Episode Summary: What if learning to collaborate with people you don’t trust—or even like—wasn’t revolutionary, but just healthy adulting?

In this episode of The Sidewalk Talk Podcast, Traci Ruble sits down with renowned facilitator and author Adam Kahane, known for guiding some of the world’s most complex social change efforts. Drawing from his influential books Power and Love and Collaborating with the Enemy, Adam invites us to rethink what it means to stay in dialogue across difference.

From attachment theory to political polarization, this conversation unpacks why radical engagement, abiding presence, and cohabitating with difference are essential relational muscles for our time. Adam also shares stories from the field and reminds us why walking and talking might be more powerful than we think.

If you’ve ever wondered how to work with people you disagree with—without giving up your integrity—this conversation is for you.

Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome to Sidewalk Talk 01:07 – Meet Adam Kahane: Global facilitator, author, bridge-builder 04:13 – Adam’s surprising journey into conflict transformation 06:34 – Talking, listening, and the root of human connection 09:12 – What it takes to facilitate across divides 15:04 – Why connection is more powerful than persuasion 17:18 – Walking + talking = underrated healing tools 22:52 – Growth through pauses and discomfort 23:38 – The overlooked wisdom of cohabitation 25:38 – Adulting 101: Working with people we disagree with 27:18 – The dance between conflict and care 28:07 – “Abiding” and staying with the tension 29:39 – Attachment theory, differentiation, and dialogue 30:48 – Power, love, justice—and learning to hold all three 33:10 – What gets in the way of true collaboration 42:55 – Why radical engagement is the future

In this heartfelt conversation, Traci Ruble, founder of Sidewalk Talk, sits down with John Sarrouf, co-executive director of Essential Partners, to explore the deeper threads of human connection and the transformative power of dialogue across our differences. Together, they delve into what it truly takes to create genuinely safe spaces where conversations don’t just happen—they flourish. With over two decades of experience facilitating courageous dialogues and mediating complex conflicts, John generously shares insights on how deep and authentic listening can heal societal divides and enrich personal relationships. Tune in for practical, soulful strategies to engage in conversations that open hearts, expand understanding, and remind us of our shared humanity.

Essential Partners has been at the forefront of bridging divides for over 35 years. They offer trainings, free dialogue guidebooks, and workshops focused on listening across political divides, racial divides, conversations around the war in the Middle East, and more.

John Sarrouf is co-executive director at Essential Partners, helping people talk about tough topics—and stay connected while doing it. Over two decades, he's skillfully guided dialogues around the role of guns in American life, police and the Black community, Israel-Palestine, Muslim-Jewish interfaith relations, human sexuality in the Christian church, and racial and ethnic diversity. John has supported independent dialogue programs at universities, museums, and civic groups across the U.S., sparking meaningful conversations nationwide.

With a master's in dispute resolution from UMass Boston, John co-founded the Peace and Conflict Studies program at Gordon College and teaches reconciliation at the European Center for the Study of War and Peace in Zagreb, Croatia.

00:00 Welcome to Sidewalk Talk

00:47 Meet John Sarrouf of Essential Partners

04:56 Unpacking Assumptions in Conflict

09:39 Vigilance and the Cost of Polarization

12:54 How to Create Authentic Connections

17:00 Inside the Essential Partners Dialogue

22:13 Reflecting Together on Shared Wisdom

22:29 Humanizing Each Other Through Dialogue

22:59 Embracing Complexity in Conflict

24:03 Why Feeling Seen Matters

24:39 How to Have Constructive Conversations

25:56 The Art of Generous Listening

33:57 Navigating Power with Sensitivity

38:23 Finding Hope in Reconciliation

40:25 Closing Reflections and Gratitude

•   We make assumptions rather than asking questions and listening deeply to the answer. (John)
•  I really wonder if this polarization and this threat thing is contributing massively to our loneliness. (Traci)
• … it does feel like we are in a time when sharing our full selves with people feels dangerous. (John)
•  We may be political adversaries in this particular moment, but we have to be thinking of ourselves as neighbors. And I have to care what, what the impact is on you. (John)
•   Despair is our common enemy. Despair will keep us from each other. And our only way through this moment is with the sense of hope that we can meet each other again. (John)

Find | John Sarrouf

At whatisessential.org

On Instagram: @essentialpartners

On YouTube: @essentialpartners

On Facebook: @essentialpartners

On LinkedIn: @JohnSarrouf

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At sidewalk-talk.org

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Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On YouTube: @TraciRubleMFT

On Substack: @RelatingWell

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

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Cultivating Presence (with a Dash of Mischief): A Conversation with Mitch Davidowitz

In this episode, Traci Ruble, founder of Sidewalk Talk, sits down with longtime therapist and Vipassana practitioner Mitch Davidowitz to explore something that feels harder than ever: being present. Together, they wander into the heart of what it means to show up—truly and fully—for ourselves and others.

Mitch brings decades of wisdom wrapped in humility, humor, and a touch of rascal spirit. The two dig into the medicine of deep listening, the rebellious act of slowing down, and why love and compassion aren’t just soft concepts—they're radical practices in a fractured world.

This conversation is part invitation, part provocation: What if staying present is the real revolution? What if mischief is a doorway to wisdom? And what if, in this wild world, just being someone who cares deeply is a contribution worth being proud of?

About Mitch Davidowitz Mitch Davidowitz, MSW, M.Ed, Ed.S. is a psychotherapist, writer, photographer and inspirational teacher known globally. His work is a confluence of his decades of intensive mindfulness training and being a clinician for the past 45 years. Mitch has trained healthcare and mental health professionals around the United States in the compassionate care of those facing loss since 1984. Mitch has appeared on radio and television to provide education about the challenges that mourners and those supporting them experience.

He is currently in private practice outside of Boston, Massachusetts seeing clients nationally and globally with a wide range of issues. His approach is diverse and deeply informed by his mindfulness training.

In addition to his clinical background, Mitch began intensive retreat practice in Vipassana meditation in 1974 with Anagarika Sujata. He continued these trainings extensively with Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg. Baba Ram Dass was also one of his primary teachers.

00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk

01:04 Meet Mitch Davidowitz: Therapist and Vipasana Practitioner

04:08 The Journey to Heart-Centeredness

08:05 Love, Compassion, and Advocacy

16:58 The Power of Discipline and Meditation

21:53 The Changing Landscape of Human Suffering

25:19 Rising Anxiety and Insecurity

26:24 Guilt and Happiness Amidst Suffering

27:49 The Power of Small Acts

29:30 Introducing Playfulness and Mischief

31:03 Therapeutic Approaches and Personal Growth

36:25 The Importance of Listening

38:53 Reflections and Future Plans

45:00 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement

•  One can be very fierce and very strong from a place of empathy. (Mitch)
•   It's not that I spend my days lighting candles and sticks of incense. It's not that we don't get annoyed.  But we look and see what leads to well-being. What leads to contraction? What leads to openness and connectednes,s and what leads to estrangement? 
•  That doesn't mean not confronting people with things that are not right, you know?
• It's not indifference. But it's not reactivity.
•  It takes a lot more strength and power to stand down and sit up and invite someone to share with you how they came to their thoughts and beliefs. 
•  Joseph Goldstein, one of my mindfulness teachers, said just assuming the position every day at the same time awakens those mind states that we're trying to cultivate. 
•  People are more afraid, people feel more vulnerable, and so what happens is that that is setting off and triggering other things that have happened that made them feel unsafe.
•  We can't save the world, but we can save the moment. We can show up in a way that restores this sense of belief in each other, of the fundamental goodness of humanity. Even though there's so much darkness, we do need to remind each other about hope and restoring the belief that good people are here available. 
•  help bring down the suffering on the planet. 
•  I'm helping people not to take themselves so seriously.
•  Carl Jung said, Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but when sitting with someone who's a human soul, just be another human soul. 

Find | Mitch Davidowitz

On LinkedIn: @MitchDavidowitz Facebook @MitchDavidowitz

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf

On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

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In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk podcast, host and founder Traci Ruble speaks with Dr. Carol Xu, who holds a PhD in management science and engineering from Stanford University, about the intricacies of human connection. They explore Carol’s expertise in cross-cultural communication and management, her personal journey through burnout and depression, and the innovative practices she employs to foster creativity and resilience in organizations.

Their conversation covers a range of topics, from the impact of T-groups on interpersonal communication to the challenges of maintaining humanizing practices within organizational structures. Carol highlights the importance of grounding, intentional listening, and striking a balance between emergent strategies and structured plans to sustain meaningful connections—both personally and professionally.

• 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
• 01:04 Revisiting Conversations: Tracy's Experience
• 01:28 Meet Carol Hsu: Cross-Cultural Communication Expert
• 05:52 Carol's Journey: From Academia to Burnout
• 09:24 The Importance of Human Connection in Organizations
• 14:08 Balancing Growth and Humanization in Organizations
• 20:31 Emergent Strategies and Human Awareness
• 26:32 Humanizing the Workplace
• 28:36 The Role of Power in Hierarchies
• 32:04 Understanding Liminal Space
• 35:22 Communication Dojo and T Groups
• 38:39 The Importance of Foundational Layer
• 45:46 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

https://www.presentofwork.com/

https://www.presentofwork.com/relational-agility

• “ That humility is really important. Like sometimes just admit that. Hey, we don't know what we're doing.” (Carol)
• “ Once an organization is big enough, and then once it wants to control some things, and thenit starts a metric system and then it starts measuring people. Once you do that, people will tend to switch off their internal kind of sensibility and awareness, and then they try to fit that mode.” (Carol)
• “ Oftentimes what's easily measured is actually not the underlying thing you want. ” (Carol)
• “ The symbolism of that story is so fascinating. You're saying if we mechanize ourselves, we die.”(Traci)
• “Empower people to tap into, to really tap into the overlap between the personal and organizational. ” (Carol)
• “ In some ways, we have a tendency as humans to turn ourselves into a machine. We have a tendency to take things for granted. It doesn't matter if it's at the workplace or at the house, at the home front.” (Carol)
• “ Efficiency, has a place. However, it also can easily get abused. And I think in today's societies, a lot of places that doesn't really need a hierarchy, has hierarchy just because people don't really have any other alternative models.” (Carol)
• “If you're using oppression to fight oppression, you're on the wrong track.” (Traci) 

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Carol Xu

At www.presentofwork.com

On LinkedIn: @jiacarolxu

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Ancestral Healing Through Systemic Constellations: Cultivating Unity in Diversity with Zita Tulyahikayo

In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk Podcast, host Traci Ruble interviews Zita Tulyahikayo, a clinical hypnotherapist, and systemic coach, about the profound impact of systemic family constellations. They discuss the importance of understanding one's ancestral roots and the transformative power of non-verbal, empathetic connection. They highlight upcoming initiatives like the Listening Bus Tour and share personal stories of healing and clarity through constellations' work, all while challenging conventional views on unity, diversity, and personal growth.

