes those are kind of hard to gauge because you know, the whole preteen and teen thing, things can just naturally be dramatic.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

This is where there's no screen use two hours before they go to bed and comfortable interacting socially with other kids in person they're physically and socially active, they engage in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. Their social interactions are primarily face-to-face and they have consistent performance in the things that they are involved in, in their lives, whether it be school, whether it be sports, whether it be some type of outside the home activity, that's the healthy functioning category. Now the next one, this psychologist terms it reactive or common distress category. So this is where digital media is used to relieve distress on occasion, increasing use of entertainment, video games, and social media is occurring. At times they may be irritable and impatient. They use the screen right up to going to sleep. They have some discomfort interacting socially out in the world, and they have decreased physical and social activity because they are using the screens more.

Speaker 1 (10:51):

They have limited engagement in a wide variety of hobbies and activities. They have less face-to-face social interaction and they have inconsistent academic or work performance. So if you decided to go ahead and give a phone or give an X-Box, and now you were kind of seeing some of these creep in, those are kind of like red flags or warning signs for you that maybe we need to look at. Dolly's be that mom movement method course if I had it out yet, or just look for some way to kind of pull back from things that was kind of a spontaneous little plug there, but truly, um, that's just one option out there, but now let's go to the third category. This is called impairment in functioning. So this is where digital media is used most of the day for extended periods of time. We'll look at a combination of things in terms of their activity and how much they're consuming.

Speaker 1 (11:48):

So it doesn't mean just sitting in front of one thing. It may mean a phone, a computer, an Xbox, that type of thing. This is preoccupation with entertainment, video games and social media. They may have a depressed mood, anxiety, or anger. They may have trouble sleeping and seem tired all of the time. They have a breakdown and healthy relationships. They are physically deconditioned, likely overweight or even underweight because they're not eating enough or eating junk infrequent, social involvement, limited face to face social interaction, and then academic failure or employment difficulties. Okay. So, and let's go to the fourth one and then I'll say what I was just going to say. So the fourth one is distress and persistent impairment. So this is significant difficulty managing digital media use limited non-virtual pursuits, significant emotional difficulty, sleep deprived breakdown, and healthy relationships, physical health problems, limited social involvement, infrequent face-to-face social interaction and suicidal thoughts, intent or behavior.

Speaker 1 (13:01):

So I think that we can have kids that wax and wane between these different categories. And if your kiddo falls into that third or that fourth one, I would definitely take a serious look at what's going on and try to come up with a game plan. This psychologist that created this chart actually says that that third and the fourth one that you may want to consider professional care. Now I will tell you that there is no shame in seeking outside help. And I hope you know, that we sought outside help for a brief period of time when it became too big for us. So if you have gotten to the point to where your child is not functioning out in the world, and you were seeing some of these warning signs, please, please, please seek outside help. If you feel like it is too big for you to handle.

Speaker 1 (13:51):

And that is completely fine completely. Okay. I know there's a social stigma around that. And a lot of times there are reasons to feel ashamed for that. And I did, I truly did by sitting on the other side of it, it was one of the best things we could do to get an outsider, to help us navigate it. Okay. So that got me a little choked up thinking about it and taking me back to that time for us. So now that we've talked about these different categories and we've thought about, I'm sorry, I should have turned off notifications on my computer here. Now that we talked about where your kid might lie in those, I would consider what to do next. So if you feel like they are leaning into the second or the third, or even the fourth category at times, then there's different ways that you can do this and it's going to be completely up to you.

Speaker 1 (14:46):

But what I recommend as you communicate your concerns with your kiddo, as well as your expectations for use, and you can do a trial run of that and see how that goes. Or if it's already been something you've tried to implement some sort of boundaries, think about making a verbal or written agreement as to, you know, the consumption of there things, other expectations that you have for them, such as things that they do around the house every day or every week, those types of things. And then also, like I said before, if you feel that it's bad enough, sometimes what is necessary is a cold Turkey detox. Like you cut off the digital world completely. If you haven't listened to my episodes that talk about the effects on the brain and gaming addiction and all of the things that are happening, just having that knowledge, that this is not, it's kind of like, this is not your kid that is necessarily doing this.

Speaker 1 (15:46):

This is in very intricately designed system that is there to addict us and draw us in and make us push aside the other things in life that are important to us when you realize that, and you realize that it's basically kind of like your kid's brain on drugs, so to speak, it makes it, it almost empowers you a little bit to realize, okay, I didn't fail here. I shouldn't be feeling shame as a parent, those types of things, which I felt all of those things. When you realize that these things are designed to suck them in, it is empowering. At least it was for me to realize that, okay, okay, like we're here. You know, and we're in this situation with their school and their friends and all of the things, because this entity of digital things is designed to do this to my kid and to me, to all of us, right?

Speaker 1 (16:41):

So a cold Turkey detox will likely produce what I call a preteen or teen tantrum if they have been allowed to be on, on the things a lot, because their brain goes through a physiological chemical withdrawal. I'm no expert in that area. But from what I have read and studied about from experts, people that are experts in the area, there is a withdrawal that goes there. They will think that their world has ended, whether it's because they've been on social media or because they're spending a ton of time on a gaming platform, the brain truly goes through a detox, boredom, like not having anything else to do and not knowing what to do with themselves. We'll see more intense. And they truly do go through withdrawal my recommendation for that. If you go down that route, besides getting outside help, if need be is, stand your ground, do not cave in to the tantrum.

Speaker 1 (17:36):

Trust me, it passes. And it's a beautiful thing when you get to the other side, because you will see that child that you had before you introduced all the digital things. And didn't really know that they were to have the impact they had. You will see them coming back. It's almost like, oh, wow, where have you been? And old interest resurface, new curiosity comes. And it's a beautiful thing, but it's painful and it's painful. And it is not fun depending on how much time they have been allowed to be on the screens. Okay. So that is where I would try to course correct redirect. And that's just going to be up to you and your decision in how that, and what that looks like for you. But what I want to talk about now to indoubt this episode is to talk about some things that are out there that are kind of cool to enforce positive responsibility in their lives.

Speaker 1 (18:37):

Some people call them, you know, like chores, but I think chores has kind of a connotation of being negative or being work. And maybe they need to have that, you know, need to know while there is work in life. But what I want to talk about is just kind of like teaching responsibility in terms of expectations that you expect with things that they do around the house. And also some things that are out there, apps and different programs and things that you can use to help them at the same time, learn how to manage money and learn how to earn the money. So I want to talk about, let me flip over here on my computer. So if you haven't heard about these, of course, you can just do traditional list of chores or responsibilities on your refrigerator, on a calendar, those types of things, but these things kind of make it fun.

Speaker 1 (19:28):

And I will tell you that with my kids being older teens, this is one place that I did not provide enough guidance with in terms of managing money, earning money, saving money, those types of things. And this is something that you can utilize from, like, if you have a local bank or credit union, they likely have a program like this, but these things are kind of cool too. So the things that I'm talking about, there's one called go Henry, and then another one called rooster money. And then another one called busy kid. So it, and I think these can be used for any age. So if you have a teenager that you're trying to redirect and ensure that they are being responsible and stuff, this is certainly something you can use for them. So I'm just kind of looking at their websites, go Henry. And all of these are kind of have a combination.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

There's also the green light card, which I think has similar things. And I've done an episode on the Greenlight card too, but go Henry and I am I not on the main page here go Henry and then rooster money and busy kid. I think they all have a combination of where you can have a card or some, one of them at least has, or you can just do the app and where they earn money, and then you can give it to them or they have where you can choose to get a debit card. So if you have a younger kid, you could use one of these apps just where, you know, they check off when they do certain things and then you give them money that way. Or you can actually set it up to where they earn money on a card that you have.

Speaker 1 (21:05):

And then like rooster money has a virtual money tracker. And it also has a chore tracker. So this is just something that I thought was really cool to talk about in terms of kind of giving them a visual of, and you know, what, with them, all the kids being so digital, now this would give them like a visual of things that they need to do. It also teaches them responsibility and earning their reward of spending time on whatever the digital things are and just giving them a place to work towards things. I tried to do this when my kids were little and it's funny because one of them was like, it's okay. I don't need money. Like, I'm not going to do any chores because I don't need money. I'm good with sitting here with no money. And then another one was so gung ho about money that I couldn't afford the child.

Speaker 1 (22:05):

Like they were like, I'll do the dishes. I will sweep. I will vacuum. I'm going to clean the bathroom now. And like little entrepreneur earning all the money, except I didn't have enough money to pay the kid. So your kid can fall all along that spectrum. But I saw one parent in one discussion that I was looking at said that what they did was they had a kiddo that was like that, where they made non-negotiable chores that they had to do. And some lists like brushing your teeth and those types of things. I think those can be something for a little kid, but personally, I'm not one that's going to be rewarding a kid for doing something that they need to be doing every day anyway, you know, brushing your teeth and taking a bath. Those types of things are just like, to me, there are things that you do because you're a human being and you need to have clean teeth and a clean body.

Speaker 1 (22:55):

Right. But that's totally your call anyway. But that parent said that she put the non-negotiable chores that they had to help with. And then the extra one. So non-negotiable could be like doing the dishes and making their bed, those types of things. And then the bonus ones like helping to rake leaves or helping mow the grass or helping with washing the car, those types of things. So my point in bringing this up is that I think you can be really innovative with this in terms of giving them incentives that make it fun and also teach them responsibility while also teaching them how to manage money. And I think that managing money is a crucial piece that personally I think is forgotten in our formal education system. And maybe that's because we need to be teaching it as parents. We can't make everything fall back onto the education system.

Speaker 1 (23:51):

Although I do think there's a lot of things there that could be taken out and more life skills could be put in there in their place. Some things I just don't think are necessary for our kids to be spending time on if they're not spending time on things about living healthy, healthy habits and managing money and how to, you know, just live out in the world in that not every kid needs to go to a four-year college, that some it's more appropriate to go to tech school, all of that stuff, but that's a whole nother topic. My point with bringing this up is just for you to check these things out as a way to make it fun. And as a way to teach responsibility while helping them learn how to manage money and just how to be a responsible person in the world and not go into major debt and all of that.

Speaker 1 (24:36):

So I hope that you will check those out, go, Henry is@gohenry.com. And by the way, I have no affiliation with any of these. My kids are older or managing their money in their own accounts. So I don't have an account with these, but I read through some different discussions of different parents that are using them. And these were their top three that were mentioned and that they raved about. So there's goHenry@gohenrydotcomandthenroostermoney.com. And then the last one is busy kid.com. So all of them look really cool. And like I've said before, I wish I could go back in time with some of this stuff to when my kids were younger. It sure would've made things simpler for me, but in the end, our path is our path for a reason. And I always have said that that whatever struggles we've had are there to create our strength.

Speaker 1 (25:29):

And I believe that we all have a path to leave in this world, a path to lead in this world. And this just happens to be mine, that we didn't have all of these cool tools and things to help me out in this whole new digital realm of parenting is just a new thing out there. And we kind of took the hard road, but I surely hope that even one of my podcast episodes will help you in some way so that your kiddos will not have to take that same hard road and we'll stay safe in the world. Wow. What happened with my voice there? And we'll stay safe out in the world and we'll grow up to be healthy and prosperous individuals that know the beauty of the world and to the gifts that they have to offer the world so that, you know, we can just live in a healthy and balanced world for our futures.

Speaker 1 (26:25):

That was a little bit of my soap box there too. So I hope you found this episode helpful. I say that every single time, but I truly, truly do. If you can, if you have been listening and you find this helpful, leave me a review in whatever app you were listening to me through, that helps me to rank higher and to get pushed out into the suggestions for people looking for similar content. And that is my major mission is to get into the ears of more moms and to help you be proactive in this space and be that mom that is going to be a guide for your kid so that these, all of these digital influences do not become a negative trajectory for them. It is absolutely possible for us to raise kids in this digital world. And co-exist with all these digital things, without them influencing them negatively. I seriously can't talk today negatively. And you know, just not being able to find a healthy balance with the things. So thanks again for tuning in and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (27:36):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (27:50):

Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10, four.

This episode features an interview with Nicole Rawson, the founder of Screentime Clinic, a coaching network to help families navigate all the digital things, and the author of the book, Screen Smart Sam Battles the Bad Habit Monsters. Nicole is the mom of two teens, and has walked the walk of learning the hard way on how screens impact our kids, as so many of us in this space have done.

You can find more info about her and her mission as well as purchase the book at https://screensmartfamilies.org/  or on Amazon HERE. 

DIGITAL WELLNESS SUMMIT: LIVE SEPT 25 & 26, 2021 GRAB YOUR TICKET HERE!!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

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Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

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Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

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Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So as we know the influence of the digital things starts at any age that we put a device in the hands of a child. So today's episode is going to highlight a friend of mine who is on the same mission as me, for helping moms and families to navigate this world of so many interconnected, digital things. Stay tuned for an interview with Nicole Rawson, from Screentime clinic and the author of the book screen smart Sam battles, the bad habit monsters stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:38):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:04):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So before we get started with chatting with Nicole, I just want to give you a heads up that there's only link in the show notes for accessing the digital wellness education summit. This is going to go live on September 25th, and there are different versions of tickets that you can purchase, where you can access the content in real time. Or you can have an all access pass in order to listen to it at a later time and in different versions.

Speaker 1 (01:56):

So please check this out. If you're a parent, if you're an educator, if you have any interaction with children, you have to get this information and listen to it and take it to heart because our children are our future and the digital things absolutely do have an impact. And as long as we are staying on the forefront of awareness and working together in our village to surround our children and move forward as things evolve and change and ever changing influence on our kids, we need to have this information at our fingertips. So check out the link in the show notes for the digital wellness education summit. It is an amazing resource that I want you to have access to. I am not the only speaker in it. There are, I believe, 13 of us plus the two co-hosts. And it's just a great resource for you to have, and to be able to kind of wrap your mind around all of the things digital and how it's influencing our children.

Speaker 1 (02:49):

So please check that out in the show notes. Okay. So today we're going to get rolling on an interview that I did with Nicole Ross and she is the founder of screen-time clinic. She is a former teacher and has two children that are in upper teenage years. She has walked this path very similar to mine where we kind of didn't know what was going on. We saw the influence of things, and we decided to turn our struggle into strength and offer this gift back to the world. So I hope you enjoy this interview I had with Nicole and that you find this helpful and that you will get this book as a resource for you and your kids or someone, you know, in your life that is having kids or has grandkids, whatever it may be. If you have kids, you need this book. Okay. So let's check it out. So today we have Nicole and she is the author as screen smart Sam battles, the bad habit monsters. And so I just wanted to talk to her today and introduce her to all of you so that you can learn more about what she has to offer and this amazing book that she has written. So thanks so much for joining me today. I am so glad that you're here.

Speaker 3 (03:51):

Oh, thanks for having me on. This was really fun to talk and I love your podcast. Thanks for all you do for getting the information out there to everybody.

Speaker 1 (04:00):

Yes. Like we both kind of went through this whole struggle and brought us to this same place with our kiddos and stuff. So I know you kind of have a similar background as me, so for everybody that's listening. Tell me more about you and what brought you to be working in this similar spaces? Me, yeah,

Speaker 3 (04:16):

I'm a former middle and high school teacher and I also have two now 17 and 18 year old boys. So mine is kind of a mix of seeing what's happening in the classroom. And also I got involved in interested in digital wellness and gaming addiction and, you know, the psychology behind all of that because of my own children. So that's what really inspired me to take a deep dive and research because in San Diego, there really weren't any specialists. And still even today, there's a waitlist for a rehab center for gaming addiction that has 300 people. And yet there's still not enough psychologists to help parents create these habits. So I just really wanted to create resources to help parents and have something. And the earlier the better that's kind of where the book came from. Then after I founded the company screen- time clinic to help parents, parent coaches, helping parents reach their goals. And yeah, so it's been a good journey. Wow.

Speaker 1 (05:16):

So you definitely have similar experiences as me with the gaming addiction and all of that stuff. And I didn't know that about the waiting list, so that's quite interesting, but I can totally see that that's such an issue.

Speaker 3 (05:27):

Yeah. And it's too bad that it gets to that point where then, you know, you have 17 and 18 and 19 and 20 year olds that are really failing in life because of the gaming habit and just not flourishing doing their best or just really having problematic behaviors. And, you know, my whole goal now, my mission in life is to prevent that and really start very early talking about it and the risks, because I still run into parents that say what video games are addictive, prove it. Okay.

Speaker 1 (05:59):

Yes. I totally see that too. And I do think like that's one thing that I've talked about recently on some of my other episodes is just how much believe that all these digital distractions and addictions to the games and different things basically like divert their development to where it's, it's kind of almost stopping it. So they're not moving on and in development in life and gaining independence and interests in the outside world and careers and all of that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:26):

Yes. At the very least it's preventing them from reaching all those other potentials. And honestly, the more we researched, the more I talk with experts, it really does change the brain chemistry and has long-term effects by only using that one part of your brain for so much time fixated on the games, thinking about them, talking about them, playing them. So with screen smart, Sam, the book it's meant for elementary school kids any age, honestly, it would be a great gift for a new parent, even just to talk about it and to like have that in the back of your mind, that we don't need to give our children video games to make them happy. There's other ways to spark joy and interest. And, you know, if you do, it has to be really tightly monitored because a lot of kids are at high risk for gaming addiction.

Speaker 3 (07:17):

If they meet a whole host of certain criteria, including autism, spectrum, male, gender, premature birth, any sort of behavior disorders, learning disorders, they're at extra risk. So even though it may look like it's helping them, it really creates a lot of dysfunction and screen smart. Sam talks about the different ways to really keep that in check. And we're not anti tech, but it just is to have healthy habits. And for parents to read the book and see, you know, what are some ways that we can make change in the home to set our kids up for success? When they're little,

Speaker 1 (07:53):

I love the, a bad habit monster. Like I was reading through it this morning as I was getting ready for us talking today. And I was like, oh my God, I love this. It's like all the things that we walked through and didn't know that we had this common ground among all of us with this, you know, all that, all of us that I call it a new realm of parenting. And basically we were like the first generation of parents to walk through it with no guidance and no clue what was happening to our children until damage had been done. And now we have this whole generation of parents that are doing this and this space to help educate the next generation, but the bad habit monster, and all of that was just it's. It's so cute. And how you illustrate it and talk about it

Speaker 3 (08:37):

Because it is, you know, it's a, it's a draw. It's something that kids want to do. And once they start it, they're always going to be drawn to it. Unless, you know, kids don't have, and teens don't have that self- regulation ability just to stand up and say, Nope, I'm not going to do it. It's not good for me. I'm just going to walk away. It's, it's something that they will always be drawn to, even if they know they shouldn't. And there are parameters it's like that little monkey on your back that once it started, it's hard to stop. Yes. Like all the other tasty things in life that we ended up doing.

Speaker 1 (09:13):

Exactly. So the book is geared more toward parents of younger.

Speaker 3 (09:19):

Yes. Yes. And it's meant to be code red. It's a parent engagement tool to talk with your children about, you know, we have parents of toddlers reading it. You can see on our Instagram page, screen, smart Sam ways to actively read with your toddler, that you don't have to read word for word, that you're looking at the pictures and talking about healthy habits, just like green light foods and red light foods like screens or red light. We try to avoid them. And then, you know, fourth and fifth graders, those are the ones that can read the book themselves more and internalize the message a little bit more and do some worksheets and really think about how they can make those changes with their parents and why it's necessary. Okay.

Speaker 1 (10:04):

So to get those other resources, I think it says it at the front of the book, right? As it's screened smartfamilies.org.

Speaker 3 (10:10):

Yes. Yep. There's a whole website just dedicated to the book. And we've had a lot of sponsors that have made it possible to donate books to schools. So the teachers can use them in their classrooms that way, but parents are welcome to order their own copy there and there's worksheets and just screen-free ideas and a whole lot of other books on that topic also.

Speaker 1 (10:33):

So this sounds amazing. And it's like, I think it's, so I feel like the middle school years are so critical when parents are unknowingly giving the smartphone they're giving into that pressure and social pressure. But like we've talked about before this influence starts young. Any time we put a digital device in their hands. So this is kind of gearing toward a little bit younger ages up to those years of giving this the phone. So

Speaker 3 (10:59):

Exactly. Cause kids are so persistent and persuasive and little, little kids, they want phones and they want to be on screens. And it, it just speaks to how stimulating the younger the child is. The more they're stimulated by media, whether it's TV, media, or iPad media, the bigger the screen, the closer the screen, the more interactive the screen. So children are really, really drawn to it. And then it just kind of gets the parents in this loop of technology that they don't even realize is problematic until like middle school, when grades start coming in and they're sweet kids, you know, aren't able to make B's and A's.

Speaker 1 (11:41):

Yep, definitely. And then another thing is like, we, I know when my kids were younger in the first smartphones came out and I first had an iPhone, there was this tendency, you know, when you had to get things done around the house, just give them the phone to play with, you know? Yeah. And I had no idea that there would be any influence there. And I'd imagine like, if there's, if you're only giving it a short period of time, then not necessarily anything to worry about, but it's that making it, the babysitter type thing that we tend to get into to where, you know, it's becoming more and more and they're spending more and more time on it. Right.

Speaker 3 (12:12):

It really counteracts your intentions. It's not worth the babysitting short-term solution to have a really long-term addiction problem potentially going on, especially depending on the child and their needs. So, yeah. And you know what I love about the book that it just takes the pressure off of mom's parents. Like you're not crazy. Look in the book, like screen smart. Sam is having a problem with screens and too much time. This is what's going to happen. And it's not just like, you're a crazy person. Like mom, why can't I have a screen? Like everybody else is doing it. Literally all my friends have it. It's a great way, you know, to show kids like, no, actually this is what could happen. And you don't want to be like screened dumb Sam.

Speaker 1 (13:00):

I love that because we take so much of the burden on like my podcast being that mom has such a negative connotation and that's my movement is to try to turn around that connotation and make it a positive. So this is a way for us to take some of the pressure off of us. Right, right, right,

Speaker 3 (13:17):

Right. I didn't want an email. I screened dumb Sam, you know, fines finds the light at the end of the tunnel, but

Speaker 1 (13:26): Wow. That's awesome.

Speaker 3 (13:27):

Yeah. It's a great story. And certainly there's 16 different aspects of screen time that it actually covers and 16 different solutions. So even though it's your standard, 32 page children's book, it really has a lot of information in it that I think parents will love to consider when they are raising their children.

Speaker 1 (13:50):

Yes. I think it is so awesome. So that's, I'm so glad that you were able to come on today. So when they want to get the book, they can go to screen smart families.org. And then is it also it's available on Amazon, right?

Speaker 3 (14:01):

Yeah. It's available on Amazon Barnes, noble target pretty much anywhere can order books and yeah.

There's links on screen-time clinic too. We have that website and it's everywhere.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

Okay. That was the other thing I was going to ask you is tell me more about how they connect with you. In addition, I know you do more than just this book. So tell me more about what you do screen time clinic and all of that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:25):

The screen time clinic is actually there to help parents. Once maybe you read a book like this and think, oh my goodness. Like, I don't even know where to start. I had no idea because there's so much information on the internet and there's so many books. I mean, it is just very time intensive to make yourself an expert in this area and really figure out what is going to work for your family and your particular situation. Because honestly, I was a single mom raising my kids most of the time. And, you know, we thought my son was on the autism spectrum, turns out it was just gaming addiction, but there's all sorts of things to consider. And at Screentime clinic, we have a network of coaches and you're one of them that people can choose from to connect with and really sit down and make a plan and talk through how are we going to handle screens in our home. And having a family media plan is really essential because these years go by so quick and you know, week by week, you just don't want it to take you by surprise it's way better to plan or make a new plan. It's never too late to start planning to.

Speaker 1 (15:33):

Awesome. Thank you so much for having all of that service. And I'm so glad that we connected. You actually reached out to me, I think on Instagram a couple months ago, but I'm so glad that we've connected and I appreciate you inviting me to be a part of your world and all that that you offer because this is a team effort. And what I like to always say, we have to have like a village in order to raise kids.

Speaker 3 (15:54): Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

Thanks so much for being a part of the village.

Speaker 3 (15:58):

You're welcome. Nice to partner and teamwork with you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:03):

Yes. Okay. Well, thanks so much for joining me today and I will put links in the show notes so that

people can get in touch with you and get in touch with this, getting your book in their hands. Very good.

Speaker 3 (16:13): Thank you. Okay.

Speaker 2 (16:18):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (16:32):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it.

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

School is back in session for a lot of our kiddos. So that means that it is time for a tune-up when it comes to all the digital things, just to make sure that we have all of our ducks in a row and don't have too, too many headaches as we roll into this new school year and all the hecticness that comes with that. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:24):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 3 (00:49):

He friends do, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use it is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Speaker 1 (01:24):

So thank you so much for tuning in today. I just want to say a real quick, thank you for those of you that have reached out to me with your condolences on my little brother's passing. I mentioned that in my last episode, if you didn't catch that he died in a tragic freak accident on August 9th. And so things have kind of been weird. He and I did not grow up in the same household, but we stayed close through the years, always communicating. And so it's just kind of weird to all of a sudden have him gone. You know, I took advantage of that, the idea that I would always have him there. So it's been weird to kind of walk through the grief around this because it was so sudden he was so young and I've lost grandparents before. But other than that, I've never lost anyone close to me like this, a sibling, especially.

Speaker 1 (02:12):

And so it's been weird. It's been hard. And then add on all of the craziness that we have going on in the world today with all of the COVID stuff and all of that. And it just really is made for one wild ride the last couple of weeks, but I'm glad to be back here today. I apologize for no episode last week, but I just had to take some mental time off from all of the different things that I am involved in just to get my head on straight again and get refocused. So I am excited today to bring this topic to you about things to think about in terms of tuning up your plan when it comes to the digital things, as we head back into school and all of the hecticness with that. So I have 10 tips that I want to go over with.

Speaker 1 (02:56):

You take them as you may, for what you will be helpful for you and your family, but just use these as starting points for you in order to figure out what to do so that you don't go nuts when it comes to managing this amongst all the other stress in your life, in your career, in all of the different things that you have going on. Okay. So number one tip is to look at parental controls on your kids' devices to limit distractions and have a starting place for how you're monitoring. So if you've been with me for a while, you've heard me say it over and over again, but if you haven't and if you happen to be new here, welcome number one, the be that mom community in the be that mom movement is what I hope to be a place that is safe for you to explore.

Speaker 1 (03:46):

I can't talk to explore how to be proactive in your kid's life with all the digital things and it not to have a negative connotation, but yet a place where you and your child and your family can walk together down this path, knowing that this is not going away. There's really no way to avoid it, and it can have an impact on their development and their health and all of that. And so it is important for us to be a proactive that mom that is strong in walking this path. So welcome if this is your first time listening. But the first thing that I would do is have parental controls. If they do have a smartphone and kind of access to the world through the digital things, have parental controls in place. If you're not familiar with those, the number one thing that I recommend is bark.

Speaker 1 (04:34):

If they have a smartphone or a pinwheel phone, it is a parental control system that is set up and monitored to monitor keywords and pick up on conversations and things to help alert you on what their activity is, but it is not completely all in their business all of the time. So it gives them some space while giving you some peace of mind. So it is a godsend when it comes to helping us navigate this. Now, if you are not in the U S which I know quite a few of my listeners are in other countries, I have done some episodes on some alternatives to bark. I believe it's available in Canada tube. I may be wrong on that, just thinking off the top of my head, but there are some other parental control things out there. Bark is the top one that I recommend because it's the one I'm most familiar with and what saved me in my hardest and most difficult days, trying to walk this path before this podcast was born and let me sleep again, because it was kind of like doing the work for me in all of the things that I didn't know I was supposed to be doing.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

It started doing those things for me, and it was just like a breath of fresh air. And I could sleep again, not having to worry in the back of my mind about what I was missing in terms of what activities were going on underneath the radar of what I could keep track of in my busy life and my busy days. So bark is a godsend or any other type of control system that you are aware of where you live, something that you can put onto their phone that will help you to monitor because there's absolutely no way for you to be able to keep track of everything. They delete messages. There are disappearing features on a lot of things. They're savvy, there's apps that hide things. They're just all kinds of things they're in. It is so hard to keep up with it. And another thing is, if you are new here, go back through my episodes.

Speaker 1 (06:23):

I have an episode that talks about the apps that they can use to hide things. And then I do talk about some of the other parental controls and numerous other things just on this one single topic. So please go back and listen to those. If you're wanting more insight on all of the things with that. The other thing that goes along with that is using, even if you don't have bark where you live using Barco MADEC, and I'll put the link in the show notes for that to access the show notes, you just swipe up on the screen of your phone, and that should give you the links. But Barco MADEC is a thing that bark made where you can go in and put in what devices they have, like what type of phone they have, what gaming consoles they're using, what movie streaming platforms you're allowing them to use, what apps they have, what games they have, all of the different things.

Speaker 1 (07:12):

And then it gives you an emailed template of setups for each one of those things. It is amazing because, you know, can you hear, imagine trying to figure out how to navigate roadblocks, how to set up the screen time controls on your iPhone, how to navigate through Fortnite and all the different things. Everything is different. There's so much out there. So Barca MADEC is something you can use that will be customized to you and your situation. And you can just go down the line and tune up what you have set up for them in each one of those things that you have decided that you were going to allow them to have access to. Okay. So that's the number one tip number two is to have a contract, some type of digital or tech contract with your kiddo. This can be as simple as you are going to have access to this from this time to this time each day, and all new apps need to be approved through me.

Speaker 1 (08:09):

You know, something that's simple, or you can go into much more detail about when they can use it, where they can use it, who they can talk to, if they can contact someone that you aren't aware of who that person is, all of those things. Okay. And again, I have multiple episodes that talk about some of these things and why it is important to know who they're contacting and all of the places that it's best to not have phone access allowed to be in like privately in a bedroom, all those types of things. Okay. So some type of tech or digital contract with them, it can be written. It can be verbal, whatever you feel is best. Okay. And then number three is I highly recommend that you connect with other parents of the kids, that your friends, your kids have, make a connection there, exchange phone numbers, discuss their viewpoint or their plan or policy or lack thereof of tech in their homes.

Speaker 1 (09:06):

If you're going to allow your kid to go there also perhaps open up a conversation, share my podcast, if that would be easier, but open up a conversation about all of the dangers you're aware of. If they're giving unfettered access to Snapchat, and you're aware of the risks in that, maybe just open up a conversation and discuss, Hey, I heard about this kid that was contacted with people trying to sell him drugs. Or I heard about this kid that he was approached on Snapchat and sent these pictures that are inappropriate. You know, those type of things, just open up those conversations. We have to get to a place where there is a common awareness among parents, that there are these inherent risks and the number of middle school kids. And I honestly think the middle school years are like the years where this really needs to be looked at and changed in, you know, just don't give a smartphone to a sixth grader.

Speaker 1 (10:05):

And I don't say that with judgment, if you have done that because I did that, I made all the mistakes, trust me. So when I talk about these things, trust me, I made all these mistakes and I learned the hard way, the very, very painstaking hard way and thought that I was the worst mother in the world for not being aware of these things and having a better handle of it until we were about to fall off the deep end. Right? So I say these things with no judgment, but looking back, I believe that no kiddos should have a smartphone in middle school, give them a pinwheel phone. That is like the best thing out there. If you were in a place where you have a pinwheel phone available, get them one of those or get them a tic talk watch, or now gab has a new watch that has come out.

Speaker 1 (10:51):

There's so many options other than a smartphone where you can still stay connected. They can stay connected with some friends that you have approved, that they can stay connected with all of those things. So we need to open up conversations with other parents and get everybody on the same page that also goes with the school and the teachers and making this something that we spread among everybody and understand that our kids are being influenced and their childhoods are being like hijacked with all of this digital stuff that we're just giving to them. And we think, oh, I just want to be the good mom. I want to be the fun parent. I want to be the one that gives them this stuff. And I just want them to have it. That was me. Okay. So whenever I say that, totally not mimicking, not like mocking you.

Speaker 1 (11:38):

That was me, but we need to open up that conversation. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, a bad thing, a place of conflict with other parents. If we can do it, you know, shoulder to shoulder, we are here to parent our kids together as a village, you know, and I want you as a part of my village so that we can move forward together and make sure that our children have the childhoods that they deserve to have and to have everything in life that they deserve to have in it, to not be hijacked by the digital games in the, just the unmonitored and no boundaries around digital access. Okay. Okay. So number four, you know, I've, I'm so very passionate about this. We have to continue to preserve the real world experiences by having boundaries in place that reduce the inherent temptation addiction, distraction of the devices.

Speaker 1 (12:32):

In of all of the things they're going to be spending their time in school, if you have them in face-to-face brick and mortar school. So they're going to have, hopefully non-digital learning time during school. So when they come home, you may have the propensity to be like, okay, go ahead and play your games. I'm fine. You've been in school all day. You've worked hard, go player games, okay, I've done that, but maybe have some boundaries in place for that to where that doesn't take the place of them going outside and shooting some hoops, riding their bike, playing with other kids in the neighborhood, whatever that looks like for you, reserve that real world experience of interacting with the world and with other people outside of school, because school is about sitting there and doing these things like everybody says to do and sit in the desk and be still and all of that stuff, but they still need play.

Speaker 1 (13:23):

Even as teenagers, they need play. They need time. That is not digital. So preserve those real world experiences by setting up boundaries of when and how long and where they can use those things outside of school. So that they're still doing those other things in life that will, and I have episodes about this too, but that having that in place is so powerful because what you will see if you haven't seen this already is when you allow more of the digital things, they become what I view as kind of addicted. And it'll seep in to their daily choices, their behavior, their attitude, it'll seep into other things of their lives, even if you don't really realize it at first, but when you allow it for longer and longer periods of time, it seeps into all those other things and will affect their sleep. What they're eating, how much they're eating, what choices they make with that, all of the things.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

So it's not benign to just let them have, you know, free reign of playing a game all evening long because they worked hard in school. Just try to set up some boundaries around that. The fifth tip is make time for real world conversations with them. Life is crazy. Life is weird right now. And when it comes to all of the digital things with social media, with not feeling like they're enough with the anxiety that is created by the digital connections and always being connected to something and connected to things in the world. I think that our children are more anxious and more stressed than any generation of children and not just the digital stuff, but with COVID and everything else. So a highly, highly encourage you to make time for real world face-to-face conversations with your kids. And I'm just saying this as a mother, that I try to set aside my digital stuff.

Speaker 1 (15:03):

When my kids are talking to me and really let them know that I'm listening to them, I fail at this sometimes for sure, or I'm distracted or I'm writing, you know, typing something, texting something to somebody, and I'm trying to get it posted or get it sent or whatever. But I try to be more mindful of that. I try to have face-to-face conversations with them and ask them directly how they're doing and what things are going on in the world that are scaring them. And all of that, the sixth tip is to model healthy digital habits. So I kind of said that with the fifth tip, but model healthy digital habits for yourself. So set up boundaries for yourself, set up where you are still doing real-world things for yourself. That is the most powerful thing that our children can see is us being an example in us showing them that we do not need to be on a social media app, or always checking in to see what's going on in other people's highlight reels, put the phone down and have real life experiences with your children and develop digital habits to where you are showing them that it is important to do these other things.

Speaker 1 (16:07):

The seventh tip is something that I mentioned, I think in my last episode, but it is coming up and I am so excited about it. It is called the digital wellness summit. This is something that you can purchase a ticket to. There are different levels of access with the purchase, but it is going to be September 25th and 26th. I am one of the guest speakers for the summit. There are multiple other ones with all sorts of background expertise and what things they are talking about. So regardless of the age of your children and where you're at in the kid raising years, there's something for you in this. So I highly, highly, highly recommend that you check out the digital wellness summit. It will be live September 25th and 26th. I will put links in the show notes for this episode. So swipe up or, you know, slide for that, find the digital, or find the show notes.

Speaker 1 (16:57):

And you can also go to my website@dollydenson.com to find the link for that in my blog post for today's episode, but you can purchase those tickets and then have access to that information. And it's going to be such amazing, valuable information from so many different people or from around the world to their different countries. It's not just where I'm at in the U S so highly, highly recommend. You check that out. They're giving tips on how to manage your life with younger kids and older kids and all different things. So definitely recommend you check that out. The eighth tip I have is some of my free digital wellness downloads from my website. I will link those in the show notes as well. There's a couple of different ones there. I also have discount codes for some of the things that I recommend in there. Highly recommend that you check those things out.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And if you have made a decision that you can see is not working well with your family or your kiddos temperament, all of that, please don't hesitate to course correct what you have done. Reassess, have a conversation with your kid and decide to change things. If you were seeing that that smartphone is not working well with them and their temptation, and they're constantly pushing against boundaries and things, look at one of the options I have listed for the alternatives to a smartphone or set up your layered approach that I talk about where you have multiple ways of monitoring. If you were worried about what they are doing, my ninth tip is something that I'm so excited. It's coming out in the next couple of weeks. I promise you that it is my be that mom movement method course. This is basically going to give you a method, a process, and a ton of tools for you to be able to navigate all the digital things for you to choose which devices are best, how to set them up.

Speaker 1 (18:37):

All. I will have contracts that you can print out to fill out with your kiddo in all sorts of other things, as resources, including all kinds of resources, you can show your kiddo to help them be aware of the dangers that are out there as well as resources of things, to help you. If you are needing more direct help, individual help, such as counselor or different resources that are out there for gaming addiction and other things like that. So this is going to have anything and everything that you need for a resource to help you navigate this digital world. I plan to update this on a regular basis as things change and evolve in our digital world. And so when you invest, you are going to be investing in something that is going to pay you back and help you as you go through these years of raising your kiddo, to be an amazing adult with amazing gifts that will not be stifled by all of the digital things, because you will have this method and all these tools at your fingertips.

Speaker 1 (19:33):

So I highly recommend that. And then the very last tip that I want to tell you about and something I'm so very passionate about. If you've listened to me for any length of time, you've already heard me say this, but I'm so very passionate about our own wellness and healthy habit choices. Each day. I probably have beaten this thing into the ground so many times with how much I mentioned it, but I am a nurse practitioner. I just finished an integrative health practitioner certification to help people to better align their daily choices and habits with their health and their wellness and the health and wellness of their family. So if that is something that you are struggling with, start with the basics, when it comes to your choices, it can be as simple as what you drink, choose water over other things, how much you move your body, how much you sleep, what stress you have in your body, de-stressing from your day, those types of things, and then getting yourself into a fitness and nutrition routine to where you are supporting your body.

Speaker 1 (20:30):

And I promise you when you align this, I can't say it enough through all of the hard things that I've been through with my family, from, you know, in 2019, when I hit a mega rock bottom with raising my kids without any awareness around the dangers of the digital things and really seeing the impact in them and just really feeling like such a horrible parent. And that's where the be that mom movement was born. At that time. A couple years prior, I had already established a routine of working out of eating better of drinking more water. All of those things I had already established that routine for myself. It was solid in terms of when I worked out each day and kind of my little morning routine of getting up and reading something positive and journaling, and doing a little bit of reflection and meditation, that all was solid before I went into that really hard time with my family.

Speaker 1 (21:24):

And that was such a strength for me during that time. And then again, when we started going through all of this stuff in 2020 and 2021, it has been a solid rock for me. And as I have done this more and more while my kids as teenagers were resistant to any of the changes I proposed to make, like things that I, how I cooked things, very resistant to making any change, but over time, they have seen the effect in me and it's had a trickle down effect with them to where now they are all making better choices. They all exercise on most days from the age they were at, it had to be a place of them basically deciding for themselves after seeing me do it, they weren't young enough still where I could tell them do this. And they did it, you know, like they just believed everything.

Speaker 1 (22:14):

I said, I had not gotten that routine in place until they were older. And so in those teenage years, you know, there's no way that you can just tell them things and them trust you they're resistant to anything that you say. And so just modeling that behavior has had a trickle down effect into their lives as well. And it's just been such a solid place of strength for me. And it sounds so weird to say that on one sense, because I used to be an exercise hater and very picky eater, my palette wasn't used to eating vegetables and things, you know, that were more natural from the earth. And it's taken me a while to adjust to that. But it's so weird to think that if you're not in the routine of working out in doing things like that, then you may be listening to me and saying whatever, but I promise you that it's so very powerful.

Speaker 1 (23:06):

Once you start walking that walk and realizing how much control you have within yourself to empower yourself and that when you have your health and you feel energetic and alive and not always like tired and run down and you can't stand how your clothes fit and all of that stuff, when you have that energetic life within you, it helps so many other things I can handle the stresses of being a parent in all of the stresses of all the digital things. I can handle everything so much better because I have my own health and I used to lose my temper a lot. I used to yell a lot. There used to be, you know, I just felt like I was giving my all to these kids. Like they were getting everything of me, all of me, and they didn't appreciate that. And so that would make me so mad because I'm like, I'm giving you everything.

Speaker 1 (23:54):

I'm sacrificing my entire life. And here you are. And you don't even appreciate it when ultimately they're kids. They're not meant to appreciate it, right? That's like their nature. They don't, aren't fully developed in their brain and all of that in order for them to have that appreciation that takes them maturing and growing up to get to that point. So it wasn't their responsibility. And, you know, I couldn't blame them for my health, but I was. But when you can take that back and hold that as you're, you are a mom, but you have this place that yours, when you have that place, it's yours. It is so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect. And so I have to mention that and include that as part of what I hope you will consider as you're going through some of these stressful days ahead as school is back in session COVID is all the mess is still going on.

Speaker 1 (24:47):

And, you know, you're just really trying to navigate all the different things. Don't forget your wellness. Don't forget drinking water every day, getting good quality, sleep, finding a way to reduce your stress when you feel like your stress is high. Even if it's as simple as taking some deep breaths for a few minutes, and then moving your body and getting more deliberate with how you move your body. For me personally, I just don't, I don't enjoy exercise enough to do it all the time without results. I want results. I want to see what I'm that what I'm doing is making a difference. I'm at the point to where I'm not really needing to lose weight, but when I was needing to lose weight, I had to be losing weight, or I was going to quit doing it because I didn't feel like it was something I enjoyed.

Speaker 1 (25:28):

So if you need a place of tools and in a community to help you with that, I have a place for that. I have a place for you that you can join. You have to be in the U S Canada, the UK or France in order to join that. But I have a place that you can join, and it has tons of tools for working out for how you eat or reducing stress, all of that stuff. It is just amazing. And then I have an online community that you can join for extra support there too, just to have a little group of women, that's doing it with you. Okay. So those are the top 10 tips that I have as I sat here. And I thought about what things could help us most as we're going into this school year, and stress is still high around all the things.

Speaker 1 (26:13):

So I hope that you found this helpful. I actually had a lot to say about this didn't I, because we're like going on 30 minutes. So I hope you stayed with me for that whole thing. And I really appreciate you being here. And I'm always very, very grateful for the be that mom movement community. So connect with me. If I can help you in any other way, check out the links for that digital wellness summit. I'm going to put them in the show notes, purchase your ticket. The best value. One is the one that's all access. And then I also will have the links for the free digital wellness downloads from my website. When my course comes out in the next couple of weeks, I will definitely be putting the links up for that. And then if you have any interest in the wellness tools that I use in the fit club that I have, I will put a link for that as well.

Speaker 1 (26:57):

Also, if you need deeper help with wellness and all of that, I'm putting together some options to help on a deeper level. If you're not wanting those fitness and nutrition tools that I use, but want to look more deeply at your mindset and what's holding you back, or if you are needing detox options or a way to kind of get yourself on track with gut health and all of that, I have that coming down the pike too. So stay tuned for all of that. And I will chat with you next time. Thanks so much for joining me today.

Speaker 2 (27:27):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time, either

Speaker 3 (27:41):

Before there you go. I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

As parents we often dread the teen years, but having a plan for the digital things in their pre-teen years can set the stage for a smoother ride through the teens! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So is it the teen years that we need to be dreading? Is there something that we can do to where it makes those years less difficult? That's what we're going to talk about today. And I'm going to give you a few insights from a different perspective that you may not have considered. All right, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:19):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 3 (00:44):

Holy Molly. Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking

Speaker 1 (00:46):

To give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So I was sitting with a friend last night, her and her family came over to our house to swim and spend some time. And we were talking about our children and the maturity stages that they go through. And her children are a little bit younger. At least the set of children are a little bit younger than mine. She has some older ones that are already grown up, and then she's got three younger ones that aren't yet into even the middle school years.

Speaker 1 (01:38):

And then as you probably know, if you've listened to this podcast for any length of time, my kids are teens and older. And so the perspective that we have is a little bit different. She's got some experience with the older ones and some experience with the younger ones. And so we were talking about, oh, the dreaded teen years, you know, my husband asked her how old her daughter was. She said 10. And then we were all kind of like chuckling a little bit under our breath about Ooh, three more years until the teen years, you know, the dreaded years. But as I was sitting there talking to her, I was like, you know, I honestly think that those aren't the hardest years. I think they are complicated in made harder in today's digital age. But I actually think that it is the middle school and even the upper elementary school years that are the place where we really need to be focusing some concerted effort in what we're doing and being mindful around things to set the stage for those teen years so that perhaps they don't have to be as difficult.

Speaker 1 (02:38):

I do think that us as parents in this new realm of parenting in the digital world, we are facing new and unprecedented challenges because of the impact and the influence of allowing our kids into the digital world. And then not really having any guide or like map to follow when it comes to giving things, you know, we was like, we were a part of a massive experiment that's happening over the last two decades as the internet emerged. And then all the digital things emerged, the internet expanded and became more pervasive. And we all thought it was benign, right? At least if you have kids that are my age, we didn't really know the impact or what was going to happen with that. And so it's like, we've been part of a massive experiment. And so if you yourself are listening to this and just trying to get a grasp on things and your kids are younger, like, you know, in the zero to 10 year old range, you have a leg up on this.

Speaker 1 (03:35):

And I would definitely band together with other moms that have older kids and have had their own struggles in this space so that together we can help navigate this better. And so the impact on our children can be in a more positive trajectory for the generations growing up now. So I definitely think if your kids are younger right now, in one sense, it's harder because there's so much more to worry about and it's ever changing and ever evolving. But in the other sense, you have so many more tools at your fingertips. You have a generation of parents that did it the hard way. And so we're here to link arms with you and to help you in this. So that's what I want to talk about today a little bit. So that kinds of sets the stage for what I want to talk about, but when a dial it back for just a second, and then I'm going to give you some tips at the end for just some basic guidelines for you to use or to share with moms that you know, that have younger kids, so that this next generation that's going to go through the middle school years.

Speaker 1 (04:32):

And the teen years will have a little bit more guidance and, you know, a map that they can follow so to speak. So when I was preparing for today's podcast, I was looking for like stats on the influence of a smartphone or the digital things on the middle school years. For me personally, my kids, I do feel like those were the most impactful years because we gave the smart phone at the start of their middle school years. I mean, it typically for most of us, it is that sixth grade year where they're going to be in more activities. They're going to be away from you more. They're going to be with their peers more. They all want to connect with their peers more. I mean, it's just like the age where we have to change how these decisions are made and we have to spread the awareness that they're not benign.

Speaker 1 (05:19):

So I went in search of stats, something that could show me kind of what I'm thinking is true for those years. And I came across this study that was actually of children in Korea. And while I think that different countries have different things and Korea's social setting with their children and their education system can be quite different from other countries. I will tell you that my podcast as a whole, when I look at the stats on where the listeners are from, I have listeners worldwide. And in places I did not ever expect to have someone listening from. So wherever you're listening from, I believe we have a universal struggle that it doesn't matter what culture you're in or what setting you're in. We have a universal struggle when it comes to the digital things and the influence on our children. So I went ahead and looked through this study for Korea.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

Okay. And you know, if you have any experience with looking at studies, you kind of always have to look at what they find, but also the limitations. And is it generalizable? I don't know if that's the correct word, but are you able to take that and put it into other settings and will it still apply? And so while this study might have a few limitations, because the culture in Korea may be different in terms of the approach toward education, how much time they are required to spend studying on things versus other countries. I still think this is kind of a universal thing that can be generalized to some extent. And I'm going to just give you some of the points from the study that I think you can take moving forward. As you make the decision to give a smartphone, to give more access to digital things, to start allowing your kid, to dip their toe in the water of all the digital stuff and give you a place to start as you do that.

Speaker 1 (07:03):

Okay. So as a little background, this study was studying about smartphones and the use in children. And as we know, young people use these digital things like an extension of their hand, right? Us that are older. We did not grow up with these things. And so our minds are a little bit or brain development's a little bit more set in place and completely developed. And so learning new things is harder for us, for kids. It does become an extension of them so very easily, but it is also their place for connecting with the world, communicating with friends, finding information in the world, the day of the card catalog, where you had to go to the library and look something up, or the micro fish that you had to go through in order to find a paper or an article or something like that, those days are gone.

Speaker 1 (07:51):

And so our kids are used to that very much at our fingertips information and, you know, just being able to connect to anything in everything out there. Some stats that were noted in this study was that worldwide in 2014, smartphones were used by 1.8, 5 billion people. And then this study was done before 2020. So they estimated that by 2020 smartphones would be used by 2.8, 7 billion people. And then what they found was that in 2015, a median of 54% across 20 emerging and developing countries use the internet and occasionally, or sometimes had a smartphone, whereas 87% of 11 advanced economies, which include the U S and Canada, and then some major Western European nations, such as Australia, Japan, South Korea, and Israel for them, 87% had smartphones. So in the survey that they did, they found that in, they conducted it over 40 nations that South Korea showed the highest rate of smartphone ownership, which was 88% followed by Australia.

Speaker 1 (08:58):

And then the United States at 72%. So the study summarized just looking at smartphone addiction in the age group of early adolescents and the middle school ages. So what they found was that they are a high- risk group for smartphone addiction, and that it does affect them socially, psychologically, and health wise. So they did notice that they, it affects them in those ways. And it also affects them that once they are addicted to the phone, that it affects them when you remove it. So, you know, if you've listened to some of my episodes, I talk about I self coined it, the teen tantrums. So basically it is when they are their brain and just them, their activity in general gets used to that stimulation from a phone or from a game or something like that, that they will experience a withdrawal like a true withdrawal when you remove those things, when they have not become accustomed to regulating themselves or having time away from them, if you're allowing them to have a ton of time on those things.

Speaker 1 (10:06):

So the study found that there are effects of allowing it too much and also affects when you withdraw it. So of course, if you were already in the space of you have allowed this, and now you're trained to course correct, they will survive the teen tantrum that withdrawal I've done it myself with my child, but just being aware that that is there. If you haven't yet, given these things is a way for you to be mindful as you do proceed through this, that it is not benign, that it actually does have an impact. So when you can be aware of that, you know, that's our starting point with all of this. So what they did find was that the children that they did study, they risk stratified them and different things like that. But I won't go into those details because I just want to stay with the most pertinent things that you can use today and moving forward with your kids.

Speaker 1 (10:54):

But they did notice that children that had prolonged use of their smartphones had more behavioral problems, such as nervousness, a more anxious, temperament, and distraction, like mental distraction, not being able to focus on things. And this was seen more problematically when they had been given a cell phone or a smartphone at an earlier age versus when they were older. They also found that depression and anxiety can cause, or be like a causing. Cause I don't think I'm saying that right, but can be a factor in causing the addiction, but it also can be caused by the addiction. So you see there's this back and forth kind of everything ties together, somewhat in the influence of it. So they did find that what was used most as these kids had more digital addiction behaviors was, and just in general was the first thing was mobile. So things like someplace where they communicate so WhatsApp, I don't know if they use Facebook messenger, the ones that they studied in this study, but some form of mobile messenger in order to contact their friends.

Speaker 1 (12:06):

The second thing that they used most was the internet look. They called it internet surfing, but, you know, looking at at different websites, the third thing was gaming. So it was playing a game in an app, something where they're just playing a game by themselves or with other people. And then the fourth thing used most was social networking through social media sites. And what they found was that predictive factors for smartphone addiction was the duration of how long they were able to use their smartphone each day and then how long they were allowed to be on social media. And then the third thing was their awareness of game overuse. So when they could recognize that they were using it too much and take themselves off, they were less likely to have the addictive patterns in the addictive behaviors. So as you can see, and as we probably are all pretty much aware, there is an addictive pattern to this and it is kind of insidious, but there is an impact and it's not benign.

Speaker 1 (13:07):

And we cannot just move forward into these years, handing a phone over and calling, you know, that it, as far as guidance, here you go, here's your phone have fun, which is what I did. So if you've done that know that I have no judgment for that, I'm just here to help connect you with the tools that I wish I would have had. So the teen years are definitely those years that we dread and they are more complicated by the digital things. But if we can be aware of these things and have a game plan, then it's going to make them easier. So I'm going to give you five points that I want you to just consider as you're moving forward. If you have younger kids or you're needing to redirect, or you have a friend that has younger kids and you're trying to help them out or want to just share this information, certainly share the podcast.

Speaker 1 (13:52):

So let's lay the stage for those 10 years and what five things we can do. The first thing is simply to recognize that this is something that needs to be openly addressed and is something that can and will influence them. If we leave them on their own with complete online freedom, it just absolutely will make that impact. And it needs to be something to be openly discussed and addressed. When we decide we are going to move forward with a phone, even if it's not a smartphone, like I mentioned, all the time, a pinwheel phone, a gab phone are much better options starting out. So that is one way to make this a little bit more simplified is having something that has some safeguards in place for you and gives you kind of an extra layer of protection. The second thing is to remember that we are the adult, we are the parent, and no matter what they say, you can just, it's a given, they're going to tell you all the friends, all my friends, all the kids in class have this app had this blah, blah, right?

Speaker 1 (14:52):

You're the parent, you're the one that is sitting here trying to make sure that they have a solid foundation for their childhood. And so you make sure that you stay in that place of parent and don't just try to be their friend because they do not have a fully developed brain. And therefore we have to make decisions for them right now. Right? Okay. So then number three is make a flexible plan. Moving forward as a family unit. I understand this can be complicated if you have, as parents, you're living in separate households. If there's step-parents involved, if there's a difference of opinion, but ultimately if you can kind of try to get on the same page with those that are involved in guiding the child through their childhood years and make a flexible plan with the plan of, if this doesn't work out, if we see this or that, then we may backtrack and, you know, make a new plan.

Speaker 1 (15:43):

So that is the plan for now. We'll see how it goes. The fourth thing is plan for progressive independence as they show maturity with their decisions. I am not one to say that we should need to, or we should hold or withhold everything possible until they turn 18. I do not think that that personally don't think in with the experience of my children, that that would be the best path, because at some point they have to learn how to navigate this stuff. I think that it is a progressive independence that needs to happen as they show maturity and how you gauge that is partly what I'm going to say with this. Number five is you need to preserve the non-digital activities and other childhood interests. As you step foot into giving smartphone or a dumb smartphone, and you're giving more access to gaming and things like that is you need to preserve the time and the space for things that aren't digital and make sure that they are still doing things where they communicate in the real world.

Speaker 1 (16:47):

They are actually doing things that are like actual physical things in the world. And not everything just with sitting in front of a screen or with a phone in their hands. And once they can demonstrate some regulation with that, then you can make decisions to move forward with more independence. That's personally what I have done when we course corrected. And then we started providing that is I allowed to have the child to kind of test the waters of boundaries and what I personally went through and what we have found is that when we withdrew the complete freedom with the digital things, set down, some limits, set down some boundaries, as far as putting it away at night and it not being allowed in the bedroom at night. And those types of things is there was a rediscovery and almost like a re-igniting of past interests and new interests.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And realizing that the time suck on that device was sucking time away from other things that were exciting and fun. You know, that childhood excitement before all the digital things suck your mind in and you get addicted to them. So my point would, number five is preserve that time, set up boundaries for them to still be physically active, to do things where they are face-to-face with other kids. And then they are actually using their hands and doing things in real life, such as when they were very young and growing up where, you know, it was all about putting it in the mouth and, you know, putting in their hands and then learning to stack blocks. That type of development doesn't end at a certain age that continues to progress. It just becomes more complex. And I believe in what I've said before is once we give them the digital things, I think it can very easily stifle that development.

Speaker 1 (18:39):

So if you can preserve that space for them, then they can demonstrate responsibility around setting their own time limits and not letting it completely obliterate everything else that they have interest in, in their life. Okay. So I hope you found that helpful with those five tips of things that you can use as you're moving forward. So ultimately we can make it to where this raising a child in the digital world does not have to be an all uphill Rocky road. They may not understand it completely. There may be times where they are very mad at you, and they are convinced that you are a mean mom. And why do you have to be that mom? But I can guarantee you that as they get older, at some point, it may not be until a long way older, they will realize that you putting your foot down and being that mom today and now in their younger years was actually the best thing that could have happened to them as they got older.

Speaker 1 (19:38):

And that what you're doing as being that mom is actually helping them to be more successful in life. I truly truly believe that at my core, that the digital things are hindering our child's development and their potential in the world. And so if we put our foot down on this and admit, we're not perfect and admit that there may be some stops and starts and redirects and you know, course correct. But the bottom line is you are there to be the proactive mom that realizes that something has to be done, and this is ever evolving. And there's always going to be changes in this space, but once we can, you know, just establish that with them until they can establish it for themselves in terms of responsible and healthy tech use, we have to be that mom for our kids. We truly, truly do. Okay.

Speaker 1 (20:30):

So it's my belief that the teen years do not have to all be Rocky. And it is my belief that we are setting the stage in their late elementary and middle school years by the decisions we make with the digital things. So please proceed with a proactive that mom's stance because you are the, like the guide and the thing that is going to help your child to take that next step into the world. Okay. All right. Hope you found this so very helpful today, and I will chat with you next time. I'm going to be bringing some guests onto the podcast. I've been wanting to do it for a while, but summer was busy. Everybody was busy. It was hard to set up a time for these guests that I'm going to be bringing on. So those will be coming soon. I don't know if it'll be next week because I still have a busy work week this week, but I have some free time next week. So I may be setting up some of those interviews and bringing you some of that. So you can kind of get that perspective of some other people talking instead of me, always talking and get some conversations going about different topics that I think will be of interest to you. Okay. Alrighty, thanks so much for listening, chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:37):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. 

Speaker 3 (21:51):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, beat out mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it.

When raising kids today, it can be hard to know what to do. Listen in to debunk these five common myths that you need to know!! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Raising kids in the digital world is a struggle beyond belief. Our kids are so unique and different from each other. Our experiences in life, as parents and navigating all the things can be so different, but there are a few common threads that I notice when I'm out in the world and watching discussions of different things around the digital things. So today we're going to talk about five myths that I see rolling over and over again in the discussion threads of different groups that I'm in and just chat about my viewpoint of those, to give you some perspective and some things to think about when it comes to you approaching these things in your world, with your kids and all the digital things. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:46):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 1 (01:11):

Only moly this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to another episode of, to be that mom movement podcast. I think about what topic to use for these episodes, and I'm really trying to always stay relevant to what we are facing in the world. So in coming episodes, I am going to do some that talk about our kids, going back to school and different options that we need to think about when it comes to giving our kids the digital things.

Speaker 1 (02:03):

But today I want to talk about these myths that I see across different parenting groups, because I feel like while we can have differing opinions with these, I feel like these are some solid things for you to think about in terms of how they affect your kids. So you can make a proactive stance and a game plan for yourself and your family and not leave this as to chance, you know, and hope and a prayer and letting the digital things and all the digital info or all the influences in the digital things, mold your child as they go into adulthood. So I hope that my podcast is something that you are coming to every week for guidance and support. And then you're not just someone who has subscribed and you're not listening on a weekly basis. I know I do have some podcasts that I subscribe to that I do not listen to actively just because I'm with all of the things, but I hope that what I share here provides value to you and that you will come to my episodes on a weekly basis to see what I'm chatting about.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

And if you have a topic that you want to see discussed, or you want to give me input, I welcome that. And I invite you to connect with me on social media or on earth through email. And tell me your story and tell me what's going on. Even if you don't want to be featured on the show, if you want to tell me what it is that you've dealt with in your perspective. I welcome that. And if you do find my podcast helpful, please leave me a review that helps me to rank up higher in, you know, the different podcast platforms so that my show gets pushed out into the world. And as you've probably heard me say before, my mission with my podcast is for us to take the stigma off of being that mom that is proactive and setting limits and things for our kids and make it the norm that we are proactive.

Speaker 1 (04:01):

And that we realize that the digital things are not benign and that we do need to take a stand, you know, and guide our kids with these things. So if you can please do those things, reach out to me if you have your own story of success or struggle or whatever it is, and then email me, or get in touch with me, if there's something that you want seen on the show more. Okay. My email is dolly@dollydenson.com. So please feel free to email me and get in touch so we can chat. All right. So let's talk about this. I have five things that I've identified as common myths that I see intertwined in conversations out in the world. When parents bring up a topic and they ask for advice, and then everybody gives their advice. And there's certain things I see that are kind of disturbing to me because of the experience I have went through.

Speaker 1 (04:52):

So if you have not gone down the road of major struggle, like some of us parents have, I'm hoping that you can gain some insight from what I share so that you don't have the harder path to take. You don't have to learn the hard way like some of us parents have. So the first one is that they're in their natural habitat playing games. And what I mean by this is you allow them to have the choice to play the games versus things that they need to do to be a healthy developing child. And I don't mean that they can't have a happy place in playing games, but I would not allow it to take the place of things such as being active. You know? So getting out, riding a bike, shooting, some hoops, going for a walk, whatever it is that you want to encourage in terms of activity, even just simply playing with other friends out in the world in real life.

Speaker 1 (05:55):

I don't think that we should allow a child's draw toward gaming the games, the digital things to be their identity and to be what you allow them to do at the sacrifice of other things. I say this in reference to a post that I saw, and I don't even know where I saw it, but one child was outside doing these active things. Another one was inside sitting in a chair with headphones on and playing a game. And the comment that was made was they're in their natural habitat. Now, the reason that I think this is an important distinction to make is because of what I've mentioned in other episodes that the gaming and the digital things are designed to be addictive, designed, to be like a time suck and designed to draw them in and want them to get more and more of it. Remember that if you've heard me say this before, it is a high dopamine release activity.

Speaker 1 (06:52):

So it's addicting. It's like doing drugs. It's like craving sugar. It's like something that they want more and more of because it gives them that high pleasure stimulation. So once you're aware of that, you can realize that while this is okay for them to do, we need to set boundaries and limits around that in the sense that we need to have them still doing other things, things that without them, it may stunt their development. In some way, like I've said, in a couple of my episodes in the past couple of ones, the normal childhood development things, the tactile discovery, the, you know, doing things to discover what it is that they're interested in the world, those types of things. The second one is a comment that I saw when a mom was saying that she didn't know how to set limits on doing a certain game.

Speaker 1 (07:47):

And someone commented, just let them be a kid it's not addictive or drug. It's a video game. Like, jeez, that might be, and something I said years ago, it might have been. So when I talk about these things, I am never saying it in a place of judgment. I hope you know that I'm never saying it from a place of how could you not know better? I am saying it from a place of, I have been there. I truly truly have with pretty much all of these, but why I bring them up is because it's so important to understand this distinction so that you don't make your kid go down the harder road. Okay. I think that their kids are adaptable. They're intuitive. They adjust quickly compared to adults that have to make changes. So even going down the hard path, you can reroute, you can get things back on track, so to speak, but if we can not have them go down the harder road, it makes life so much better simpler and all of that.

Speaker 1 (08:51):

Right? So glean my knowledge from this in my own experience that gaming and social media apps and all of those things are absolutely addictive and are like a drug and psychologists that have specialties in gaming addiction and gaming disorder will absolutely tell you that studies on the brain will absolutely tell you that. So yes, it is wise to set limits. It is wise to investigate these things. It is wise to be that proactive mom or dad that is, you know, being mindful of these things. The third myth is that you don't need to worry about the digital things until they're teenagers. I thought that I thought that I didn't have to worry about it. You know, just let's just do the thing and we'll figure it out. But, and I think with my kids, it was probably different because the smartphone was just emerging and you know, all of these really addictive and intricate elaborate graphic games, all of the things that are out there just weren't out there when my kids were younger.

Speaker 1 (09:53):

But what I'm seeing now is younger and younger kids are given phones as entertainment, given games as entertainment and not encouraged to do anything else. And that is taking them away from normal childhood things. While the concerns are definitely heightened and much more elaborate when they get to their teen years, all the friends have the phones everybody's connecting on social media and all of that stuff. Yes. Their major concerns for the teen years. But we have to start thinking about this when they're younger, when they are school age, when they are even preschool and younger age, in terms of when we give them a phone or a tablet or something digital to entertain them, we need to make sure it has educational value, that it is not taking them away from being active, doing normal childhood things, that type of stuff. So definitely not something to put off worrying about to your teenage years.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

Not that you need to worry about it, so to speak, but just be proactive and mindful and have a plan in place for how you're going to do that. So that it doesn't substitute from normal childhood things. The number four thing is not my kid. They will know better. They are a good kid. They will figure this out. They will tell me, oh my gosh. So this is in reference to being coerced or contacted by a predator. Being asked to send provocative pictures, chatting with someone they don't know and giving away personal information. All of those things that go along with kind of grooming a child for whatever it is that that person on the other end, whatever their intention is that your kid will somehow know better, that they will not be tempted by this, that they will see the red flags that they will come to you.

Speaker 1 (11:38):

Unfortunately, I think that the predators and the people on the other end, and even if it's another child that is bullying them or trying to get them to send provocative pictures and those types of things, children by nature are curious and trustworthy and innocent and impressionable. And so when we do not give them the steps and the conversation, the communication in regards to what they need to be looking for, and then also setting up what boundaries and limits and layers that we can in terms of monitoring their phone, having the access that they are given set up to where it is not just open up into the entire world with no monitoring, no guidance, no nothing. When we don't set them up for this, that is the path that they will go down more than likely. So definitely not something to leave to chance. And then the fifth myth and the final one that I'll talk about today, and this is probably the one that we all need to hear and nearly brings me to tears as I talk about it, because I thought this and it was the most isolating, and I don't know how to describe it, but it was, it was a place that was my bottom.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

It was my, my rock bottom as a parent, the moment that I felt the most hopeless in that was that we are alone in this struggle, that we are the only ones that are dealing with this, that we are the only ones that haven't set limits. That we're the only ones that don't know where to start. That we are the only ones that meant to do that. But life got busy. And so we didn't do it. And now fill in the blank has happened. I was there. I sat on my front porch. It's what the inspiration for this podcast and everything that I'm doing with the be that movement came from was that utter feeling of alone. I don't even know if I'm articulating this right, but I sat on my front porch and I cried. And I literally sat there for about an hour.

Speaker 1 (13:39):

And it was the most alone I've ever felt in my life. It was the most hopeless that I have ever felt in my life because we had reached a point to where it was blatantly obvious that we weren't doing the things we needed to do in all of this. I had no clue what to do. I always knew there was something I should do, but I didn't know what, I didn't know. There were resources out there for anything. I didn't know where to look. I didn't know where to start. You know, I just wanted my kids to be kids. I just wanted my kids to have phones so they could talk to their friends. I just wanted my kids to be able to have fun looking at pictures on Instagram. And before I know it, that was like the worst decision of my life, because it was a like incremental push in a certain direction.

Speaker 1 (14:21):

I didn't realize, I didn't know that that's what was happening until it was. I felt like my child was completely out of my reach. I was no longer an influence in that child's life. It was just the most horrible feeling as a mom. So I want you to know that wherever you are in this journey, if you were just here for information, because your child is young and you're trying to figure out where to start, or you are someone that was like me, that didn't have a clue. That was like the first generation of these parents that had to figure this out, like a crash course of life. As we went down, the barreling path of raising our kids, if you were like me and you made mistakes, and now you're trained to course, correct. I just want you to know number five, you are not alone in this struggle.

Speaker 1 (15:11):

You absolutely are not. And so I hope that these five tips will give you some hope. We'll give you some guidance. I know that there can be a difference of opinion with these things, but I believe that we all need to take a proactive stance. We cannot leave this to chance playing games and doing the digital things can be something that is fun is educational, but it also can be very, very slippery slope. And once they start down that slope, it can go very rapidly. It can also be something that is incremental and happens over time. The bottom line is it's an influence and the bottom line is it's gotta be something that we start with proactively for our children. So I hope you've found me discussing these five myths helpful, and that you will take them out into the world and help you on this journey.

Speaker 1 (16:03):

And absolutely know that you're not alone in this connect with people in your world that are also trying to be proactive with us. Share my podcast with those moms who are in similar struggles, talk to them about being proactive with your children together. So we can create to be that mom circles of influence. And so we can make it a positive and uplifting thing to be that mom that is proactive in this space so that our children can grow up to be healthy and strong and discover the person they're meant to be and the gifts that they have and all of the things. Okay. Thanks so much for listening. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (16:47):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (17:01):

Quick. If you are that mom that is wanting to make tweaks with what you're eating and supplements that you're taking. I want to recommend that you check out paleo valley. Paleo valley is a company that provides high quality products to help you kind of make those little tweaks that over time, add up and make a huge difference in your life because eating is the fuel for our body and creates the future that we wish to see when we give our bodies what it needs, their B sticks are delicious. They're bone broth is a great way to supplement your gut health. Add it to a smoothie every day. There's also at different supplements like for tumeric, Oregon complex, vitamin C apple cider vinegar. I cannot say enough about paleo valley. So check them out today. Use the link in my show notes and grab your 15% off.