• • 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
  • 01:16 Meet Our Guest: Zita Tule Hikayo
  • 02:25 Upcoming Listening Bus Tour
  • 04:21 Zita's Background and Expertise
  • 07:35 The Importance of Ancestral Connections
  • 12:01 Understanding Systemic Family Constellations
  • 21:27 Personal Stories and Transformations
  • 30:05 Memories of Sugarcane Fields
  • 30:49 Ancestral Connection and Gratitude
  • 33:17 Journey to Peru with Mother
  • 34:40 Personal Reflections and Warrior Lineage
  • 36:36 Systemic Constellations and Family Dynamics
  • 39:14 The Complexity of Unity and Diversity
  • 43:30 The Brutal and Beautiful World
  • 46:31 Purpose and Passion in Life
  • 52:24 Final Reflections and Farewell

Zita’s Substack

The Lawyer (Magazine)

•  We know now that genetic information and memories are stored and passed through us. So the, the cells that would become me were in my mother when my mother was in my grandmother's womb. (Zita)
•  I always say you have a close bond with people who you meet as friends. But usually if you had the chance to look in the past, you'd find that you were distant relatives. And often we're more genetically closely related to our friends than we are to our actual family members. (Zita)
•  I think, our strongest muscle, empathy, our capacity to empathize or feel. information in our body, which then gets transmitted into meaning which we turn into words. (Zita)
•  We're all in trances all the time. My job work is waking people up out of trances that don't really suit them very well. And putting them into a better trance, which supports their, you know, growth and learning…(Zita)
•  What Constellations does is it gives you another aspect or two or three or four of the story so you have a fuller picture and with the fuller picture, the truth, which was once just your truth. (Zita)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Zita Tulyahikayo

At www.lifetherapywithzita.com

On Instagram: @life_therapy_withzita

On LinkedIn: @ZitaTulyahikayoFRSA

On Twitter: @LifeTherapyZita

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In this most laugh-filled episode of all time, Traci sits down with Dr. Todd Kashdan, author of The Art of Insubordination and one of the world’s leading voices in well-being, curiosity, and psychological resilience. As a self-proclaimed fan of Todd’s work, Traci and Todd talk about his groundbreaking insights, including the profound narratives from his wellness lab, where meaning and purpose are untethered from wealth or social status. And Todd performed free therapy for Traci about her trauma raising curious kids in a not-so-curious small town.

Todd shares a sneak peek into his upcoming book on life purpose and meaning, challenges conventional ideas about anger management and relationships, and emphasizes the transformative power of curiosity and social connection. Whether it’s building resilience in the face of stigmatization or embracing diverse perspectives, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom and thought-provoking ideas to inspire impactful change in your life and relationships.

About Dr. Todd Kashdan Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is a Professor of Psychology at George Mason University and a leading authority on well-being, curiosity, and resilience. With over 225 peer-reviewed articles and recognition as one of the top 1% most-cited scientists globally, Todd has received the American Psychological Association Award for Distinguished Scientific Early Career Contributions.

His bestselling books include Curious?, The Upside of Your Dark Side, and The Art of Insubordination. His work has been featured in The Atlantic, The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and Time Magazine. Beyond academia, Todd is a sought-after keynote speaker and consultant, working with organizations like Microsoft, Mercedes-Benz, and the U.S. Department of Defense. A twin dad to twin 17-year-olds (plus one more!), Todd is on a mission to populate the world with great conversationalists.

00:00 Exciting Announcement: Sidewalk Talk Listening Bus Tour

00:34 Tour Schedule and Community Involvement

01:53 The Mission of Sidewalk Talk

03:02 Introducing Today's Guest: Dr. Todd Cashton

04:26 Diving into Purpose and Meaning with Dr. Todd Cashton

04:45 Exploring Curiosity and Connection

24:06 Debunking Pop Psychology Myths

30:49 The Four Stages of Handling Emotions

33:12 Exploring Relationship Science and Psychological Strengths

34:48 Navigating Social Interactions and Self-Perception

38:32 Motherhood and Social Anxiety

50:09 The Importance of Redemption and Second Chances

57:52 The Essence of Friendship

01:00:26 Podcast Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Todd’s Substack (Substack)

Todd’s Personal Website (Website)

The Art of Insubordination (Book)

Curious? (Book)

The Upside of Your Dark Side (Book)

•  One of many messages that I'd love people to know is that being idiosyncratic and having strange, bizarre, passionate hobbies, that is the unique elixir that makes you so socially attractive to other people.  (Todd)

•  Curiosity speeds up intimacy between two people.  (Traci paraphrasing Todd)

•  So you move from competitiveness to companionship and that's really what you want to be doing when you're experiencing really great pain is you don't even have to talk to somebody.  You really just have to be near somebody that is willing to have some semblance of care and desire for you to be around. (Todd)

• If you went to the bathroom and had a glowing orange bowel movement, would you share that detail with your partner? And if you answer the same way, you're probably going to get along well. So now there's a second question that supercharges even more likely that the two of you will get together.

•  It's that you have your body, you, you have your ability to observe your body from a distance. You have your mind, you're able to observe your mind from a distance. And that allows you to actually have space so that trauma and negative life events don't have a big enough impact on you because you could see there's a part of you that comes out unharmed because you could look at what happened to you with your mind's eye. (Todd)

Find | Todd Kashdan

At www.toddkashdan.com

On LinkedIn: @ToddKashdan

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

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Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

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Come hang out with us for an honest and heartfelt conversation about power, rank, and privilege in human relationships. Eight incredible panelists—psychotherapists, community and culture healers, and facilitators from around the world—share personal stories, deep reflections, and real-life insights about how power shapes our lives in complex and surprising ways, even in how we see each other.

This isn’t about quick fixes, but you’ll walk away with some practical ideas to try and maybe a fresh perspective on your own relationship with power. Watching this group come together and hold space for such a rich exchange is like a balm for the soul.

Big love to Sadaf, Aryan, and Liz for staying up through the night to join us from India and Australia—you made this global conversation even more special.

00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk

01:04 Meet the Panelists

01:52 Defining Power, Rank, and Privilege

02:46 Personal Reflections on Power

04:49 Opening the Discussion

07:04 Exploring Power Dynamics

08:21 The Complexity of Power in Relationships

11:25 Interpersonal Power and Freedom

14:10 Power in Professional and Personal Contexts

21:56 Embodied Power and Conceptual Power

40:54 The Role of Community and Responsibility

46:00 Understanding Privilege and Power

46:55 The Role of the Body in Power Dynamics

48:33 Initiation and Spiritual Growth

49:53 Relationality Beyond Human Interactions

54:12 The Myth of Independence and Interdependence

57:03 The Importance of Grief and Healing

01:02:06 Stories of Authenticity and Connection

01:07:04 Children's Wisdom and Gender Identity

01:15:22 Closing Reflections and Gratitude

Defining Rank, Power and Privilege:

Power is the ability to get things done. And privilege is like the power in a certain context that will give you access to the resources more easily than the other. And rank is the accumulation of power, but that is … contextual and situational depending on the field that you're in. (Sara Huang) 

Regulation What We Feel As Power: If we can regulate what's happening in here, then we can share whatever gifts, whatever love we have and find the pathways, not just to individual power, but to shared influence and relationship inside of it. (Eric Fitzmedrud)

How We Use The Word Privilege: But I feel a lot of the concepts we use, for me, they don't hit the mark to help us develop our deepest powers, and they don't help us to be authentic with each other. So when I hear, just take the word privilege. Usually, I find in the discourses that I hear, people use [privilege]  as an accusation, “You're privileged,” or they use it as an apology,  “Oh, I'm so privileged.” And I've been thinking about privilege lately. Privileges is random. It's random. We don't choose the race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, whatever thing. We don't choose any of that. You get your circumstances in life. And then you make something of it.  (Dawn Menken)

Shame, Blame, and Guilt: We've misunderstood shame, blame, and guilt. We think they're emotions, and they're not. They're actually where we go to hide from emotions. So when I hear them in the room, the first question I ask is, “What are you trying not to feel?” And often, it's just deep grief and sadness. And often, we'll take the shame, blame, or guilt so we don't have to take responsibility. And in a culture that's an adolescent adult culture, we want all of the freedoms and none of the responsibilities. Responsibility is the ability to respond, and so for me, that's stepping into our own agency. (Quanita Roberson)

More Than Human World: Because a lot of the things I'm really interested in as someone who is trying to do my little bit to repair wisdom culture, is so much about that relationality with the sort of the more than or other than human world, as well as our relationship and our superiority and exceptionalism to the rest of the world. (Liz Scarf)

Comfort vs Safety and Victim vs Truth of Who We Are: I think we often mistake comfort for safety. And we've moved into a culture that actually glorifies victimization. Instead of what communities, a part of communities job is to remind us of the truth of who we are. (Quanita Roberson)

Embodying Power: I think words are too little to define how we embody power. And I feel that is also one of the problems that I think the world is having at the moment is. We talk, we conceptualize power a lot, but we don't embody it. So when it comes to the real situations, the person is talking so much about power and systemic oppression, and this big jargon but is not even able to stand up for themselves because they're not embodying it. Like they're, they have no experience, they don't have any modeling for that. (Aryan Somaiya)

We Misuse Power To Protect Against Loss: That misuse of power is the protection against loss. That when we misuse power we’re protecting our hearts from ever knowing that somehow love could be perfect. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we lose love. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people die. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that people fail us. We're protecting our hearts from knowing that we're real shitheads to one another and we hurt each other. And so we'll misuse power. And I just I'm sitting with that a lot these days. (Traci Ruble)

Submission: Submission is power.  (Aryan Somaiya)

Harmful Power Narratives That Live In Us: Power for me was always harm. Whoever had it was the person that harmed. And so, for me, my relationship to power is complicated, right? Because for me, it's bad. So you better not have any personal power. And I'm not so sure I feel about people that have the power. And what that means then is then what the heck am I doing in my life? Because I don't have it for myself, and I certainly judge and, prosecute other people that have it, because to me, it's all bad. I'm not saying that I believe that anymore, but I'm saying that lives inside of me, that relationship to power. (Traci Ruble)

Conflict Between Power Rules and Our Values:  …where power is playing out and rank is playing out about who gets to catch whose eye, walking down the street. And it made me think of the experience I have when I'm walking to the shops and I might pass a man on the street. And in the moment, I feel like, yeah, patriarchy is requiring me to acknowledge your existence here. I have to make some kind of eye contact or smile at you or acknowledge you somehow. Like I feel that, as a woman, that I am supposed to do that. So of course, I want to do it. I'm just like, I know I want to pretend this person doesn't exist actually, because I don't want to be forced to have to do that. It feels oppressive in the moment, right? But then my own values, I really appreciate, I really value community friendliness. And I think the acknowledging of each other in public is really important, right? To being a really safe and healthy and friendly culture, I really like that. So in that moment, that kind of power issue around, gender and whatever puts me in a little bit of a complex or conflict against my own personal values. (Liz Scarfe)

Becoming Aware of Power Scarcity: …my experience working with couples is that when fear or a desire for control is motivating the pursuit of influence, it tends to be fleeting, and it tends to be fragile. I become afraid that my ability to have influence will be taken away from me and somebody else will gain the levers of power or control. But if I'm motivated out of love and connection, then my influence endures and I find it easy to cede the floor, to listen to the needs or the influence and be influenced as well. And so when that shows up in couples, a lot of the conversation about rank comes in about who perceives themself as having skill in whatever's happening in the relationship.  Who perceives their partner as having influence in the relationship? And a lot of what I work with is people who are unaware of their power and influence through the levers of critique, feedback - through speaking louder, being physically bigger, holding positions or identities of power or privilege race or identity, and the unconsciousness of that. (Eric Fitzmedrud)

Systemic power problems are happening in our close relationships: We don't experience patriarchy or caste or class as this sort of big monster that's going to come and meet us on the road, right? We experience all these systems in our relationships. So it's the mother, the friend, the father, the colleague who is going to be patriarchal, who's going to be homophobic or transphobic or whatever. So the systems are going to show up in our relationships, actually, right? It isn't this abstract concept we'll meet outside somewhere. And we have more agency in that two or three or four-person relationship. Which we sometimes forget because we think that the systemic oppression is so big.  So I can't change patriarchy. So what's the point sort of thing, but the interface with patriarchy is probably in a relationship. And there we do have some agency. So it's that power that gets spoken about quite less about what we can do in these smaller ecosystems that we exist in. Just because we can't erase that systemic problem doesn't mean we shouldn't engage here in the two, three, or four person unit. (Sadaf Vidha)

Parenting and Power With Kids:  How aware are we with our power when we talk to kids? Can we encourage them in their relationship to us? And parents often forget that we are the first authorities. We are the first power folks in the child's life. And I always tell parents when I work with them, “Hey, if your kid isn't free to bring in an opinion with you or to disagree, don't you expect them to stand up to peer pressure. They won't be able to do it.” We are the playground for all of that. (Dawn Menken)

Diamond Leadership Training https://diamondleadership.com/power-intelligence-training/

Eric Fitzmedrud - https://www.drericfitz.com/about-me/

Sara Huang https://www.bureautwist.nl/wie

Dawn Menken -  https://www.dawnmenken.com/bio

Quanita Roberson - https://www.nzuzu.com/about

Traci Ruble https://www.traciruble.com/about

Liz Scarfe https://lizscarfe.net/about/

Aryan Somaiya - https://guftagutherapy.in/founders

Sadaf Vidha https://guftagutherapy.in/founders

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

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On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf

On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

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Listening and Cultural Repair

Lana Jelenjev is a community alchemist and cultural repair expert who is aware of the importance of creating courageous spaces for deep human connection. Lana shares her journey from the Philippines to the Netherlands and how her cultural background shapes her work. They discuss neurodiversity, cultural wounds, and the concepts of salutogenesis and post-traumatic growth. Lana highlights the need for recognizing and celebrating our strengths, as well as the importance of understanding our historical and familial contexts.