Do we wait till 8th? Give sooner? Wait longer? Listen in for a few thoughts on finding a middle ground on that first phone or access to the digital things!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So I hope you will forgive me with the extra sound that is likely going to be in the background of this episode. I have recorded it to whites and I am going to record it a third time here in trying to better articulate what it is that I want to get across with this episode. So today we are going to talk about how there is this movement for wait until eight or eighth grade. And then there is the school of thought that we shouldn't wait and there's all these people in between. And then there's all of these moms that are like, I don't know what to do. I can see the point between all of them. And so let's just dive into this a little bit today and talk about a few different perspectives. So you can kind of think this through a little bit more. If you're in the place where you are trying to decide when it is appropriate to give your kid a device,

Speaker 2 (00:59):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 3 (01:24):

Hey friends today here, there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, beat out mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. If you haven't

Speaker 1 (01:59):

Heard about it, the wait until eight, I think that's what it's called. I'm not in front of my computer now, cause I'm obviously outside, but the wait until eighth campaign is basically considering all of the different influences and impact is that the right word? Like all of the different things that our kids are exposed to and influenced by when we give them a smartphone. And the point of the campaign is to keep them from having a smartphone at such young ages. So if you look at that, the website for this campaign, they talk about all of the things that I always talk about in relation to what we should be aware of. When we give our kid a smartphone like their brain, not being completely developed, it being a distraction, it being addicting, it being a place where they can be contacted by strangers, where they can be bullied, where they can be drawn their normal childhood development activities.

Speaker 1 (03:03):

And it can be a place where they create a digital footprint that is maybe not ideal, as well as developing habits around using the tech and all of that, that influences their schoolwork, their sleep, their relationships in life, all of the things. So it lists out all of those things, all completely valid points and such a powerful message in this campaign. Now, what I see on the other end of the spectrum is parents struggling with this concept because it's hard to not give them a phone when all of their kids have one it's hard when other parents are not concerned or not aware, it's hard when other parents just, you know, are at a point to where they're not looking into this stuff. I'm not placing any judgment for that parent because I was that parent, but now we're learning and we know better. And there are tons of tools and different things out there that are available for us so that we can make this path easier.

Speaker 1 (04:07):

But what I want to say today is that I don't believe that we should come from the perspective of no tech, no smartphone, no nothing until a certain age. And then we move forward with it. If you've listened to some of my other episodes, you've probably heard me say this, but I basically do not believe that there is any set age, any set criteria, any set, black and white situation, or you are going to know that your kid is ready for that phone or ready for social media or ready for that gaming console. The bottom line is every kid is different. Every parenting situation is different and depending on what you allow and how you allow it, you will probably have to adjust and change your approach, make different rules, take a step back. Course-correct all of that is a normal part of us raising kids in the digital age.

Speaker 1 (05:04):

Now there's nothing abnormal about that. So when it comes to, when we give our kid a phone or allow them more access to the digital world, I believe that we need to take a step-by-step approach that basically helps them to develop the habits in the maturity, around what they are doing. It's a given that they're going to be curious that they're going to be drawn in. They're going to have a tendency to be addicted. It's a given that those things are going to happen. So it is up to us to have a plan in place in order for us to navigate that. Now this can look like what type of device you give, perhaps starting with a watch or relay go device or a dumb smartphone, and then progressing to a smartphone. Or this can look like what you do when you give that device.

Speaker 1 (06:01):

And I think this is something that needs to happen no matter what type of device you give, but when you allow it, where you allow it, how you have it locked down to where you control, what happens on that device? I think that this could look very different for each family. And I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong as long as you are willing to adjust and reassess and course correct. As you see how your kid responds, if you were the parent that is working a 50 or 60 hour work week, and you don't have a lot of time to check in to see what's going on, to make sure that device has put away all of the things. Then I would recommend that you start very much in a, like a slower progression of things. Start with a device that is much more locked down and has things in place so that you don't have to do a lot of the legwork.

Speaker 1 (06:56):

One way to do that is as you give the device that has more access is to put bark on it or to put some type of parental control system on it and set up your layers. If you're not familiar with the layers, take a look at some of my other episodes, take a look at my free downloads that are in the show notes. And very soon I'm going to have a course coming out, which I've spoken about for a little while for a couple of months, actually, I'm going to have a course coming out. That's going to give you more of a game plan when it comes to what you do with your kids stuff. It'll give you resources to refer to. If you need outside help, it'll give you resources to utilize where you can print out and use them as a guide for making your plan for your family.

Speaker 1 (07:49):

For course, correcting all of that. I'm going to have some resources listed for you to share with your child. So together y'all can make a plan and an approach that comes from a place of love and proactive. You know, just kind of being mindful of all of the things I'm going to have that coming out soon. So I hope you will jump into that. I'm going to have it available with payment plan or discount if you were in need of that, but it's a place that is something that I want you to use as tools for progressing through this. But for today's episode, my point is this is not black and white and it's not going to be something that they're just going to be ready for at a certain age. That is my whole heart belief. After raising three kids through all of these digital things, I'm not completely done raising them, but I think we've gotten over the hump of our difficult years when it comes to how this influence them, without me being aware of all of the dangers and all of the things.

Speaker 1 (08:49):

So it's not black and white. I do think you need to have a plan. I do think that they're not going to come to an age and then they're going to handle it fine. Regardless of what age you start with, regardless of what device you use, you're going to need to take. Or I recommend that you take a step-by-step approach that allows incremental use of expanded responsibility, expanded testing the waters. I can't talk, just expanding on what they're doing, expanding how much reach they have out into the world and who they can access. And then also having a plan for reassessing and pulling that back in if need be. So I've seen arguments all across the spectrum of what to do with this. And I do not believe that it is something that just needs to be held off completely until a certain age. Of course, I don't think that we should be giving our children in elementary school, the smartphone, although I know a lot of parents are doing that.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

So hopefully this has made sense to you in the sense that I just feel like we need to take a different approach than just a certain grade or a certain age. It needs to be something that is based on your kid, your family, your plans, your ability to monitor all of those things. Okay. So hopefully there wasn't too much background noise on this and I can publish it. It is the third time that I have recorded it as I tried to get my mind around exactly what I wanted to convey while not overwhelming you too much and not creating too much anxiety, which the last version of what I recorded, I created anxiety and myself talking about it. And so I'm like, oh, that's too much. I know that there's a lot to be anxious about with all of this, but I certainly don't want you coming away from my podcast.

Speaker 1 (10:37):

Every time you listen to me and think, holy cow, I can't deal with that today. So hopefully you found this helpful check out my free downloads in the show notes and check out some of the discount codes that I have for all of the different tools that I recommend for keeping your kids safe in our digital world and helping to guide them on this process. And then I also highly, highly, highly recommend that you make sure you were prioritizing your own wellness and your kids are watching. And even if you have not had a clue of how to approach that, because life is busy and all of the things I promise you that it can be simplified into baby steps. I have done it. And then while I lived with a lot of mom guilt around not knowing how to do that in my life and to guide my kids now that they are older, they are definitely are.

Speaker 1 (11:27):

They have definitely been watching what I do with my wellness and they are starting to make those same choices for themselves. So if you need simplified tools for workouts, for nutrition, for just getting your mind in the right place, getting all of the daily habits in place to support yourself and to support your family, I would love to connect with you. Please also check out my social media sites. I've got my main Dolly Denson account on Instagram and I also a podcast account called the underscore be that mom movement, as well as a fitness focused page, which is Dolly Denson fit. And my website is Dolly denson.com. And I have channels on telegram and a community on Facebook. So please connect with me wherever you are. And I'm glad to help and chat with you in help you guide down this path. And then also check out my course once I get that published shortly. All right. So much.

Speaker 2 (12:26):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 3 (12:41):

Holy moly, check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code, be that mom 10 for a day.

While we must be focused on keeping our kids safe in the digital world, we can't neglect the risk to our parents too! Is your parent at risk of a catfish scam?

For more info on catfish scams & resources: https://againstscammers.com/10-tips-to-avoid-a-catfish-scam/

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

We spend all this time working on being that mom that is proactive in this space and that has all the tips and the tools and is guiding our kids to be healthy and strong as they grow up and mature without having all the negative influences of the digital world. But holy Toledo, have you ever thought about the fact that our kids are being thrown into this world at the same time that our parents are? And depending on our age, we're kind of like a sandwich generation where we not only need to be concerned about what's going on with our kids, but also our parents who grew up in a largely non-digital world and are being thrown into this space. And what if they are scammed? Holy cow, this is a whole nother topic that never even entered my realm of consciousness until today. Stay tuned. Let's chat about it.

Speaker 2 (00:56):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 3 (01:22):

Friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. I know

Speaker 1 (01:57):

This topic is kind of one of those topics that maybe is not something to be worried about, but at the same time, it totally should be. If you think about all of the scammers that are out there, like they're trying to get it, our children. And then most of the time, most adults probably have enough little red flags going off that they are able to catch the scammers in the act and not let it go too far before they realize it's a scam. But what if you have someone who is perhaps older in one of the older decades of their lives, and perhaps they've lost a spouse that they have been married to for many years, or perhaps they have somewhat of a mental decline and maybe we've given them a smartphone so we can make sure we can stay in touch. What if someone comes along and is able to slip into their circle of trust and start praying on them, just like our children are preyed upon what if they prey upon their loneliness, they prey upon their desire for companionship.

Speaker 1 (03:02):

And they prey upon the fact that they can exploit those things in order to get money from them. This is actually a thing. And some people call it cat fishing, where they exploited kind of a romantic interest, and then somehow gained their trust. Much like kids are groomed by predators and then try to get money from them. I've heard of people saying that their parents were scammed out of a hundred thousand dollars in money that these people exploit them for. They may make up some type of story about how, you know, they are looking for someone to be with and they want to come see them, but they can't get there yet because you know, there's some financial hardship. Can you send me some money? Can you send me a gift card? Can you help me out in this way? And older adults are actually getting sucked into this and not realizing that it's a scam until they have like been scammed out of a ton of money and, you know, emotionally impacted to a great degree.

Speaker 1 (04:11):

I've heard of, there was one person that someone was talking about in this parent group I'm in, it just happened to be that, you know, this parent tech group that I'm in on Facebook, someone brought it up and said, this isn't necessarily related to kids, but I'm really struggling with this right now. And I was just amazed to read through the comments and see all the people who have had parents or grandparents that have been scammed by this. And I remember my own grandpa, um, which he's been gone since 1998. And at that time he was 78 when he passed away. So he passed away kind of young by today's standards, but he was involved in something where he sent money and he got some little things back in the mail and he was just convinced that someday he was going to win a bunch of money from doing it.

Speaker 1 (04:52):

You got all the little, all these little trinkets and a mail opener and different things like that. So, you know, he got some stuff out of it, but that was before all the digital things, you know, that was before the internet was here. So I can imagine that if he had a smartphone or somehow access to the internet, that he may have not had the, the mindset or the judgment to know that he was being scammed and thinking, you know, that these either, you know, companionship or wealth or something like that would have enticed him. So I just wanted to bring this topic up just because it is something that we need to think about. And we need to kind of be aware of, and talk to our parents about it. Some people were saying that they actually put like parental control things like bark on their parents' phone.

Speaker 1 (05:39):

If they felt like they were cognitively not able to have all of the judgment that they should have. And, you know, they didn't, they were concerned about them not having the red flags go up. And those types of things, just so the child, the adult child could monitor the parent's conversations and figure out what was going on. I certainly don't recommend that if you're talking to someone who has all their faculties and is completely coherent trying to do something like that. But I just think it's a good topic for us to think about in terms of, you know, the fact that the digital stuff is ever changing. And there's a lot of facets to it. And I think if someone is not used to how to work the internet and how to do social media and all that stuff, they may not be aware of the fact that there's privacy settings, all the things that we talk about with the kids, right?

Speaker 1 (06:29):

Privacy settings, who is messaging you when you might get hacked. And when you might be getting a friend request from someone who's not a real person, things to look at for that. So again, it kind of goes back to just an education thing and having that conversation with our parents and then also just helping them to navigate it and even offering to somehow monitor what is going on on their phone or their device, so that, you know, you can just be a place for them. Now, if they're already into one of these like catfish type situations, then of course, I recommend that you try to involve local law enforcement or whatever you feel is necessary. Adult protective services, those types of things, to bring them in, in order to keep them safe. But it really sounds like it's a really tricky situation for a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (07:18):

If you've got someone who believes they're truly in a romantic relationship or that, you know, this is a legit thing that they're dealing with, then you have a whole nother situation there because you have to not convince them, but, you know, help show them that it's not legit. And, you know, they may already be very emotionally invested in this relationship to where it is going to be very traumatic for you to tell them that you are, or for you to tell them or help them to see that this isn't legit and that this person is fake or they're to take advantage of them. So it can be a very tricky situation, but I just wanted to bring it up for today's podcast episode and just talk about the fact that it is like, we are kind of a sandwich generation between helping guide our kids who are younger and growing up in this very interconnected digital world.

Speaker 1 (08:08):

And then parents who were not used to being as connected and also maybe not, uh, realizing how vulnerable they can be when they are online and when they have a smartphone. So it's, it's just kind of our place to be in this space and talk to them, communicate, set up boundaries, guidelines, tools, all the things I talk about with kids to help our parents in that realm too. If they're not someone who you think realizes the scope of all of this and the possibility that they could be scammed or being manipulated, groomed all of those things, just like a child is when they're online and vulnerable. Okay. So just to bring that topic up today, I was actually just looking at Facebook and came across this post and was like, oh my gosh, I never even thought about this. And my parents and my in-laws, they both are of the age that they probably are pretty, you know, they're pretty savvy with the things, but I can see like just a little bit older than them, like my grandparents' age, they would have just been blown away by having to have, you know, having a phone and all of that.

Speaker 1 (09:12):

They probably would not realize all of the things that could happen and how much they could be taken advantage of. So have a chat with your parents or grandparents, however old you are, and definitely make a game plan together to make sure that they're not put into a situation where they're scammed or catfished into, you know, giving up their money or somehow being taken advantage of. Okay. So hope you found this helpful and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (09:41):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 3 (09:55):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Are the digital distractions imprisoning your child's mind and keeping them from the childhood discovery they are meant to have? Listen in to free your kid! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It's almost like an imprisonment that we are invoking on our children when we are not aware of how all of these influences that we must deal with today are impacting our children. So today's episode is going to be short and sweet, but I just want to talk about a topic that I think is worth thinking about as you move forward through the summer months, and as you start the school year with your kiddo. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:33):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:58):

Holy Molly, check this out. Or a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So I think we can all agree that this whole digital parenting thing, if you've listened to me for any length of time in this podcast, or you've been doing any of your own research, we can all agree that there are many, many facets to this, and it is just so overwhelming at times. And it's also ever evolving. And how do I say it it's ever changing in, I guess it's the same thing as evolving, but it's moving in a fast pace and it's really hard to keep up with all of the little things, right?

Speaker 1 (01:57):

So a lot of times what I'm talking about is helping you to get a game plan in place that will kind of evolve and be fluid with the changes of the times new technology that comes out new things going on with your child's peer group, all of those things, right? Well, today I want to talk about something that I was reflecting on the other day, as I sat in the living room in the evening with my son, and he was watching a show that, you know, was talking about different things that he's interested in and telling me about these different things that he's researched about this, and really just kind of talking my ear off about all of these things that he's passionate about now. And I know that if you've listened to me for any length of time, you've heard me say this before, but I did all the wrong things initially, just out of ignorance, just out of not really having a game plan or knowing what to do.

Speaker 1 (02:52):

And also the fact that my kids were growing up, sorry about that notification. I got a update on my computer and I can't figure out how to turn off notifications now. So sorry for those going off. But I did all the wrong things because I didn't know what to do, but also my kids were growing up as this stuff was emerging or coming out and becoming more prevalent. And so it really was kind of a crash and burn type of situation for us. So if you have younger kids or in the midst of this, now take what I share and what other people share in this space and use it to help you navigate this better. But in the end, I think that, you know, it's all workable. We just need to be proactive in this space. So I was sitting next to him and I was thinking about this, how a couple of years ago, and even more than a couple of years ago, when we first introduced all the digital things to all three of the kids, I can see now looking back that it was kind of like a, what I want to say, like a draw or a suck away from other interests that they had.

Speaker 1 (03:55):

It was it's like it had more power on their mind and their interests than other things that they were interested in life. And I didn't realize it at the time. It was just one of those things. It was like, you know, we wanted to give them the gaming console and we wanted to give them the phone and to be able to reach us at any time and to be able to connect with their friends better. And it was, it was fun. It was exciting. It was, you know, my way of like feeling happy about giving them these things sounds ridiculous sometimes when I say that, but it was just how things were. And I didn't realize what was happening until much, much later. And I could see the trends over time of them drawing away from interests that they had as children in real life, tangible things in their lives to just do the digital things and also to pull away from regular communication conversation with family and friends, because it was easier to connect through the digital things.

Speaker 1 (04:55):

So what I'm getting at is I feel like it's almost like an imprisonment of their mind and what's sad and scary about it is if we're not aware of it. And we're not aware of all of these influences and the, all the facets of impact that this has. And we're giving these things at younger and younger and younger ages to entertain and to pacify the kids, or just because, you know, all the other moms and dads are giving these things and we want our kids to be liked and a part of the group, and to be able to communicate. And when they're in extracurricular activities and the organization is communicating through certain apps and different things, you know, we go along on this path. And what it seems is happening is that our kids' minds are being imprisoned in this digital age of distraction, to where they are kept from their full potential.

Speaker 1 (05:51):

And they are kept from newly discovering what they are meant to be who they are in the world. And as they are as a human being, what their true gift is for the world, because I feel like what it seems like is happening is that the digital things distract them so much that they don't do the normal childhood discovery things. They aren't allowed to be bored. Like they need to be in order to ignite that creativity and discovery that children are meant to have and to do into explore. And so as we have devices at younger and younger ages to entertain them while this doesn't have to be a completely bad thing, I think there needs to be a raised awareness that this is a pool and a time-suck that they often cannot resist, and they're going to be drawn to just naturally. So what I want to say is that we need to make a stand for our children for the future they're meant to have, and this may be kind of a redundant message of some of the things that I've said in other recent episodes, but it's just never been more prevalent to me more.

Speaker 1 (07:05):

What do I want to say? Like I've never realized this to the extent that I do right now while witnessing my own children go through a rediscovery of things that I allowed them to be disconnected from. Just because I did not know, I was not aware that this sort of thing could have such a draw. And also that these digital things were replacing the normal childhood things. So when they are given these things at younger and younger ages, and it kind of, it's almost like it stunts their mental development and their exploration of life and to helping them discover what they want to do with the world, what gifts they want to offer the world, what they're interested in for their profession and things such as that. I think to wrap this up, what I'm trying to say is that we need to have boundaries and guidance around using the digital things, be aware that there is an impact anytime that you give the device and that it can be replacing normal childhood things.

Speaker 1 (08:06):

And I think our ultimate goal needs to be that we get them to a point of maturity and development that they realize that there are amazing things in the world to be passionate about and to have interests in not just the digital things. And that's where I feel like I have gotten my youngest too, not all by myself, but, you know, just through the struggles that we have had, it has helped get him to a point where he has something he is so passionate about in the real life, real world, not just the digital world that he realizes when he does the digital things that it is taking away from that very real life activity and experience that he loves to do so much. And so he has found a way to balance what he does digitally with real life things and knows that what is going on in the real world, you know, in an activity is doing in the real world is there's so much more pleasure and reward that comes from that than spinning all the time, doing a game or, you know, social media and those types of things.

Speaker 1 (09:16):

I do allow him to do those things because he's at the point now where he's demonstrated maturity around it and he sets up his own boundaries for that. And I think that's what our ultimate goal is, is to help our children to discover all of the beauty in life and to find what they are interested in and what they want to do with their life and with their world, what gifts they want to offer to the world. That's our ultimate goal is to preserve that childhood discovery that they all deserve to have and not allow the digital things to suck them away or pull them away from those types of things. So ultimately that's going to come down to us, providing guidance, being proactive, and taking a stand for our children in the name of childhood development and discovery. So I hope you'll join me with that this summer, by not allowing them to have complete free rein of all the digital things without some form of game plan.

Speaker 1 (10:15):

So if you need a game plan, go back a few episodes. I did an episode about that. It's been really, really popular and has had a lot of listens. And if you do a search, I'm sure you can find some other people that are in this space that also have similar things that they offer for that in terms of having a game plan for the summer and in the next month or so, I'm going to have some episodes coming out that are going to be some different perspectives to kind of help you as we move into the school year and, you know, wrestle that whole thing around the digital things in them going to school. So I hope you found this helpful. I say that every single time, but I truly, truly do hope that you found this helpful and that you'll continue to stay tuned, subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker 1 (10:59):

If you haven't already leave me a review, if you can. That helps me get pushed up in the ranks on the podcast platforms. And I've seen mega growth in the number of listeners on my podcast in the last couple of months. And so I'm very grateful for that. I thank you so much for tuning in. I am always open to you sharing your story, your struggles, your successes, your perspective with me. So please reach out to me at any time. My email is dolly@dollydenson.com. You can also find me on Instagram at my main accounts, Dolly Denson. And then my podcast account is the underscore be that mom movement. And I also have a wellness account, which is, is kind of small, but it's Dolly Denson fit. And that's where I share wellness tips on my main page. I do as well. So I'm a nurse practitioner by day.

Speaker 1 (11:48):

And then I do this podcast on the side, and I also do a wellness coaching business where I help other women with similar lifestyles and struggles to simplify the whole fitness and nutrition thing. So if you're in need of that, certainly reach out to me for that. I'm also right now working on a couple of different things in functional medicine and integrative health to become certified in those realms to offer a deeper guidance and system for people to follow. If you're needing more help with the lifestyle things, if you have concerns for gut issues, gut health, different things like that, I am diving deep into all of those things so I can offer more things in that realm as well. So connect with me on social for those things. I'm also on telegram. You can find those links in the show notes. If you want to connect with me on there and keep tuning in and keep doing what you need to do to be that mom that is proactive for your kid.

Speaker 1 (12:45):

And that is not going to bow down to all of the digital things and all of the inner workings of social media and all of that stuff that are trying to impact our children in a negative way. So continue to be that mom and be that mom strong because your kid deserves the future they're meant to have, and you are the guide for that. And with the help of other moms and this podcast and all of the different resources out there that I share about all the time like bark and pinwheel and covenant eyes. And there's so many different things now that are so amazing. So check out my links in the show notes for all of those things together, we can build a village that is focused on the best future that our children are meant to have, and that we can make this a reality for our children, despite all of the impacts of the digital world, while also helping them to develop responsibility around what they do in the digital world. Okay. So thanks so much for tuning in again, and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (13:47):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. Hey

Speaker 3 (14:00):

Friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Concerns for singling out our kids by being THAT mom that limits their time on digital things, is a real & common concern. Listen in for help navigating this! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

MSpy parental controls (a great option for those outside the US) CLICK HERE

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Black Oxygen Organics humic/fulvic acid supplements CLICK HERE (I recommend CellCore as highest quality and most comprehensive for humic/fulvic acid supplements, but if not able to do their protocol yet, this is the next best thing)

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info! 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you decide to be that mom and not give your kids all of the digital things, or maybe start with a dumb smartphone or watch, or you limit their social media, is your kiddo going to be an outcast? Have you thought that I certainly did. Let me share with you some of my insight as someone who went ahead and gave all of the things to start not having a clue, that's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:32):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy moly check.

Speaker 1 (00:58):

If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So I saw this discussion or this question on one of the, or in one of the parenting groups that I'm in on one of the social media apps. And it got me to thinking about it took me back. It took me back to when I first gave my kids smartphones and I truly was clueless. Now my first one, my oldest one, she's now in her early twenties.

Speaker 1 (01:50):

And there wasn't a smartphone. When, you know, when she got to middle school age, what was that middle school age she would have been, or would it have been around? What is middle school age? Usually about 11. So that was around 2009. So I think that's when smartphones were first starting, but that is not the first phone that she got. She first got like a little flip phone or something similar to that barely had texting capability. It definitely no internet capability and social media. And I think Facebook was the thing, like my space and things like that were a thing before that, but I never got into those things, but Facebook was a thing, but it certainly wasn't something that was accessible by her phone, by the second in the third born getting to middle school age, which is when I gave him these things.

Speaker 1 (02:37):

These things were a thing. And my thought then was I wanted them to have it because I wanted, you know, it's, it's fun. It's a way to connect. You know, Instagram at the time was what I thought was just like looking at pictures and maybe connecting with a few friends. So really clueless to the potential of these things. Now, initially when these things started, I don't think were to the nature degree that they are now in terms of predators, in terms of all of the things that are out there, like advertising to our kids, trying to get at our kids and then the drug dealers on Snapchat in all the different things that we have to worry about. Now, back then, these things were not as prevalent and as much of a thing, but I still was clueless. I thought the only threat that my kids had was maybe some weirdo trying to get in touch with them in Shirley.

Speaker 1 (03:30):

They would let me know that otherwise they're just there to keep in touch with their friends. That's what I thought. And I thought, you know, I want to give this to them. Um, you know, it's like a good thing. I want them to have this. I want them to be able to stay in touch with their friends and then bonus. I can know where they're at and I can keep in touch with them. Right. So I went ahead and gave all the things. I had no boundaries. I had no restrictions on anything at that time, there was no dumb smartphone. There was no tick talk watch, or a gizmo watch. There was no relay go device. There was no bark. There was nothing to monitor. There was nothing. Okay. So gave all of the things, didn't worry about it. Didn't take the phone up at night.

Speaker 1 (04:08):

Didn't do any of the things. Now, some parents may be like, well, I did that too. And my kids are fine. I honestly think that this is a very fluid thing. And it depends on the child and the situation such as their peer group and, you know, multiple different things that will create the influence on them. But I do think that no matter the child, if they are given the digital things connected to all of the things, curiosity is a natural childhood thing, right? All of them are curious bottom line, no debate. All kids are curious because that is a natural childhood state to be curious, to learn, to discover, you know, all of that. And then the other thing that is a non-negotiable among all the kids is that they are in development, developing their self-esteem, developing their beliefs, developing their interest in things that is a non- negotiable something all kids are doing because it's a natural childhood development thing.

Speaker 1 (05:08):

Right? So if we've got that, those two things, no matter if your child's upbringing who their peers are, what their influences are, what you allow, the digital things, the social media, all of that does influence them. It does. And there are some things that will be more obvious as influencing them, such as a predator, trying to get in touch with them, such as you know, them sending a provocative picture to someone, you know, all the different things that kids do when they stay connected on social media, whether it's a predator or just a peer, but the most insidious thing. And the reason why I encourage you to quote on quote, make your kid an outcast in the sense, which I don't think they are an outcast. And I will elaborate on that in a second, but the influence of these things is insidious and it becomes ingrained and intertwined in their beliefs and their thoughts to themselves and what they do in life.

Speaker 1 (06:05):

And it's hard to like basically peel apart what that influence was and where it was because it's influenced them. It's influenced them enough to where it's become part of their belief. And maybe it was meant to be that way. You know, maybe those are their beliefs in all of that. But I do think that there is a somewhat not ideal influence or force that gets placed upon our kids. If they are given all of these things without guidance, without monitoring, without you putting their floaties on. So to speak as if you're teaching them how to swim bottom line. When, before the digital age came along, we had our kids and basically kind of like a cocoon. They went out into the world when they went to school and, you know, they had certain things that they did in school, but they weren't interconnected to every kid on campus.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

Plus every other campus that you can think of, you know, maybe you took them to church or some form of worship. And they were in a, what I call Sunday school class. So they saw some other kids, you know, there's those kids, parents, you know, the Sunday school teachers, family, that type of thing. So you kind of had control over how they were influenced, but now we have taken basically a deep blue sea of the wide huge world and given them access to all of that. And it's not all bad, there's lots of good things about it. If it wasn't for all of the digital things we have, we wouldn't have been able to stay connected as much as we did during the pandemic. I made this podcast during the pandemic. I launched it right as this pandemic was starting. So it's been an amazing way for me to still get into people's ears and to reach them.

Speaker 1 (07:42):

And then as last year progressed, despite the censorship and all of the things that are have been happening on social media, I have still been able to reach things. So I'm not saying that the digital world is a bad thing, but I'm seeing that in the hands of our kids, they don't need to have access to anything and everything in the world. And when it comes to like being an outcast among their friends, what we need to encourage is for more parents to have this approach to where it is normalized for our kids to not have smartphones at the age of nine, 10, or 11, it is normalized for kids to not be on social media in a soap box of mine with social media. Now is I believe that it is probably created by the predators, because if you look at some of the stuff that has happened over the last six months, if someone has a certain topic that they want to talk about, if that topic goes against the grain of what the overlords of these social media apps want, or don't want to be discussed, it is immediately labeled and sometimes deleted, but yet they can't catch all the predators that are reaching out to our kids.

Speaker 1 (08:48):

They can't catch the drug dealers that are reaching out to our kids on Snapchat. The mom that I mentioned in a, a few months ago, where her son got fentanyl laced, drugs, or a pill that he was taking, and he didn't know it was laced with fentanyl and it killed him. She couldn't get access to the messages that he had on Snapchat because Snapchat had them locked down and apple had it locked down to where she couldn't even get into his phone. Cause she didn't know that his passcode into his phone. She didn't know his passwords to his different social media apps. If they can shut down certain narratives and certain things that are said, but they can't shut down these things. It makes me wonder who is controlling these apps. So my whole point is whether you want your kid to be an outcast or not, you need to look at the bigger picture and think about what kind of outcasts do you want them to be.

Speaker 1 (09:35):

And it's our responsibility as parents to guide our kids. And this is another portion of where we need to provide guidance. And another side of that story is that we cannot control everything and your kid is going to go, you know, if you go to a regular public school or they ride a bus, there's going to be other kids on there that their parents aren't aware of the dangers in the influences or don't care. And they are going to expose our kids to things. So it's out there. It's going to be out there and there's no way to keep your kid completely from it. But my point is, we need to normalize being more proactive in this space. We need to normalize making these social media apps and companies and the makers of the smartphones, be more accountable for putting parental controls and safety monitoring on needs devices.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

I know they're not made for kids, so maybe they don't need to be in the hands of kids until we can get those sorts of things in place. And that's why the pinwheel phone and the gab phone are such amazing things. Listen to my episode, 33 and 38 about pinwheel and about the tick talk watch, there's also the relay go device that you can use. It's like a walkie-talkie thing. There's the gab phone, which doesn't have as much controls and much ways to monitor who they're talking to, but it's still a step up from a smartphone. So all of these things that we have now are ways for us to still give an introduction to our kids, for these things, but not give them access to the world. So I think the moral of the story of what I'm trying to say here, and maybe I'm becoming repetitive, but me as a parent sitting on the other side, almost on the other side of raising three kids, two of them are still teenagers.

Speaker 1 (11:19):

I can see the influence of this because I did all the wrong things and not necessarily all wrong. They're doing beautifully. Now. They are adjusting and stuff like that. But I do think that I made their growing up years harder because I wasn't aware. And I can now see a maturity in them at older ages that I think that's the more appropriate time to give access to more of the things. But when that maturity level isn't there, you're going to get more curiosity, curiosity, more exploration, more not knowing something could be dangerous. You know, the mindset of, uh, of a teen that doesn't quite grasp ramifications of certain actions, sending things out into the world that you can't take back all of those things. So when it comes to your kiddo, being an outcast, I had that same thought and I went down the road of a hope and a prayer and not much else.

Speaker 1 (12:13):

And so I'm here to say it is such a blessing and a gift right now for you to have so many options for this. So explore the different options and choose to make your kid an outcast in the sense that you are guiding them in their development. And I guarantee you, it will pay off in the future. You may get pushed back. You likely will get pushed back. You likely will be told that they are the only kid that doesn't have this or that. But at the end of the day, you are the parent that is guiding them through this world. It is a dangerous and unpredictable world. The influence on them is also unpredictable and insidious. And so you are going to take a proactive stance. And I think you just have to communicate that with them, let them know that you promise them that you love them, and you were doing this in the best interest and someday they will understand.

Speaker 1 (13:03):

Okay. So I hope that was helpful in the sense that it is hard. I've been there and no one wants to be an outcast, but if we can push towards educating more parents about the influences, share my podcast with them, share the resources with them, and let's make it a normal thing for them to not have a smartphone and access to all the social media apps. Let's make it a normal thing that they are walking around with a dumb smartphone and that they can keep in touch by texting. If you have a pinwheel phone, you can control who they are contacting and when they're contacting them. So you can make sure that they have healthy sleep and a healthy routine at home, and that they still have their childhood discovery and all of those things. Okay. So again, I hope this was helpful for you. Please reach out to me. If you have any questions, comments you want to tell me about your own experience, please dip down into the show notes by just scrolling up on this episode, to get some of my freebie download resources, as well as some of the other things that I mentioned in all of my episodes, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:08):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either 

Speaker 1 (14:22):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Anxiety is a normal response to stress, but its prevalence among kids & teens continues to rise. Listen in for tips to help you recognize & navigate it!  

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Gryphon Router CLICK HERE 

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement 

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!! 

Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)

Other supplements I highly recommend 

(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)

Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? I highly recommend Cell Core products, using humic/fulvic acid and natural herbs and minerals to support you at the cellular level, as your one stop shop for detoxing your body while supporting your immune system at the gut level and beyond. Check out the products and protocols available at https://www.cellcore.com and use practitioner code yaCPzYmn to purchase. Connect with me for questions and guidance. These products are game changers for clearing out the unwanted things and getting your immune system in tip top shape! 

Black Oxygen Organics humic/fulvic acid supplements CLICK HERE (I recommend CellCore as highest quality and most comprehensive for humic/fulvic acid supplements, but if not able to do their protocol yet, this is the next best thing)

Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!)  CLICK HERE

Interested in starting your own podcast or having your own business or side hustle? These are a few of the resources I use and opportunities I recommend:

Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE

Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!

Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com for more info! 

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Anxiety in teens and kids is on the rise. And it's no wonder, right? Because of all of this stuff that has gone on over the past year and a half, if you are listening to this at the time of my recording, which is in 2021, but this is something that is a very prevalent issue that can have lifelong effects if we don't face it, head on. So that is what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:25):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:50):

Needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So before we get started today, I just want to give you a heads up on a couple of things, because I've had a couple people questioning me about this. And I have tried to correct some of my recordings where I talk about it, but in case you have missed it for the pinwheel phone, my code changed a couple of months back.

Speaker 1 (01:42):

And it's B that mom dash T E N 10. So if you're interested in getting your kiddo a pinwheel phone, you can use that code to get a discount. And then for the bark app and the Tik TOK watch and the gab phone, my code has not changed and it's still be that mom altogether. One word. Okay. Okay. So before we get started, I just have to tell you this. So a couple of months back, sorry, I didn't silence something. So something's dinging, sorry about that. But a couple months back, I was uploading a podcast and was having some trouble or something. Somehow I uploaded one of my podcasts to my, like my iTunes store on my phone. So it shows up like in my list of music and it popped up the other day as I was listening to music. So I was driving.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

And so I listened to the podcast just to, you know, hear what I had to say. And, you know, since it was a couple months back, I thought, well, let me see if I've improved on some of the things. And I was just amazed at how much I kind of was repetitive with a few things and went on and on and on about a few things. And, you know, kind of feel like a little bit embarrassed about that, but also pat myself on the back for putting myself out there anyway. Right. So I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. I am appreciative that you show up and you listen to this, that you've given me support and that you, me, as I am my imperfect self and that I am not a pro in any way in this broadcasting out to the world, but I am a mom that had challenges put upon my heart that I never expected.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

I would have to face as a parent. And I feel like I have a somewhat unique experience in that my kids is ages fell to where initially didn't have to deal with the digital things. And then we very much had to. And so I've seen the effect on my children across the age spans that they are. And so it's just something that was placed upon me as a challenge. And I come here regularly to just share what I learned because I'm passionate about helping other parents. And I do believe that this digital age is a new, has like put a new realm of parenting on our shoulders and it is something that we cannot ignore. So I just want to thank you for showing up and listening to my podcast if it's your first time, or if you've listened since the beginning. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (03:57):

Thank you for accepting my imperfections. And I do my best to bring you quality information and the things that are at the forefront of what we are dealing with on a daily basis. So I hope that you find it helpful, and I would love to hear from you if you do, or if you have suggestions on topics or if you want to share with me your own story of how you have overcome a struggle in relation to this. I know that it's just something that is absolutely something we can't ignore, but a lot of parents do. And so my mission is to get this into the ears of more people, to where being that mom becomes the norm, instead of us feeling like we are singling out our kids and they're somehow going to be missing out on things or made fun of or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So anyways, just wanted to say thank you for showing up and to giving support of this podcast and all of the things. Okay. So anxiety is something I wanted to bring this up and talk about this because I've seen this kind of a spike or elevate among the teen and young adult generations in, especially over the last year and a half. I think that it's been perpetuated by our situation that we've had in the world. If you're listening to this in real time, when I publish it, I'm recording it in 2021. So I'm speaking of the last year and a half since 2020, when we have had the pandemic and all of the things that have gone on since then. So I want to talk about some reasons why I believe that anxiety is an issue in teens and that we need to address it.

Speaker 1 (05:25):

And then I'm going to give you some thinking points on things that you can do and implement with your own family and your kids so that you can help them to manage this and to cope. Okay. So I think anxiety is a normal reaction to stress. Oh, and before I get further into this, another side note is I am speaking as a mom who has witnessed this in my own kids and dealt with it myself. I am in no way, an expert, I am not offering medical advice. I am just giving you a place to start in exploring this for yourself. If you feel like is a very much huge issue in your kid's life, please don't hesitate to reach out and seek professional help as someone who has education and a background in treating this, you know, seeking help is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (06:09):

And I think it's kind of stigmatized, but seek help if you need to. But what I'm sharing with you today are just a few points that I have found helpful, and that I think that are good things for all of us to explore with our own families. Okay. So anxiety, like I said, is a normal reaction to stress. There's nothing wrong with having anxiety when we are dealing with a new situation or, you know, something that's going on in our lives, it spans across all demographics. I don't think that it is unique to any specific demographic or age or anything like that. It's just a normal thing that we have at when we were kids. You know, if you're old enough to be listened to this because you have kids then, and you likely grew up and in it less digital age. Right. And I think things were different for us.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

Like they were the same, but they were different. And so let's talk about a few things that I think have made this kind of more of a, a big problem for our kids than it was for us. The first one, I believe is higher expectations and more pressure to succeed in the noisiness of all of the other things of life right now. And, you know, like standardized test the test that you take to get into college. I know when I took the sat and act, I had to take them, you know, you likely had to take those to get into college. I felt like a complete dummy when I took those tests, honestly had to go back and study like vocabulary and different things just to get my test score up higher. But I think the standardized tests that our kids take in regular school in the regular school year have become harder.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

There's more pressure and more wheat put on those tests. And then there's just so much distraction in the world, which makes it harder for them to focus on those things. The second thing is there's a lot of uncertainty in the world. There's a lot of change going on in the world, especially the last year and a half. I don't know how much you're aware your kids are aware of all of the things going on. I think there's different levels of awareness there, but in general, the uncertainty and the division and all of the things around the masks in, in the shot and all of the different things that are out there, there's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of disagreement, a lot of divisions. So I think that is putting more anxiety on all of us, but as adults, we have more coping mechanisms usually than our children do.

Speaker 1 (08:21):

And then the third thing is social media, the pressure of social media, like there's absolutely pressure in social media. It is not just about being social as adults. We feel it right. You feel it in, you want to like, look as good as the other family, you know, have the, the big vacations and all of the things. There's that comparison thing. That's just natural for us as human beings to compare and feel like we're less than. So I think that is pronounced in children when they're on social media, because they're still kind of developing their sense of self. And the pressure just is, is bigger and larger in their lives than it is if you were older. And then the fourth thing is that I believe that anxiety is perpetuated by the interconnectedness of our digital world. You know, the not being able to disconnect, always being connected to something, being tracked by parents on life 360.

Speaker 1 (09:15):

I mean, I don't track my kids, but we have life 360. So I can just see where they are, what I need to know where they are. Right? All of those things of the digital world, where you are connected to everything. I think perpetuates it too. I believe that anxiety that is not recognized or is not treated is what leads to depression, what leads to substance use and abuse. And ultimately it can lead to suicide. And suicide has gone up in our world in the last year and a half as well. So this is definitely something to think about and explore with your kiddos. So now what I want to do is just give you some thinking points and some things, some places for you to start to make sure that you are addressing this in your family as well. So the first thing would be to be aware of the signs signs in your children.

Speaker 1 (10:08):

So them being more fearful, expressing more worries about, you know, going to a party, you know, doing the different social things that are just normal childhood things. If they show more worrier or fear about that, and what goes along with that too, would be to not continually expose them to the fear related information that is put out into the world, such as the news and news sites on the internet and those types of things. So being aware of what they are exposed to on social media, on the internet and those types of things, if they are avoiding social situations, they normally would be okay with, if they're having a drop in grades, if they're just isolated more, they're happy with staying in their room, which might be a normal teenage thing too, but they're more isolated and don't want to get out of that isolation.

Speaker 1 (10:58):

If they have a change in their behavior, their demeanor, they used to smile and laugh with you. And now they suddenly don't. And that also, I think, is a normal part of like the middle school, early high school age is for them to do that as they're becoming more self-aware and you know, their hormones are changing. They're going through puberty. They start thinking, oh, maybe my parent doesn't know everything. And then they start saying that, you know, nothing. And as you can see, I have been through this three times. So I've seen that pattern and I do think it's a normal part of growing up, but also something to be aware of and make sure that it's not going too far into, you know, being isolated. And then another sign would be physical complaints. And I think that spans across all ages. And since we were kids in terms of like a stomach ache or, you know, different things that they complain about, they can't go do this or that because of something or other that, you know, they're feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:51):

So those are some of the signs that you may notice. I'm sure there's others, but just kind of be aware and look for some of those signs and really some of the problem with all of the stuff around anxiety is that a lot of these, like I said, can be normal childhood development things. So the next thing would be to talk with your child, to talk to them about these things that you're noticing that they're expressing or that they're doing with their behaviors and such to see if they're okay, check in with them and make sure that you're a safe place to land. That's like no judgment. Like you're a no judgment zone. You were here to help them. You were their guide through their childhood years, whether they like it or not. And so check in with them and see what's going on with them.

Speaker 1 (12:31):

Just be point blank. You know, you're concerned about them. You know, there's a lot of heavy things going on in the world, where are you at with these things? You know, that type of thing. If you don't have that sort of relationship with your kid, just start working on that. It is easy for that to slip away when they're always pushing back on you, but just push back on that because it will be worth it in the end and then encourage healthy ways of coping. You know, so instead of going and being isolated in their rooms, getting out and moving their body, some form of exercise, a healthy diet, eating fruits and vegetables, drinking, water, getting good sleep, having a routine around sleep, have a routine around waking up. If you're into like reflection, meditation, reading for personal growth, encourage those things. If you're not into those things, I highly recommend those for you too.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

But you know, encouraging all of those things as healthy ways of coping and really talk to them about coping mechanisms. And, you know, if you're a person that's like, I'm going to go get a drink because you know, this is just too stressful while I do that. Sometimes like when I was doing my taxes the other day, I certainly got myself a little mixed drink just because I was getting stressed, but that's not necessarily a healthy way of coping. So, you know, having your own self-awareness around what you do to cope in trying to make that a healthy thing for all of y'all, you know, not that you can't do that sometimes, but that shouldn't always be the thing, at least in my opinion, that shouldn't always be the thing that we go to, to cope. I do find that I'm more balanced if I exercise or move my body in some way every day.

Speaker 1 (14:02):

So modeling that behavior and then encouraging them to do something similar to that. Also be mindful of the expectations you have for them. When I was a kid, the expectation that my mom always told us was you need to have A's or B's on your report card. Right. And that was totally fine. That was realistic for when I was a kid, but now at least like where my kids have gone to school, the way they grade things is different. I don't necessarily agree with how they grade things, but it's like, it's harder to achieve the higher grades. It's like, it's almost like things are pushed down a little bit and they're not rewarded as much for what they do. I don't know. That's probably not a really accurate way to say that, but I had to move myself away from the expectation of the grades and look more bigger picture as to how they were doing in school and what they were learning and what they were doing in their life and types of things.

Speaker 1 (14:51):

So be mindful of the expectations you have for them, make sure that there's something realistic and, you know, just encourage them in a realistic way to reach for more, to do well in the things that they do, you know, that type of stuff. Another thing would be to disconnect from the world like disconnect. If you think about it with our phones, with smartwatches, with our computers, even like our refrigerator can have wifi. Now, the wifi in our house, there's the Alexa machines and the echos and all of those different things. There's so many ways to stay connected to the world. And sometimes we just have to disconnect. If you are able to do something where you're outside in the sunshine, being active, being something together and doing something together in nature, those types of things encourage a regular disconnect like every weekend or at a certain time of each day, where you were disconnected from all the other things, taking that pressure of the world away to just be within, you know, your own self and your own family.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

Another thing would be to talk to them about social media illusions, you know, social media is an illusion. Talk to them about that, let them know. And they were probably aware of this, but just for you to reiterate that it's a fake world on social media, you know, pictures are edited. Blemishes are removed, wastes are made smaller, all kinds of things can be done with pictures, just like predators can take a picture and make it look like a kid. When they're actually an adult. There are so many things that can be done with the pictures. Talk to them about that and reiterate that they are enough how they are exactly how they are. They do not have to be like that girl, you know, in this show or that they see on social media. And the number of likes that they get on pictures is not something that determines their worth, that type of stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:43):

Social media creates so much illusion and so much of the feeling of not enough. So if you do allow them on social media, definitely talk to them about those things so that they are not walking around feeling like they are inadequate every day and then encourage social situations. So that means get them out of the house, get them doing stuff with people face to face, put the phones away, you know, like having friends over and everybody's sitting on their phone, that's not really being social, you know, so encouraging social situations where they are out and they are doing normal childhood things. I was telling my husband the other day that I feel like all the digital things, the gaming, the smart phones, all of the things where the kids get absorbed in that, because it's fun, right? Like it's fun to play games. We play games when we were kids.

Speaker 1 (17:31):

It just wasn't as addictive. And it didn't suck you in as much. It wasn't so realistic, like real life. But I feel like all of the digital things almost, and I've said this in another podcast, they distract our kids from them, discovering who they really are. They basically are hindering their childhood development to where maybe they never find their true interests. Maybe they are taken so off course that they don't go through the normal childhood discovery and they never discover what they are really meant to be. Does that not take your breath away to think that like how crazy is that, that these digital things could zap in Rob our kids of their childhood? So while I'm not saying completely disconnect from the things there has to be boundaries around what they use when they use it, where they use it. And when you can put those boundaries in place, then they are still allowed to do normal childhood things.

Speaker 1 (18:29):

Boredom is okay, boredom creates creativity, right? So let them be bored. Let them discover ways to entertain themselves, let them be creative, let them play outside in the dirt, let them ride their bikes, you know, shoot hoops, do all the things that we did as kids, because that is where they learn who they are. And they learn that there are enough and that they are capable and they're smart and all of the things, right? So put boundaries around the digital things and encourage social situations where they have to be face-to-face and side-by-side with other people without being digitally connected. And then finally, like I said, at the beginning, if you feel like it has become more than what you can handle, if you feel like you need an outside perspective or, you know, just someone else that can come and talk to your child, seek outside help.

Speaker 1 (19:19):

There's no shame in that. We have done that with our own family. And I know many families that have done that as well. Sometimes it just takes the outside perspective of someone else to come in to help you kind of get a grasp on what you have going on, because it absolutely is so overwhelming raising kids in our digital age. And so it's just, there's no shame in asking for outside help if you need it. Okay. And I think that like, if I think back to my childhood and my teenage years, I did have a lot of anxiety too. So my guess is you probably did too. But the difference now is number one more isolation because of all of the things that have happened in the last year and a half since 2020. And so that's naturally made everybody more isolated and then they have more ways to kind of defer or divert facing these things, head on, you know, encouraging them to get out and get a job and things like that is something that can help them to work through it too.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

But I just feel like by them being able to, I can't talk by them being able to connect through texting versus talking, being able to connect through things on social media versus talking like talking on the phone, I think has kind of funneled our kids into being more isolated and not being as social. And so we need to encourage them to still talk to people, talk to them on the phone, have face-to-face interactions as we move past all of the stuff around that pandemic. And we're out into the world more, depending on where you live, we need to get back to being social and doing things together because they can get creates a, um, a stigma and a feeling of isolation and then almost an anxiety around having to be talking to people and things like that. And I know for me, I personally like if I'm texting someone and then they call me, like, I've just texted them.

Speaker 1 (21:15):

And then they called me, I'm like, dang it. Like, I didn't say call me. I was okay with texting, but I don't feel like talking, you know, I think we all kind of do that. Right. Or maybe I'm the only one, but I think it's natural for us to go towards the isolation type. You know, the less social, maybe depending on our personality, maybe I'm just more introverted, but I think it's kind of a natural thing, but I think we have to push past that. What I was saying when I got kind of sidetracked just a second ago, was that as kids and as we were growing up, we didn't have all of these digital things to stay connected. So whether you were nervous or not, you still face your fears and you still did it because otherwise you didn't live. Right. So we pushed past those things because that's how life was.

Speaker 1 (21:57):

And that's how we communicated with each other. So the convenience of all the digital things and not having to talk to people directly or call them on the phone is something that creates this feeling of isolation, which funnels into the social anxiety and the whole situation whoops, around the anxiety. So I hope this was helpful for you in these were some good thinking points for you to move forward with your family. I don't think that it is abnormal to have anxiety at all, but we do have to encourage them to work through those fears and those worries and all of the things and make sure that they are still developing that character strength of being able to be social and talk to other people and push past it when they have anxiety. Okay. Again, I hope you found this helpful and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (22:44):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 3 (22:58):

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Privacy is a highly debated when it comes to a kid's phone, but if you are wanting to check your kids phone, use these suggestions on what to check!

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Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you ever want to get parents riled up, ask the question in a parenting group, whether or not a kid deserves privacy on their phone, have you ever done that? Have you ever looked at those conversations? Wow. It can get heated, right? Well, today we're going to just dive into a couple aspects around that topic to help you. If you are in the place where you are needing to inspect their phone and some alternatives that you can use in order to not have to go into their phone as much and worry about missing something, okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:38):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (01:04):

Needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet. Check out the tick talk. Watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So privacy around the use of a phone. I get it. It is definitely something that we need to honor. As our kids get older. It is like one of those things where they are trying to gain more independence and think that we don't understand them and all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:53):

But what you have to understand when it comes to giving them digital access to the digital world, to smartphones and whatever it is, whatever it looks like for you is that the information that they have at their fingertips is like the world, like the entire world. So think of anything and everything that they may be curious about. They can find information about it and we can all agree that yes, we want them to expand their thinking, to learn more things, but some stuff is just not something they need to be exposed to at certain ages. Right? So the biggest thing is to not feel pressured into giving that first smartphone, right? Like at some point we have to put our foot down and say, it's not okay to be giving an eight and nine and 10 year old a smartphone, right? Like of course some parents do that and your kids do fine, but other ones do not.

Speaker 1 (02:43):

And they crash and burn. And so we have to recognize there is an impact for this and that when we are giving them something, I believe these things need to be earned. And then we don't have to necessarily be diving into all of their conversations once they have developed and demonstrated that responsibility around what they are doing back in the day and age, when all a phone would do is taxed. And you know, anybody and everybody didn't have access to your kid's phone number. It probably wasn't that big of a deal. My oldest kid's first phone was a flip phone. And at that time, the flip phone had no internet access, but we're living in a different day and age now. So I believe that, like I've said, in other episodes that we need to start with baby steps, put floaties on them and help guide them.

Speaker 1 (03:30):

So, but once you have given that smartphone at that point, I do believe there needs to be monitoring. Now the alternatives to taking up a phone and looking through it is to use something like that. Bark. I know you've heard me mentioned that before or choosing a different type of phone, one of the dumb smartphones. And I, I have those listed in my show notes, but those are an alternative and they take some of the work out of it. But let's say that you're in the place right now, where you do not have bark. Maybe you're thinking about it, but you haven't gotten it set up yet, or it's not available where you're at. What things can you do? What things do you look at when you go to take up their phone? I want to talk about 10 things. Some of them kind of overlap, but 10 things that you can think about and look into when you pick up that phone and then go from there.

Speaker 1 (04:18):

Once you have gotten into a routine of looking at things, and if you are in a place where you can get bark, it will take some of the legwork out of this. And any of these things are not completely full-proof. So, you know, just realize that no, that if you are spot checking it, your kid may get smart to the fact that they know you're going to spot, check it at a certain time. And so they delete things. They get rid of things, they delete apps, different things like that. So you can't see what their activity is. So that's kind of the risk that comes along with giving them a device that has so much information, so much power, so much influence in impact that you do run that risk of there being some dishonesty, as a result of most likely their innocent curiosity, to a point before they start doing it intentionally because they want to do whatever it is that they want to do.

Speaker 1 (05:06):

So let's talk about this. If you're picking up the phone, you don't yet have a parental control type thing on there, or you can't get one on there. I first off would look at their conversations, their texts, who are they talking to? What are they saying? There's no way that you probably can scroll through all the conversations, but I would set it up to where there's boundaries around, who can they talk to? And then maybe generally scroll through, like maybe if they've got a group message with other peers, it might be good to kind of scroll through that and just kind of see what the general conversation is. Okay. So the first thing would be to look at the text, who are they talking to? What are they talking about? That type of thing. The second thing would be what phone calls are they getting in?

Speaker 1 (05:48):

Who are they calling? If they're getting a bunch of random numbers might want to go through there and block some of those numbers, I've looked at my kid's phone, they were getting all kinds of spam. And so I've gone through and blocked those numbers. So they would quit calling them. The third thing would be to look and some of these things, there's where they've learned to hide things. So that's, I'm just kind of highlighting some of the places that they may be trying to slip things past you. So the third thing would be notes. Notes is a place where they can, you know, put passwords down. They can put the different things that they're trying to remember save or whatever. And so I would look through the notes and just see what they have there. The fourth thing would be emails. If they do have their email access on their phone, I would look through and just see if they they're getting emails from someone other than who y'all know, or, you know, sometimes they're spam emails that can kind of deceive them into thinking there's something real, like click this and you're going to win this.

Speaker 1 (06:40):

And then it ends up implementing a virus or, you know, something to that effect. So we'll look at the emails, see who they're emailing and who they're getting emails from, maybe unsubscribed from things that they have may have subscribed to. And now they're getting a bunch of spam emails. The fifth thing would be their pictures. And when I say pictures, I mean also look at their deleted pictures. So I would look through and see what things they're taking. Pictures of, look and see if they've deleted anything. If they know how to delete the deleted folder, then you still may miss things. But that is a place where you might pick up on something they're doing or saying that you may not think is ideal. The sixth thing is look through the files of the phone, another place where they can hide things is in the files of the phone.

Speaker 1 (07:23):

The seventh thing would be their contacts. And I personally, if you have an iPhone, I would set it up on your screen time controls to where they can not add any contacts. And you can do that in there and you could set it up to where they can add contacts or not add contacts. And then I think there's a few other things in there. Like you can set it up to where they can can't call after a certain time, or they can only call these certain numbers at, or these certain contacts at a certain time. So you can set it up to where they have like your preferred list of people that can contact them and vice versa. So I would look through the contacts, make sure there's no one knew that you don't know and that everybody that's on there as someone that they know in real life in person, the ninth thing I would look at is time spent and where it was spent.

Speaker 1 (08:10):

So their screen time controls or their Google family link, screen controls. And on an iPhone, if you haven't set up through your phone, you can look at this through your phone, what their activity is, what apps they're spending more time on, how much time they were on their phone, all of those things, I would pay attention to that and see where they're spending their time. And then the last thing to mention is, oh, I skipped one. So I did, I skipped, I think I skipped number seven, but I don't know if I said six or seven or eight. So the next one is hidden apps. So I have an episode that I talk about some common hidden apps. Let me see if I can find it. Okay. So if you go to episode 53, I talk about different apps and features of smartphones that are made for hiding things.

Speaker 1 (08:58):

Highly recommend that you check out that episode because there are apps that are made specifically to look like a calculator or different things. So that's what you think it is, but it actually has like hidden messages or hidden photos, different things like that, hidden on the phones that you can not see it. And if you ever see in an app that you have not approved, or, and that's another thing is, make sure you have it set up to where they cannot add or delete apps without your permission. And then that will save you a lot of sanity when it comes to finding something that you didn't approve of on their phone. But if you come across an app that looks different, you can go to the app store and search that app, you know? So just try to find that app in the app store and then look what at what its description is.

Speaker 1 (09:41):

That's one way to figure out if it's one of those apps. I mean, you know, there's always new apps, there's always new things going on. So it may not be something that's listed in my episode because there's always something new to skirt around what parents want our kids to do. So be sure to check out the app store for that. And then the last thing is just to check out if you are allowing any social media, Snapchat, Tech-Talk Pinterest, Instagram, any of those always be aware that those are algorithm based. So if you open up their app and it suddenly is showing them something, that's like, you know, risque something that you didn't want them to see. No, that it is showing things according to either something that they are browsing or searching for or talking about, that's how the apps work, unless you have it set up to block those things.

Speaker 1 (10:27):

But on most of them, it's hard to block it. So, you know, you, you search a certain thing and then suddenly it shows up on your Facebook feed, right? We've probably all experienced that. Or you talk about something and suddenly there's an ad for it. So when you go into their social media apps, one thing you can do, if you're kind of spot-checking this, if it allows you to, you can have a log in on your phone for certain apps. Instagram is one that you can do this. And so you can log out of yours and log into theirs and see what their activity has been. You can also kind of interact on theirs and interact with some things that you know, that they'll be interested in. So those are the things that it's shown in the app. If that makes sense, you know, so it's algorithm based.

Speaker 1 (11:07):

So you could go in, even if you can't do it on your phone, you could go in on their phone, click around on some things that you know, that they'll like on Snapchat, subscribe to certain things that channels that, you know, that is educational things for them, that type of thing. And then what they're shown is those things versus pornography or whatever. Now I'm not seeing or suggesting that it's okay to put your kid on a social media platform. I think that's an individual decision and there is responsibility that goes with that. Us understanding that there are dangers there that even with our best efforts, a predator that is savvy and knows how to work a kid or to work around parental controls can very much very quickly get into our kids' lives. Somehow one way to block that one thing that is very common, that they do is to kind of be friend the child, claiming that they're the same age or they somehow relate, you know, somehow gain their trust.

Speaker 1 (12:04):

And then they have them, they get them off of that platform. So they may like have them add them to their contacts. And then they're just another contact in the phone. So the parent won't notice that type of thing. So that's another reason why it's important to set up their contacts with where they can't add or delete contacts without your permission. Okay. So the social media thing is a big, huge thing that requires multiple episodes to help you navigate. So don't take that lightly and do supervise closely with that. Okay. So those are the tips that I have as far as things to just spot check. If you're going to spot check your kid's phone, I do still recommend that if bark is available in your area, it is absolutely top of the line, the best thing out there. They have a heart of gold.

Speaker 1 (12:49):

It is made by parents that like me have gone through the early days of having our kids on the digital things. And they have your kids and your best interest at heart. They will, if they detect something on your kid's phone, they will follow up with you. Once they send a message to make sure you and your kid are doing okay, they help you to navigate these things. And it's not just like a bot that detects things and sends it to you. There's different ways to control it to where you can make it more sensitive or less sensitive. You can bot check certain things. There's just so much to it. It's such a gift. Other than that, you know, there's the dumb smartphones. The pinwheel phone is top of the line gives you most control. It kind of takes a lot of these things that I'm mentioning and makes them to where they're not possible on a pinwheel phone because there's no internet access, the apps that are on there, you have to approve, you can set up modes for when the phone is functional, what things are functional when all of those things.

Speaker 1 (13:44):

So for a pinwheel phone use code, be that mom dash 10 T E N. And that will get you a discount on that phone for bark. It's be that mom is my code, and that will get you 20% off for the life of your subscription in a seven day free trial. The other things out there like the Tik TOK watch that will help you stay connected for a younger kid, but not necessarily access to the whole world with the phone. So there are things out there to help you, but use these tips to help you in the case that you are not able to get ahold of those things right now, or you're just kind of wanting to get a gauge on what your kid is doing and what's going on. Maybe you don't feel like those things are necessary yet. Okay. Or, you know, you just decide that you're not going to do those things, which is totally your call. Okay. Hopefully this was helpful for you and was, um, relatively short and sweet. I intended on it being a little bit shorter, but talked a little fast this time, I think. But hopefully you are doing well and having a great summer so far or whatever season it is, where you live and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:46):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Don't leave your kid's screen time to chance. Here is a game plan for you to follow as we roll into summer, with 5 tips you can use today!

 FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOM-TEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, my gosh. Can you believe it? Summer is upon us. I just can't believe it. It's like, how is it already? The beginning of June? It seems like we have like, had the longest year and a couple of months of our lives, but also really quick and other aspects, right? Like crazy, crazy. Well, as we go into the summer months and maybe your kiddos have more time at home, more free time, which also means more digital time. I want to talk about a few tips on how you can keep that time spent on digital devices, kind of reigned in so that it doesn't just become a problem, an issue, a thing that interferes with other things that our kids need to be doing with their freedom during the summer. Right? That's what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 3 (01:17):

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Speaker 1 (01:52):

So I guess I should interject that. I know I have listeners from all over the world, so I recognize that some of you may not be going into your summertime, which seems weird to me because I've always lived in the United States. But if you happen to be in another country where your, your world is kind of opposite of ours, just know that these tips can be used for you any time your kids have extra time to be on the digital things. Okay. So take it with a grain of salt that I've said summertime, let's just talk about when you're a kids that I have more free time and want to be on all the digital things. How do you manage it? What can you do to kind of rein that time in? Okay, so that's what we're going to talk about. So this whole topic is kind of around boundaries, right?

Speaker 1 (02:33):

So it's something that I've talked about in several other of my episodes about how we need to have boundaries around the digital things. Probably the biggest mistake that I made in those earlier years when I gave the gaming device and the different things like that was just giving free rein of that device. The second biggest mistake was probably allowing it in the bedroom and actually putting that gaming console in bedroom with, you know, just unlimited use. That was probably the second biggest mistake. So those are the two things that I would really focus on this summer. But in addition to that, the first thing that I would do is set up a routine for your kids. Even if you're not at home, like if they're old enough to where they're staying at home and you're going to work, I would make a kind of a check-off responsibility list that has to be done before they earn that time on the digital devices, the gaming consoles, whatever it is that they tend to spend too much time on if you let it.

Speaker 1 (03:35):

So if you listen to one of my episodes, it's been quite a while ago. I'm not sure exactly which episode it is, but I talked about a certain psychologist who talked about high dopamine and low dopamine activities. And the problem with being on a digital device for prolonged periods is it's kind of a, an easy reward system. And it's a high dopamine activity, meaning that it, you know, you don't have to do a lot of work in order to get to the rewards. And it's been equated as far as the effects on the brain as similar to using drugs. So you want to be aware of that and then implement some boundaries in place so that your kids have breaks from that. Like, it's not something that's necessarily going to harm them. Long- term in small doses, but if you're doing these prolonged periods of them doing it, you know, being on some device and with no interruptions and doing nothing else, then you will start to see the effects in their behavior.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

And the, some of the things that they do, if you're someone that has a kid that's been gaming or on digital things a lot, you probably know what I'm talking about and that they actually go through sort of a withdrawal when they don't have those easy reward, high dopamine activities going on. So you have to kind of bring them off of that. If you have allowed them to have a lot of uninterrupted time on there, you have to kind of let them go through that withdrawal. So let's do a little bit of a roadmap to help you navigate this as you go into the summer, because I hear it over and over and over again that you're like, well, I just, I'm glad that they are out of school and you know, they have all this free time. I just want them to have fun.

Speaker 1 (05:21):

I just want him to spend time with their friends. There's this, you know, this COVID thing going on. And so I just want them to spend time with their friends and they can't always be together. So I'm just going to let them play their games. And then what I hear a lot of times is, oh my God, I should have set some boundaries up around that. And I don't know how to proceed from here. Okay. So first thing I would do is set up kind of a routine for responsibility. So their day has to involve this certain amount of responsibility in your home. So you can make a list of according to the, you know, like the, the task that you want them to do in the house. So it could be something like clean their bathroom, take out their trash, empty, the dishwasher, rinse the dishes in the sink, sweep, mop, you know, whatever it is that you want them to do, but they have that certain amount of responsibility.

Speaker 1 (06:13):

Or if they're a little bit younger, like making their bed, brushing their teeth, those certain tasks. So make a list of those things that they're responsible for and then require that they have like two or three that are completed, that they have to do every day when they wake up or whatever the pattern of the routine is that you want to put in place. The second thing is require that part of their activity every day is to do some form of active activity that was redundant. Wasn't it, some form of active exercise, recreation getting outside, you know, something, something busy, something active, something where they're moving their bodies, something where they're exposed to sunshine, not just the four walls of their bedroom or the living room or the house, but something where they are doing childhood discovery things. And I know once they get to the teenage years, they don't really want to do this very much.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

And they'll probably give you attitude about that, but just reiterate that that is part of your routine or responsibility that is required before they get the privilege of spending time on those digital things. The third thing is to have a time limit, don't let them do a free for all, have a time limit of how much they can spend on a game or device, phone, social media, whatever it is that you are allowing them to have, have a specific set time do not let it just be to chance or because they don't have anything else going on. They're just going to do this. It is a time suck and it's hard once their mind gets into those things. It's so addicting that before, you know, it, hours and hours and hours have gone by you're busy. You may not even be at home. And so you can't really monitor closely.

Speaker 1 (08:06):

And it's just kind of like a slippery slope that gets going faster and faster and faster. If you haven't set up some type of limit on the time that they can do that, the fourth thing is have them do whatever activity you're allowing in a public space of your home. I know that may be hard if they're actually home alone. But like I said, at the beginning, I caution against allowing things in the bedroom when they're, especially at younger ages, but definitely recommend that they be supervised in their activity. And even if they're old enough to where they don't necessarily have to be supervised so much, have them in a public space, because like, especially like with gaming where it kind of sucks you in and is addictive and has that high dopamine reward system going on, it's very easy for them to feel isolated.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

And then, you know how, like, if you're around, like if you're a female, which I would think you are because you're listening to a be that mom podcast. But if you're a female, think about like being in a social setting with other women, or when you were younger, like a teenager or middle school, remember how you could listen to, or kind of see or overhear some other girls. Maybe it was just me, but you could hear someone talking and you kind of are paranoid that they're talking about you. That's kind of how I envision when the kiddo is in their room and kind of isolated and excluded from the rest of the activity in the house is they start feeling isolated. They may start imagining that you're mad at them or that you're talking about them, or, you know, something going on to where they're like not a part of it.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

They're isolated or, you know, it's so natural for middle school and young teens and teenagers to feel like they're different in that they're not understood. And so I think that this gets magnified when you allow this thing to go into their bedroom and then, you know, they have the four walls closed in not to mention the fact that that makes them easier prey on the predators that are out there that makes it easier for them to be curious, and to go down the rabbit holes of all of the things on the internet. You know, they say that pornography is only a couple clicks away from anywhere that our kids are online. So there's just so many extra things when they're not in a public space in your house and not somehow when they're not supervised in some way. So along those lines, I highly recommend that you do look into some of the tools if you haven't already, that I mentioned over and over and over again on here about like having a Griffin or gray phone router in place or a router that has parental controls.

Speaker 1 (10:46):

I have a link for the Griffin Griffin. I wish I knew how to pronounce that correctly. Router in my show notes, if you need a router that has parental controls, but screen time controls on the phone or the Google family link on an Android bark to help monitor conversations and activity without necessarily being all in their business all of the time. And then, you know, for this phone options, definitely a pinwheel phone is better than a smartphone to start. And then the router, plus like, if you want to do something like bark home, that is something that you can set up to where they have access to certain things or can't access certain things. Like there's all kinds of ways now to help you supervise. So even if you are the mom that is not at home and your kid is home alone, I still recommend that you require or have certain boundaries around where they can use those devices and for how long, but also have something in place that can help monitor that can help block those sites that you don't want them going to.

Speaker 1 (11:42):

And, you know, just give you those extra eyes and those extra years that you need to help navigate this kids move. So Fastly, Fastly is not a word so fast through these things, and it's impossible to keep up. It truly is. And they will find a way around most things. But when you have multiple layers, like I've said in a couple other episodes a few months ago, probably when you have these layers, it's like, it's extra, extra eyes for you. So if you have the layers of the, the router and you could put bark home on that, on top of that, if you want, if you have a bark monitoring for conversations and activity, if you have the screen time controls through an iPhone or the Google family link through an Android, all of those things can help you to supervise. Okay. So don't think that just because you're not home and it's a lost cause and you should just let them do a free for all, because you're just, your plate is full.

Speaker 1 (12:36):

You're busy working. How in the world are you going to do all the rest of this stuff? Right. That's me. That's what I used to think. So I'm saying that in the voice of I've been there, I know, I know that feeling, but just know that you have all these tools, just utilize them. They're all so very affordable. And I just can't emphasize enough how much they're going to pay you back in years to come. When you see your kids mature enough to where they can navigate these things more on their own, they can recognize the red flags more and they can regulate themselves more because they realize that there are more things in the world than just sitting on a game or buying these skins or getting these rewards on the game. When they realize that there are these other activities that are fun and enjoyable like they did before you let them have the digital things.