00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk

01:07 Meet Lana Gelinjev

01:50 The Importance of Regulated Nervous Systems

02:35 Lana's Journey and Achievements

05:38 Creating Brave Spaces for Cultural Repair

18:22 Understanding Cultural and Family Histories

23:52 Navigating Cultural Guilt and Pride

28:47 Discovering Ancestral Roots

29:45 Embracing Ancestral Strengths

30:26 Salutogenic Approach to Healing

34:07 Positive Experiences and Wellness

43:05 Redefining Power and Anger

48:17 Celebrating Wholeness and Identity

51:06 Final Reflections and Gratitude

Lana’s Substack (Substack)

Lana’s Personal Website (Website)

Neurodiversity Academy (Website)

Refugia (Website)

• It really got me thinking of how much of our history and our culture has so many wounds [and so many] identities attached to it that we often neglect.  (Lana)
• We often think of personal development as individual. And yet, you know, what we bring in as humans, as individuals, is very much cultural.  So how can we also peel into these layers and understand what needs to be healed and what needs to be expressed and what needs to be acknowledged? And for that to happen, we need to be open to sharing all this and being in these conversations in the first place, which, I can imagine for a lot of people, can be really triggering. (Lana)
• For me, one of the things that I go back to is my own regulated state, I often refer to as yes, hurt people, hurt people, and settled bodies, settled bodies. So for me going into this type of conversation, I need to take agency in terms of how am I showing up? (Lana)
•  What is our lens around productivity?  For me I can say for us Filipinos, our lens around productivity has been so tied up with our colonial history.  Being told countless times as Filipinos that we were lazy, and we were branded by the Spaniards as lazy, and there were stories created about Filipinos being lazy. (Lana)
• …we've had so many founders, um, talk to us about, Ooh, it's so difficult to show up and be visible because, you know, I don't think I'm worthy or I don't feel that I'm enough. So this concept around being enough, is something to unpack, you know, like where did this start and how did this start and how far can you trace it back? (Lana)

Find | Lana Jelenjev

At www.lanajelenjev

On Instagram: @our_refugia

On LinkedIn: @LanaJelenjev

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf

On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

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How to set boundaries that stick and the brain stuff behind boundaries with Juliane Taylor Shore

As always please consider following the Sidewalk Talk podcast and leaving a review.  It helps more folks find the work of Sidewalk Talk and the amazing guests we host on the podcast.

Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher dedicated to creating spaces where people can cultivate self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. Juliane regularly teaches and speaks to audiences around the world, translating the latest insights in neurobiology into practical tools that foster meaningful brain change.

In this conversation, Traci and Juliane dive into Juliane’s work with complex trauma and her study of neurobiology, which inspired her to write a brain-savvy book on setting boundaries. Together, they explore what’s happening in the brain during moments of connection and threat—and, most importantly, what to do about it. Pssst, this will help a ton with listening on the sidewalk.

Above all, this episode offers a little love transfusion. Juliane’s excitement, compassion, and authentic humanity shine through, making her a wonderful model for all of us who strive to listen with heart—whether on the sidewalk or beyond.

• 00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
• 01:04 Meet Julianne Taylor Shore
• 01:46 Julianne's Unique Approach to Therapy
• 06:05 Understanding Boundaries
• 13:58 The Pleasure of Listening
• 24:28 Brain States and Boundaries
• 33:21 Exploring the Concept of Specialness
• 35:19 Building a Relationship with Your System
• 37:10 Navigating Emotions and Reactions
• 45:06 Self-Trust and Intuition
• 49:36 Interconnectedness and Boundaries
• 56:10 Closing Thoughts and Appreciations

Setting Boundaries that Stick (Book)

STAIR Training with Juliane (Training)

• When your brain has assessed that you're relatively okay, now connection and bonding and collaboration are physiologically available to you. (Juliane)
•  Boundaries are something you do in response to some limit or request not being met. And I always thought the boundary was the limit or the request. (Traci)
• All my boundary work actually came out of how do I help people be with this hard reality? Like, your brain sees the world differently than the person's brain next to you. Because you have different histories and different contexts and how you're making sense of all this information that's coming at you is unique to you. (Juliane)
• I call it listening with acceptance. And it's really, can you let yourself bear witness to someone else's thinking and feeling spaces without needing to change those internal spaces in them for you to be okay. So if I listen with acceptance, then it's cool for you to be you. I don't need you not to be you for me to be all right. And that's separate from behavior. I really want to separate that out. Not every behavior is okay. But thoughts and feelings, that's somebody becoming themselves through time. (Juliane)

Find | Julian Taylor Shore

At www.julianetaylorshore.com

On Instagram: @JulianeTaylorShore

On LinkedIn: @JulianeTaylorShore

On Facebook: @JulianeTaylorShore

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf

On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

What does empathy have to do with design thinking and pipe cleaner hats?

Lee is a design thinker, an engineer, and a community builder. She founded a community innovation lab, Design Dream Lab, where anyone with a giving heart can make an impact and dream of a better future. Lee loves building and fostering creativity through everyday experiences and finds joy in connecting dots with other fun-loving and joyful human beings.

Lee currently serves as a Service Design Experience Lead at Pfizer.

When she is not playing at work, she brings amazing people together to build the future that we desire.

Traci was introduced to Lee just because.  Traci never even knew Lee was a bit of a celebrity who made and wore pipe cleaner hats. She had worn them for a year and was covered in a beautiful New Yorker article and video expose.  You are in for inspiration and a positive sparkle in your day when you listen to Lee’s creative nudges and design thinking ethos.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Lee Kim
• [4:01] Lee describes the hat she is wearing for our podcast interview.
• [5:14] How “wearable Tracy” pipe cleaner hats were birthed.
• [8:33] A family feud repaired through empathy and design thinking.
• [14:44] Playing empathy kaleidoscope game at Queens Library in New York.
• [21:00] Creating an end-of-life vision in a New York City Park
• [27:32] Defining Design Thinking
• [33:47] Our failed design prototypes are necessary for lighting our path
• [40:34] Parting wish to listeners
• [43:32] Outro

New Yorker Piece on Silly Hats (Article / Video)

Design Dream Lab (website)

Memory Kaleidoscope (website) 

• “...it's impossible to achieve 100 % empathy because even if you were born in the same time go through the same life as a twin or someone, your life is different. So you can never actually 100 % empathize with that person. But as a person who is curious, what we can do is we could try, attempt to be that person.” (Lee)
• “Oftentimes it is us just helping each other to grow to be a better person rather than us trying to create products to make the world better. (Lee).
• “The perspective shifting reframing of the questions from the lens of the person who's going through it always start the design thinking process. And that is what designers do.” (Lee)
• “So what excites me about design thinking is it's never a lone game. There are always partners who are going to come along the journey with you.” (Lee)
• “And you create prototypes not to prove you're right. You create prototypes to see what you can learn more about the person. And then you go test and iterate, and then you come back to, Okay, this is what we think can help you.” (Lee)
• “...the solution is communication. The solution is sharing their lived experiences, not the theory that you can find in research papers.” (Lee) 
• “I think it's important for me to at least know that to myself, am I true to myself.” (Lee)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Lee Kim

At www.designdreamlab.org

On LinkedIn: @leekim

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In this enlightening episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, your host Traci Ruble engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud, a prominent couple's therapist specializing in male sexuality. Their discussion delves into the complex world of male sexuality, consent, and the significance of emotional intelligence within relationships.

Traci expresses her deep admiration for Dr. Fitz's work and the unique lens through which he views male sexuality, emphasizing his dedication to issues related to consent and patriarchy.

One of the highlights of the episode is the exploration of Dr. Fitz's groundbreaking book published this week, "The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex." Traci feels so strongly about the potential of this book to radically alter sex from a pressure tug-of-war between partners to something magical.

Dr. Fitz underscores the importance of men reconnecting with their tender hearts and nurturing authentic relationships. He argues that this is key to unlocking their true power and satisfaction.

The conversation takes an intriguing turn as they discuss the potential conflict between tenderness and sexiness. Dr. Fitz illuminates how embracing tenderness can create safety within relationships and enhance intense sexual experiences.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud aka “Dr. Fitz”
• [7:33] Men’s power comes from their tenderheartedness
• [9:04] Different erotic styles. 
• [11:37] Consent leads to more pleasure
• [18:08] Gender essentialism and what transmen can teach all men about sexual pleasure.
• [23:51] How sexual shame shows up.
• [32:04] How to liberate men from patriarchy?
• [37:51] Dr. Fitz’s message to Sidewalk Talk listeners
• [39:50] Outro

The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex (Book)

• “...our love, our capacity to connect, our capacity to be in genuine, authentic relationship, is where our deepest power comes from - men or people of any gender.” (Dr. Fitz)
• “Consent culture can take place in the therapist's office or the boardroom or anywhere we meet and connect with each other.” (Dr. Fitz)
• “We get caught in these conflicting messages with very few messages that confirm for us the innate essence of goodness in us, that our sexuality is good, that our desire and capacity for love is real and needed in the world.” (Dr. Fitz)
• “...a penis being hard ejaculating the way that you think it ought to or somebody's told you it ought to, isn't essential to being a man. It isn't essential to being a good lover, because that trans man over there can be a good lover too.” (Dr. Fitz)
• “...if we don't attend to the flowing water of sexuality, it's still flowing. And if we don't attend to where it's going, it will continue filling up whatever reservoir we've bottled it up into until it will overflow our boundaries and it will feel out of control for us.” (Dr. Fitz)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud

At www.drericfitz.com

On Instagram: @drericfitz

On Facebook: @drericfitz

On TikTok: @drericfitz

On LinkedIn: @drericfitz

On Twitter: @drericfitz

Reinventing Masculinity Will Allow Men to Live Longer Happier Lives | Ed Frauenheim

Ed Frauenheim is a consultant and co-author of four books, including A Great Place to Work For All and Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.

Ed and Traci share how old-school masculinity has harmed both of their lives.  Ed gives concrete instructions on what all of us can do today to begin to reinvent masculinity.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Ed
• [4:16] Ed’s Heartbreaks
• [8:25] Liberating masculinity from “bad guy branding”
• [11:55] Expressing feelings instead of getting violent
• [16:45] Men’s earliest friendships 
• [23:03] Why men don’t listen
• [28:34] Men as unconscious ATM machines
• [39:47] Attachment wounds in marriage
• [45:50] Underneath men’s anger is a broken heart
• [47:40] Closing
• [49:35] Outro

Reinventing Masculinity (Book)

• “I've had my own heartbreaks, you might say, or a lot of sadness and struggle and shame around not fitting into the typical categories and not meeting the expectations of being a winner, a high-performing professional that rises to the top of an organization, a clutch sports performer, even a lady killer.” (Ed)
• “...elevating how important it is to be compassionate and connected as men today.” (Ed)
• “I'm interested in justice and liberation from confining roles that our society puts on all of us.” (Traci)
• “It's borne out in the data that when men really adhere to those conventional beliefs very strictly, they don't live as long. They have worse health outcomes in general.” (Ed)
• “The single biggest factor for health and a long, happy life is friendships.” (Ed)
• “Men get this message at some point, especially in adolescence, that you’ve got to be the smartest guy in the room. And to be curious and ask questions is seen as weak, and we can't be weak. We smush out that curiosity.” (Ed)
• “We've been told to be courageous and we are often courageous in the physical realm, in the financial realm, but not necessarily the realm of feelings.” (Ed)
• “You can tell how hungry we are as men, as human beings for connection.” (Ed) 

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Ed Frauenheim

At www.edfrauenheim.com

On LinkedIn: @edfrauenheim

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Dawn Menken, PhD. has been working in the field of psychology and facilitator development for over 35 years. She is an internationally respected educator, therapist, leadership coach, and conflict resolution specialist. She co-founded the Process Work Institute, a not-for-profit graduate school dedicated to the training of facilitators, where she co-created its Masters's programs and served as academic dean for more than a decade. She is the author of Facilitating a More Union: A Guide for Politicians and Leaders, which offers a radical and innovative approach to political discourse. She is also the author of the award-winning book Raising Parents Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation. In all of her endeavors, she is moved to improve social discourse and inspire more meaningful civic engagement.