Speaker 1 (13:24):

You can tell that this is something that I've really, really struggled with because I keep on talking about it. But it's just an amazing thing. How distracting and how much of a time suck these things are. So put those boundaries in place around that and help supervise. Okay. And then the last thing that I want to say is related to balancing the high dopamine and the low dopamine. So when I say like put a time limit, that psychologist that I mentioned earlier, he actually recommends that you have like bursts of time. Like I think for adolescents, he mentioned like an hour on two, an hour off, you know, so you get set up to where they have a timer and so you get to play for an hour, but then you have to be off for an hour or, you know, whatever it is that you want to do for your kid.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

And I would recommend to, I recommend that you kind of use your kid's behavior as judgment. So if you notice it that they're kind of like more hyper, more distracted, more attitude, all of those things after they're coming off of playing their console, or, you know, they spend way more time going through a certain social media site or whatever, and then they don't want to get off to do other things. They give you attitude about things. Use that as kind of a, a clue that maybe you need to pull back on that time. The one thing that I always, when I looked at that and looked at like setting a time limit was I just looked at it and I was like, that's not realistic. I can't just tell my kid. I can, they can only do it for 15 minutes a day. You know?

Speaker 1 (14:53):

So I was a little bit more lax with that, but just use your own kiddo is as the judge of it. So you're getting more attitude and all of that pull back on that time and say, you just have 30 minutes, you're getting 30 minutes. And then you need to go outside and swim, ride a bike, you know, whatever it is that you can get them to do, that's active, shoot. Some hoops, throw a ball, do something that is just normal childhood things other than the digital things. Okay. So if you balance those low dopamine with the high dopamine, it's better for their brain. So another way to say that is like a quick reward and a slower reward type thing. And one example that that psychologist uses is like, he says that like baking a cake, you get a reward when the cake is done.

Speaker 1 (15:40):

Well, you also get a reward when you make the batter. I love to eat better. And cookie dough, cookie dough too. So you get a reward when you mix those ingredients together, right? It takes some work though. They have to measure things out. They have to mix it up and then it's ready to eat, right? While a game it's like you go in and you get that instant reward. It's not a lot of work. That's what he's talking about with the high dopamine and the low dopamine activities. So balance those games with things that are more hands-on and more active, it doesn't just mean exercise. It doesn't just mean being active physically with their body, but something that uses their brain in a different way and gives them a reward in a different way. And like I've said before, I believe childhood is about discovery and they develop by interacting with the world and interacting with different things to discover what it is that they are interested in for life, right, for a profession, for what their likes and dislikes are, what their hobbies are going to be.

Speaker 1 (16:45):

And when they spend all their time playing in this make-believe world, it distracts them from that. It delays them from that. And it just gets to where we see like a generation of kids that have very little ambition or no ambition to go out and do other things to do the, the gifts, the things that they're meant to do, right. It distracts them and keeps them from discovering who they are meant to be. And I think that's a tragedy. And I think that is the biggest thing that we, as parents need to focus on with all the digital things is it's not all bad and we do have to help them navigate. But at the same time, putting these boundaries, these limits around what you were allowing allows them to still have the childhood that they're meant to have right outside of the digital things.

Speaker 1 (17:37):

And when I think of like my middle school years, summer was like freedom. You know, it was like, oh my God, we have all these long days of summer, all this sunshine, we lived in a neighborhood where we had a neighborhood pool. And so me and my best friends would ride our bikes to the pool. We'd spend the entire day at the pole. We, you know, we'd have 45 minutes where you could swim. And then 15 minutes where it was like the adult swim. And so we'd get out and we'd be starving. So we'd go to the snack bar, you know, concession stand thing and get us some, some hot fries or some Cheetos or a candy bar, different things like that. And I remember it tasted so good because I was so hungry because I was just swimming all day long and then the whistle would go off and it would be time to get back in the pool.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

So we'd put our snack down. We jumped back in the pool and we swim non-stop with all this imagination and all these themes that we were doing. I don't even know how we could spend the entire day swimming, but we would spend the entire day swimming. And, you know, just spending time with each other imagination, swimming in the deep end, jumping off the diving board, all of that stuff. And then at the end of the day, our eyes were like red because we didn't, weren't wearing goggles. We did use sunscreen, but maybe had a little bit of a sunburn and then, you know, still ravenous hungry and we'd ride our bikes home to go eat supper, you know, and go home for the night. Those were the best memories. But I think that, uh, and you know, we all have different childhoods, different opportunities. So your child may not have those same things.

Speaker 1 (19:14):

And certainly in today's day and age, I wouldn't be letting my kid right through a neighborhood to go to the pool by themselves. That was, you know, way back when, but I think if, if back then we had the digital things, imagine all the things we would have missed out on. And that's what I worry about with our kids is that they're going to miss out on these things that they need to do. Like how would I have known how to do certain things? If I hadn't had these childhood experiences, how would I know what I like or dislike? You know? So that's what I think you need to keep in mind as we go into the summer is that we need to preserve their childhood and their childhood experiences. And yes, we live in a digital world now, and it's not all bad and it is a part of their lives and a part of our lives.

Speaker 1 (19:56):

And it has so many blessings that go with it because we can stay connected, even though we've had this worldly pandemic thing going on and all of the things, there are so many pluses, but when it comes to these things that can have an impact on our kids. I think that these are some very vital tips that you can use as you go forward through this summer and also to maintain your sanity, right? Like we don't want to get to July or August and be like, oh my God, like they are just so out of hand because they've just sat here all summer playing this game. So I've probably rattled on enough and gone on, on enough tangents that you're like, okay, wrap it up, Dolly, go wrap it up. But use these five tips to help guide you. I think that they are a great way to summarize everything and to help you navigate this so that you can, their summertime discovery and freedom and all of that, while also allowing them to spend time with friends, if that's what you allow or, you know, whatever it is that they do digitally, just try to balance it and preserve that childhood discovery for them.

Speaker 1 (21:01):

Okay. So hopefully this was helpful as I always say at the end of all my episodes, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:11):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey, if you 

Speaker 3 (21:26):

Are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

The internet never forgets and that is why our kids need guidance on how to "behave" online! Check out these tips for you and your kid to keep this in mind!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Social media and on online etiquette, it is a thing. And it's something to consider when you're talking to your kids and help guiding them in the deep blue sea of the big, massive digital world. So today I'm going to give you five tips to help you. As you go down this path, stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:48):

To stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So, as I've said in a couple of other episodes, I have to apologize if there's a little bit of background noise. I need to pick a different day to record these episodes because the day that I am recording it is often also laundry day. Or I need to have a new location where I'm not right next to the utility room.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

You know, so if you hear some background noise, me and I can't talk today, that is our dryer and our washing machine. And I'm hoping that the microphone does not pick it up, but a Yeti microphone is amazing at picking up sounds so it may pick it up. So I apologize for that. If you do hear that background noise. So before I get started, I also want to tell you that me and my husband just came back from a trip to Riviera Maya, Mexico. It was the most amazing trip meant so much. It was so relaxing because it's been so long since we've been able to do anything like that. So I just want to recommend to you wherever you are in the world, find something that you can do safely, according to what the situation is for you, where you live, but find time for yourself, find time for you to relax, to let your mind rest, to disconnect from all of the things, because it's so very powerful when we put ourselves before all the other things, it's so easy to get up and to grab the phone and to start looking at all the latest events and what's going on today and who said what and who posted what and all of those things.

Speaker 1 (02:48):

And we lose track of ourselves and all of that. And I think that this past year has seriously highlighted how important it is for us to put ourselves first, to take care of ourselves and really a concerted, intentional effort to take care of ourselves. And when it comes to being in a relationship, if you have a significant other or a spouse, highly recommend that you take individual time with them, you know, quality time talking to each other face to face, put the phones away, disconnect from all the things it's so important to keep that connection and have that time to just reconnect and do all of the things outside of the busy-ness of life. And when it comes to raising kids, I feel like it's just the norm for it to be a rollercoaster. It was before all this digital stuff, I'm old enough to know what it was like to raise a child before the digital things entered our realm.

Speaker 1 (03:42):

And unfortunately, my kids were the kind of the Guinea pigs when it comes to all the digital things, because some of these things that are out there now that I always mentioned are such a gift for parents these days to help guide you. They didn't exist then because we weren't aware of the dangers. So in order for you to help yourself navigate this rollercoaster, I highly recommend that you are taking time for yourself and whatever that looks like for you. But you know, some big things that you can do are starting out your morning with intention. I mentioned this in some of my episodes, but starting out your morning with intention, don't grab that phone right away. I need to do that myself. I'm very bad at picking up my phone as soon as I wake up and I'm getting out of bed, but, you know, leave that phone aside, get some positive thoughts going in your head, maybe listen to a meditation app that has like a short five or 10 minute little talk or reflection or meditation or Bible verse.

Speaker 1 (04:38):

And then after that start with maybe a little bit of movement or exercise plan out your day for what you're going to eat and how you're going to drink and all of those things. And that goes such a long way. When it comes to caring for ourselves, setting an example for our family, and then also just giving ourselves that space to take care of ourselves so we can better take care of them. I think that's one of the most impactful things that I've did. Like I've mentioned in some other of my early, early episodes. One of the most impactful things I did for my kids was to realize that I needed to take care of me first. And then it wasn't selfish to do that. And even though I started it later in the game and they were a little bit older, it still has had an influence, even though I kind of instilled some, not the best habits with their eating and things like that over time, I have seen them, you know, like kind of absorb what they're seeing me doing and saying, and eating and exercising and all of that.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

And they're implementing those same things. So just whatever it looks like for you, be the example for your kids by taking care of yourself first. Okay. I just can't emphasize that enough. And like I say, at the end of some of my episodes in my fit club ad that I've put at the end, I do have a support community. I have tools to help you. I do wellness coaching on the side of this podcast. It's just another one of my businesses. So if you are in need of more guidance in that area, I connect you with some experts in design tools and I provide a support community to help you. And very soon, I'm going to provide another level of coaching that I will expand on at a later date and related to some coursework that I'm doing right now in order to expand my nurse practitioner practice.

Speaker 1 (06:21):

So I will be expanding on that right now, but I do have a wellness coach business, and I have a space for you. If you're needing to tame the crazy and get yourself back on board in your own life, I do have that for you. So please connect with me. Okay. So just wanted to mention that because our trip to Mexico was so refreshing. It was not long enough. It needed to be a couple of days longer, but the sunshine, the waves, listening to the ocean, just spending some quality time with my husband was so very valuable and I'm able to come back and be much more present with my family, my kids, and do the things that they are needing me to do. Even though, you know, it's challenging in high demand because I have taken care of myself and also me and my husband make it a point to take care of our relationship together.

Speaker 1 (07:09):

So can't emphasize that enough. So today let's get to our topic of social media and online etiquette. I saw this in a discussion in one of the parenting groups that I'm in and I just thought, oh my gosh, that is so very important and such a good point for parents to make a parent posted in this group and said, I'm getting ready to give my kid their first phone. I understand some of the dangers, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I want to know what are the top things that you tell your kids or that I should tell my kid when it comes to what they do online. And so I went through some of the responses of the different moms, and here are the top five ones that I picked out of there that I do think will be valuable for you as you help guide your kid as well.

Speaker 1 (07:55):

So the first thing, and probably perhaps the most important one of all five is to never, ever provide personal identifiable information ever. So this is their full name, their birthday, their address, where they attend school, what their parents' names are, other things that would help someone to be able to find to them or to track them. And I may think of a couple extra things now that I'm talking about this. So that would be super important because you don't know who it is on the other side of that screen, they can say that they're a 14 year old girl or boy or whatever, but they're actually a 29, a 39 or 49 year old person, you know, so never, ever provide personal identifiable information to anyone that you meet online ever. The second thing is, if a person you meet online offers you a gift or, you know, somehow wants to give you something that, that is a red flag.

Speaker 1 (08:57):

Like, to-do go tell mom and dad, okay. So they want to gift them a skin. They want to gift them something in the mail. What's your address I'm going to mail is to you, that type of thing, never, ever, ever accept gifts from anyone that you don't know. The third thing is always, always, always lead with kindness. So you don't know, I know who that person is on the other side. And just like, you don't know if they're a predator for you, you don't want to be the bully for someone else. You know, writing outwards is more harsh than speaking them oftentimes, right? Because you can't infer tone when you're reading something. So sometimes something can be misconstrued and the child could be taken as the bully for someone else. You don't know what that other person is going through. They might take it personally.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

You know, you just can't infer tone. And so went online, always be kind. The fourth thing is at the internet, never forgets, never things are recoverable. Even if they're disappearing pictures, even if they're a disappearing message, even if they're within a certain app, there are ways to recover anything and everything that is put out there. So never, ever, ever put anything out there that you don't want mom and dad to know about. You don't want future college to know about, you don't want a future coach or, you know, someone looking at you for a scholarship to find out never, ever, ever put anything out that in any way, shape or form is something that you don't want blasted everywhere. Right. Okay. And then the fifth one that I had on my list here is when, in doubt, when there's any, you know, kind of an uncomfortableness, you're not sure about this certain situation that you're in online, walk away and go tell mom and dad.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

So that one kind of has a gray area. And I think kids don't have the best judgment. So all of them, you know, this and all the other ones are good Gleaners to tell them, but also always know that their judgment is different than yours. You know, just think back to your middle school and teenage years and the stupid things that you did and not seeing that that's not a normal thing. That's a normal thing, but we need to realize that access to the online world, along with them still being in the childhood young adult development can be a collision course with the things we don't want to be them to be a part of. Right? So those are the five tips that I had written down. But I want to say one more that I just thought about, and that is that if you don't know them in person, you haven't seen them in real life.

Speaker 1 (11:39):

Do not trust what they are telling you. So if you meet someone that looks like someone you went to elementary school with, and they're saying that they're such and such age, and they remember you from elementary school and you look at their picture and you don't quite them, but okay, well, elementary school was a long time ago. And then you start talking to them, just know, always know this is what I would impart to them. Always know that all of the information they're sharing with you can be completely made up and their pictures can be completely edited, that you can take an adult picture and make it look like a child or even a young toddler with the different filters that are out there. And you just never know who is on the other side of that screen. So right along with not providing any personal identifiable, I can't say that word information always assume that what people are telling you isn't necessarily the truth, unless you know them in real life.

Speaker 1 (12:32):

So along with that, do not give your personal information to anyone you haven't met in real life. Like uncle Joe, that you follow on a certain social media platform, but then you have this other person that you just connected with, you know, through a post that you were following or something like that. You just can't trust that that other person is who they say they are without meeting them in person and knowing them in person. Okay. So those are the tips that I wanted to give you today about social media and online etiquette. I hope that this was helpful for you. Like I say, in every episode as I'm finishing it, I truly, truly do. I did everything the wrong way. And my kids were, unfortunately, the Guinea pigs as the digital world emerged in its early years, there wasn't enough known about the effect of it.

Speaker 1 (13:19):

And so they were the Guinea pigs, and I was the parent that just didn't know that the impact was going to be as much as it was. And so my mission here is to help you navigate this, to help you be that mom that is proactive in this space, but also be that mom that knows that this is important and is something that we need to pass on to other moms. So if you run across another mom who is not familiar with some of these things that you were trying to instill and guide your child with, please share it with them, share these tips, share my podcast, share the tools that I mentioned, because I think that what we have to do as a generation of parents is we need to spread this beat out, mom movement out to more parents. And in the long run, it is our children that are going to benefit from that.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

Because there won't be so many that are peer pressured because they don't have that fancy phone that everybody else has. We need to realize that these things do have an impact and no child should have a phone at a young age without guidance, without boundaries. I'm not here to tell you which one is right for you or what path is exactly right. But it's undeniable that these things do have an impact in our kids need guidance. So spread the word, share my podcast, share these tools. And my code for bark is be that mom, it gets you 20% off. Plus a seven day free trial. My code for the pinwheel phone, the dumb smartphone that I highly highly highly recommend is be that mom dash 10 T E N. And then for the tick- tock watch as a first kind of way to keep track of your kid as they become more independent and do more things away from you.

Speaker 1 (15:00):

My code for the tick talk watch, I can never say that altogether is be that mom altogether, all caps. So those are the things that I highly recommend. I also had an episode about M spy. Another thing that's similar to bark. If you're outside of the U S and are needing something similar to that, look in my show notes for a digital resource download that I have that gives you some steps and gives you some of these pointers that I share in my episodes. The things that I think are the most important stay tuned for my course, that's coming out soon. I keep saying that and I keep having to push the date back of it, getting out because there just so many different things going on. So I hope that with all these resources you will share, share, share, and let's get this to where being that mom is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (15:45):

It's not a negative thing. It's just the way it is. Okay. So let's spread this movement and let's get more people on board. So our kids aren't too. The ones that are the different ones are the outcast because we are being proactive. Our kids are the ones that are developing and developing on track and in a positive space and where they don't feel like they're not good enough. And they don't have to worry about being bullied and being, um, you know, preyed upon, by a predator. All of those things, all of those things that are a risk once they start getting online. But, you know, we have a tendency to kind of bend on those things when they have peers that are pressuring them and saying that their mom is too strict and all of that, okay. I am sitting on the other side of all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:31):

And I did it all with kind of the peer pressure in the wrong way for my kids personally. And so I just want to impart upon you some of the experience and knowledge I've had and to help you not have such a difficult path like I did. And now that we're on the other side of it, I can see that it was so very worth it for us to do the things that we did, even though it was mega hard at times, it was so very worth it. So stick with your instincts and stick with your rules and your boundaries and all the things that you need to in order to help guide your kids along this path, as they get more and more into the digital world. Okay? So take this social media and online etiquette tips, pass them along, use them for your kiddos, and I'll chat with you next.

Speaker 2 (17:14):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time, real

Speaker 1 (17:28):

Quick. If you are that mom that is wanting to make tweaks with what you're eating and supplements that you're taking, I want to recommend that you check out Paleovalley Paleovalley is a company that provides high quality products to help you kind of make those little tweaks that over time, add up and make a huge difference your life because eating is the fuel for our body and creates the future that we wish to see when we give our bodies, what it needs, their be sticks are delicious. They're bone broth is a great way to supplement your gut health. Add it to a smoothie every day. There's also at different supplements like for tumeric, Oregon complex, vitamin C apple cider vinegar. I cannot say enough about paleo valley. So check them out today. Use the link in my show notes and grab your 15% off your order.

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FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

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Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

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Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Okay. I just have to do a big sigh because today we're going to talk about yet another platform that we as parents need to be concerned about. If you have bark, they're already on it. Trust me on this, but regardless you need to be aware of this one. It is one that is creeped up and has a lot of risks. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:24):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends did

Speaker 1 (00:51):

Here. There is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. We were growing up there wasn't an internet, but our dream of becoming famous often mean that we wanted to be an actor or singer or some type of professional sports player. Which one did you want to be?

Speaker 1 (01:39):

I can't remember what I wanted to be, but it's a common thing for kids to want to be popular, to want to be famous and becoming popular and famous on YouTube or Tik TOK has become more and more of a thing, right? We have shifted as a society in terms of what we value in content, as well as the intimacy of social media or intimacy of how we connect and what we connect with because of social media. So things like zoom and the pandemic brought us together. Facebook groups bring us together over common themes or content that we want to know. And this app is one thing that is bringing kids together, but you were not going to believe what it is tending to do. It is tending to provide pornographic content to our kids. Yes. In an app, this app is called only fans, all one altogether, O N L Y F a N S.

Speaker 1 (02:40):

So get the screen time or Google family link settings set on your kid's smartphone, or get that phone out of their hands and get them a pinwheel phone that won't have apps like this. Of course use my code, be that mom dash tin. If you do need to get a pinwheel phone and just move away from these dangers for a bit and have control over what can be in their inbox. But if they do already have a smartphone, get the, uh, setting set up to where they cannot download apps on their own, they require your approval every single time and have this app in the back of your mind, knowing that it can be bad news. Okay. So let's talk about what this app is and how it came to be and what you need to be watching out for which basically just means don't let them download it at all.

Speaker 1 (03:28):

But basically this is a place where people can go and they can make a channel and people pay them a monthly fee to view their posts or their content. And it sounds like Patrion, right? Have you ever heard of Patrion? I've heard of that for a couple of months. Never really looked into it until today. And I think it's actually a really cool platform where someone that wants to know what your content is, wants to have a regular feed of your content can pay a small fee every month, like $5 so that they can have access to your exclusive content. That's pretty amazing when you have these valuable things to offer people. But what they are seeing happen with this app is that the accounts are often sexual content. So as of March 20, 21 more than 120 million users, and 1 million creators are active on this platform.

Speaker 1 (04:26):

A primary driving factor for creators is the fact that the company allows them to keep 80% of the money they make. There's even an interactive tool on the app that allows the creators imagination to kind of run wild because it estimates how much they can earn by starting an account. So young people can be lured by the potential of a six figure salary with the more followers that they have. And while lots of different creators use the platform like makeup artists, musicians, it has become almost exclusively known for its sexual content. Pornography is allowed and is a prominent among its creators. Many of whom are sex workers of some kind, the creators can upload videos. They filmed, or they can broadcast live to their fans. They can also provide their content in a subscription or a pay per view model. In some of the most popular creators can make tens of thousands of dollars each month.

Speaker 1 (05:25):

So officially you have to be 18 or older to sign up for only fans, but ultimately who's verifying that right? Who is technically verifying that now to subscribe to the pages that have a charge you're asked for a credit card. And while this may seem a barrier, it is very easy for kids to get a prepaid visa card or some type of gift card that they can then use to purchase these things. So just because they're not old enough to have a credit card does not mean that they don't necessarily sign up for something like this. And this is what they have found has been happening. So to become a creator on the platform, there's a more vigorous verification process. So they don't necessarily have the ability to make a creator account if they are younger, because it has to connect to a bank account and it has to be able to receive payment.

Speaker 1 (06:22):

So unless they have access to that, as you, as a parent, they're not going to be able to do this very easily until they a bit older and have a bank account that could be verified. And as we know, fake IDs are a thing. So if someone's old enough to be able to get ahold of a fake ID, that's certainly an option that they may use. So on the platform right now, a lot of times it's amateur creators, but it has been talked about enough that some of the creators are celebrities like Cardi B. And I don't know who some of these other ones are that I'm finding in this article that I found, but they do have celebrities that go on there and are making money for the ones that subscribe to their account. So a couple interesting things to look at is a couple of former child stars have created accounts on there, such as I don't know who these are, cause I don't watch regular TV haven't for a few years, but says when Disney star Bella Thorne joined in 2020, she quickly made $1 million after just a single day on the platform.

Speaker 1 (07:26):

And then more recently the rapper bad Babby says that there's a meme about him called Kashmir outside a few years back. He made more than that. Other one, he talked to 1 million in just six hours and that first Disney star created her account just days after turning 18, which prompted an enormous debate on the internet about whether or not this type of platform should be allowed at that age. So as far as dangers for kids as fans, you know, if you're not able to make a creator account, as fans is seeing the porn, kids are curious, they seek out different ways to view sexual content. So depending on how old they are, this may be inappropriate for them to see. I think it is for all kids. But if they're curious, this may be a route that they go to finding things. And even if you are strict with what you're doing, like I said, a couple episodes back about the trickle down effect.

Speaker 1 (08:23):

My definition of that trickle down effect the context that I used. It was that even if you are limiting these things for your kid, there are always going to be peers, most likely that do have free reign of their smartphones. So it's definitely something to talk to your kiddo about, be very open about, but also be aware that, you know, the kids talk and compare notes and all of that. So it's definitely something that your kiddo can be exposed to through someone else that has unmonitored access of a smartphone. So a couple other things to know about is that kids discuss this app now just like they do tick talk. They often refer to it as O F for short. And if they do find a way to create a creator account, they can be contacted by other users and could end up in situations where there's sextortion or predators after them, those types of things.

Speaker 1 (09:21):

I think those things kind of, you know, if you listen to this podcast and are in this space of trying to be proactive and all of that, you already know those things. So I don't necessarily need to say them, but honestly, it's just one of another, one of those things that we need to be talking to our kids about. We need to be aware about. And just as how these things pop up, I don't know how long this app has been out here, but when it gains popularity is usually when I start seeing it talked about in groups that I'm in and on parenting blogs that I follow and stuff like that. So just like anything else, this is constantly evolving and ever changing. It's not something that we're ever going to have a complete grasp on. And so that's why I always emphasize some type of parental control monitoring thing, not giving us a smartphone too quickly, setting up the boundaries for them of when they can use it and how they use it.

Speaker 1 (10:09):

And then just being proactive and walking this path together, knowing that we cannot avoid the digital world completely, but we absolutely need to help guide them. And then if you have something like bark or the app that I mentioned in a previous episode, inspired something similar to that or those apps, they are going to help you to walk this path and they will be on top of this before you are. One of the articles that I've read about it is on barks blog. So bark is on top of these things. They are doing the legwork for us. They are our eyes and ears and have our kid's best interest in mind. So please get one of those things. And if you need to pull back from what you've allowed, pull back from that, you were still the parent who still are the one that is responsible for guiding them into the big, huge world of life.

Speaker 1 (10:59):

And so pull back from that, make a course correction. If you need to follow your gut and get them a pinwheel phone or a gab phone, if need be pinwheel phone is absolutely my top recommendation. If you have a younger kid and you're wanting to figure out how to keep them connected, I have episodes about this, but tick talk, watch. I always have trouble saying those words is a great option to stay connected and to have some capabilities to text and do different things between each other and to know where they're at and like have one of those GPS zones where you know where they are and when they leave that zone, there's so many features of that. So there's a link for that in the show notes of each one of my podcasts. So there's lots of options for you other than giving the open smartphone.

Speaker 1 (11:44):

And at some point we have to give it. And I do think, I mean, you know, you don't necessarily have to, but I think as our kids get older, at some point we need to help guide them. It cannot be a, this is forbidden and you can't do it. I've seen so many kids that like a parent that's really strict about drinking alcohol. Then once they can drink alcohol, they just go off the deep end, drinking alcohol. So one, the approach that I've always had as a parent is to ease them into that and make them see the reality of it versus always it being this forbidden thing, because they're curious and they'll just want it more because you've forbidden it. So I think that with the phone, as a whole, with digital use, as a whole, we need to use all these tools to help us with this.

Speaker 1 (12:24):

But at the same time, we need to guide them in this use in, in the use of it and what we do and apps like this can have a good aspect or good side to them, but we always need to research anything new that they're wanting to download and see what other parents are saying and see what parent blogs and parent groups, what other parents' experiences are with this. And, you know, just take the time to figure out if it's something that you want to allow your kid to have. Ultimately, it's always our decision. So you make that decision for you and your family, but I hope that you found this helpful and have another little police of awareness for another thing that your kid may be coming to you asking about if they do already have a smartphone. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for listening. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (13:16):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (13:31):

Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code, be that mom 10 for a discount.

Sharing our kid's lives on social media has become common, but there is a point where we may overshare. Here are a few tips to help navigate this!

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

It is a term now officially in the dictionary. And that is the term Sharon tink, which is a combination of sharing in parenting and how most parents will go on social media to share about their kids and sometimes overshare about their kids and what that means as far as oversharing can be anything from things that may be when they're older, they want to be kept private, or they might find them embarrassing to some parents who create accounts. That's all about shaming, their kids, or just, you know, kind of talking about all the struggles of parenting and not necessarily intentionally shaming them, but ultimately kind of doing that by kind of making light of it or making fun of it or being sarcastic about it. So that is a phenomenon kind of a controversial thing that we are seeing now, now that social media and all the things have been out for over a decade. And so it's definitely something that us as parents that are being proactive in this space need to think about and need to think through and realize that our actions on social media are also going to impact our kids. So that's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (01:14):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends. Do,

Speaker 1 (01:40):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So a little bit of a disclaimer here today. I am in my closet recording. It's the quietest place in my house. If you've listened to my podcast for any length of time, you probably heard me mention it.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

Well, it is right next to the utility room and our house, like on the other side of one of the walls. And it seems that one of my inhabitants of the house is washing their clothes and drying their clothes. Now we all do our own laundry. Me and my husband do ours together. And then each one of the kids does theirs, right? So earlier today I wash some clothes and I purposely waited until I had finished washing and drying them before I came in here to record, because I didn't want to have that background noise from when specifically when the dryer goes off or when the washer is like doing it spin. So I must have not made it clear when I was coming in here to record that I needed those things to be off. And someone has come in and I applaud them for doing their own laundry because I don't want to have to do it all again.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

That was like mountains of laundry with three kids and all the things and years ago. So if you hear that, I apologize for that background noise. I think that, that my microphone is very, very sensitive. So it does pick it up on occasion. And in the past I have had to rerecord things because it was so loud in the background. So hopefully it's quiet enough that you don't hear it, but if you do my apologies, the other options I have are to go outside and you would hear the background noise of like cars driving by or the wind or whatever. So I had already started recording this when someone came along and put something in the dryer. So I'm just going to be happy that they're doing their laundry and hope that you'll forgive me for the background noise. So today let's talk about that.

Speaker 1 (03:51):

So let's talk about how most of us social media, wasn't a thing when we were younger, right? And then it came along and it was such an amazing thing to be able to connect with people that you otherwise probably would not see or talk to. Right? Like I know that I was able to reconnect with high school classmates college classmates, you know, family, that I never see that lives in other States or another part of the world. And so it's been this amazing way to connect. And I never once really thought about how me sharing about the kids' lives could negatively impact them in the future. Not that I'm sharing anything that's necessarily bad or embarrassing, but, you know, it's just natural for us to kind of share our struggles. And when that involves our kids, it can turn around and be something that works against them in their future.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So much like I've talked about in other people talk about our kids, making a digital footprint and being responsible online. We have to be aware that what we are seeing and doing and posting is also a part of their digital footprint. Now, I don't think that it necessarily means that we need to like completely not share anything about them at all, but I'm going to give you some tips here. Some we're going to talk about some of the risks of oversharing and then some tips to help guide us in this so that you can move forward from this, you know, and be really proactive in what you were doing and sharing and all of that. Okay. So, sorry, I need to turn off this notification on here. So it will quit being, as we were talking and I always have trouble figuring out how to turn it off.

Speaker 1 (05:24):

So two things to consider, as far as the risks of what you share on your social media is the digital footprint that it creates for your child. So, you know, if you're sharing from birth, then you know, all of that is out there for people to gather in, to see, I suppose, that you can still make your accounts private or have a private account. That's only specifically for family. When you want to share things about your children. I think that would be a great way for you to do it, you know, to kind of get around this, but ultimately anything that's put out there can somehow be accessed and recovered by those that know how to do it. So anything that's shared, I would just, you know, think and rethink about whether or not this is something that should be shared and that maybe could come back to haunt them.

Speaker 1 (06:14):

The other thing is just a child's right to privacy, to confidentiality for things, you know, they've said that some parents, when they've shared stuff, that information is then gone and been used in the instances of a divorce or some type of legal matter. So there's always that issue. And then another thing is the identity theft that can happen if you were consistently sharing details about them. And then someone goes and can gather that information enough so that they can steal their identity or, you know, somehow mimic them. So those are the big things I would consider as far as risks for the things that you do share online. So some tips on how we can share safely is to set boundaries around what you share, discuss it with the father of your children, and then discuss with your children when they are old enough. Like when they get to teenage years, you know, their bodies are going through a lot of changes.

Speaker 1 (07:16):

They're becoming more self-aware, you know, all the things that they go through and knowing that anything and everything they do, you're going to snap a picture of it and go put it on social media. So you and your friends can laugh about it or family members or whatever, or, you know, not even laugh about it, but, you know, just the fact that that's always something that is possible. There needs to be set up some form of boundaries around that. What I have done is I never post something until I ask permission. If I can, of course, when the kids were younger, I didn't do that. But now that they are teenagers and older, I don't post things unless I have asked them if it's okay. And there was a period of time where one of my kids absolutely wanted nothing, no pictures put on social media or on my stories and would tell me that in almost appear kind of anxious when I would, you know, he'd find out that I was taking a picture or recording something.

Speaker 1 (08:08):

And the response was, don't put that on your stories or don't put that on your social media. So it was then in there that I decided that nothing would be shared or go up on my accounts. And most of mine are public because I do run this podcast and I run my wellness coach business. So they are public because they are a part of what I do as a business with helping other people. So I limit what I put in regards to my kids on those accounts. Okay. So that's always something to consider. Another thing is to consider an alternative sharing method with friends and family. So it could be a private account that you have separate that is specifically just for you and your family that you approve on that account. Again, that probably can be accessed by someone who really wants to get into it.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

So maybe you could through another route like a Google doc or something like that, if you feel that concerned about it, but having a private account would be an alternative way to share things without putting it out into the entire world. Another thing is to just check your privacy settings on all of your social media, just periodically doing this because over time the platforms amend their policies, you know, and change the way they do data sharing. So certainly be aware of whatever platform you're on, what their policy is for sharing things when it comes to your kids. And then the last thing is just, if you ever find that someone, a third party outside of your family is sharing information about your child, impersonating your child, somehow using that information and refuse to using that information about refuses, to remove the information or stop sharing it as they are.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

Then at that point in time, I would seek legal advice and also go to the platform, you know, reporting it in the platform and get it shut down that way. I have seen it multiple times where people say that someone has hacked their account. I've also seen it where children's accounts are hacked, or someone takes their pictures that they've posted on their pages. They saved them and they create a whole nother account and impersonate them and say that they are them, but you know, they are not them. And that person does not have control of that account. So those are definitely things to consider. And also, like, I always say a reason why kids do not need to be on social media platforms and especially not unsupervised, if you do make the decision to put them on some sort of social media platform. Okay. So I never really honestly thought about this as something to be a big issue, but I've seen it pop up more in some of the parenting groups that I'm in.

Speaker 1 (10:47):

And so that's what got me to looking at it and thinking about it and researching it and was shocked to see that it's actually a term that is now added to the dictionary and is becoming something that is more and more talked about among parenting groups and really something that we all need to be aware of. There's actually different legal proceedings and different things going on in the different countries in order to create privacy protection acts and different things like that in order to make sure that kids are protected. So it's definitely something that is not benign, just like all the other things. It's something to consider and think about when we are sharing things. So definitely recommend a private account specifically for the family that you want to share information with. And, you know, just be aware that things are not benign. So if you share about them, you know, misbehaving and doing such and such or making this or that mistake or not being in the potty, you know, all of those things that do seem so trivial can at one point someday be used against them and create a digital footprint that you can follow them.

Speaker 1 (11:54):

So definitely keep that in mind. And I hope that this has raised your awareness too, of the possibility of this. Okay, thanks again for listening. And I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (12:07):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either

Speaker 1 (12:21):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

We can't always be by our kids side when using a computer at home, so this episode highlights two options to help you navigate this! 

Gryphon Router: CLICK HERE for more info!

Mobicip: CLICK HERE for more info!