Join Traci and Dawn as they explore the foundations of process work and how it can help us shift out of polarization.  Dawn reads the most beautiful speech she would give to the Charlottesville rioters. In this speech she overcomes her terror as a Jewish woman and models how we all can confront our addiction to “other” by speaking both ferociously and compassionately.  

Episode Timeline

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Dawn
• [4:19] Professor Ben Thompson introduces Dawn to Arnold Mindell’s work during a class on the books of Carlos Castaneda about the Yaqui Mexican Indian Sorcerer, Don Juan Matus
• [9:29] What is the Dreambody?
• [11:47] Working On Body Symptoms
• [17:25] Norms or how we “should” be and busting out of stereotypes
• [21:11] The embodied unconscious
• [25:14] Otherizing and polarizing as a global human tendency
• [31:56] Dawn’s speech to the white nationalists in Charlottesville
• [36:09] Breaking our own addiction to othering people
• [43:32] Outro

Facilitating a More Perfect Union (Book)

Raising Parents Raising Kids (Book)

The Process Work Institute

• “...it's more about trying to explore what is emergent and trying to happen in you.” (Dawn)
• “I want to add the idea that we don't just have a platform and advocate for our one-sided views, but the facilitator or the leader must position herself also as a facilitator because you're not just leading one section of the world. We have to find a way to get along and to facilitate dialog.” (Dawn)
• “It's about the human tendency to otherize someone.” (Dawn)
• “This whole idea of otherizing is about how we also, as individuals, marginalize different parts of ourselves. Wholeness is really about connecting and getting on with that with which we marginalize internally, in our relationships, and in the world at large. (Dawn)
• “With all my years on this planet Earth, I am more interested in my larger goals of democracy and people getting along.” (Dawn)
• “...how to reach out to a side that you feel is so repulsive to you, and at the same time, take a stand. How to do both at the same time.” (Dawn)
• “I want to tell those protesters that deep down you have more in common with those whom you battle. You're looking for your place, that precious feeling of belonging and pride. (Dawn)
• It is the deepest human longing for all people who risk everything and flee violent circumstances to reside in these United States of America. There is room enough for all of us. (Dawn)
• We all need to feel our pride and sense of home without denigrating others. It is the only way forward. Feel pride in your vision to live in a country that insists on freedom and belonging for all people. (Dawn)
• Being one-sided is very addictive.
• If you have a humanistic view, if you have a view of people and community, the deepest religions talk about that. If you want to connect, if you want to understand and get along, then you have to go beyond your one-sided position. (Dawn)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Dawn Menken

At www.dawnmenken.com

On Instagram: @processworkinstitute

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Rosa supports leaders and groups around the world to work creatively with divergent perspectives. Her mission is developing our collective capacity to transform friction into useful energy and greater insight. Author of From Conflict to Creative Collaboration, a manual on Dynamic Facilitation. She also just finished her Ph.D. so soon we should say Dr. Rosa Zubizaretta.  This has freed up her time to take on new clients after some time steeped in academia.

What would happen if helping a neighbor with a conflict was as normal as waking up in the morning?  What if our companies had an ethos that conflict is not only natural but good and has a hearty system for restoring after conflict?  That is what Traci and Rosa discuss as well as why we need to not start with our most difficult political rivals but make resolving conflict with those close to us our first order of business.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [1:41] Meet Rosa
• [3:21] Rosa’s contribution to the Sidewalk Talk Bus Tour
• [5:23] German and European ties
• [7:16] We need each other
• [8:51] De shame yourself
• [11:42] Common causes of conflict
• [15:43] How conflict is in heaven
• [18:56] Dominic Barter’s restorative circles
• [25:40] Start where it is easy
• [33:30] Love wrestling with your husband
• [38:08] Passionate conflict is an energy turbine
• [41:32] The roots of violence
• [46:18] Closing
• [48:35] Outro

From Conflict to Creative Collaboration (Book)

• “I just want to start with the fact that as human beings, we get into messes with each other” (Rosa)
• “Anybody can learn how to hold space productively for another person and listen deeply.” (Rosa)
• “If the 99 % could figure out how to do collaboration between us, we'd be so F* strong,” (Rosa)
• “But we grew up in a culture where we do not learn how to confront people with love. ” (Rosa)
• “Conflict happens when we're at our edge. It's like, there's an edge there. There's something that I don't know or understand yet, or something's getting triggered or something. And so it's a potential growth place. ” (Rosa)
• “I think conflict is a potentially renewable, sustainable source of energy ” (Rosa)
• “We just have to open the space so that we are not butt heads against each other, but that that passion gets harnessed.” (Rosa)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Rosa Zubizarreta

At www.diapraxis.com 

www.co-intelligence.institute

On LinkedIn: @rosazubizarreta

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Julio Maria Muhorro is a power coach, facilitator, and speaker.  He uses his 10 years of experience in management, training, and research to enable entrepreneurs, leaders, and organizations to tap into their power so that they can engage with their stakeholders from a place of deep purpose, sharpen their offerings to deliver innovative services and digital products and tell transformational stories to drive long-lasting social and economic impact.

Join Traci in a conversation with Julio where Traci asks Julio, “How can I use my power wisely?” Julio will lay out three concrete steps you will need to take and give you a heads-up on the significant resistance you will likely meet.  This is a podcast where you will likely want something to take notes with nearby.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [2:58] Meet Julio
• [3:48] It isn’t about wealth and achievement
• [6:57] Saudade - Portuguese word to long to be with
• [11:16] It’s what you do with your power that counts
• [13:01] The will of nature and the will of the divine trumps human will
• [16:08] Three steps to using your power
• [25:54] Powerful on the sidewalk
• [29:55] Sharing your power with the right people
• [34:15] Boundaries and what is sacred
• [40:30] Closing
• [42:42] Outro

Never Been Done Before Global Facilitator’s Community

• “Power is tricky because we are real shitheads with power.” (Traci)
• “Power is not something that it can be given or taken from you because you are powerful because you exist.” (Julio)
• “...remember, you're not controlling your life. You are leading the co-creation of it.” (Julio)
• “A lot of the times there is a disassociation between what people are saying about you and how you see yourself.” (Julio)
• “We show up today not based on our performance and results that we achieved in the past, but based on what we believe is possible in the future.” (Julio)
• “It's getting in alignment with all the different wills, the human will, the natural will, and the divine will to choose the right people to be in this virtuous circle with.” (Traci)
• “What will it take for you to live in power now? Not to rest in power, not to have a powerful moment or a powerful day tomorrow, but to live in power now.” (Julio)
• “If you're not able to see the sacredness in you, everything else will fall apart. Because even if people are trying to honor that sacredness, you don't feel as though you deserve it. So you will sabotage it, you will deflect it.” (Julio) 

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Julio Maria Muhorro

At Link Tree

On Instagram: @liveinpowernow

On LinkedIn: @juliomuhorro

On TikTokr: @liveinpowernow

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Thomas Lanthaler drops into hot spots of crisis all over the world and helps people make decisions to get through the chaos as peacefully as possible.

He is an experienced international crisis leader, experiential facilitator, and speaker with nearly two decades of experience across 30 countries. Thomas is the Founder and CEO of The Crisis Compass. This cross-sectoral consultancy acts as a partner and guide to companies genuinely interested in working with a crisis as a means for innovation. He advises leaders on all aspects of human-centered crisis management, confident decision-making, and making businesses crisis-ready using innovative tools to deal with uncertainty and challenging situations  - all centered around learning and communication to reframe crises into means of reinvention.

In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk podcast, you will get an inside view of the life of a humanitarian crisis manager and learn what crisis management even is.  Then you will have the chance to go on a deep and soulful journey with Thomas as he experienced a new way of thinking about community care and self-responsibility while training with aboriginal leaders in Australia. 

• [00:09] Intro 

• [0:58] Meet Thomas

• [7:35] Becoming a crisis manager

• [11:17] Fatherhood and how children are natural crisis managers

• [13:32] What is crisis management

• [17:21] When we label things a crisis

• [25:15] What are your non-negotiables?

• [31:40] Ritual and spirituality

• [39:17] An earth-based practice of collectivism

• [48:46] Closing

• [49:40] Outro

Navigating Beyond Crisis (Book)

• “If you make a small difference with just one person, you've already made a difference.” (Thomas)

• “A crisis is not an event. A crisis is basically the aftermath of it.” (Thomas)

• “If it's not a life or death crisis, no one is dying in front of you, there's always time.” (Thomas)

• “I deserve the acceptance here, but I also have to give acceptance because others are different and they will see it differently.” (Thomas)

• “I'm talking about the awareness, what it does to me if I actually let go.” (Thomas)

• “We're trying to do what you just talked about, sitting there on the land, trying to practice collectivism.” (Traci)

Find | Sidewalk Talk  At sidewalk-talk.org On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble At Traciruble.com On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Thomas Lahnthaler At www.thecrisiscompass.com On LinkedIn: @thomaslahnthaler On Medium:@thomas-89340

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Dr. Tracy Brower is a PhD sociologist and vice president of workplace insights for Steelcase. She is the author of The Secrets to Happiness at Work and Bring Work to Life, as well as a contributor to Forbes.com and Fast Company.

Traci and Tracy sort through information on workplace happiness and how the workplace meets important needs in our lives for happiness, meaning, and belonging. Not everyone wants to be friends with their co-workers but we do get an important sense of identity and belonging from our work that cannot be overlooked.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Tracy
• [4:19] Human connection and feeling of community is critical for our work.
• [7:19] The workplace is an important place of stability and identity that is important to our well-being. 
• [14:19] Comparison goals like wealth and status don’t lead to happiness.
• [17:08] List of the top 5 happiness producers in our lives.
• [25:08] What leads to workplace burnout?
• [34:27] Friendship, friendliness, and trust in our workplace relationships. 
• [43:06] Closing
• [43:32] Outro

The Secrets to Happiness At Work (Book)

Bring Work to Life (Book)

• the thing that I'm thinking about work is just how critical it is that we appreciate it as part of a full life, not the only part of our life, but part of a full life.” (Tracy)
• I think we can get into this almost like a vicious cycle of I don't feel connected, I don't feel as valued, therefore, I don't connect as much, and I don't feel as valued.” (Tracy)
• “Whenever we get our roots disconnected from our community, we have a psychological reaction to that from a deep attachment place, from a psychological place in us. For some of us, what happens is we do have to find a villain in that narrative.” (Traci)
• “One of the things that's correlated with happiness is focusing on the community, focusing on what I'm giving. More generosity is correlated with happiness, and more self-focus is negatively correlated with happiness.” (Tracy)
• Sometimes we think of purpose with a capital P, and if I'm not changing the world. But really, it's just the thing that we do well. We wake up in the morning and do well for the people that we care about and for our work community and our broader community.” (Tracy)
• Usually, the best team bonding happens through task where we're rolling up our sleeves together and working on a new initiative or solving a problem.” (Tracy)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Tracy Brower

At www.davidbedrick.com

On Instagram: @tlb108

On LinkedIn: @tracybrowerphd

On Twitter: @tracybrower108

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David Bedrick is a psychological activist - an ally to the unheard and marginalized voices inside individuals and the culture at large.

Join Traci as she discusses body image, body-shame and diet culture with David, which is also the subject of David’s book: You can’t judge a Body by its Cover: 17 Women’s Stories of Hunger, Body Shame, and Redemption.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet David
• [2:39] How David (a white man from New York) came to write a book about women’s bodies
• [9:33] How David’s longing to be witnessed led to him become a witness to others
• [13:42] Psychological Activism
• [14:48] What’s cooking?
• [29:40] The inner paradox of diet culture
• [38:12] How you can find David
• [41:43] David’s message to the Sidewalk Talk volunteers
• [43:06] Closing
• [43:32] Outro

You can’t judge a Body by its Cover: 17 Women’s Stories of Hunger, Body Shame, and Redemption (David’s book)

• “The idea of having a witness to somebody else's suffering my own and other people's bodies and difficulties became a very important thing to me.” (David)
• “So my fascination or hunger to learn from other people was really important to me.” (David)
• “The word that's just coming into the foreground is this deep longing that you had to be witnessed, that you've now been transmuted into as the witnesser.” (Traci)
• “What happens if I'm not seen or I'm looked at as a problem and not as a source of brilliance or beauty or creativity?” (David)
• “Are you trying to make everyone a sliced piece of really boring American cheese where we're all plasticy wrapped up in that cellophane wrapper so that we're convenient and we go back to work and we're not a pain in the ass?” (Traci)
• “And what I hear you advocating for is the beauty, the wisdom, the complexity, the nuance, the multigenerational story that a soul holds, and the fixed idea of psychology sometimes doesn't do a very good job of gestating.” (Traci)
• “Research says 98% of women have violent voices in their head every day about their bodies. And it's not minor violent. Not like that doesn't look good on you. I'm not talking about that. I would repeat them, but then we'd have to slow down and hear them because they're so gross.” (David)
• “Oh, my god. So what if what if all of us women are going on diets and choosing to fail the diets because it's the actual way that we're trying to rise up against patriarchy to say fuck you to the diet.” (Traci) 

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | David Bedrick

At www.davidbedrick.com

In Two Deep (David’s podcast): https://www.intwodeep.com/

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Andrea Scher is a writer, artist and life coach whose work is driven by her belief in the transformative power of wonder for creativity and wellbeing. For nearly two decades, through her award-winning blog Superhero Journal, her international workshops, her Creative Superheroes podcast, and bestselling e-courses, she has thrilled others with their own power to find magic all around them.

Join this conversation for a celebration of joy, love, friendship and the wonder of wonder.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:57] Meet Andrea
• [3:20] A peek inside Andrea’s birthday and book release party
• [4:43] How Andrea’s experiences of depression and anxiety led her to become a seeker of wonder
• [6:26] Who Andrea is in the world 
• [8:12] How Andrea leads people to their own joy and delight
• [9:27] How to recognise a Full Body Yes
• [10:37] How Andrea used her Full Body Yes to meet some extraordinary people through online dating
• [11:36] Desire tracking (and what gets in the way of us doing it)
• [13:00] The people who have most inspired Andrea
• [17:34] The creative spark that birthed Andrea’s book
• [21:14] Putting on your Wonder Goggles
• [26:11] Negativity bias
• [29:27] How we can cultivate wonder in our relationships
• [30:54] Andrea’s (platonic) rendezvous with a beautiful man on a flight from Milan
• [37:34] Andrea’s message to the Sidewalk Talk volunteers
• [39:49] Closing
• [40:44] Outro

Wonder Seeker (Andrea’s book)

Superhero Journal (Andrea’s blog)

• “I think what I like to do is help people move toward their delight and move toward what feels joyful for them, what feels delicious to them.” (Andrea)
• “a lot of times we're just living this life in this sort of default, unconscious way, and we're not pursuing what actually makes us feel joyful. So that's what I'm sort of orienting people toward.” (Andrea)
• “Isn't the body amazing at giving us cues and how often we're living in our heads?” (Traci)
• “We’re not even tracking our own desire and our own wanting, because we're already thinking about, well, what does this other person need and what do they want and what's convenient for them?” (Andrea)
• “I'm so grateful that this dream happened when I turned 50 because I feel like I can hold the joy of it fully.” (Andrea)
• “It's not an accidental thing that when you invite it in and put yourself in the way of wonder, you actually set your life up to have more and more of it.” (Traci)
• “we need to train our brain to also scan for what's good and what's beautiful and what's working in order to sort of, like, kind of balance the scales neurologically so that we have a chance at feeling more joy.” (Andrea)
• “There's a way that your life is always speaking to us, whether that means, like, our higher self is speaking to us, our spirit is speaking to us, or the mystery, it really doesn't matter how you name it, but yeah, I think that's so beautiful and absolutely the way I move through the world, and it feels like magic.” (Andrea)
• “Curiosity is key because we think we know things. We think we know. We think we know what wonder means. We think we know who our partner is. We think there's nothing new to discover.” (Andrea) 
• “finding our wonder inside of the messiness is exactly where we need to tend it most. So tending our joy, tending our wonder is crucial at moments like this.” (Andrea)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Andrea Scher

At www.andreascher.com 

On Instagram: @AndreaScher

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Johnny Crowder is a suicide and abuse survivor. You've probably seen him. He's tatted up, and he's been a TEDx speaker. Johnny’s a billboard charting rock musician and a certified Recovery peer specialist. But what he's most known for is as the founder and CEO of Cope Notes, which is an online mental health platform that provides daily support to people in over 100 countries around the world.

If you have ever doubted whether you matter (and let’s be honest, how many of us haven’t?), this episode will be a balm for you. Johnny brings rock n roll vibes, vulnerability and a wisdom beyond his years to this emotional and essential conversation.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Johnny
• [4:31] Johnny’s reflections on how entrepreneurship is one of the most challenging of human experiences
• [5:57] Johnny’s relationship with his mental health (“not lovers, but roommates”)
• [8:14] Traci’s own experiences with her mental health
• [11:16] Johnny’s simple realisation that inspired him to create Cope Notes 
• [13:11] Tech companies and rock stars (Johnny’s unique way of bringing together his identities)
• [18:29] What Johnny’s learnt about human needs for connection
• [20:48] Johnny’s reflections on his (and our) needs for relationship and support
• [27:47] Johnny’s experience of sexual abuse… and then eventually starting a romantic relationship
• [34:52] The familiarity of drama and intensity when we don’t believe we matter
• [40:12] How the You Matter sentiment would solve 90% of human suffering
• [41:21] Closing
• [42:58] Outro

Why I don’t want to die anymore (Johnny’s Tedx Talk)

Cope Notes

• “I would estimate that entrepreneurship is one of the most physically and mentally and emotionally challenging things and spiritually challenging things that anybody could ever embark on.” (Johnny) 
• “Imagine doing like a tough mudder competition where you're like climbing stuff and you're running swimming through this muck and you're exhausted and your feet are blistered and stuff, and you come out the other end, and when you get to the finish line, the finish line is the start of the Boston Marathon. And you're like what?” (Johnny)
• “I actually find people struggling with mental illness to be having a healthy response to a very sick society.” (Traci)
• “So if I really wanted to analyze my fierce pursuit of changing the world, it is half because I have a deep empathy for people who are just feeling the same kind of stuff that I am. But there has to be some component in there that I'm not aware of that's, like, wanting to feel like it's a good thing that I was born.” (Johnny)
• “If I felt like I deserved nice things and I was enough and I've done enough, I would be the most chill human being on the planet.” (Johnny)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Johnny Crowder

At https://johnnycrowder.com/ 

On Instagram: @JohnnyCrowderLovesYou

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Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, an investigative journalist, and the co-founder of Good Conflict, LLC. She writes for the Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Politico, and she spent a decade writing about human behavior for Time magazine in New York, Washington, and Paris.

Listen in as Amanda and Traci explore what High Conflict is (and how we get out) drawing on research, insights, and experience across astronauts on space missions (yes, really!), the Israeli-Palestine conflict, intimate relationships across political divides, gang warfare, and racism.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Amanda
• [3:44] Amanda’s journey to becoming a writer - and how she’s not like Stephen King
• [8:14] Journalism, Conflict Entrepreneurship, and our need to matter
• [10:17] Gossip: the art of creating intimacy through a common enemy
• [11:46] Conflict in space missions (NASA studies with astronauts)
• [15:09] “Us versus them” and dehumanization
• [15:50] Curtis Toller’s story of gang rivalry… and redemption
• [19:38] The paradox of internal and external conflict
• [22:00] The “exhausted majority” who want less toxicity in politics
• [23:40] Sidewalk Talk’s Wish you knew Me project, designed for couples who have conflict around politics or vaccines
• [27:12] Bringing Black and white communities together in the wake of George Floyd’s murder
• [29:20] The impact of positional power on the need to be heard 
• [31:38] The art of political speech
• [33:35] Social media and automatic responses
• [39:32] Friendship, stereotyping, and how a lack of listening shuts down conversations
• [41:35] Learning to dialogue differently around issues of righteous callout… like racism, vaccines, mask-wearing.
• [45.09] Amanda’s message to the Sidewalk Talk volunteers
• [47:14] Closing
• [48:01] Outro

High Conflict: Why we get trapped, and how we get out (Amanda’s book)

• “you'll never get out of external conflict until you work on the internal conflict” (Amanda)
• “I feel like that's why we're in this situation. We'd rather just continue othering.” (Traci)
• “Meanwhile there's this “exhausted majority”... who really want major social change and they want less toxicity in the conflict. So both at once they don't necessarily want moderation or centrism, but they want less toxicity, less dehumanization.” (Amanda)
• “There’s something like 40 million Americans who stopped speaking to someone in their lives over the 2016 election.” (Traci)
• “So we're not marrying, dating, or living next to or working with people of other political persuasions is a big problem.” (Traci)
• “yes, you shouldn't let people get away with saying racist things. And what do you say in response? Like, where is the skill, the craft, the learning, the education, the nuance of sophistication emotional, intellectual around what you say, how you respond to that?” (Amanda)
• “We could make lasting change that really solves racism in America or dehumanization of any kind by developing the capacity to dialogue differently.” (Traci)
• “When you really listen to someone, even if you disagree, there is something that opens up. There's an opening that happens in your mind and in your heart. And most people who experience that kind of opening across a big difference want more of it. It's almost like a drug, like a very good drug.” (Amanda)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Amanda Ripley

At https://www.amandaripley.com/ 

On Twitter: @AmandaRipley

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Michele Gelfand is a Professor at Stanford University, and an expert on negotiation and cross-cultural psychology. Her book Rule Makers, Rule Breakers explores how tight and loose cultures wire our world, and in doing so offers unique insights on how we might bridge today’s cultural divides.

Michele and Traci chat about the impact of culture on everything from international negotiation to couple’s arguments over chores… in a wide-ranging and fascinating conversation that might just shift how you see yourself and the people around you.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [0:58] Meet Michele
• [3:33] “Tight” and “loose” culture as a puzzle
• [5:25] Michele and Traci share traveling stories and how they illuminate cultural differences (and subcultural similarities)
• [8:58] What is culture?
• [10:19] How countries develop a tight or loose culture
• [12:17] How understanding culture can create empathy
• [16:27] The polarization at play in the USA’s culture
• [17:40] Why experiencing threat can lead people to want a tighter culture
• [19:31] Michele shares the behind-the-scenes of a fascinating study challenging the views of people from Pakistan and the USA have of each other
• [21:33] Cultural intelligence as a way of connecting more deeply
• [26:32] How tight and loose cultures responded to the pandemic
• [29:16] Getting curious about psychology in international negotiating 
• [34:07] Negotiations in couples (the impact of leaning tight or loose)
• [35:45] Household chores and the surprising thing they reveal about attitudes and culture
• [40:51] The relationship between rules and social class
• [44:48] Michele’s life advice (including a touching reflection from her late father-in-law)
• [47:35] Closing
• [48:01] Outro

Rule Makers, Rule Breakers (Michele’s book)

• “Cultural intelligence is critical for connection because then you're really open-minded to people's lives and why they evolved the way they did. And it's really hard sometimes not to be judgmental.” (Michele)
• “In the US, individualism and doing your own thing is so part of the culture. And partly it's something that we've inherited because we have more wealth than other cultures and so in contexts where there's not a lot of wealth, you need to have strong support. You need to kind of help out the family. Like, it's just absolutely necessary.” (Michele)
• “there's less debt and there's less alcoholism, less obesity in tighter cultures.” (Michele)
• “loose cultures did far worse during COVID. But loose cultures are really open and creative and tolerant.” (Michele)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Michele Gelfand

At https://www.michelegelfand.com/ 

On Twitter: @MicheleJGefland

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Melody Wilding is an executive coach for Sensitive Strivers - smart, sensitive high-achievers who are tired of getting in their own way. Melody is a Sensitive Striver herself, a licensed social worker, professor of Human Behavior and a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Business Insider. She’s also the author of Trust Yourself, described by Susan Cain as “essential reading for every introverted, sensitive professional”.