BARK Home: CLICK HERE for more info! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So, if you have been here for any length of time, you've heard me talk about the layered approach. When it comes to monitoring all the digital things, setting up boundaries and helping guide your kids in the digital world. Well, today we are going to chat about a deep dive, into a couple of tools that you can use to help you keep some peace of mind when it comes to letting your kids get on computers in school, issued devices and all the things I've talked about this in a couple of other episodes. But today I want to go specifically into two tools that I have found that I think could possibly be the best options out there right now. So I highly encourage you to check them out, but stay tuned. We're going to chat about this

Speaker 2 (00:41):

First. Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends,

Speaker 1 (01:10):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so you hear me talk about not giving your kid, the smartphone at a really young age, starting out with something like a pinwheel phone or a gab phone, both are great, great options.

Speaker 1 (01:56):

And then complementing that with bark. If you use a pinwheel phone, if you give them a smartphone or whenever you do using bark to help you monitor while the other piece of the puzzle is when you let them access a computer to get online. And you're wondering, how do you regulate this? When ads pop up, that they can click on. And all of these things are at their fingertips and you're busy. You don't have time to always be sitting there with them and let's just face it. Our kids are like savvy and most often can navigate these things better than we can. Right? So if that is where you have struggled or where you're wondering if you are falling short on today, I want to talk about two things that I think you might want to check out. Both of them kind of do the same thing, but come at it from a different standpoint and depending on where you're at and what things you already have set up will probably be the deciding factor for you in which one of these things that you want to use.

Speaker 1 (02:53):

So recently I was looking through a parenting group that I was in and a mom asked a question about what to use, to monitor school issued devices and you know, their kid being on the computer at home. And how do they monitor that they already have bark for their phones, but they wanted to know how to monitor these other things. So if you've listened to my other episodes, couple back where I talked about the layered approach, I talked about getting a Griffin or Griffon router. I don't know how to pronounce that. I think it's Griffin. What do you think? I think it's probably Griffin. Hopefully. So the Griffin or Griffen, maybe Griffon sounds better. Great fun. Let's go with font. Okay. So the Gryphon router, I think they both sound funky is I think the best option out there when it comes to setting up a router with parental controls, but say you already have a router that maybe cost a pretty penny, or you're not so tech savvy and you know, maybe your spouse does those things like mine does.

Speaker 1 (03:53):

And you don't want to go down that road. Right? Well, I've talked about bark home and the options with that, but I found another option. Another thing that I think you might want to check out. So first off, let's do a deep dive into the graph on Griffin, the gray fond router. Let's call it gray font. Okay. Hopefully that sounds okay to you too. Okay. So let's check this out with the graph on router. So if you don't know what a router is, it's basically like what your wifi goes through. So think of it kind of as a filter, right? So back when I first started giving my kids, the devices and all of the things, ours was very basic, but now they make them to where they have parental controls on them. And they give you options at your fingertips to shut down the internet in your house, or to turn off specific devices or access to specific websites.

Speaker 1 (04:45):

So it's pretty sweet if you're looking for a new router to go this route, because I do think that they have kind of the best options. So let me pull up their information here and let's just chat about this. So this router has a, an app that you can download onto your phone and you basically can manage your child's online activities and ensure that they're getting a healthy amount of screen time. And, you know, you can access this from anywhere so you can see what they have been doing. It has where you can do content filtering. And it says content filtering with crowds ranking. I wonder what crowd ranking means. I guess that basically, Oh, it says an aggregated website reputation rating from multiple sources, including other parents. So basically if you come across a site that has been allowed in as dangerous, they probably have a way for you to communicate that, but basically it's sets it up to where you can filter out sites that you know, that they don't want to access.

Speaker 1 (05:47):

And then it also has, this is really cool. It says intelligent intrusion detection and malware malware filtering. I can't talk today, but this says that this router will basically recognize the activity of each device with a unique fingerprint and then warned you if that fingerprint deviates in any way from its normal activity. That's pretty sweet. If you think about like the groomers, if they're being groomed by somebody and suddenly their activity changes on their devices, or, you know, they just get curious and start going down some rabbit hole and looking at things that you don't want them to. Now, the next thing that it says, the feature that it has is it in, it has a browsing history. So even if they delete their browsing history, it keeps track of what they have done, what sites they have looked at. All of that. You can also set bedtimes on it and homework times, so you can make it to where it shuts down.

Speaker 1 (06:47):

At certain times when it's time to go to bed, you can also suspend the internet. So with a touch of a button, you can completely take the internet off so that they cannot access it whatsoever. And then it also has a safe search setting and a YouTube says safe search YouTube. It hides inappropriate content for your child by automatically filtering their search engine results. So this basically operates as a filter for you and gives you quite a bit of control. And I think that this is one of the biggest struggles for most parents is like, you know, you want them to go to YouTube. So you set up YouTube kids, you set up the parental controls. And then if they're a younger kid, things pop into YouTube kids that you don't think would be appropriate, but you don't know because you're not sitting right there with them.

Speaker 1 (07:33):

Maybe they click on something, it takes them down a rabbit hole. And like I've said, in my episode about porn, they say that porn is often one or two clicks away for every child that is on the internet. So it's not enough for us to just have these couple of different things. And then our tech savvy kids can do a couple of clicks and suddenly they're in something. We had no idea they can access. So the Gryphon router, I think, is such a great option if you were in the market for purchasing a router and going that route. So definitely recommend you check it out. I'm going to put a link in the show notes. So if you're listening to this on your phone, just scroll up a little bit, then you should be able to see the link. Now, the other thing that I wanted to talk about is not a router.

Speaker 1 (08:17):

It is software that you can use. And I do not know how to pronounce this. It's Moby sip. I think it's mob. I C I P and I will put a link in the show notes for this as well, but this is basically advanced internet filtering. So it's not the router. You still have your router, but this is another way for you to filter what your kid is seeing. And it is very, very similar to using the router, but probably less pricey. If you already have a router that's working that just doesn't have those types of parental controls are not enough functionality for shutting it down and all of those things. So this Moby set, I hope that's how it's pronounced says that it filters the internet. It will supervise the video content that your kid is watching through popular streaming services. And it will set up a robust age appropriate filtering.

Speaker 1 (09:15):

So you can basically turn things off individually, like HBO, Hulu, Netflix, YouTube, you just have like a little slide button where you can turn those things off and they cannot access them. And this is through the app that you can access on the computer, or, you know, on your phone. It also has a location tracker. So if they lose their device, you can find it through their location tracker. And then also it has a place where you can limit screen time. You can set daily screen, time limits. You can instantly lock and unlock family devices. You can set up a schedule to where it has a certain amount of time and you have a set bedtime, and you also can set it up to where once a certain amount of screen time is reached, that it shuts it down for that child, which I think that is pretty sweet.

Speaker 1 (10:06):

It also will manage apps and games and restrict the distracting apps and disable them. It says disabled them based on merit. So again, something that has like the ranking of, you know, education or distraction, or, you know, the other dangers that inherently come with some of these apps, but it says you can maintain a list of blocked apps to prevent your kids from even installing them in the first place, which if you've listened to some of my other episodes, the other things that you can do is to set up your screen time. If you have an iPhone or an Apple device is set up the screen times where they cannot download apps without your permission. But of course that there may be a way to get around that. So this is another way for you to monitor that. Now this also will block websites. You can set it up to only allow age appropriate websites, and it will keep a watchful eye and stay on top of usage, browsing history to spot online threats.

Speaker 1 (11:06):

And then, like I said earlier, it'll check your browsing history and give you weekly or daily report to see a snapshot of what they're looking at and what their browsing trends are. And then as far as like set up, it says that it has a single app for parents and kids. You set it up in parent mode on your smartphone, your scan, your QR code to set up your child's device. And then it will also monitor all family devices through that app and that dashboard. So as you can see or hear in the case of the podcast, these two things are very similar, kind of do the same things. And I think both are excellent for what they help with. I think that bark is still very much needed because the difference or the compliment of bark will be that it monitors conversations in activity on their phones.

Speaker 1 (12:04):

And then if you have bark home bark home is very similar to these things too. So you can certainly, I can put a link for all three of these things so you can compare them. But I think the most common thing I hear besides someone trying to get a handle on what's going on with a smartphone in the possession of their child, is how to manage them, navigating all the different websites when they have to be on a computer for school, or when they just allow them to be on a computer at home. I hear from moms of younger kids saying that they want to start letting their kid have access to certain games or different things on a computer, but they don't know how to make sure that they're not exposed to the other things. So I think both of these options are excellent for getting them set up and giving you a dashboard where you can see what their activity is.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

You can filter out sites, you can shut down once they reach that certain screen time limit. I think the mobi sip one is probably the simplest one to get into place. Whereas the Gryphon router is very much an asset to the, you know, to your layered approach. But if you already have a router and it's working well for you and it just doesn't have the parental controls, then Moby sit might be a better option for you. And it does monitor across all of the devices. So both are definitely robust and such a gift for us as parents navigating the wild ride of raising kids in our digital world. Like I say, over and over and over again. And if you compliment them with bark to help you monitor conversations and activity as well, I think that you have a major step up on this whole struggle and wild ride that we go through.

Speaker 1 (13:46):

And I kind of censor myself a little bit in what I share about personally with my own family and my kids just to protect their privacy and, you know, to honor the fact that they are children in that me putting devices in their hands and not providing any guidance. Cause I didn't know, better mint that the deviated off the little bit on the most ideal path, you know, looking back because of what I did. So I don't place any blame on them. I don't want to shame them or anything like that. They are a victim of the times and the fact that I was, you know, in the generation of parents, that we lived through the birth of this technology in this very intricately, interwoven, digital world that we have now. But I will tell you without, you know, sharing specifics, I will tell you, like, I think I mentioned in last week's episode, that these efforts that you're making while they seem like a burden and they seem hard at times and seemed so confusing, exhausting, you know, whatever adjective you want to put on it, they are worth it.

Speaker 1 (14:52):

Your children are worth it, your child's life and your childhood's development is worth this effort and it will pay off. You may not be able to see it now if your kids are younger, but it's so very important for their future. And one of the most profound things I've ever heard was from a psychologist that was talking about the distractions of the digital age and how disconnected kids get from their childhood development. If they are allowed to be on all of the digital things, unmonitored, unregulated with no boundaries is that they never get to discover their full potential and what their life is meant to be. It's kind of like they get disconnected and lost along the way until it's our responsibility to be that guide for them to set up those boundaries, those walls that even though they may not understand them, they may be mad at us because we are doing the things as the parent and as someone who lived through a childhood where we were not distracted by these things, we owe this to our kids to figure out how to navigate this, to figure out how to provide that for them so that they can stay connected to their childhood development and they can discover their full potential.

Speaker 1 (16:02):

I can tell you with my kids, that what I have learned is that our course correction over the last two years has helped our youngest to find some very deeply rooted interests that he has and to really find what he wants to do with his life. And before we put our heavy foot down on all that was going on and really set some very strict boundaries with it, all we hit allowed that disconnect enough, that I don't know that we would have made it back to where he was supposed to be in order to discover this for himself. Because you know, we know, you know, we can't tell our kids these things. They have to discover them through their own development, even as teenagers and young adults. So even if it seems hard, I want you to just trust me that this will be so very worth it, your child, their potential is so worth the effort.

Speaker 1 (16:58):

So when it gets hard, just to remember that, please go back to that and realize that you are that mom, that's going to be strict about these things with coming from a place of love and that, you know, that long-term, this effort is going to be worth it. So please be that mom for your kid. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this helped you immensely. I will put the links in the show notes for these different options, so you can check them out. Some of the links are affiliate links. So I do get a small payment for using my link and thank you for using my link. It does help me to keep bringing you these episodes. So I appreciate it immensely. And I only share things with you that I believe in wholeheartedly and that I use myself. Okay. Thank you so much. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (17:52):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (18:07):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Sometimes the day to day of raising kids these days is too much, but this episode talks about a few suggestions you can do to help you keep your focus and your resolve! 

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

When looking at all the things that you're trying to manage with your kids, do you ever get overwhelmed and feel like, Oh my God, I cannot do this. Well today's episode is going to talk about how we focus on these things and a way for us to have more perspective, stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Hey friends,

Speaker 1 (00:48):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So today's episode is coming to you from my front porch. Yes, it is true. I am not in my closet today, but today I am just feeling like I want a change of pace in new scenery while I chat with you.

Speaker 1 (01:36):

I think we can all agree that things have been heavy in our world. I know a lot of you listen to me from all over the world, which is such an amazing thing. And thank you so so much for tuning in. I have had some amazing reviews of the podcast come in in the last week. And I just thank you so much for your kind words and for tuning in and listening to me, if you haven't left me a review, please hop over there. It's very simple to do through the Apple app or whichever app you're listening to me through because that will help me to rank higher and be kind of pushed out into the inboxes of parents, looking for something of this nature to, you know, guide them. And it's always my goal to just get this into the ears of more moms and more parents in general, because this is absolutely a realm of parenting that is here to stay and we cannot ignore.

Speaker 1 (02:32):

So when you leave me review, that's going to help me to pop up the ranks for podcast and help more people. And we all need to be that mom. Right. So if you haven't yet done that, please do that. Thank you so, so much in advance. So today I want to take you back for a second. So I don't know if you've listened to my first podcast, but in them I talked about how I was born very premature. And one of being born premature sometimes is the vision of the baby being affected depending on how much oxygen they're exposed to when they're first born. So this is knowledge that I believe back when I was born, it wasn't as highly regulated or wasn't known. And therefore I have had very poor vision from when I was a kid. I don't know when it exactly declined, but it was discovered that I had poor vision when I was about the age of 14.

Speaker 1 (03:26):

It's kind of funny because I was in this class in high school, my freshman year that was kind of set up to be kind of like a college class where we were lectured to versus, you know, just busy work. So it was kinda set up different and I was required to pay attention to a lecture and take notes. And so that was the time that I discovered I could not see the board and, you know, got my eyes checked. And then I was like, Holy cow, the trees have leaves. I, you know, up until that time for, I don't know how long they had just appeared like green blobs. Like I just hadn't seen the world in that much detail. Right. So that was an amazing thing. But I do have very poor vision both near and far. So I promise this has a relation to this podcast.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

So hang with me. So recently over the past year, I have needed to go to the eye doctor. I wear contacts most of the time. I prefer that, especially when I'm working, I want to have my contacts on, especially now because of COVID wearing goggles or a shield. It's easier for me to wear the goggles that I have than it is a shield that also blocks my mouth when I visit patients that are hard of hearing as it is. And then putting a mask over my mouth and a shield in front of my mouth really blocks my voice. And it's so much harder to get through the visit. So I prefer to wear my goggles. Okay. So over the past year, I've needed to go to the eye doctor. My eye doctor I'd had for years had dropped my insurance right before COVID started. And that's when I was due for my next eye exam.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

And so I could not go and get my eye exam because of all of this stuff going on with COVID. So I finally found a new ID doctor and went to see him last week. And in the course of our visit, he told me that I had inflammation in my left eye, around my cornea. And while, you know, nothing major, easily treatable with some eyedrops, he said, I need to use these eyedrops for seven to 10 days and not wear a contact in that eye. And so that the prospect of that really kind of choked me up a little bit in the moment, because it is so, so hard to work right now with the mask and then to put the shield or the goggles on. And so the prospect of having to wear the shield for the next week was just, you know, no fun.

Speaker 1 (05:39):

And so he tells me, you can just wear one contact. It's not going to damage your vision. Long-term to wear one contact your eyes, or your brain will just get used to, you know, when you need to see it's going to use that eye, which seems totally bizarre to me. But, you know, I was like, okay, well that's news because then I can just wear my goggles, like I'm used to wearing, and I'll just wear that one contact. So for someone who doesn't have very poor vision, probably, you know, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But for me that my left eye, the eye that it's in, it's really hard to see with no correction. So therefore I'm pretty much working with one eye with everything that I do both near and far. So you wouldn't think that that's a big deal, right?

Speaker 1 (06:22):

Like just use that one eye. Well, I don't know if you realize this, but there's actually a lot to our vision that needs both eyes. And one of those things is depth perception. And so when we look at something, we can't tell whether or not it's closer or further away without the use of both of our eyes. I mean, you can, but it's, you know, some of the depth perception just isn't there unless you have both eyes. So in my week of working in my nurse practitioner job, I have one of the biggest things I've struggled with is when I need to take a drop of blood from a person's finger, I do a diabetes screening on them, and I need to take that drop of blood. But when you go to do a precise, what I want to call it, precise technique in collecting it with the little device that I use, it can be hard to collect that little drop of blood when I only have one eye to see it.

Speaker 1 (07:13):

Right. I know this sounds crazy. Please don't report me to the authorities, but you know, all in all, I am providing safe care. I get it done. But I have to look at that person's finger in that drop of blood, kind of with, you know, from a couple of different angles in order to get the perspective and to draw that drop of blood into the little device in order to do my test. Right. Okay. So that is so important for me to be able to look at the different angles, right? In order to collect the drop of blood Walton, the analogy that I want to make for this in relation to raising our kids in the digital world, is that when it comes to all of this stuff going on right now, all the heavy things in the world, not digital related, but you know, just all the things going on in the world right now that we're not sure where they're going.

Speaker 1 (08:02):

We're not sure who to trust. All of those things added on top of us navigating all the digital things. It can seem overwhelming, but I think that when it comes to raising our kids and, you know, going through the day-to-day stuff of, you know, like putting the phone up at night and setting the boundaries, it seems so cumbersome. And it seems overwhelming. And it seems like you just want to not do it right. Well, if you take a step back and look at it from a different angle and look at it from all perspectives and give it time to do the things it's supposed to do with guiding your children, you will see that it has an effect that with that depth perception of time, that you are able to positively impact your kids by guiding them. So while the day-to-day the close-in focus of those issues and the, you know, whatever rules and boundaries you're setting and how you're trying to guide them can seem so cumbersome and can seem in focus, but out of focus and, you know, just the whole big picture, you can kind of lose it in the daily things, right?

Speaker 1 (09:15):

If you can take a step back from that and really look at the big picture, you'll see that when you're looking with two eyes and you see the depth of everything that is going on your efforts today, and every day are going to be worth it. Right. And I bring that up because as I think about my own family, our troubles started where things kind of really came to a head in 2019. And it had probably been two to three years that we had given a gaming console with no guidance. We had given smartphones with no guidance, no limitation set up, absolutely nothing. Like we were completely clueless as to the impact of all of this stuff. Truly. So if you're there and you're trying to course correct, no judgment, don't guilt yourself just course correct. And keep moving. Okay. So when I look at how things are now, it's such an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 (10:10):

And I kind of feel like the ages of my kids and how it's all played out. Like on, in looking from one eye, it feels like such a heavy blow. And, you know, like I look at all the things that are available now with bark, with the pinwheel phone, with the gab phone, with the tick talk, watch all the things that are out there. Now, if I had had those back, when my kids were younger, things would have been so much simpler, so much easier, less overwhelming, all of that stuff. I mean, on one, you know, in one sense, right? When I look at that, I think why couldn't these things have been around when my kids were that age, but on the other hand, what I see now is that their ages and how everything played out was kind of a gift for us.

Speaker 1 (10:56):

And I think that all of us can choose to have that viewpoint when it comes to our kids and what we're going through, you can make it meaningful in your life. If you look at each one of the challenges is a gift and a way for us to grow stronger, both individually and as families. So with my kids, if you haven't heard some of my other podcasts where I talk about it, they are about four years apart. And each was given a phone that had more capabilities at a younger and younger ages. We went on the oldest one, her first phone, there was no smartphone that existed. It was simply, you know, a flip phone, something like that maybe had texting capability, but it was really cumbersome to text and no social media, none of that stuff. Okay. She still got those things at a young age and without guidance, but the capabilities were just not there as young of an age as it was for the middle one and the youngest.

Speaker 1 (11:49):

And so our challenges have been different for each one of them, but it's almost amazing to look at it now and to see how we had to manage things with each one of them. If I could go back, I absolutely would change some of the choices that I made. Even now. I feel like with our youngest, we made some very drastic changes that were so, so hard in the moment. But now looking back, looking with my two eyes and a perspective and some depths of the whole situation, we did exactly what we needed to do in the moment I followed my mother's intuition, my gut feeling on some things that others were denying were present, and we did what we had to do at the time. And now what we're seeing are the benefits of that, of our course correcting. But my point in bringing all of this up is that I can see from the other side now, not that we're through all of the hard years or through all the teenage years, you know, we have one smack dab in the middle and one that's right at the end of the teenage years.

Speaker 1 (12:51):

And we're still, you know, helping them to navigate and get through these years where they don't have as much awareness of the risks and all of the things out there. So, you know, very much still in the thick of it. But yet I think those hardest years are like the middle school years in the early high school years. And that's why giving them a fully functional device that connects them to all of the world just complicates those years, because those years are so hard as it is. But now looking on the other side of it, it was so worth it and I would change things, but I also wouldn't change some things because what it has done is brought strength to us as a family and to our kids and us individually, because of the things that we went through. And so if we look at things too closely, all the time to close up, we lose that perspective.

Speaker 1 (13:44):

We lose that depth perception. And so if you're overwhelmed in the moment with the things that you were having to deal with and the challenges and the you're the only person parent that does this, and I'm the only kid that doesn't have this, and why are you so mean or strict or whatever, you know, whatever you're hearing from your kids, take it and put it in the bigger perspective of things in their life, their childhood, their developmental process, to give you some perspective and some depth perception so that you can stay the course. I hope that makes sense to you that I have made some sort of sense with this analogy today, but I surely have been kind of sitting back a little bit in awe realizing that some of the things that I was so unsure about were truly the correct decision at the time.

Speaker 1 (14:38):

And if you're in that moment or you're trying to make a huge course, correction just know that your gut instincts are likely right on point for what it is you need to do. So in the make decisions to help guide your kids, knowing that they cannot navigate these things alone, and that is our responsibility to help them navigate that. But also remember the big picture that these decisions right now do add up and have an impact. So giving into it one time and, you know, letting them have more screen time or whatever is not a big deal, but make sure you keep the bigger perspective and the depth perception in line using, you know, all of the things, when you think about their future in order to continue to stay the course, guiding them with love and, you know, just giving them the things that they need to grow into responsible and healthy and balanced adults.

Speaker 1 (15:37):

Okay. So I hope this was helpful for you and I have a few episodes coming up that are going to have some more tools for you that I discovered that I think you will love. And we will just keep on rolling with this. Okay. So hang in there and be that mom for your kids. And when I say be that mom, it doesn't mean that you are strict and have all these rules, but it means that you are coming from a place of love. You were helping to guide them in this digital world. You were being responsible as a parent, knowing that they cannot do this alone. And you were also helping them to learn how to use tech healthy in responsibly. And to know that we can't keep it from them completely, but it is our responsibility. I can't talk responsibility to help guide them. Okay. So be that mom and be that mom's strong. Take care.

Speaker 2 (16:37):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (16:51):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Pinterest is more than just innocent pins. This episodes will give you a heads up on things to consider when giving your kiddo access to Pinterest.

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Speaker 1 (00:00):

Okay. This one really took me by surprise when I started digging into it. And so I have to bring this to your attention too. If you are not aware of this today, we are going to talk about Pinterest and how it could be a risk for your kiddo and how we navigate it. Going forward. Stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:21):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 1 (00:46):

Friends. Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So Holy moly, like if it didn't have to get more complicated, how in the world is Pinterest, the place that we need to worry about the content that our child is consuming?

Speaker 1 (01:33):

It absolutely is. After I started digging, I was like, Holy cow, this is another place we need to pay attention to. Thankfully like I've mentioned and seeing their praises and probably every episode. And you're probably sick of hearing about them. Bark does monitor Pinterest. So that might be a major saving grace if you are wanting to allow your kiddo to be on Pinterest, but I want to talk about some of the specific risks. So you are aware. And so you can have a conversation with your kid and, you know, kind of keep a close eye on things when it comes to this. I think the biggest risk that all of us as parents have is to think that any of these things are benign and to not keep a close eye. So all of the things that I always talk about with monitoring and setting up that conversation and all of that is always, always, always a good thing.

Speaker 1 (02:26):

And just using something like bark to monitor, but also using which I haven't mentioned in several episodes, but the Barco Maddick that bark has where you basically can put in what sites you are allowing your kids to have. It can give you pointers on how to set up the settings for that site and the privacy settings and all of that. So those are always something that you can use to help you navigate these things. And if you were like me, or you're just kind of like sighing and like, Oh my God, another thing, like, how do I keep up with this is absolutely a feeling that I have. And it's just a part of us parenting where we have to do these things. So thank goodness for Bart. Thank goodness for all of the different awareness that is coming out in regards to these things.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

And hopefully the trajectory of all of this is that we are going to have more tools at our fingertips to help navigate this as time goes on, if we can just do some pushback against some of these sites that are just, you know, letting things go and our kids are the ones that are suffering in the process. And I think that's what we're seeing as far as like bark being produced in the pinwheel phone and the gab phone. Those are things that have come out of parents struggling with this, the Tik TOK watch there's the relay go device. Several of those things did not exist when my kids were younger and I was giving them the devices and all this stuff like there literally was not those options out there. So that's why when I talk about those things, I say literally they're like a mother's gift because I wish I could take them in a time capsule and go back in time and have them at my fingertips when I was navigating this years ago.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

So that's why if you were living in today's world and listening to this podcast and are, you know, grabbing these tools that are available for you to be so, so grateful for that, that these companies and these individuals that founded these organizations and these companies and these devices had the foresight and have the dedication to put this in place, because I do think they're an absolute gift for us as moms, but also for our children in the future that they deserve to have. And that we are allowing all of the digital things to Rob from them. If we are not implementing some sort of plan, you know, and being proactive about this. So let's talk a little bit about Pinterest and what it is that we need to be concerned about. The number one thing I think is that Pinterest isn't private and Pinterest has a chat feature.

Speaker 1 (05:04):

So anyone and everyone can be in touch with your kid. And to piggyback on that, a predator, a person that wants to take advantage of your kid could be watching what they pin and what boards they have. You know, if you're not familiar with Pinterest, it's basically like you have like a file cabinet and you're putting things in folders or a bulletin board where you're putting things or scrap. What do I want to say? Scrapbook something where you basically categorizing things and you're saving things for later. So I can look through there and I'm looking for a recipe for something really yummy that I like to eat chocolate chip cookies that are gluten-free. So cinnamon rolls, that's something I've been wanting to make. And I'm trying to find a recipe. That's good. That's gluten-free and dairy-free. So I don't get all of the block feeling from eating those things.

Speaker 1 (05:53):

And so I go on to Pinterest and I can pin those things and I can put them in categories such as healthy eating or gluten-free or, you know, healthy desserts for digital related stuff. I pin things on there. I have me be that mom movement board. I have one that's about digital safety. You can make a board that's about teen interest or teen safety, all those things. So basically you go on there and you can pin things according to your interests. Okay? So you've got, it's like a filing cabinet or a bulletin board, and you've got all these interests. Well, nothing is stopping from anybody else from going and looking at what your kid is, pinning, and then kind of gathering what their interests are and striking up a conversation with them. I've heard about several instances of moms saying that their kid was having a conversation with some stranger on Pinterest.

Speaker 1 (06:41):

So it is a thing. People have said that they've had this happen to their kid, where they are contacted through the chat feature. And as far as I know, I haven't found a way to turn off that chat feature. So that is a conversation that you need to have with your kiddo, not to talk to strangers. You never know who's behind that chat. Even if they send you a picture, we all know that can be edited. All the deep fakes and things that are out there in the world. It's very easy to edit how you look and make yourself look older or younger, all of those things. So have that conversation and let them know. You can never trust who is on the other end of that, unless you actually know them in real life and, you know, see them in real life. You never know who's on the other end.

Speaker 1 (07:20):

And so you have to be cautious about who you talk to in what you do on there and what you share and never, ever send pictures of yourself to someone you do not know. So that is the biggest risk that I see. The next risk that I see is what information can be consumed on Pinterest. So while Pinterest takes the stand of not being a place for pornography, and they're very aggressive about removing it, sexual content still pops up. Someone has said that their kid was able to figure out how to do a certain sexual act on there. Different things like that. Like things are always going to slip through. They cannot control all of those things. And Pinterest is also a place that's basically like linking to other websites. Like when I pin my episodes for the podcast, I'm pinning them to my blog post.

Speaker 1 (08:11):

So someone basically clicks on that and it takes them to my blog post. And then they can click from there to come to my podcast on Apple or wherever they listen to podcasts. So when they click on things on Pinterest, it's going to take them to another website. So that's where they can find pornography and sexual content. And that a note to make related to that is that if you are blocking YouTube and other things on their devices, they can find that they can access that like tech talk, YouTube, whatever the Ru Pinterest, when they click on those links. And then additionally, in addition to things like porn, some moms have said that that's where their kid learned to cut themselves in, or, you know, learned about, self-harm learned about suicide, learned about making things that are illegal. All of those things can be found on Pinterest.

Speaker 1 (09:05):

They also have Pinterest says that they ban this, they call it thin SPO, which is basically thin inspiration post. They ban those in their terms of service because they're usually accounts promoting disordered eating, but those type of posts still get through that have that unrealistic view of the human body. And then that will affect their self-esteem their body image and maybe induce eating disorders. There's that type of content on there too. And then the last thing is that it's basically hard to avoid the negative content that they can consume on there. And you don't know what that is. There's just so much that's on there. So just like I said, it's like a filing cabinet. Like they can look through and find the certain things that they're looking for, but that doesn't block them from the other things that are on there. Okay. So those are all very valid reasons why you should not allow Pinterest unmonitored.

Speaker 1 (10:04):

So definitely if you don't have bark on their device, bark does monitor Pinterest and I'm looking at barks website right now, and it says it monitors your child's account, including what they pin, even if it's a photo and accompanying descriptions, you'll get an alert if they encounter Pinterest porn or other issues like suicidal ideation self-harm and more along with recommended actions, you can take to talk to them and provide support. And like I've said, in other episodes, bark is very, very proactive in contacting you and following up with you. And sometimes you get silly alerts about like, my son is hunting him and my husband go hunting. And so sometimes it's a conversation with his grandpa about a certain gun that he wants to use or seeing such as that. And I'll get an alert for that. And it makes me laugh because I can see their whole conversation and it's all completely innocent and something that I'm aware of, but how wonderful is it that I don't have to be in their business all of the time I get to allow some privacy, but it still sends me alerts of things.

Speaker 1 (11:12):

It picks up on things that just might be a concern that it can't tell. But I can tell once I take a look at it, what a gift that is to have that now. So definitely consider that if you don't already have Bart use my code, be that mom for the discount. That's 20% off your subscription for the life of your subscription, one subscription for entire family. So whether you have one kid or 10 kids, it's one price and it has a seven day free trial for you to try it out. And when you sign up for that free trial using my code, I will send you an email with a link for downloadable tips for using bark and for navigating all of the things, my top tips for using that. Okay. So when you use that code, I will get in touch with you for that.

Speaker 1 (11:54):

If you're not interested in that, don't worry. I'm not going to spam me with any other emails. And, uh, you won't hear from me again unless you want to. Okay. So I hope that this was all very helpful for you. I was quite surprised when I started digging through the Pinterest stuff, I really just had no idea. My kids have never really taken a huge interest to Pinterest. My girls certainly do use it for things, but I don't think that they've ever liked used it for these types of things. But again, I did not monitor those things years ago, and now they are early twenties and upper teens. So they're kind of on their own. And we're navigating things in a new way now where they have more independence and are kind of adults. So there's that. All right. So I hope this was helpful for you and I will chat with you next time and please take advantage of some of the things I share in here about bark and pinwheel and the Griffon router.

Speaker 1 (12:47):

If you personally, as mom are needing self care, help getting into a workout routine, getting into focusing more on your own needs and your nutrition and things such as that. I use top of the line tools and have a support community for you. If you join me in my fit club, it is called the align, your life fit club. And I named it that because it literally is about aligning your daily actions with the way you want your life to be in a realistic way. No diets, no deprivation, just realistic, small baby steps with what makes sense for you. And then over time as you align those decisions, you will find that more of your life gets into alignment. And like I've said with other times that I've mentioned this, once you start having that foundation of strength for yourself, it trickles down to your kids, both just with your own inner strength and inner peace and your place where you are strong.

Speaker 1 (13:48):

And no one can take that from you because it's so, so easy as a mom to let all of your own needs slip away, you know, because the kids take so much time and energy and all of that. But once you have that place of strength, you're such a positive influence for your kid. As you show them that you can do this, you can be strong for yourself while being strong for them. And even when they're resistant to doing anything that you think is good, you know, those teen years where it's like, if it's mom or dad's idea, I'm not going to do it, they are watching. And over time they will pick up on what you're doing. You just need to stay consistent with it. So I did not know how to eat healthy, and I did not know how to influence my kids with doing that very much when they were much younger, but over time I have made baby tweaks to tiny tweaks to how we eat.

Speaker 1 (14:37):

And I exercise daily and I kind of integrate all of that into what I do. And while a few of them have been resistant to that, as they have gotten older, I see that they're picking up on what I do and what I say, and they're seeing that it's important. And so even if it looks like they're not listening or not interested or giving you pushback about changing, how you're eating or changing a few recipes that you make, or, you know, taking that time for your own exercise, your own self care, your own mental health over time, it does have an influence on them. So just stay strong and find that place for yourself for your own self care routine and all of that. And then the strength you get from that will trickle out and help you manage all these things. And when I was in my most difficult days, it was my police of my daily workout in my daily routine for taking care of myself.

Speaker 1 (15:29):

That gave me strength. In addition to like my spiritual and religious health and all of that, it gave me a place of strength that no one could take from me, even though I felt like the entire world around me was crumbling apart. So definitely while you're trying to find all of these places, navigating all of these things that I share with you still take that time for yourself. Find that place where you can have your own interest in your own things to fulfill yourself and to fill your own cup, because we cannot constantly give to others and lots we're giving to ourselves first. Okay. So I hope that was all helpful for you. I know I seemed like my last couple episodes have been a bit longer than I had been doing before. So I hope you stayed and listened for all of that. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for those of you that have connected with me on social media and through email and left me reviews. I appreciated immensely, and I'm so glad to be able to bring this information to you and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (16:28):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (16:43):

Before you go check this out. If you are a mom that is listening to this podcast, you are wanting to keep your kids safe in the digital world. But let me tell you what is so very powerful and what helped me so so much when things got really tough in my parenting of the digital natives world, I already had a routine of taking care of myself every day with not only the simple things like drinking more water and getting enough sleep most of the time. Anyway. Um, but I also had a routine of exercise in a routine of fueling my body with good nutrition, with guaranteed nutrition, through a smoothie, with tools that helped me during my workouts and this routine. It sounds silly that it could help so much, but it did help me so much when I was gutted by the challenges of raising kids in this digital age, it helped me have a safe place.

Speaker 1 (17:33):

It helped me have a strength that I otherwise would not have mentally and spiritually and physically. And then it also on a day-to-day basis helps me to be more present for the kids because I'm more present for myself. First, if you do not have this in your life, I want to connect you with this. I want to simplify this for you, connect with me, and I will connect you with tools that work for anyone that simplify everything around exercising and eating and making this a habit that sticks. And that will be an example for your kids and your family. Connect with me. We'll have a discovery session. We'll figure out which options will work best for you. And then I will connect you with my online community to help support you as you get started and to help you keep up the motivation and the momentum to make this a lifestyle switch that lasts forever. So connect with me today. 

Rinsta and Finsta. Which does your kiddo have? This episode chats about the difference and what the implications may be for having this.

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

Gryphon Router: CLICK HERE

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Have you ever heard of a Finsta? If you haven't, I'm right there with you. I never had either, but that's what we're going to chat about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:12):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, Holy moly. Check this out.

Speaker 1 (00:38):

You're a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code, be that mom 10 for a discount. Okay. So we all know that there's no way that we can control every single aspect of all of the social media things, right? Like if you're going to allow your kid to have access to the digital world in some way that there's always going to be work around and leave it to our kids to be, what do I want to say, savvy enough to come up with these things?

Speaker 1 (01:29):

And it is quite amazing. So the biggest tool that you can have in your back pocket is open communication with your kiddo about their behavior online and what you do and do not approve of. And the consequences. If you discover that they have not followed these rules that you set in place. Okay. But what I'm talking about today, Finsta is basically you have what they call Rinsta. R I N S T a, which is a real Instagram account. And then there's a Finsta, which is a fake Instagram account. So a lot of kids will use this as an alternative at count that maybe their parents don't know about, or maybe they are just trying to get away, like fly under the radar. I guess, of someone or some entity, maybe it's a place where they post things that they don't want a college to be able to scope out.

Speaker 1 (02:27):

Maybe it's their silly side, where they just share things with close friends or vulnerable side or mischievous or illegal things, or just a place to get away from parents to where they don't feel like they're being watched. So I personally did not know that this was a thing until my two youngest, Ron Instagram. And I actually stumbled upon one of theirs on accident because I opened up another Instagram account. It was for this podcast. I had my regular Instagram account that I'd had for years. And I went and made another account to open it up for the podcast. And when I did that, I connected it to my contacts on my phone. And it immediately popped up one of my kiddos extra account. And I was like, what in the world? What is this? Like, I had been watching their other Instagram accounts to see what they were posting.

Speaker 1 (03:22):

And if you haven't noticed some like, particularly boys will tend to have an Instagram account that they don't post a thing on. And you're like, why do they want to be on Instagram? They never post anything. And like I've said in episodes ago, what they're often doing is they're just there to look at content or they're just there to communicate through the messages. Okay. So it's not that they're not on there and doing things they're just not posting publicly to their account. Okay. So you may be watching their account and you're like, I don't have anything to worry about because they never posted anything. Anyway, there's still a lot of danger lurking on there and it doesn't just have to do with them posting anything. People can get to them through the messages. They can get content by who they follow and who they message and what content is sent to them, from friends, all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

Okay. So there's a lot of things that are lurking underneath the surface there that you have to look into. But when I made this other account, then it popped up. Here's some people that you may want to follow with this new account. And one of these was my kids' extra account. And so I addressed that and said, okay, I'm okay with you having another account, but why is it secretive? And why did you not tell me about it? And so we had a discussion there for that, but at the same time, it was quite disconcerting to discover this. And I thought I had a handle on all the things, right. I sewed did not handle, have a handle on all the things at that time. Like that was the tip of the iceberg. But so a Finsta is a fake Instagram account. The purpose of it is, you know, will vary depending on your kiddo and what their intentions are.

Speaker 1 (05:02):

But good news about this is that if you have something like bark set up, it will detect. If there's another account I have had notifications sent to me that says, my kid is act, you know, your kid says their name is active on. It says something like we see that blink, your kid is using an Instagram account. Do you want to monitor that? Or do you want to set it up? It says something like that, that alerted me to things going on that I wasn't aware of. So, so there is that that bark will pick things up like that. But bottom line is nothing is a hundred percent. They can always go and open other accounts. And so you just have to be aware that there's always that risk there. Now, a thing that you could do to get around that is taking their phones up at night and having their logins to all of their things and setting up the rules and the boundaries around their use.

Speaker 1 (05:58):

And that if you like them being clear and knowing that if you discover that they have these other accounts and have been dishonest with you, that there will be consequences, you know, reasonably speaking up to a certain age. And that is also a decision between you and your kid and, and their, you know, their age and how you feel that they can function on social media. So I guess ultimately what I'm saying is everybody can decide for themselves how you want to operate, but I can tell you that there's a number of years there where curiosity is high and what do I want to call it? Like realistic judgment of risks? Is that a good way to say it is not there? And so you have to figure out a happy medium between giving some independence and some privacy, but also keeping them closely monitored because the discretion of risks is not yet there.

Speaker 1 (06:57):

They say that that doesn't like fully develop until their early twenties. So, you know, it's just one of those things for the teenage years that you know, that they're not going to kind of get all of the risks. And so you kind of have to help guide them with those things and social media and all the digital things just basically puts a huge, extra layer on all of that. And all of us trying to monitor everything and navigate everything. And that's of course, while you're here listening to my podcast, right? So anyways, today I just wanted to talk about that in case you had never heard of it. I've actually known that this is a thing for quite a while because of my kids having it and me discovering it. And ultimately, I don't think it's necessarily going to be a bad thing, but it's up to you to decide what the rules are around it and you know what you want to have access and not have access to, but of course, putting bark on their device and then all the other monitoring things that I always talk about can certainly help you to navigate it as well.

Speaker 1 (07:52):

Okay. So I hope that was helpful for you and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (08:00):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (08:14):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

The digital world can be a great place to connect but also can cause us to disconnect. Listen in on this episode for tips to to reconnect with your kids.

For the book I mentioned in this episode, CLICK HERE

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Today's digital world can make us feel so interconnected, but also disconnected at the same time. So today we are going to talk about some strategies and some ways for you to move forward from that and avoid disconnecting from your kiddos and your kids disconnecting from their life and their future that they have ahead of them. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:23):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends

Speaker 1 (00:50):

Was, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use it is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get started with today's topic, I just want to say that my episode from a week, two weeks ago, I believe about the mom that lost her kid to the experimentation of taking a pill and unknowingly taking something that had too much fentanyl in it.

Speaker 1 (01:41):

And it killed her son. I've gotten a ton of feedback from that. And I just want to encourage you if you haven't listened to that, to go listen to that, it is so very utterly important that we're all so very aware that this is a very real risk for any one of our kids thinking they're innocently going to try this pill because someone else says it's, you know, a thing to do. And that one time is too much and takes their life. So if you haven't listened to that episode, definitely go back and listen to it. I believe it's from two weeks ago and, you know, share it with your friends and, you know, use the tips that I have in there to help discuss things with your kids, but also take the precautions that I mentioned and definitely be proactive in that because it's a very real threat for every single one of our kids.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

Okay. All right. So recently I was on social media on Facebook and I saw a post from a dad where it was almost like a plea where he said I messed up. I didn't know. And I gave my kid this gaming console and I've lost him. I've lost my kid to these digital things that I allowed him to have. He's lost all interest in everything he ever wanted to do before gave him the digital things. And he just has no interest of doing anything, but playing those games, I feel like I've totally messed up and I've lost my kid. Where do I go from here? I can so relate to that, that plea, that feeling that he was having, that he was expressing because I was there once too and sitting on the other side of everything that we have faced and we have walked through.

Speaker 1 (03:23):

I can tell you that there is always hope. There is always a place where you can readjust and course correct and get yourself moving in a different direction. If your kid is younger and you're listening to this, then those are the most critical years of, I think the middle school years are like the hardest years and the most critical years to really try to be proactive and navigating this and, you know, to take a very positive stance with all of it. But even if your kid is in the teenage years, it's not too late, it's just time to reassess and readjust. And yes, some of it may be painful and difficult, but at the same time, nothing is too hard when it comes to the future of our children. And I very much think that the influence of all the digital things is absolutely the most impactful thing that our kids have to deal with in their childhood these days.

Speaker 1 (04:23):

So it's always going to be worth it. So today I want to give you some tips. I want to give you some tools you can use and give you a game plan. So you can move forward from this. So whether you are regrouping from feeling disconnected and, you know, kind of seeing that this is happening with your family, or you are just trying to be proactive from the get-go and you haven't yet given your kids these things. I think these things can help. I believe that kids are very, very resilient and while we want to shape and mold them, you know, and shield them and all of that from the get go, if we have made missteps and need to regroup, reassess course, correct. We need to forgive ourselves a little bit and I'm talking to myself because I've had a lot of mom guilt around it, but I'll expand on that here in a minute and explain why it's not necessarily completely horrible thing when these things happen.

Speaker 1 (05:18):

And we have to course correct, mainly because it's, it's a learning, it's a learning point. I'm like stumbling on my words, but it's a place for you to have, like your struggle on something is always a place for you to build strength. So if you can view it from that place, then it's a place for you to figure out how can we use this to make us grow and make us stronger. So, you know, bringing this to actual real life tips, if you have given your kid a phone, a gaming console, whatever it is, and you have not set down boundaries, or you're just noticing that it's taking them away from their normal childhood interests. And they're doing that more and more. I just want to start by saying that they are resilient and they adapt quickly. And so it's just our role. Number one, as a parent, to be the parent, and to take a step back from the situation and look at the big picture.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

Some of what I'm going to describe today is outlined in a book that I love and that I highly recommend that I haven't mentioned on here in a while, probably since the very beginning of the podcast, but the book is called disconnected by Thomas Kerstin. And it's titled how to reconnect our digitally distracted kids. I'll put a link for that in the show notes, but in the book he talks about in one chapter about how we need to look at how we're planting seeds in our kids' mind in their childhood. Basically, if the seeds that they are having planted are based on their interaction in the social media world of feeling not good enough and being bullied and comparing themselves to others and having a low self esteem that we're planting those seeds to mold their childhood in their future around that. And they are adaptive in their resilience, but it's also their childhood.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

Is there time of sowing those seeds. And so we need to take a big step back and say, okay, we need to, if you're one of the ones like me, that you didn't want to like be that mom that was setting down these rules that was allowing them not to game all night long, that was moving the console out of the bedroom that was setting limits on the use of the cell phone. That was eavesdropping a little bit on social media accounts. If you are hesitant to do those things, because you've always allowed them and you are afraid that your kid is going to be upset that your kid's going to be ostracized or look different, or that they're going to think that you don't trust them, take a step back and look at the bigger picture of things, how things are going, the trajectory of how they are going.

Speaker 1 (07:52):

Are they planting good seeds? Is it a place where your kid is going to grow to be strong, be confident and, you know, just have a positive and productive stance and outlook in the world. Is that what you were creating with the things that you were doing right now? If you don't feel that that's the trajectory you're on, then that's when we need to step in and be a parent looking at the big picture and decide where we are going to go and where we are. We are going to set boundaries. Another thing that is kind of a phenomenon that's been going on for a while. And I feel like it gets before my time on this earth of us getting more and more disconnected from ourselves. And so I think this disconnection that we're seeing in our kids with the digital things is more pronounced now, but I do not think it's a new thing for this generation because me personally, when I look back on my childhood, there was a time where I was very connected with my creativity and my ambitions and goals. And then as we get older, it's kind of like, it's almost like it's taught to us to start doubting ourselves. And, you know, to just, you know, settle down, don't have those big ambitions, cause you're likely not going to get there type thing. I'm not that my mom necessarily encourage those things. She was always, you know, my biggest advocate and telling me I can do whatever I put my mind to, but society

Speaker 3 (09:14): And you know, all of

Speaker 1 (09:16):

The things out there, like just kind of telling you that you're not capable of that. So don't hope that high because you're just going to be disappointed. So I think that as a, another tip to what I've already added is that we personally ourselves need to learn, to look within and connect with ourselves and walk the walk that we want our kids to walk, reconnecting with ourselves. And part of that is learning to, you know, disconnect from those devices and spend time with each other. Face-to-face reconnecting in the world, reconnecting with things other than digital things. And I bring that up because last weekend, my family, we drove about a hundred miles away from our home to a place in South Texas, where they have hiking. And when we drove up to the state part, we lost complete signal on our phones. While out on our way there, we had an issue with our vehicle.

Speaker 1 (10:10):

We were in three different vehicles in one of the vehicles. And one, me and my husband were driving in, had an issue where something in a warning light came on on the dash. And so this is something that had been happening with this car. And so my husband was afraid to keep driving it as far as we needed to go, because he wasn't sure what the issue was. So we combined everything into two cars and he went back home and got another vehicle and then caught up with us. But we were still waiting for him to come before we started our hiking, but we went ahead and went to the park and we were going to wait for him there. Well, when we got there and we drove into the park, we all lost signals on our phone. Completely. Like there's no way we could have got a text out to say where to meet.

Speaker 1 (10:53):

There was no, no way for us to tell them that we'd already checked him at the, in, at the front desk. It was, you know, there was just no way to get in touch with them at all. We couldn't tell him where we had parked nothing. So, you know, the other part of the group went and parked. And then me and my daughter and her boyfriend drove out of the park and went back to the RV park that we'd been at and where we met up with friends and we went back there. So we could call my husband and tell him where to meet us at, and that we'd already checked him in. So when he did arrive, he knew where to go. So we went back to the park, we waited for him, we connected with him. And then we went on with our day.

Speaker 1 (11:27):

We hiked a total of 10 miles. Some of it was like steep and strenuous and a while we had a great time and I enjoyed the nature and being disconnected. My body is not used to a 10 mile hike. So I came home very, very, very tired. But my point in bringing that up, it was, it was a wonderful time for us to disconnect from the rest of the world and just spend time with each other. We talked, we laughed, we looked at nature, we just enjoyed the silence. And it was a great thing, but it was also a struggle. Like at one point we got to like the highest part of the park and we all had signals on our phone again. And we all instantly wanted to check in and see what was going on on our social media and see if we had any texts from anybody.

Speaker 1 (12:10):

And I tried to quickly shut that down, you know, for myself personally and not look at my phone, but it's so hard to disconnect from all of that because we're so used to being so interconnected, isn't that crazy that you're like, we're like more interconnected, but yet disconnected from our own like inner silence, our inner peace and, you know, just finding a place. I think I'd say, you know, a lot, don't, I I'm noticing that with this as I'm talking, but it's crazy how that works, that we're disconnected, but interconnected. And it's hard for us to get connected to our inner self and our inner peace. So my point is I think that we all can learn to kind of silence all of the outside noise and try to find our own inner peace and to find our own way of, you know, just connecting with ourself.

Speaker 1 (12:58):

I think I've said that over and over now, but in this book disconnected by Thomas Kerstin, he has a section where he talks about that. And he says, in the case of kids with all the digital things, that boredom is like a mental fertilizer and boredom is to the brain. What weightlifting is to the muscles, boredom is necessary. It is the spark of creativity. And we all know that creativity as a child is like us working mentally through the world and, you know, creating our construct of the world and what our interests are and all of that stuff. And the phenomenon that we're seeing with all of the digital interconnectedness is that our kids are losing their creativity and losing their boredom because they're never, they're never allowed or forced to be bored because they always have the digital things, always something to put in their hands so that they don't have to deal with that boredom.

Speaker 1 (13:54):

So I think the biggest lesson of what I want to talk about with disconnecting to reconnect is to create a time for your kid for a digital device disconnect where the digital devices are not available, where they are forced to be bored into, to be creative. And as someone who has walked through all of this with my own family, if you don't know my past story, my kids are mid-teen upper teen and younger, lower twenties right now. And each one got a device at a younger and younger age. And I saw the impact of that from the oldest to the youngest. I had no idea that it would have an impact like it did. I thought social media was just a place to post their pictures and connect with friends. And I just had no idea the ramifications, the risks that were out there, all of the things that we're trained to get to my kids and how I was opening the entire world to my kid on those devices.

Speaker 1 (14:54):

And so I've seen the impact for all of them. And I didn't create a place where there were no devices for them. I didn't set up those boundaries and to help them with that and our kids so desperately need that from us. So whether you are in the place of just starting this, or whether you are in the police of just starting this with your kids, or you are here in desperation like that, dad looking for a place to restart and figure out where to course correct, know that when you set up those boundaries for your kid, you're going to get pushback. Most likely if they have, are used to not having the boundaries, but know underneath that fit or that tantrum or that attitude, that they need you to set these things up. And I think I digressed from my point when I was talking about us going to the state park, but with my kids, I have seen the effect of doing this where old interests are reignited, where new creativity and new discovery happens.

Speaker 1 (16:02):

And it is because I set up the boundaries on the use of the devices. And that can mean, and it should mean not in the bedroom. I can't emphasize that enough, keep them out of the bedroom until they're able to self-regulate themselves and have a discussion about why that is important. Put the phones to bed at night in your room, in a place where you control, keep the gaming consoles out of the bedroom. Like if you have it in their bedroom, they cannot resist the temptation of playing it. It messes with their sleep. It's an, it becomes an addiction. It interferes with schoolwork and everything else in their life. So digital devices out of the bedroom and set up times to where it is a required digital free time. And then that forces them into the boredom and helps them with creativity and helps them to have those normal childhood desires other than getting their next little achievement on whatever game they're playing or checking in to see who's gone to what party or checking to see some girls picture that you're in BSF.

Speaker 1 (17:08):

You know, like all of the things that the, the doors that these open, this gives them permission to shut it all down. Even though it's you setting the boundaries, it's giving them permission to not connect with their friends. It's giving them permission to say, my mom won't let me be on this at this time. It's okay to be the bad guy, because in the end, they are going to be thankful as a mom that is sitting on the other side of so much struggle. I am seeing things that I once thought I would never see. Again. I once thought that I had made the biggest mistake ever as a parent and felt like the most horrible parent in the world. I want thought that the mistakes I made were going to have such detrimental effects longterm, but I'm telling you, you got to stick to your guns.

Speaker 1 (18:00):

You got to be the parent. You got to look at the big picture and look at the trajectory of your child's life, and then know that they are resilient, but they need you to set boundaries and they need you to guide them to have that non-digital time so that they can have the mental timeout from it so they can be bored. So they can find that inner peace in that abundance that comes within that. Otherwise there'll be too distracted in too disconnected from the world to find on their own. And you yourself. Like I mentioned with me, always feeling like I didn't, I was always looking outside of me for connection and meaning and all of that, me, myself, trying to dive more in to my own inner peace and strengthened my own boredom models of behavior for my kids. I don't know if I made that point clear earlier, but that models that behavior for my kids.

Speaker 1 (18:53):

So be the model for them. And while you're setting these boundaries up, set the boundaries up for yourself as well, and then they know, and they see that you are doing this same thing. Okay. So besides that, as you know, the, uh, tools that I mentioned in most of my episodes, I have a free download in the show notes of this. If you don't know where to look for the show notes, either swipe up, or there might be some like little dots that you click on, and then you go to show notes, but look in the show notes. And I have a free download for all of the resources that I normally list. I also have links in the show notes for all of the resources, but you can set up as tools to help you. You can set up bark to help you monitor.

Speaker 1 (19:35):

You can set up Griffin or Gryphon router and bark home to shut down parts of your home's Wi-Fi during certain times of the day, there's other tools out there that can help you to shut down access to certain things so that, you know, they know that this is how it's going to be at these certain times of the day, and there's no getting around it. And then there's also things like the pinwheel phone where you can set it up into modes. And then it's like at a certain time of the day, they know that the mood that the phone is on at that time is not to, you know, do all the things it is to be doing a certain thing. The pinwheel phone doesn't allow you to get to social media and those things. So it keeps the phone as a tool, not as something that's controlling the kid in everything that they do.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

So it's a great option for the younger kids. And if you have younger, younger kids, the tick tock tick tock watch is a great option for staying connected without giving them the smartphone and all of that stuff. Okay. So I haven't mentioned it, I don't think in my other episodes, but pinwheel changed my promo code. It is be that mom dash 10 T E N. So it's all spelled out altogether and then dash T E N. So if you are going to grab a pinwheel phone, use the link in my show notes, and then if it asks for the discount code and it's not already registered as that put in, be that mom dash 10 and for bark, it is still be that mom altogether that will get you 20% off in the seven-day free trial. And I highly recommend all of those. Again, I have everything in the show notes, click on my free download that will get you signed up for my email list, and then give you the links in all of my recommendations for basic boundaries to set up and help you.

Speaker 1 (21:18):

Okay. I hope this was super, super helpful. I think I kind of went around in circles a little bit, but I personally have tried to really work hard at walking the walk with the kiddos and doing more disconnect time. And I feel like it's been really meaningful and I enjoy it more than I used to. I think this past year of 2020 is made me really look at a lot of things and value things more. And so I hope that you are able to use these tips and move forward with all of this stuff to, and I hope that all of this stuff will help you navigate it a little bit easier. Okay. So I hope you have a great week and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:59):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (22:13):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.

Did you know your kid can easily access drugs and dealers on social media such as Instagram or Snapchat? Listen in to hear one mom's tragic story! 

Dr. Laura Bergman's story: https://abc7chicago.com/dr-laura-berman-son-fentanyl-overdose-buy-drugs-social-media/10324555/

Interview with drug dealers that use Snapchat: https://boingboing.net/2020/02/06/its-easy-to-buy-drugs-on-sna.html

Childhood 2.0 movie: https://www.childhood2movie.com/

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

Grab a Gryphon Router HERE 

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Once upon a time, drugs were dealt in a sort of obvious way by hanging out on street corners or going to certain places to pick up drugs today, drugs are dealt through two very popular social media platforms and your kiddo is likely on one of these. So today we're going to talk about one story of a mom who thought she was doing everything right and low and behold, her child got ahold of something and did not survive. And she is sharing her story out on social media to help other parents realize this very, very real danger and to help other parents save their kids. So please listen today and please have a conversation with your kiddo when you're done. Please check out the links. I'm going to drop in the show notes for you to learn more about her story. And some of the other resources that I have found that are very, very disturbing, but are things that we absolutely need to know about today. Okay. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (01:01):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends. Did you,

Speaker 1 (01:26):

You here, there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids. Smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before we get rolling on this very important topic, I just want to tell you that I put together a couple of tip sheets that you can download that, you know, completely free.

Speaker 1 (02:11):

You just put in your email and then it will send you, or the next screen will be a place where you can download it. But I have a tip sheet for using bark and then other digital resources I recommend. And then the second one is a, just a general digital resource guide if I'm not necessarily specific for bark, but if you are looking to, you know, find more resources in things that are recommended, I have some discount codes in there too. Some of the links that I share are affiliate links, which means I get compensated for sharing those links at no extra cost to you, just as a way to help fund this podcast. So any support that you provide me is greatly appreciated. So I can bring more of this to you. And the most important thing that I want to do is to get these things in the hands of you and your children so that we can protect them because the digital world is absolutely a threat to their safety and their future.

Speaker 1 (03:06):

So that's why I'm here to help us all be that mom, but be strong, be proactive, join hands together to get this done. And the tools that I share are absolutely things I have used. I have checked out thoroughly and I do not share anything that I don't wholeheartedly believe can help you. Okay. So please check those things out, download those today. I'm hoping that they're helpful for you. Okay. So today I want to talk about this story that I've heard for a couple of weeks. This actually occurred at the beginning of February, I believe, but I keep having it pop up again in my newsfeed. And I paid a little bit more attention to it this last time and read more about what exactly happened and felt compelled to just set aside the thing that I was going to talk about today and bring this to your attention, because it's something that even with the best of intentions with bark and everything else that we do this slipped through this mom's hands and very much could slip through your hands too.

Speaker 1 (04:05):

Okay. So what I'm talking about is a mom by the name of Dr. Laura Berman. I believe she is on several talk shows in different things, helps with relationships, but she has a son. His name was CME and he was 16 years old. And beginning of February, I'm not sure the exact date. It was a normal day for them. He was looking at colleges and internships and he had come and had his dad make him a cheeseburger. And then he went back up to his room. It may maybe been an hour since they had seen him and he wanted her to come to his room. So he could talk about some stuff that he was doing for upcoming internships for this summer. Well, when she arrived in his room, she found him on the floor and he wasn't breathing. She called emergency services. They came, tried for 30 minutes to bring him back and they could not.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

She says that she thought she was doing everything right. She talked to her kids about all of the things, but she thought that what she needed to be worrying about with her child being on social media was nude pictures and things such as that, she never once thought that her son would experiment with drugs and that, that would kill him. But let me tell you how scary this is, because when you think about it, you're probably thinking my kid would never do that. Okay. Personally, in my own experience, what brought me to doing this podcast was not this, but could have gotten to this very quickly. I saw this stuff happening among peers of my son. And fortunately we caught onto it. But Dr. Laura, she says that about a year prior, her son was using marijuana and where she lived, it was legal. So they talked about it, but he had written out like this paper.

Speaker 1 (05:52):

She said that he researched everything. So he had written out this paper to argue his point of why using marijuana was okay, so they did not approve of it, but it was something that they were dealing with. Well, this day came and she contacted his friends and through his friends, she found out that he had been in touch with someone on Snapchat to get drugs. But when we're talking drugs, we're not talking heroin cocaine, which are something that you can't get, but we're talking a pill of what his friend thinks was Percocet. He thinks that's what he was trying to get from this drug dealer. And the problem is they're seeing this more and more. And CME story is just one story of many, many stories. Dr. Laura said that when she put her story out on her social media, she has been bombarded by stories from other parents going through the same thing, where they lost their child or almost lost their child.

Speaker 1 (06:52):

So this is very, very prevalent. But what she has found after talking to other parents is that they say that she's, she hears it. I don't have a way to verify this directly, but she, what she has heard is that there's a place that will make drugs. That look very similar to the drugs that you know, were prescribed like Percocet. I don't know that it's on the market anymore, but hydrocodone and those types of things they'll make the pill look like that. But it's laced with fentanyl. And it only has a tiny amount of fentanyl in there, but it's not precisely measured. So she said, basically what happened to her son was that it wasn't an overdose. It was actually poisoning that they believe there at the time that she did the last interview that I heard, they were still waiting on toxicology reports, but they believed that he had too much fentanyl in there.

Speaker 1 (07:42):

And if you're not familiar with what fentanyl is, how I'm familiar with it is anesthesia for surgery. So I've seen it in the hospital setting in the surgery setting, but not just out in the regular world. So they believed that her son took one pill of what he thought was Percocet. And it was laced with fentanyl. They say that the drug dealers will put it into the pills because it is highly, highly addictive. And so they're wanting them to get addicted and want more drugs and buy more drugs from them. So the problem with that is they don't measure it precisely. And so there's more and more stories about kids getting a hold of this and dying from it while they are experimenting with it. They think it's, you know, they're just experimenting with it. And of course, teenagers think they're mortal and don't understand that they can't die.

Speaker 1 (08:30):

And so, you know, they just try it. The really scary part of this is that she said that she had monitored them very closely up to the age of 14, but after 14, she felt like they were old enough to handle things. So she didn't know his passwords or how to get into his phone. And so at the time she did this interview, it had only been a couple of days or maybe a week since he had passed away, but could not get into his phone. Apple would not give her the information to get into his phone until they had a death certificate. She couldn't get a death certificate because of something like toxicology report or something like there's all these snowball things that kept her from getting into her son's iPhone. Okay. So I don't mean to laugh there, but I, that was more of a sigh.

Speaker 1 (09:19):

It's just mind boggling to me that this could go on and to go on in these apps, like Snapchat is largely an 18 and under crowd. And so they're preying on our kids. Through these apps. Snapchat is really hard to track as well as Instagram. And now Instagram has disappearing messages too. So it's really hard to track down the person. And when Dr. Laura talked to the police, when they came to her house, the friend of her son sent a screenshot of like the menu that this person sent her son with the different drugs and it had his username on it. And the cops basically said, you know, we can turn that in and investigate, but basically Snapchat may shut down that account. They'll just open it up under another name and they're not using their real name. And so it's pretty much impossible to track and to shut these people down.

Speaker 1 (10:11):

So, as I was looking at things to prepare for this recording to bring to you, I looked up stats and I just looked up drug use in teens and children. And these were from 2018. They said 18% would buy drugs online. And these were just very quick stats that I reviewed, but they said 30% of cocaine users said they can get cocaine through Snapchat in less than 30 minutes once they pay for it. So then I found a video and I'm going to put this in the show notes, but I found a video of a girl that I believe this was in like the UK or something someplace like that, not in the U S but she basically kind of investigated, like making an account on Instagram and Snapchat. She put a picture on there that was like, she was a young kid. And then she went searching, like searching for different names of drugs and very quickly, within a matter of minutes or less found accounts that had pictures of different drugs for sale, you basically message them. And then they ask where you are and then they'll deliver it to you. She did the same thing on Snapchat and within seconds, she had multiple people contacting her, asking what her address was, so they could get the money from her and deliver it like very, very quickly and very persistently. So then

Speaker 3 (11:33):

She went and met with

Speaker 1 (11:35):

These people. Like she made a deal with someone and went and met with them and asked them while they were disguised and undercover asked to talk to them about what they do. And these were basically teenagers saying that it's just a way for them to make money. And they said that the way they justify it is that they don't pursue these kids. The kids come to them. They said that they do to kind of give themselves a good name. Like they measure some of the drugs by weight. They'll pack a little bit of extra in. So the kid will know that they got a really good deal with them. And then they'll refer their friends. And then they said, there's no pursuing them. They just put the stuff out. They have people following their account. They put it out. They say what they want. They make the deal, they get the delivery.

Speaker 1 (12:17):

So this is very, very frightening because so many of us have given our kids Snapchat or Instagram thinking, you know, Instagram, I thought was a good place to take pictures. You know, post pictures, connect with your friends, Snapchat, same thing. But now we know differently. And we know that there are people praying on there. And honestly, I didn't know how easy it was until I started listening to Dr. Laura story about Sammy. And then I found this video of this girl, you know, checking out some of the drug dealers in, I believe the UK. So I want to give you a couple of things, suggestions that I recommend that you do. And just know that one thing that Dr. Laura recommends is that you always have the, in the code for their phone, the login for all of their apps, all of their things that they get into, but especially Snapchat and Instagram.

Speaker 1 (13:10):

So tips that I have for you is number one, have a conversation with your kid today. And I know I've had conversations with them, but I was never aware of this danger of the fentanyl. I had heard about it a couple of months ago, when, you know, we were trying to figure out all our things with our son, but I didn't realize how prevalent it was. So have a conversation with your kid, let them know that the pills that they may be getting are likely not what they think they are. And there's no way to know what they are. So do not experiment. I know, like with marijuana, a lot of times it's just experimentation, but that leads to other things. When they start get that like psychoactive response of, you know, the way it makes them feel, then they want to try other things.

Speaker 1 (13:55):

And it's a snowball effect that leads to other things. So a lot of times I know a lot of people were argue against me on this, but a lot of times marijuana is an entry drug just because of the psychoactive effects that it has. And then that leads to experimenting with other things. Okay. So even if you're in a place where it is legal, I still caution you on considering this. And then at the very least have a conversation with your kid and let them know, do not try anything. You cannot trust it. And a lot of these drug dealers are bringing in fentanyl to help you get addicted and to buy more stuff for them. And there's just always the chance that that fentanyl that's in there is too much because a tiny, tiny amount will be too much and will kill you, especially if the child is younger and smaller in size.

Speaker 1 (14:41):

Okay. So number one is have a conversation with your kiddo right away when you can, you know, try to check out the resources I share. And if you feel like any of them are appropriate for them to listen to, please have them listen to that too. Okay. A second thing, like I've said over and over and over and over again, if you've listened to any more of my episodes is number one. If they don't have a smartphone, don't give them one, at least not too soon. Start with a pinwheel phone or the gab phone, the advantage of the pinwheel phone over the gab phone that I think in this instance is a very, very important difference is the fact that you can put bark on that phone on a pinwheel phone. So it'll monitor the text messages too. Okay. And then if they do have a smartphone get bark on that phone, okay.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

Use the layered approach that I discuss in episode 48 and my digital download thing that I'm going to put in the show notes that I mentioned at the beginning is also going to have that layered approach in there with all the links and resources for you to get that set up. Okay. That will help you to monitor conversations. Okay. As far as like Snapchat, it's very difficult to monitor it because of the nature of Snapchat. Okay. Whether I keep saying, okay, don't I, whether you have an Android or an Apple, Snapchat is one thing that's very hard to monitor, but think about it like this. If you have bark on that phone, if they text their friend and say, Hey, I [inaudible], it's going to catch that. Okay, it's going to catch their activities in it that may give you, you know, some form of an alert as to what they might be doing.

Speaker 1 (16:12):

Some gut intuition that you need to check more. Okay. And then the third thing is watch besides the stuff I put in the show notes, which I'll put this in there too, but watch the movie childhood 2.0, in addition to the other resources that I give you. Okay. And I will put that in the show notes too, but watch that because it is about, it was made by bark. It's a documentary by bark, but it is about one of their workers going undercover as a kid. And it's mainly related to grooming, but it talks about a lot of things related to social media and all of the influences. Another good movie to watch is social dilemma on Netflix. All of those will give you a really good idea on the influences of all those things. Okay. But the main thing that I wanted to talk about was Sammy story in honor of Sammy in honor, his mother who's been so brave in sharing her story.

Speaker 1 (17:02):

She should shared it. I think the day that he died or the very next day. And that's when I first saw it, it was shared from a mutual brand that also is in the space of helping parents keep their kids safe. And that's how I saw it. That's how I started following her. But she's been so courageous, you know, through tears, through telling her story. And I just want to thank her so much and honor her and pass this along to as many parents as I can because our children, men are absolute treasure. They're our absolute future. And this trying not to cry this digital world can be such an amazing thing, but it can be such a scary thing. So let's band together, join arms, join hands, and be that mom that's proactive for our kid. But I just want to reiterate that bark would not have caught this for Dr.

Speaker 1 (17:52):

Laura because he used Snapchat. And because of the way that he messaged and you know, nothing's going to be foolproof. The biggest thing you can do is stay in direct communication with your kid and have all of these different safeguards in place so that, you know, when they're on their phones, you know what things they're looking at. And if you have the ability to not even introduce Snapchat, don't introduce it, don't get it or remove it. They don't have to have it. I had for my daughters, they both had Snapchat, but they're both older now. So I think that it was less dangerous than, than it is now. More. There weren't as many predators on there. And then all of them had Instagram, but for my youngest, no Instagram, no Snapchat. It's just the way it is. So if you, you know, make your decision on what you want to do with that.