Listen in is as Melody and Traci take us on a tour of what it means to be a Sensitive Striver, the constellation of challenges facing sensitive people, and how the characteristics of Sensitive Strivers make them the leaders of the future.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [2:20] Melody shares the personal and clinical experiences that led her to the work she does now, including her experience of extreme burnout
• [9:32] The constellation of challenges Melody sees facing sensitive, Type A people
• [13:22] Melody’s wake-up call moment
• [16:42] The Honorable Hangover (a form of achievement addiction)
• [19:30] The 3 characteristics of the Honorable Hangover (perfectionism, people-pleasing and over-functioning)
• [24:43] The mindset shift needed for success as a Sensitive Striver
• [27:27] Melody’s own experiences of being a Sensitive Striver
• [29:53] Creating intuitive flow (and leaving behind “butt in chair” time)
• [30:31] Why Sensitive Strivers need processing space and time
• [31:00] Behind the scenes of Melody’s book-writing process
• [33:14] How Sensitive Strivers are perfectly placed for leadership and the future demands of workplaces
• [35:12] Is Sensitive Striving a Millennial thing? 
• [39:22] Melody’s message to you, if you’re a Sensitive Striver
• [39:50] Closing
• [41:10] Outro

Trust Yourself - Stop Overthinking and Channel Emotions for success at work (You can download a free chapter of Melody’s book)

• “I was working with very high achieving, career-driven people and saw this constellation of challenges imposter syndrome, self-doubt, the people pleasing, perfectionism, over-functioning, and really came to see that it fell into two patterns. It fell into a profound sensitivity towards the world, as well as this striving side, this high achiever, pushing, want to be the best and grow yourself sort of side.” (Melody)
• “The Honor Roll Hangover is usually one of the biggest blockers to trusting yourself and to really becoming a more empowered, balanced, sensitive driver. And with it, some signs of it. You are fixated on goal setting. You set a lot of goals, you enjoy hitting them. But if you don't have something that you're moving towards, you feel like you're worthless, you're never doing enough.” (Melody)
• “So that's what I would offer people is to think about how you might see those three elements of the honor roll hangover, perfectionism, people pleasing, over functioning coming up in your life. Because really being able to shake that to put in its place is really key to moving on and getting the best out of your qualities as a sensitive driver.” (Melody)
• “And so the work isn't “butt in chair” time. It's the time that we create so that we can be more intuitive.” (Traci)
• “(Sensitive Strivers are…) highly empathetic, and that is classic because we need processing time. We need processing space and time. And neurologically speaking, we're wired differently. If you look at research on the highly sensitive brain, we have more activation in areas related to mental processing. So our brains make novel connections. We see nuances, we spot opportunities that other people miss. We synthesize and are able to take in and process complex information more deeply, which is why on your run you're having those great insights.” (Melody)
• “30% of the population that has this genetic trait difference that leads to a highly attuned nervous system, which is basically all sensitivity is.” (Melody)
• “you are not crazy for being so affected by everything around you. The fact that you are doing this work, that you are receptive and perceptive and empathetic to other people's needs is your superpower and find other ways to lean into that fully and let that be your greatest strength because it's a gift to yourself and a gift to the world.” (Melody)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Melody Wilding

At https://melodywilding.com/ 

On Medium 

On Instagram: @melodywilding

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Hailed as a “blistering new literary voice”, Minna Salami is a Nigerian-Finnish and Swedish writer and social critic, and the founder of the multiple award-winning blog, MsAfropolitan, which connects feminism with critical reflections on contemporary culture from an Africa-centred perspective.

Traci talks with Minna following the publication of her new book, Sensuous Knowledge, which was described by Bernadine Evaristo as “intellectual soul food”. Their conversation is a deep, rich and wonderful romp through Minna’s muti-faceted identity and how her experiences have shaped her writings on Black feminism, Minna’s fresh cultural insights and the need to create space for growth and grappling in today’s world.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [00:57] Meet Minna
• [2:38] The five(!) languages Minna speaks, and how they have shaped the way she thinks of Black feminism 
• [10:55] how Blackness is tied to the African American experience
• [14:50] the impact Minna wants to create through her writing
• [20:26] Making room for growth and grappling
• [26:00] Minna’s intuitive writing process
• [43:12] Having ownership of your inner world
• [45:56] Closing
• [46:35] Outro

Sensuous Knowledge (Minna’s book) 

• “Blackness right now is very much tied to the African American experience and the kind of definitions of Blackness as African Americans. It formulates them. And the way that Blackness would be formulated in a kind of Diasporic sensibility outside of America and in the African continent certainly overlaps and is connected. There would be context, sort of dialectic contexts that are siblings, but there are also differences.” (Minna)
• “I think the closest analogy to how I feel when I'm writing is a bit like an archaeologist might feel when they're trying to find some very specific object and they have to sort of excavate everything that's in the way and remove obstacles in order to gain the kind of clarity of how they might find their objects.” (Minna)
• “a personal process of growth is of course completely tied to a collective process of growth.” (Minna)
• “I also started the blog out of frustration and rage, maybe even because of the state of exclusion that Black women face, especially in the ideas world, which is a world that I very much see myself as contributing to, as well as the kind of feminist theory and feminist activism world.” (Minna)
• “I think there's this invitation that how we move from our unconscious bias is that we do have to begin to learn a different kind of knowledge and we have to make it a regular practice where we're listening to more stories, the land, people from different viewpoints, our own bodies.” (Traci)
• “...is wanting to think up or to conjure a way of knowing that is simultaneously utopian and pragmatic. There's a lot of radical ideas in the world, many of which I am really inspired by and thankful for but many that I also can feel are impractical and I sometimes approach more as poems or something to kind of plant a seed of something.” (Minna)
• “I will say that the inner world and the things that you choose to pay attention to, things that you choose to be preoccupied with. Those are the spaces which have not been taken over… And so it's very important, it's incredibly important that you cater to that space and that you have ownership of that space. And it's by no means a space that isn't full of complex feelings. It's that inner world where joy resides, but also sorrow and suffering. But it's the space you own.” (Minna)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Minna Salami

At https://msafropolitan.com/ 

On Instagram: @minnasalami_ 

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In this episode of the Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci is in conversation with Natalie Koussa, a trauma-sensitive visibility coach and podcast guesting strategist who supports high-integrity entrepreneurs to bring their work into the world in a bigger way.

Traci and Natalie explore how Leadership Designs (a trauma-aware way of understanding how you move through the world, show up, create and lead from your core) can support us to understand our core needs, and the vulnerabilities of letting ourselves be seen, just as we are.

This episode will be a balm for you if you’re feeling the call to show up in your life in a bigger, more true-to-you way. Listen in, and let yourself come home to yourself.

• [00:09] Intro 
• [00:57] Meet Natalie
• [3:43] What it means to be seen, just as you are
• [5:53] The role of relationships in helping us fully step into what we’re here for 
• [10:00] The experience of living in a country that’s not your own
• [11:22] Natalie’s decision to leave her non-profit career 
• [13:58] The impact of the sudden loss of a colleague
• [19:10] The impact of trauma on how able we are to let ourselves be seen
• [26:40] The Leadership Designs as a way of understanding your core needs
• [29:30] Traci sharing her experience as a Visionary (her Leadership Design profile)
• [31:21] The characteristics of a Visionary
• [34:35] How can you invite in validation? (The Visionary’s core need)
• [35:29] Experiences of the Sidewalk Talk volunteers
• [37:19] The Nurturer Leadership Design profile
• [38:55] Understanding what we have to offer, just as we are
• [44:29] Closing
• [45:45] Outro

The Leadership Designs Assessment

• “I want people to be seen just as they are, and I want them to feel safe in doing so.” (Natalie)
• “My intention is always that the people that I touch through my work feel closer to themselves than they did before.” (Natalie) 
• “This is kind of a constant, coming home to ourselves and learning ourselves and being with ourselves, including the bits of ourselves that we really don't want to be with.” (Natalie)
• “I think good relationships, wholesome relationships are about holding each other in our wholeness.” (Natalie)
• “(It’s) about supporting people to reconnect with themselves in such a way that they're able to connect with others.” (Natalie)
• “I think what I'm pissed off about is that even in the personal growth space, there is this mould of the ideal person, and there's also this mould of the ideal growth person. And this idea that growing happens in this one particular way.” (Traci)
• “I think it's about really intentionally understanding what it is that we do offer when we are ourselves. So not trying to become a louder version or a shinier version, but what do we offer just as we are?” (Natalie)
• “I love people and I love people's complexity.” (Traci)

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Natalie Koussa

At www.uncommon-people.com

On Instagram: @nataliekoussa_ 

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Dr. Stan Steindl brings a fresh take to compassion in this week’s Sidewalk Talk conversation. Stan’s a clinical psychologist with over 20 years experience as a therapist, trainer and researcher, and he’s also an adjunct associate professor at the School of Psychology at the University of Queensland, Australia. Last year, Stan published his first book: The Gifts of Compassion.

Stan and Traci explore the 3 flows of compassion, bringing a new light to a timeless topic. If you’ve ever been curious about what compassion truly is, how to cultivate more of it in your life, and why it can be so damn tricky to receive… Stan brings some fascinating ideas and practical ways of incorporating compassion into your daily life.

Find | Sidewalk Talk 

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr Stan Steindl 

At www.stansteindl.com/

On Youtube 

On Instagram: @dr_stan_steindl

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Traci and Kristina share a deep and rich conversation, in which Traci asks the kind of big questions Kristina thrives on. Questions like…

• what is the psyche, and what is the soul?
• what's the point of Greek mythology and how can it be meaningful?

You’ll leave this episode with a renewed sense of wonder, and a deeper understanding of how archetypes can help us access wisdom and creative energy beyond the confines of our rational mind.

Aziph Mustapha is a weirdo. As the head of culture transformation and employee engagement at Malaysian telecommunications giant, Celcom, Aziph has built a career on disrupting social norms. But being weird isn’t just good business, for Aziph it’s the only authentic way to live. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci gets to talk with—and really, make space for—Aziph as the two discuss creating psychological safety in the workplace, what it means to be a weirdo in a formal culture, and the importance of vulnerability and authenticity. As their conversation progresses, Aziph gets real with Traci, sharing that he’s struggling to process a number of the tragedies happening in the world right now, including the latest Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the COVID-19 pandemic. Traci thanks Aziph for his willingness to share, and together the two embark upon a time of listening and making space for the other. This is a powerful exchange between two great listeners that you won’t want to miss.

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:02] Meet Aziph 

[06:15] What Aziph makes for breakfast and dinner in Malaysia 

[09:08] Creating psychology safety and cultural transformation in the workplace 

[14:19] Aziph’s vision for Celcom 

[20:46] Being a weirdo in a formal culture 

[25:31] Discerning when to be contrarian versus when to go along with social norms  

[30:07] Volunteering, community, and providing space for one another 

[37:38] Aziph’s willingness to be vulnerable and authentic 

[44:42] Aziph’s word for you

[47:04] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Ted Talk: To Be the Best, Be a Weirdo 

Celcom 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Every person or group we touch with our business we consider a distinct society, and our job is to advance them in one way or another.” —Aziph Mustapha 

 “Sometimes you need to make those conscious efforts to change even simple things, like language, simple terms people use to humanize that relationship.” —Aziph Mustapha 

“Success gives you confidence.” —Aziph Mustapha 

“You need to grasp on something, you need to have a bit of control in this vast, chaotic storm.” —Aziph Mustapha 

“Maybe these human beings just talking to each other could help in small way.” —Aziph Mustapha 

“People need to be listened to, and there’s just not enough people willing to listen to them in the world.” —Aziph Mustapha 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Aziph Mustapha  

On LinkedIn: @AziphMustapha

On Twitter: @aziph_mustapha  

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Restless in the often too structured world of academia, Anna Katharina Schaffner carved her own path as a professor, researcher, writer, coach, and modern thinker. In her forthcoming book, The Art of Self-Improvement: Ten Timeless Truths, Anna sets out to shift the way we think about self-help and how to better ourselves by taking cues from our ancestors’ ways of thinking and living that still remain true today. Traci was thrilled to sit down with Anna for this latest episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast to chat all about Anna’s new book, how metaphor shapes our human experience, and where to find the soul in today’s culture of human as computer. 

As the two talk, they make discoveries about the benefits of growing as a collective versus as an individual, explore the concept of loneliness, and talk about mutual messy interactions they’ve had in the past. Towards the end of the episode Anna shares a few of the “timeless truths” from her new book, including the truths of controlling your mind, using your imagination, and being humble. In a time where we’ve increasingly been told that we simply need to “rewire” our brains in order to function better as humans, Anna and Traci explore a different way of thinking—one that helps us examine the metaphors we use about ourselves, and become more vulnerably human in the process. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:25] Meet Anna 

[06:40] What made Anna restless in academia 

[08:41] Provoking to leave a legacy 

[12:09] How metaphor shapes our human experience 

[16:32] A shift to growing as a collective  

[20:28] Learning from Eastern cultures and ways of thinking 

[23:39] Where’s the soul? 

[26:35] Questions and definitions of loneliness  

[29:40] Messy interactions 

[33:25] Anna’s discoveries about self-improvement 

[37:06] “Timeless truths” of self-improvement 

[39:57] Anna’s word for you 

[42:15] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Perspectiva 

Exhaustion: A History 

The Art of Self-Improvement: Ten Timeless Truths 

“You’re not a computer, you’re a tiny stone in a beautiful mosaic” 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“I like to take issue with what everyone accepts to be the case. I like to look at ideas that we take for granted, and that we don’t really investigate very much.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“I think it’s always very important to have a questioning mind.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“The language we use to talk about the psyche is very very telling because it reveals the models of the psyche that we believe in as people, but also as a culture.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“This focus on self-actualization and self-realization has begun to sound very tired, and very unsatisfying.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“Stories can give a lot of solace.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“Self-help reveals our models of selfhood.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

“Be aware of the kind of language you use to think about yourself, and inner voices, and reflect on it because they will tell you a lot about your deeper values and deeper models.” —Anna Katharina Schaffner 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Anna Katharina Schaffner 

At AnnaKSchaffner.com

On LinkedIn: @AnnaKatharinaSchaffner

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David Pearl is a true Renaissance man. A self-title “experience engineer,” David has done it all—from writing books and starting a nonprofit to advocating for social change and even working as an opera star. Our current reality may seem anything but magical, that’s far from the truth in David’s eyes. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci gets the chance to sit down with one of her new favorite European friends to talk about his nonprofit Street Wisdom, doing soul-work in the paradox of the here and now, and why simplicity is at the heart of what David and Traci are both doing with Street Wisdom and Sidewalk Talk. This is a playful and fun conversation between two people with an urgency to see our society, and the world at large, become a more inclusive, and magical, place. Come along for the ride and discover your own version of magic, today!  

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:34] Meet David 

[11:09] David’s time on the street and what it taught him

[15:00] Street Wisdom and serendipity 

[19:37] Making connections with perfect strangers on the street 

[23:30] How Street Wisdom is finding its future 

[27:42] Finding the magic in the everyday 

[35:25] Play and breaking the rules 

[39:23] Doing work in the paradox  

[45:14] The urgency to grow Street Wisdom and Sidewalk Talk 

[47:25] Embodied intelligence 

[49:40] Simplicity and a shared sense of being seen 

[57:49] David’s word and song for you 

[1:03:02] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Street Wisdom 

Wanderful: Find wonder in the every day. Every day.

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“For me, the brushes I had with mental breakdown were the wellspring of why I’m here today.” —David Pearl 

“Serendipity is only surprising if you think you’re a separate human being who ends at your skin.” —David Pearl 

“How could you be the perfect stranger for those strangers?” —David Pearl 

“As soon as we take the problems to be real, they become heavy and difficult to move.” —David Pearl 

“People don’t always see the work behind the apparent spontaneity.” —David Pearl 

“The wandering is the new straight and narrow. When the world is as wobbly as ours, you’d have to be nuts to go in a straight line—you’d end up in the wrong place.” —David Pearl 

“The way we change things is through a million simple things.” —David Pearl 

“If you’re prepared to see the magic in the ordinary you can have a conversation, you can have a dialogue. And we need a dialogue because the one inside your head isn’t great.” —David Pearl 

“There’s a certain urgency, and yet we can enjoy everything that happens.” —David Pearl 

“Being lost and feeling lost are not the same thing.” —David Pearl 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | David Pearl  

At DavidPearl.net 

On Twitter: @DavidPearlHere

On LinkedIn: David Pearl  

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Author and professor Dr. Tania Israel wants to make perspective-taking sexy again. Her book, Beyond Your Bubble, is all about reaching beyond our differences to find where even the most vehemently opposed, politically and otherwise, can find common ground. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Tania about why conversations about political differences are so challenging right now, the concept of intellectual humility, and the skill and attitude we need to cultivate as a society in order to grow (hint: it’s listening and curiosity). 

Dialoging about our differing political opinions can be so difficult right now, especially in an age where social media and 140-character tweets are the norm. Tania wants to help us move away from moral posturing and towards a place where we actually sit down and have a nuanced conversation with someone, whether they believe what we do or not. It’s not an easy task, but it’s one Tania, and so many like her, are willing to embark upon. Don’t miss this timely episode!  

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:50] Meet Dr. Tania Israel 

[06:51] Why conversations about political differences are so challenging 

[10:03] Moral posturing and politics 

[13:07] Social media’s ability to polarize 

[16:38] Lifting up the voices of those in the middle 

[20:44] What compelled Tania to write Beyond Your Bubble 

[24:49] The skill and attitude we need to work on as a society  

[28:00] Traci’s examples of dialoguing across political lines 

[30:57] Dialoging about differences on social media 

[33:29] The Heineken ad and bringing people together 

[35:43] How to find Tania’s work 

[36:55] Tania’s word for you 

[38:41] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Beyond Your Bubble: How to Connect Across the Political Divide 

The Flowchart That Will Resolve All Political Conflict In Our Country 

More In Common 

The Week

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“It’s not just about a policy—it’s about taking a position about people who are on the other side of that policy, and I think that’s what’s actually creating so much damage right now.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“It feels like the standards are very narrow in terms of the ways we can prove what our values really are.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“People don’t necessarily like and retweet someone who says, ‘yeah, I can see both sides of that.’” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“We need to make perspective-taking sexy.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“I can’t try to understand somebody else through my lens, I have to try to get what their lens is, and then I can see it.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“We need to actually want to understand before we’re motivated to actually apply listening skills.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“The more types of input we have about somebody, then the easier it is to understand their perspective.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

“Keep investing in other people—we need each other, and we can hold each other and knit ourselves back together.” —Dr. Tania Israel 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Tania-Israel  

At TaniaIsrael.com

On Twitter: @Tania_Israel 

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Antoinette Weibel thinks trust rocks! As a researcher and professor at the University of St. Gallen in Switzerland, Antoinette has devoted much of her life to the study of trust, specifically in the workplace. Traci cold-called Antoinette, and what resulted is a multifaceted and fascinating conversation on trust, vulnerability, and why trust has eroded in society and at work over the past 25 years. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci gets the chance to ask Antoinette all about her research on trust and how trust, or a lack thereof, colors us both as employees and leaders. Together, the two explore trust within organizations, employee engagement and wellness, and what Antoinette hopes will shift in the future when it comes to trust in the workplace. Their conversation wraps up with Antoinette sharing her top three ways to cultivate trust: taking an interest in your employees, listening to those employees, and then finding things to appreciate about them. Trust is such an important topic in our organizations and society at large right now—don’t miss this compelling conversation! 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:52] Meet Antoinette 

[04:18] What Antoinette has learned about trust 

[11:45] The chipping away of trust in society  

[13:49] Antoinette’s definition of trust 

[15:05] Trust within organizations 

[19:37] Employee engagement and wellness 

[24:07] The principles of trust Antoinette sees in her own life and career 

[26:59] Vulnerability and gender roles 

[33:29] What Antoinette hopes shifts in the workplace 

[35:29] The top 3 ways to cultivate trust 

[36:40] Antoinette’s word to you 

[37:42] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

The University of St. Gallen

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“It’s good to start with a bias towards trust.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“I’m really daring something because I believe in you.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“We’re not looking so much for the brilliant minds that can tell us what the future looks like, but we are now at present looking more for people who have a passion for other people, who maybe love their employees to a certain degree, and who are showing integrity.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“A good leader can make all the difference.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“Learning in itself is not the problem—it’s to let go a little bit of control.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“I think it’s essential for building trust that you’re also able to listen.” —Antoinette Weibel 

“Who has given us the right to create suffering machines?” —Antoinette Weibel 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Antoinette Weibel 

On LinkedIn: @AntoinetteWeibel 

On Twitter: @antoinetteprof

On Facebook: @Weibelcrew

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Joe Keohane has been meeting strangers for decades. As an accomplished journalist and editor, Joe has made a career out of listening to people he doesn’t know and engaging with their stories. But as the world reemerges from the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness is on the rise, and strangers feel more strange than maybe ever before. Is there still something to be gained from expanding our social circles and interacting with strangers after 18 months of isolation? Joe sure thinks so. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down with Joe to talk about his brand new book, The Power of Strangers. Together the two talk about the impact listening to strangers has on us, the magic of meeting someone new, and how to cultivate a healthy curiosity towards others in an effort to combat loneliness. There may never be a more perfect time for this conversation as we relearn how to connect with those around us. 