Speaker 1 (18:35):

But personally, I think parents need to all band together and we need to push back on these social media platforms, if they can sensor by us just saying certain words or posting a certain article or video that, you know, they're self-proclaimed fact checkers are going to sensor, then they could do something about this. So that tells me that for whatever reason, it's just not their top priority. Maybe it's because it, you know, they're there to get money from us and from ads and things like that. So they just don't consider it a priority, their official statements from the different things that I watched said that they do shut down accounts and all of that, but it's hard to keep track of all of them. And I've always said that, you know, these predators are just very savvy about what they do and how they do it.

Speaker 1 (19:26):

But at the same time, going through the year 2020 and the election in the U S and all the things that have happened in the last couple of months, I'm not convinced that they couldn't do something about this if they really wanted to, but maybe what needs to happen is we just get our kids off of these devices or off of these apps, if they have smartphones. And we pushed back at the moms and we let them know who is boss in this world. And that is the mothers of this world. We are the boss and are the bosses. And we are the ones that are the protectors of our children. And we're not going to stand for this. We have to do that for the sake of our kids and their future in their beautiful lives that are ahead of them. Poor little Sammy's was cut short, and he had so many plans. No parent needs to go through that. And her Sammy was cut short on all the things that he wanted to do in life. So in honor of Sammy, please talk to your kids today. And let's put an into to this drug dealing that's going on on Snapchat and Instagram, and is so easily in the hands of our kids. Okay. Thank you so much for listening and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (20:35):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. He, if you are a mom that has

Speaker 1 (20:50):

A lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep, or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

These apps and smart phone features help keep things hidden on a smart phone! If giving your kid a smart phone, learn about these today! 

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Holy Toledo, you are not going to believe this. I'm going to share with you today. Some different things that you may not be aware that your smartphone can do, and in the hands of your kids, it can be a really, really scary thing. So stay tuned. We're going to chat about this.

Speaker 2 (00:20):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:46):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So I truly believe that curiosity is something that is just innate and natural for a kid to have, but with a smartphone in their hands, it is like, I don't even know the analogy to, to describe it as, but basically we're like putting a ticking time bomb in their hands.

Speaker 1 (01:43):

When we put a smartphone in their hands, and I've said, this, I've known this over the last year and a half, but these things that I'm going to share with you today are things that I didn't know our phones could do. And if I found the information which was on Instagram, I know that my kids could find it too. And your kids might as well and all in all, you know, when we give them a phone and we help guide them, there has to be a certain amount of trust. There we have to, you know, eventually allow them to do things. But if we're giving our kids a smartphone, when they're like middle school, age, or a little bit older, it can be a recipe for disaster, especially when they are able to do these things are run to talk about today. So I bet this is going to blow your mind.

Speaker 1 (02:26):

Like it didn't mind. So the other day I was on Instagram and I don't even know how I found this video, but it was basically a video that was like, I bet you didn't know what your iPhone can do. And I went and looked at his account and he has like multiple, multiple, multiple videos about all these different things that your iPhone can do that you may not have been aware of. Now, if you are not an Apple person and you have an Android phone, yours will probably be a little bit different than this, but still listen in because I bet you have something very, very similar in your Android phone. Now, when it comes to kids, this is one reason to put bark on that phone, no matter which type of phone they have, because bark is going to monitor their activity and let you know of concerning conversations and different activities.

Speaker 1 (03:13):

On top of that, having screen time controls to where they cannot download an app without you knowing, and they cannot delete an app without you, knowing will be helpful. If you have that set up beforehand, when you give them a phone, or you can do that ASAP. But if you haven't done that when your kid has had free reign for any period of time, these are some things that you need to be aware of in, you know, either way you need to be aware of these things because they completely blew my mind as I checked them out. Okay. So the first one is having hidden folders on your phone. Let me kind of describe for you. I'm not going to go into too much technical detail, but let me kind of describe for you what this looks like. So there's an app that's called shortcuts on your phone and you click on there to create a shortcut.

Speaker 1 (04:02):

And then you add an action. So say you have an app that you don't want your parent to know that you have on your phone. So you add the shortcut, you select the app and then you add it to your home screen. And then you can change the picture of the app on your home screen. So maybe like, make it look like a calculator or the weather app, several different apps that you as a parent would be like, Oh, no big deal. You know, it's just a weather app when it's actually them hiding another app. So getting around this would be to know what apps they have on their phone and that they're not able to download it or just get that smartphone out of their hands and give them a pinwheel phone problem solved. But that is one way that they may be hiding an app that you have said that you do not want them to have such as Snapchat, such as Tik TOK, such as Instagram, those types of things.

Speaker 1 (04:58):

Okay. The second thing that I discovered is secret photo app. Now this one is very interesting. I had no idea. If you go to the app store and search S a or secret photo album, there is an app that can be downloaded. And once that is downloaded, they can hide pictures in there. They can lock it with the password. They can even put a fake pin on it to where, when, like, if you were to say, what is this app? And then you click on it and it goes to, for you to enter a pin and you tell them what your pin, they can set it up to where that fake pin opens it, but opens it up to fake pictures or pictures that they've put there. So they basically could pull one over on you while you're thinking that they are giving you the pin to look at it.

Speaker 1 (05:48):

Okay. So they can put a fake pin on it that shows fake pictures. And they also can set it up to where, and I say they, but this could be anyone that's wanting to be dishonest on a phone, not necessarily our kids, but it's just important to be aware that these things are out there and that there are ways to hide things, but they also have it set up to where, if someone were to guess the pin on the app, like the correct pin and they get in, then the app takes a picture of that person and sends an alert to the owner of the phone. And then this app also has the capability of when the phone is turned face down. It will auto switch to another app. I don't know about you, but I've had it happen to where I walk into a room when one of my kids is on their phone and they immediately hide it, or they put it face down.

Speaker 1 (06:36):

Well, this app, when you put it face down would switch to another app. So even if you picked it up to say, what's on your phone, it wouldn't show them that. Okay. So it's called secret photo album, or just put in essay in the app store and it'll come up. It'll show you what the icon is. Okay. This third, third thing is where you can create secret messages. And this would be in the notes app on their phone. So the regular notes app, it's not an app that they download. So you having screen time restrictions on their phone, wouldn't catch this, but in the notes app, you can type a subject. And then you can add someone to that note. And then you can also lock the note. So if, when you add someone, that person that you added, they could speak to each other in the note could also be locked to where you cannot see it, that one's quite disturbing, right?

Speaker 1 (07:32):

Because that's already on their phone. That's no type of new adding that also could be done with a Google drive. You know, if you have restrictions and all they have access to, is there stuff for school, you can do that in a Google drive. You share a link between two people and you can talk back and forth on a Google doc or something like that. So once technology gets into their hands, there are so many ways around your monitoring and your restrictions, but something like bark would still pick this stuff up conversations and things going on. Okay. The next one is, if you have iOS 14 on your phone, if you hold down the screen, when you were on your regular phone and the little dots pop up at the bottom, like if you're on the regular page of your phone, the little dots, pop up at the bottom, tap on those dots.

Speaker 1 (08:20):

And let me see if it's going to do it for me. I'm trying to do it as I talk to you. So let me start again. So on your phone, I don't, if you hold down the screen and then if your phone is updated to the most recent update, you hold down the screen, like your finger on the screen, the little dots pop up at the bottom. You can click on those. There it goes. And then you can edit the pages. So you basically could have a screen of apps and you can remove them. So if you're like checking to see what apps they have on their phone, they could remove this one of apps. And then it's not going to show up for you. They can still get to it in their phone, but it won't show up as a page of apps. So they could certainly hide apps that they have downloaded from you completely by deleting that page on their home screens.

Speaker 1 (09:10):

Now, this one is something that can help you. We got to have some positive in this, right? Instead of being stressed about all these things, this is something that I learned that probably could have saved us a couple of dollars here and there. But if your kid or you gets water on your phone or drops water, or like drops it in water, or somehow gets wet, there is a water shortcut, a water eject shortcut that you can add to your phone. So Google water shortcut, and get the shortcut added to your phone. And then if it's dropped in water, you say, Hey, Siri, water, eject, shortcut, Oh, shoot. My computer's popping up the water reject thing. Hold on. I gotta turn this off. And it's going to start trying to eject it off of my phone. So you say, Hey, Siri. And then you say to pull up the water reject shortcut, and then actually please a sound that ejects the water out of the speakers of the phone.

Speaker 1 (10:09):

So if your kid comes to you saying that they dropped it in water, you can do this quickly and it will help eject the water out of the phone. So that's actually something that's pretty cool. Okay. And then another one to be aware of is a calculator plus app. And basically this is another way for them to hide pictures. So there it's called calculator. Plus there's a couple of different options if you look in the app store, but it's basically a way for them to hide pictures in a vault that just looks like a calculator and they just put in a pin and then it would open up to the pictures. So it would be another way for them to hide pictures from you using the calculator plus app. So lots of ways for them to hide stuff from us, lots of little intricate things about these phones that many of us are probably not aware of.

Speaker 1 (10:55):

A couple of other things to definitely be aware of is that if they are sending pictures to anyone else, make sure that the location is turned off on pictures. Otherwise when you send a picture to someone, it will, they can basically click on that and tell where that picture was taken. So if they're sending a picture on Snapchat, if they're sending one through Instagram, if it's to someone they don't know in real life, those are things that are very, very, very concerning for their safety. So definitely look into those as far as making sure that they aren't sending pictures to other people with the location on that picture, like the, whatever the geo tracking or whatever it is. And then other than that, some apps have it set up to where it now can say their precise location. So I would go into settings and turn off the location services for anything that doesn't have to have it on.

Speaker 1 (11:47):

So, you know, like a weather app, maybe it needs to have it on, maybe it doesn't, but, you know, use your own judgment to look through through those different apps and turn off location services, because they certainly have had instances where a predator of some kind, someone who has ill intent towards our children poses as a kid or a friend, and is able to track them down in real time through things like Snapchat in order to prey on them. So it's certainly something to be aware of, but all in all, as you can see, there are so many intricacies with these phones, if at all possible delay giving your ghetto a smartphone. I don't say that to laugh, to make light of it, but delay giving your kid a smartphone, if you can, as long as you can. And then after that, you know, proceed with caution and with a proactive stance, use bark.

Speaker 1 (12:37):

If you aren't already used my code, be that mom to get the discount on it. And that will help kind of be your eyes and ears for a lot of this stuff. And then if you do discover that things are being hidden from you, of course, that's your judgment call as a parent, how to proceed with that. But my personal opinion is that if they are hiding things from me while they do deserve some sort of privacy, you know, to the extent of, you know, growing up and wanting to have their own private life in their own private thoughts or whatever, if they are hiding things from me and I discover that somehow that's putting them in danger or is not for their best interest in their future and all of that, then it's time to pull that phone away. It's time to pull those privileges away.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

In my personal opinion, a phone is not a right. It is a privilege that is earned and just like anything else in life, if it's not being used responsibly. And I find that it is putting them in a place of danger, then it's time to pull that away for a little bit. We grew up without phones, they can do it too. That's what I've said before. So anyways, that is totally your judgment, your call, but I tried to do the little dance of giving trust and, you know, let's just kind of figure this out until it became evident that that just wasn't possible until we pulled away from that for a little bit. And that allowed us to reset from everything, you know, figure out what's most important in our lives and then take baby steps forward toward allowing more independence again. And that was probably the best thing we have ever done as parents was to put our foot down harder than we ever had before pull the electronics away completely until we could reassess and get our, you know, footing on the ground again, and then move forward from there.

Speaker 1 (14:20):

So you discover the dishonesty, use your own judgment, offer them to make decisions going forward. But if it comes to it, pull that thing away and reassess readjust allowed him to detox, allowed them to realize that there's more to life than what's on Snapchat or Instagram and all of those things. Cause I do think these digital things certainly make their childhoods much more complicated and making them feel like they are not enough. And all of the things that come with that, I think our childhood without the digital things was while still complicated was a much simpler time. So definitely don't hesitate to put your foot down on that as the parent, as you're moving forward. But I hope that this was helpful for you with different secret apps and secret ways that they could get around us. And if you've had some suspicion of something dishonest going on underneath the surface, maybe it's one of these things that's going on. So check that out. Okay. All right. Chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (15:18):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time. So before

Speaker 1 (15:32):

Where you go check this out, if you are a mom that is listening to this podcast, you are wanting to keep your kids safe in the digital world. But let me tell you what is so very powerful and what helped me so so much when things got really tough in my parenting of the digital natives world, I already had a routine of taking care of myself every day with not only the simple things like drinking more water and getting enough sleep most of the time. Anyway. Um, but I also had a routine of exercise in a routine of fueling my body with good nutrition, with guaranteed nutrition, through a smoothie, with tools that helped me during my workouts and this routine. It sounds silly that it could help so much, but it did help me so much when I was gutted by the challenges of raising kids in this digital age, it helped me have a safe place.

Speaker 1 (16:23):

It helped me have a strength that I otherwise would not have mentally and spiritually and physically. And then it also on a day to day basis helps me to be more present for the kids because I'm more present for myself. First, if you do not have this in your life, I want to connect you with this. I want to simplify this for you, connect with me and I will connect you with tools that work for anyone that simplify everything around exercising and eating and making this a habit that sticks. And that will be an example for your kids and your family. Connect with me. We'll have a discovery session. We'll figure out which options will work best for you. And then I will connect you with my online community to help support you as you get started and to help you keep up the motivation and the momentum to make this a lifestyle switch that lasts forever. So connect with me today.

Focus is hard to come by with all the digital and worldly things! Check out this episode for a few tips to help you AND. your kiddo find more FOCUS!

As mentioned in the episode, for MOM focus, try out https://www.mysoulcbd.com and use code BETHATMOM for a discount if you want a natural way to help you with anxiety, sleep, or chronic pain. (Always discuss any concerns with your primary care provider before trying anything new.)

For more info on Shakeology to ensure you are getting in powerful nutrition each day and to complement your wellness efforts, check it out HERE and contact me for current specials when combined with a fitness/nutrition library subscription! Email me at dolly@dollydenson.com

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Check it out here for info about the two newest programs: #MBF or 9 Week Control Freak.  I HIGHLY recommend both of these as a great way to start or crank up your workouts, and all options include access to the entire workout library of top notch workout programs as well as nutrition guidance and recipe library included! 

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Virtual Fit Club for virtual accountability and support included FREE to all that join with a bundled pack that includes the annual virtual library and Shakeology and/or pre and post workout supplements! I always utilize these to help me with my workouts and wellness habits to be strong for myself first, and bonus bonus bonus points that with these we can model these behaviors for our kids!

.

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Focus focus, focus. It is like the focus of what we need to be doing in order to be successful in all of the things in our lives. Right? Well, I think focus has gone out the window for most of us, with all the things we are dealing with right now, what we've dealt with in the past year, all the virtual learning, all the digital things, all the things, focus is what we all need, right? That's what we're going to talk about today. And I'm going to give you a few tips to help you out.

Speaker 2 (00:28):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:53):

Check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So focus is just one of those things that if you've listened to my podcast, or if you've researched the effects of all the digital things, being on a phone, being on a computer, always being on screens, focuses affected by those things just inherently in the nature of how those things are, but then add on the distractions of the world right now, things going on in 2020 with the pandemic things going on in 2020 with the elections in the U S if you're in the U S worldly events going on around the world related to all of the things going on, similarly in the U S there's a lot of things to be distracted with.

Speaker 1 (01:59):

And so I've seen in myself personally, having much more trouble focusing, I have personally have my nurse practitioner job, and then I have this side business of doing this podcast and my be that mom movement community. And I'm working on a couple of courses in different things for this. And then I have my wellness coach health coach business, where I help women to prioritize their wellness, their fitness and nutrition, and staying accountable to their goals. And I help providing help, like link them up with tools and then providing them a community to connect. So I have a lot of things going on, so I need to be focused and I've always had kind of a lot of things going on, whether it was these things or it was when the kids were younger, there's always been stuff going on. And I've never struggled with focus as much as I do right now.

Speaker 1 (02:52):

And I think some of it is at some level of anxiety. That's kind of always there because of everything I see happening and trying to process it all and deal with it all the extra challenges of my job and wearing a mask and all of the things I've never had so much trouble focusing. And this has been an observation that I've noticed over the last couple of months. I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels a little bit when it comes to really sitting down and getting things done. So recently my youngest came to me and said that he was having trouble focusing as well. And it was just a really difficult struggle with getting focused on school and getting focused on all of the things. Now he's attending a completely online school. He doesn't go attend school anywhere. And that has been a huge blessing.

Speaker 1 (03:37):

He was attending that before this pandemic stuff started. So it's been a huge blessing to have that in place. So his schooling has never been disrupted, but what has been disrupted is just having a set routine and having time to do his school where there's not always something going on right now. My husband works from home. He has his own business. He's working from home. One of my, my oldest daughter. She works from home. My next one is in college and she attends some classes in person, but also is at home a lot too. And then I personally have my nurse practitioner job where I am out of the home, but I come back home to the rest of my work. And then I have my side businesses. So everything's disrupted, like, it's just all been in disarray for the past year. You know, I'm sure you relate to this to some degree, right.

Speaker 1 (04:28):

Where it's just like world, as we knew it before is different. And I personally used to have a routine of things being up in the morning and I had my little quiet time, my little morning routine and my exercise and everything like that. And it was just this thing that I did. And I was, I, I like had strength in that. And then once, March and April of last year rolled around, it's just like, everything has been blown out of the water and I've never found that place of peace and focus again. So I see that in myself, self, my son expressed that he's having a similar thing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with add meds and, you know, getting medications, if that's what you and your child's doctor or pediatrician determines is best for your situation. I wanted to find something to help out my son right now and see if we can find a way to help him focus outside of doing any medications or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (05:23):

And I certainly don't have a show here where I offer advice on medications or treating mint or diagnosis. So this episode, I just want to share with you some of the things I found that have been helpful for me and my family in this situation, thinking that maybe that will be helpful for you as well. If you're having trouble with this. Now, some of this may be easier to do with a younger child, but I think that it's valuable regardless of whatever age your kid it is. And I think it is a great thing to kind of set in place and get in for your kid and their daily routine before they are up and out of your nest and, you know, doing their own thing, because it's absolutely something that creates a sort of foundation and strength for you. And for them just as a way to function in life, regardless of what's going on, regardless of how old they are, or you are, it's just, you know, a great habit to put into place as a foundation for your own health and your wellbeing and your mindset and all of the things.

Speaker 1 (06:24):

Okay. So I want to share with you six tips that are just basic general tips you can use, you can implement for your kids. And then I want to share with you a couple of recommendations. I have specifically for you as the mom of things that have helped me. So the first thing to help with focus would be if you don't already have it to establish some sort of morning routine and just a routine in general for your kid. So that would mean a somewhat set bedtime at night, where they put their electronics up in your room or a central place in the house. They get a good night's sleep. They wake up at on a certain schedule, even though you'll probably get pushback from them. If they're not used to that sort of routine, they really do need a routine in place to help guide them.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

So if you have a morning routine of them getting up, you know, brushing their teeth, getting breakfast, whatever, you know, things that they do before they start school, even if they're not going outside of the home, have that morning routine in place now to help them to kind of get grounded and focused in the morning. The second thing that could be helpful is wearing regular clothes versus just staying in pajamas all day. It gives them the feeling that, you know, they're going someplace and it's not just a lazy day of laying around and doing nothing, you know, kind of wake up your body by putting on those normal clothes that they would be wearing. If they're going to a brick and mortar school, the third thing is having a schedule for the day. So if your kid isn't in a school to where they have like set times that they have to be online, then I would set up a schedule for when they do sit down and do focused work.

Speaker 1 (08:01):

And my son currently because of the weather conditions in Texas, where I'm at right now, doesn't have set classes for this week, but has assignments. And so I've been trying to implement, you know, get up and let's get your work done and then have free time later. So whether you have synchronous schedule or not just having a defined schedule of what's going to happen today, when lunch will be, when snacks will be, when your classes and schoolwork will be, and then that rolls right into the next tip is that having an end to the day. And that kind of means like, if they're on their computer, if they're on digital things all day long for their work is having an end to the day and an end to the digital things, a break from the digital things, a mind rest from the digital things. And then also just having unstructured time.

Speaker 1 (08:48):

So whether that is allowing them to play a game or whatever, you know, unstructured time where they get to choose they're doing, but also be mindful of like what I've talked about in some other episodes about having a time where their mind is not connected to something digital. And it's connected to something in the real world that doesn't offer like instant gratification of a game that they're playing, but something that they use their imagination for allowed them to get bored and get creative, you know, something that is like normal childhood play, manipulative play activity, exercise, you know, getting out and doing something where they're active and like, just try to implement that into their day. And that was actually, my next tip was non-digital time. So time where they just don't have themselves connected to a computer. And then the last thing is to discuss with them, their struggles with focus.

Speaker 1 (09:40):

If you do notice that they're having trouble staying on task, break things down into smaller increments of time, if that's what you need to do, discuss with them, if what their distractions are and together, try to make a plan on how to change that. I absolutely recommend getting them out of their bedroom, if it is their bedroom, where they were, you were trying to get them to do school because that's their place of rest. That's their place where their body is typically ready to wind down into sleep. So for us personally, we moved them into the kitchen or the dining area, and he sits at a table for his schoolwork. If that's too distracting, then if you have another place that's just outside of the bedroom that they can set up and do their schoolwork. I've found that that's helpful, but meeting them where they're at and figuring out together how you can tweak what you're doing, like with more breaks in between, or some type of different structure, different location in the house, those types of things, all of those things have helped us.

Speaker 1 (10:37):

So those are all the tips I have as far as the virtual learning and to help with focus in your kiddo. If you feel like these aren't enough for you and you need outside, help, certainly discuss with their teachers. If you need a therapist or need to talk to their doctor, those are all good things to do. So highly, highly encourage you to just have an open and honest discussion with your kid. Talk about the importance of school and also the importance of getting off of the digital things and doing something outside of that. And of course, what plays into this, that I've talked in other episodes about is just like the distractions that are inherent in the digital things like going off to you tube and doing other things other than the task that they are supposed to be doing on their computer. And that takes you down to some of the other topics I've covered about a layered approach with your electronics.

Speaker 1 (11:33):

If you have a Google Chromebook or just a regular computer setting up your wifi, parental controls and bark home, those types of things to where it limits certain websites at certain times, then that can kind of help guide you in that regard, keeping them on task and focused on what they're doing. This is certainly not something that is simple and easy to do. And it's kind of a new frontier for all of us. If we have not already been homeschooling or having our kids go to some type of virtual school, it has created a whole new world of things. So just recommend that you try to get into the routine, open communication, putting on regular clothes, having a set time for being off of the electronics and then just meeting them where they're at and trying to work together to find a way to be more focused and to stay on task when needed.

Speaker 1 (12:24):

Okay. Now the other thing that I wanted to talk about is related to you as mom and these same tips can apply to you, but I just want to reiterate that your wellness, your health is so, so very important. So a morning routine is something that's great for you. I would have a workout routine where you are exercising regularly to some degree that you are getting your body moving, pay attention to your nutrition, of course, and hydration. All of those things are very important to help you stay strong. And then in addition to that, as I've mentioned, in some of my episodes, I like to use something called my soul CBD. It is a CBD product or line that I trust and I've researched. I was very distrustful of the whole CBD industry and really kind of worried about it. And I discovered that you really have to find a company that you trust that sources from the U S that has third party testing to make sure there's no THC and just the quality of it and all of that.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

So I highly recommend that as a way to help you with anxiety and sleep. And then if you're someone who has chronic pain, it can help you with that as well. So I use my soul CBD, gummies, they're tincture and their capsules on a daily basis to help me with anxiety and just kind of chilling with everything that's going on. So if you're interested in checking them out, go to my soul, cbd.com and use my code, be that mom altogether for a discount. The other thing that I highly recommend for focus specifically is something called beekeepers naturals, and they have a, they call it B elixir, and it is basically something that helps it's called a nootropic. It's basically something that helps to kind of feed your brain with what your brain needs to function and to focus. So it's giving your body natural nutrition, your mind, natural nutrition, and helps you focus.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

So when I take my soul CBD to help me kind of relax and not be as anxious, and then I use the B licks are from beekeepers naturals. That helps me so, so much to focus. It's kind of crazy how much it helps me focus. And then the third thing is I have a super food. I call it my power up smoothie, but it's basically a smoothie that has protein has adaptogens has phytonutrients, has probiotics, prebiotics that I say protein and superfoods. So it's very high quality and potent, meaning that a lot of smoothies that are out there are like their nutrients are destroyed in the process of them being manufactured and shipped to you. They basically get to you and they're just powder and don't really have any nutritional value while there's only a handful of smoothies out there that have in them, what they say they do.

Speaker 1 (15:07):

So I personally drink one called Shakeology and it helps me with just giving myself nutrition that I need in order to function well. And then they also have a boost that you can add to it that is called focused energy, and it has natural caffeine in it, a naturally sourced caffeine that helps with focus as well. I will put a link to these in the show notes, if you want to check them out. And if you are interested in them, if you contact me, there are some bundled specials that I can offer you that where you can try these things at a discount while also getting access to the library of workouts that I use to make sure that I'm able to prioritize my wellness every day from home without having to pay for a gym membership without having to drive somewhere. It's something I access from home has all kinds of nutrition and fitness tools, as well as the opportunity to try to smoothie when you subscribed to that at a huge discount from buying it separately. Okay? So all of those things, I highly recommend. They are all things that I implement daily for myself to prioritize my own wellness so that I can be strong for my children, which in my opinion is like the whole point of our lives as moms is to do the best for ourselves as well as our children and everything that we can give our kids has to start with her own wellness. Okay. So I hope this was all helpful for you with focus and all of that. And I will chat with you.

Speaker 2 (16:37):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 1 (16:51):

If you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with anxiety or sleep or even chronic pain issues, please check out my soul cbd.com. They are the one and only CBD source that I trust. And you can use my code, be that mom for 15% off of your purchase.

Raising kids in the digital age can sometimes be so hard, but when you have THIS, coming from a mom that has been there, it helps so so so much!

Get your BARK subscription today! Use code BETHATMOM at https://www.bark.us

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app.

Get tips and tools for your own wellness using the Align Your Life Wellness channel on the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @alignyourlife on the app. You can also get more info at https:.//www.dollydenson.com

For a FREE DIGITAL RESOURCE GUIDE download CLICK HERE or go to https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources

For more info on the Tick Talk Watch: CLICK HERE. Use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!!

Grab the Pinwheel phone for your kid's first phone, and avoid the addiction and battle created by giving a smartphone too soon: Click here or go to https://www.pinwheel.com/?via=dolly and use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount! 

More info on the Gabb Wireless phone: CLICK HERE or use code BETHATMOM for a discount at https://www.gabbwireless.com

Add a BARK subscription to your Pinwheel phone or smart phone for added security. Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us

BARK HOME: CLICK here!!

Covenant Eyes 30 day free trial CLICK HERE!!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hey there friends today, we are going to talk about hope and I think it's something that we all need a lifeline to when it comes to raising our beautiful children in this interconnected, intricate, ever changing digital world. Am I right? Or am I right? Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:20):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson, he friends.

Speaker 1 (00:45):

Did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. The last week, I hit you with an episode that had so much jam packed information about 2020 and how our kids interacted with all the digital things. It was a report that bark put together.

Speaker 1 (01:32):

And if you didn't check that out, go back. I think it's episode 50, check that out because it is so very informative and quite eyeopening to see which platforms are the most risky for our kids and ones that I never expected to even make that list. So if you didn't check that out, check that out, but if you did check it out, then you may be like, Oh my God, Dolly, this is just so complicated. I don't know how to keep up with the stuff. And you may be losing hope, right? Like sometimes you can be on top of things and be monitoring all the things. And sometimes it just feels so, so heavy. And so, so much of a burden, but it's so, so very important to make sure that we are staying on top of these things. So as a mom that has raised three kids, my kids are now 22, 18 and 15.

Speaker 1 (02:23):

And while the job of parenting I don't think is ever done, right. I feel like we have walked through some very, very difficult times. I'm seeing the other side of that hump or that Hill that we went over and not to say that we're completely through it or that we won't have challenges going forward. But I just want to give you a little inkling of a perspective. If you are someone who has still has younger children, or you're just kind of starting down this path and trying to figure out what to do. I want to give you some hope and something that you can clean to and hold on to in hard days in those days where you just feel like, Oh my God, I wish I would have never gotten that phone. I wish I never would have allowed that social media or you're one of those that's like, I don't ever want to allow the things like I just don't.

Speaker 1 (03:12):

I want to just keep them here and shelter them and not do all of this. Like, I'm just, I don't want to. So I want to give you a middle ground to all of that and something that you can hold on to. So if you've listened to some of my episodes toward the beginning of my podcast, which is coming up on a year ago, I have shared lots of information about my journey as a mom, raising kids in the digital age, my kids, their ages specifically made it to where our challenges were like the oldest one didn't get her first phone until she got a phone in middle school, but it wasn't a smartphone because smartphones didn't exist yet. And then with each one of them, they got a smartphone at a younger and younger age. So personally, this has given me a perspective that if your kids are younger right now, and you're just starting going through this, I think this will help you to understand the influence a little bit more.

Speaker 1 (04:05):

But what it's given me a perspective of is just how much of an influence the smartphone and the social media and the time spent on devices and the boundaries that we put up around the use of these things, how much of an impact it has on our children. My kids are doing beautifully. They are, you know, in every way excelling in their lives, but I can just see how our road of helping them grow up and navigate all the teenage things was made harder by all of the digital things. So what I'm seeing now, and the reason that I want to give you this message is that over the past year and a half, we really came down hard on making some changes because it became very evident that we had to, if we wanted to make sure that our kids were on the correct course to a bright and successful future.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

So we made drastic changes on where the phones were allowed and what things were allowed, and really put down initially put down some very hard restrictions. And then over time we have eased up on that at the same time as my kids have gotten older and specifically my youngest one, we have seen him go through some maturity along with the guidance of the digital things. And I've come out on the other side to some degree. And it just to me, is such a beautiful thing to see some of that maturity coming out to where it's not so much me having to put all the restrictions down and always, you know, be like, have all these rules and stuff, but more so we've had the period of time with no restrictions or very little, and the period of time with a lot more. And that has helped guide him to realize the effect that these things have on him and for him to self-regulate.

Speaker 1 (05:55):

So I think that be all of our goal is to kind of allow these things initially with a lot of guidance. And then over time as they get older, you let that out a little bit and have them kind of self-regulate and try to, you know, guide them toward the decisions that are best for them. And that creates an awareness for them of what's healthy and what is best. And of course, you know, if they're not making the best decisions, if you're noticing that they're backtracking, or if you're noticing that they are not handling all the things well, then it's time to reassess and readjust. But my point is that sometimes it seems so, so heavy and it's so much to navigate. It's so much to figure out and it's ever changing. I remember times where my youngest would ask me, can I have this game?

Speaker 1 (06:47):

You know, so let me go look at this game and figure out what this game is about. All I have 10,000 other things going on in my life that I need to pay 10 to do. And I really don't want to look up this game and want to just say, yes, that's fine, whatever. So what I'm trying to say to you is like, hold strong in what you're doing. Hold strong in always looking for the proactive way to guide your children through this because it's so, so very important for their future, that we don't make ourselves nonchalant around all of this stuff that we realize that this does have an impact on our children. But the beauty of it is that it does have a purpose and it will have a bonus a reason for doing this as they get a little bit older. So that's my whole message for today is

Speaker 3 (07:34):

Stay strong, hold yourself

Speaker 1 (07:37):

In that place of being proactive as you guide your kids. I'm not one that is going to say, you need to be a screen-free family, or, you know, I'm always for not, I'm not saying that. And I don't have that stance. I think there's a place in a time for there to be screen-free stuff when you are, you know, to have everything screen-free, when you need to do a detox and you need to figure out how to course correct. But our ultimate goal is to guide them to be prosperous and, you know, bright, happy, adjusted kids. You know, so as are adults. So as they get older, our goal is to guide them in an ever expanding use of all the digital things, without it hindering their wellbeing, their health, you know, their brain development, all of those things. So that's it. That's my whole message.

Speaker 1 (08:28):

I know that short and sweet for the most part, but I just wanted to say that there is hope there is a reason to do this. And the times that it gets hard, take a deep breath, take a step back, you know, take the time that you need to like regenerate, revive yourself, your know, your mindset, your energy, your focus, take time to do that when you need to, but don't get so lax you provide no, because when your kids give you pushback and when your kids are like, you know, giving you attitude and stuff, I believe that that's actually kind of a enacting out of what they are needing and what they are needing is for us to guide them, even though they will not admit that they may not know that, but they absolutely do need our guidance. And when they start acting out and having attitude and all of the things, it's actually their message to us that we need to, you know, take a stance and put our foot down on what needs to happen.

Speaker 1 (09:32):

And then, you know, move forward together, hand in hand communication with each other, figuring out how to do this together. But knowing that you are the parent and that you were doing this for a reason, and that there is hope on the other side of things. So I hope that makes sense and is helpful for you. If you are one of those that is feeling kind of exhausted with all of the things lately. I know I've been there and I've been like, Holy cow, this is hard. And I do believe that raising kids in this digital age has put on an extra layer of hard for us as parents. We're the first generation of parents to navigate this. And I think that my experience with my kids and the ages they were when smartphones came out and when I unknowingly let them have access to the entire world and offered absolutely no guidance, that there was a reason for that.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

And I hope that part of that reason is for me to bring you some of that knowledge that I have learned over the years and through all of the struggles so that you can do well with your kids too. And your younger ones have a much more proactive stance with how you were introducing tech and screen time and all of that. Okay. So hope that was helpful for you. And of course, you know, that if you've listened to any of my episodes, you know, there is bark to help you to help guide you. There is the pinwheel phone and the gab phone, both dumb smartphones that are a great way to start out with the tech stuff. But if you have given them an Android or an iPhone smartphone, absolutely get bark on their use code, be that mom for a discount, they give you a seven day free trial and 20% off using my code.

Speaker 1 (11:09):

And you can cancel at any time. It's a really, really low cost every month. It's so, so worth it though. So get that in your back pocket and make it part of your village. And that will help to guide you and take some of the difficult off of this whole thing, right? It still is something that we have to be proactive about, but bar absolutely helps to simplify it to some degree. Okay. So if you didn't listen to last episode about the bark stats for 2020, go back and listen to that because it's quite quite eyeopening. I still can't believe it when I think about it, because I had no clue with some of these platforms and websites. So check that out. I hope this one was helpful this week and hope you're staying warm and well, I am in South Texas in the us, and we are having very unusual weather where it is colder here than it has been.

Speaker 1 (12:00):

I think they said since like 1989, like the length of this cold spell that we're going through. So we have snow on the ground outside, and sometimes we get snow. It's not very often, but it usually is gone like, you know, by the next morning. But now we're sitting at like going on two days with some snow on the ground. So it's kind of cool, but that's one reason why I'm late getting this week's episode out. So I hope you're warm and you're well, wherever you are in the world, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:31):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (12:45):

Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.