Episode Timeline: 

[00:07] Intro 

[02:43] Meet Joe 

[07:39] Why Joe wrote The Power of Strangers  

[16:40] The impact listening to strangers has on us 

[21:55] The magic of meeting strangers 

[27:20] What surprised Joe in his research 

[36:18] Loneliness after the pandemic 

[42:49] Traci and Joe’s hospitality stories  

[47:03] Joe’s word for you 

[49:45] Outro 

Resources Mentioned: 

The Power of Strangers: The benefits of connecting in a suspicious world 

Standout Quotes: 

 “It really doesn’t take that much for people to feel comfortable with you. It’s not that hard for a total stranger to be like, ‘oh yeah, we can get along!’ just because of this piece of fabric on my head.” —Joe Keohane 

“In a way, every time you speak to a stranger, if you learn to do it well, you get a little glimpse of what the life of another person is like, and that’s huge.” —Joe Keohane 

“It becomes very difficult to dismiss a group of people when you’ve had good engagements with members of that group.” —Joe Keohane 

“There’s a lot in a person, and when you talk to them you get to travel to that little universe, you get to interact with it.” —Joe Keohane 

“One of the more curious things about humans is that we are neophobic and neophiliac at the same time—we’re afraid of new things, but we love new things.” —Joe Keohane 

“It’s in our benefit to grow our social networks, to have friends.” —Joe Keohane 

“The opportunity that COVID presents us with is it took us very quickly to the conclusion that we were slowly moving towards anyways, which was 300 million individuals alone in rooms looking at screens.” —Joe Keohane 

“Almost every crisis we’re facing right now is a crisis of belonging.” —Joe Keohane 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Joe Keohane   

At JoeKeohane.net

On Twitter: @JoeKeohane

On LinkedIn: @JoeKeohane  

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Stuart Chittenden is a highly interesting character. A lawyer by trade, he moved to Omaha, Nebraska from England after marrying his wife and grew fascinated by the inherent power of conversation. That fascination led him to start Squish Talks—the organization he has leveraged to unlock human potential in all areas of society simply through conversation. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci laughs, learns, and grows from her conversation with Stuart as they converse about all things politics, crying, crying about politics, the movie “Inside Out,” and their plans for a COVID coming out party. As many questions as Traci asks him, Stuart asks them right back to her, and what results is an engaging back and forth about Squish Talks and Sidewalk Talk and how these two individuals are using their platforms to create a world built on connection. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:34] Meet Stuart 

[07:02] Stuart asks Traci why she started Sidewalk Talk 

[07:58] The heart behind Squish Talks and Sidewalk Talk 

[12:40] Stuart’s travels around Nebraska and what it taught him 

[14:53] Crying after the last presidential election and Stuart’s feelings now 

[18:03] How Stuart recovered from the election and regained his belief in conversation 

[23:34] Practices and experiences to carry forward post-COVID 

[26:48] Coming out of COVID party 

[30:27] How Stuart finds ways to engage in dialogue politically 

[36:22] Listening, silence, and humor as components of dialogue 

[41:11] What’s next for Stuart 

[44:17] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Squish Talks

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Conversation does have the power to connect people, but it also affirmed my sense that people have a desperate, and deep, and profound yearning to be seen by other people.” —Stuart Chittenden 

“A conversation is never meant to share a truth with someone else. It’s meant to share your truth and to help someone else, too. It’s not about correcting something; it’s about connecting something.” —Stuart Chittenden 

“I don’t need to know at this point which way did you vote, I just need to know that as a human being you’re awed by the majesty of this.” —Stuart Chittenden 

“Unless I’m in-person with someone, I’ve found it’s pointless to engage in politics with someone.” —Stuart Chittenden 

“I’m struggling to let my own beliefs go or stop them getting in the way of listening to someone else. And that’s work that I need to keep doing.” —Stuart Chittenden 

“I don’t think we ask enough genuine, authentic, I-want-to-hear-your-answer kinds of questions of other people, of the world, of ourselves.” —Stuart Chittenden 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Stuart Chittenden  

At SquishTalks.com 

On LinkedIn: @StuartChittenden

On Instagram: @squishtalks

On Twitter: @SquishTalks 

On Facebook: @SquishTalks 

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Psychoanalysis has long been thought of as outdated, misogynistic, and even racist—a type of therapy for the rich and privileged. In fact, Dr. Fernando Castrillon thought as much himself when he first encountered psychoanalysis, but has since changed his mind, and is working to change the minds of others through his work and words on the subject. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Dr. Fernando on all things psychoanalysis, how it differs from more typical forms of therapy practiced in the West, and how a psychoanalyst would address our society’s loneliness epidemic. During their conversation, Traci even shares her anger at psychotherapy with Dr. Fernando, inviting him to respond, and maybe even change listeners’ viewpoints on this practice that started with the likes of Freud and Lacan. The episode ends with Dr. Fernando’s word for you, the Sidewalk Talk listener, reiterating that psychoanalysis is, at its heart, an unlearning that makes room for another person to bring themself forward. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:46] Meet Dr. Fernando 

[08:56] Overview of psychoanalysis and the California Dream  

[16:03] Psychoanalysis versus more “typical” therapy approaches 

[20:31] What Lacan would say about Sidewalk Talk 

[27:54] Output and a lack of receptivity in our culture 

[32:23] Traci’s anger at psychotherapy and Dr. Fernando’s response 

[36:50] The psychoanalysis of our society’s loneliness epidemic  

[44:44] Dr. Fernando’s word for you

[47:12] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

European Journal of Psychoanalysis 

California Institute of Integral Studies 

Clinic Without Walls 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“My job then is to sit there and listen to what might arise from this place of lack, as opposed to somehow nullifying it by trying to fill it in with something. That runs directly counter to the discourse of capitalism.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

“There’s nothing that will do in, or make an encounter or an analysis fall apart more than one person thinking that by having a certain set of theoretical knowledge that they know more than the other. It makes you close your ears.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

“Theory is important to carve out our ear, but you’ve got to leave theory at the door the moment you have an encounter with somebody, otherwise all you’re doing is essentially trying to apply an ideology to a human. That’s violence.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

“We all have floaties. Psychoanalysis at its best is constantly deflating those floaties.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

“The more that we can empty ourselves out, the more the other will come forward. The less we are reliant on finding our footing in the world by trying to make the other give us a place, the more that the other will come through that is just them.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

“In the end, the best psychoanalytic training is an unlearning.” —Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Fernando Castrillon 

At DrCastrillon.com

On LinkedIn: @DrFernandoCastrillon 

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Michael McKnight is an educator at heart. Although he no longer teaches in the New Jersey classroom where he got his start and now has a handful of accolades and additional titles to his name, Michael is still as passionate now as he was four decades ago about connecting with students in ways that empower them to learn, not just stuff their heads with more information. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down with Michael to chat about all things education, technology in the classroom, and the research that gets Michael the most excited about the future of education. Michael specializes in working with kids who have endured adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), but although these kids have gone through more than many adults at a young age, Michael holds on to his characteristic optimism and hope that kids’ pain-based behavior can be transformed by teachers like him who put kids and connection first. During the episode, Michael even shares his advice for parents walking through a global pandemic and the subsequent disruption of the education system with their kids. Parent, teacher, student, or someone in between—don’t skip this episode with Michael McKnight! 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:52] Meet Michael 

[07:31] The hope in transforming a kid’s pain-based behavior 

[09:22] Michael’s mentors and the research that gets him excited  

[13:40] Quality connection versus the obedience model in schools today 

[16:07] Michael’s advice to parents: rupture and repair  

[21:02] How Michael stays optimistic about educating kids 

[25:47] ACE’s: adverse childhood experiences 

[27:12] Technology and connection in kids and the classroom 

[35:50] Michael’s word for you

[40:00] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Life Space Crisis Intervention

Unwritten: The Story of a Living System

Stockton University

“Resilience: The biology of stress and the science of hope”

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Most of our most troubled kids are really kids that carry enormous amounts of pain, and that behavior that we see, we call it pain-based behavior—behaviors by kids in pain.” —Michael McKnight 

“For the most part, young people learn not so much about whatever it is they’re studying—they learn from teachers they like.” —Michael McKnight 

“Parenting is absolutely a task that is impossible to do perfectly. And I think we have to give ourselves a little bit of room there.” —Michael McKnight 

“We focus on credential-izing, we focus on content, and then we wonder why teachers are in the classroom and that’s all they do.” —Michael McKnight 

“I don’t see technology as being a specific kid problem. I think it’s an adult problem because it’s so easy to get caught up in it. It becomes an extension of self almost.” —Michael McKnight 

“This isn’t about fixing you—it’s really just about getting to know you and seeing who you are, and that dynamic affects me as much as you, maybe me more than you.” —Michael McKnight 

“At our core, we’re really feeling creatures who think. Human beings are feeling creatures who think. And we have to be able to go into emotions because they drive learning, they drive attention, they drive everything we do. And yet in many areas we’ve kind of disconnected that and kept this illusion that teaching and learning is purely an intellectual pursuit. It is not.” —Michael McKnight

“Without that connection, many of our kids are there in body but not in mind. And our schools need to be able to shift from their current model of thinking to something much more alive and something much more whole and natural.” —Michael McKnight 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Michael McKnight 

On LinkedIn: @MichaelMcKnight

On Twitter: @mmcknight32

On Facebook: @MichaelMcKnight 

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Dr. Kristin Moody started out her career as a teacher passionate about deeply connecting with her students. That connection, and her subsequent interest in the study of empathy, propelled Kristin into a career in just that—launching Empathy at Work and spending her time studying the science behind empathy and how we connect to one another. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Kristin on all things empathy, emotional contagion, self-care and mindfulness, and Kristin’s hopes for how the world can change for the better when it comes to empathy. In a continually more divided, and digitized, society, empathy can be hard. But it’s not impossible, and Kristin is here to give us the tools necessary to practicing empathy more authentically every day. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:19] Meet Dr. Kristin 

[05:27] Kristin’s definitions of empathy  

[11:48] The physiology behind empathy and emotional contagion 

[21:55] Empathizing in a digital world   

[25:35] Connecting to different types of people, self-care, and mindfulness 

[30:40] Meditation  

[32:35] Social media’s impact on the brain 

[37:16] Kristin’s hopes for how the world can change  

[42:53] Kristin’s word for you

[45:10] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

EmpathyAtWork.net

The Mindfulness Coaching School

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“I am deeply called to learn from others, and that evolved into an understanding of what empathy is. Which I think is learning from and being allowed to be shaped by others in a way that we have a biology for and we have a physiology for.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“Empathy is a focused attention on another. The acceptance of that person’s truth without judgement. An accurate interpretation of that person’s emotional state. And then a response to that person’s state with parity.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“Empathy really just is about sitting in and holding space with someone and being able to share a feeling.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“If you have true empathy, it doesn’t have to be exhausting because it’s a choice.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“I can make a decision to flip the switch at any time and really listen to somebody and practice, and I can also make the decision at any time to turn it off and move through my life, to put blinders on. But that also means that sometimes you just have to go inwards and put blinders on so that you can sit down in the right situations and totally be open-hearted.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“There are times when you can turn it off, so that when it really matters you can turn it on.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

“There’s just something about the idea of believing people, accepting their truth without judgement. Recognizing that their experience is different than yours or recognizing that the way that they’re experiencing something is making it different than yours.” —Dr. Kristin Moody 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Dr. Kristin Moody

At EvolveNetwork.me

On LinkedIn: @KristinMoody

On Instagram: @empathy_at_work

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Toke Paludan Moeller was born a few years after World War II into a lineage of learners. His Danish ancestors include a cadre of individuals who spent their lives doing things from resisting the Nazis to being educated in the folk schools that came after their native country’s bankruptcy. Toke has made a name for himself within his family, starting the Art of Hosting and Interchange to help us all learn to live in harmony with ourselves and others. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci gets to talk with Toke, one of her personal heroes, about the storied history that made him the person he is today, his belief that learning is a way to become a good citizen of the societies in which we live, and how to find your spiritual connection or practice and determine the work you have been called to complete in this life. This is a conversation you won’t simply listen to—you’ll feel it in your very being. Get ready for Toke to share his fount of wisdom with you. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:52] Meet Toke 

[24:03] Learning as a way to be a good citizen 

[33:53] Finding your spiritual connection and determining the work you’re called to 

[48:00] Your response to the call  

[58:11] Toke’s word for you

[1:03:00] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

The Art of Hosting

Interchange 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Before anything else, we are human beings, and we can learn.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“I’m a seeker of wisdom wherever I can get it.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“One of the downfalls of the long-term evolution of our societies is the separation, the divorce in some places, between education and learning.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“We are fantastically endowed to excel in learning. And when we learn together, it’s an equalizer.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“We need peaceful warriorship in the world.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“When we are comfortable and when we are in that harmony, we are kind and so willing to give.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“Living in love and peace is not an old stupid hippie idea. This is how the fucking universe works.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“If we can live the future we want a little more every day, eventually it will be so.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“This is the time to remember who we are and to not be afraid of going on the most important exploration that we can do: to discover who we really are.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

“What you practice, you will become.” —Toke Paludan Moeller 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

For the last century or so, we’ve been told that we—humans—are the problem, not the society in which we live. What if the opposite was actually true? Dr. Niobe Way thinks so, and she’s ready to tell you why. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down for a conversation with NYU professor and founder of the Project for the Advancement of our Common Humanity (PACH), Dr. Niobe Way. 

Dr. Niobe founded PACH after spending years talking with students in middle school classrooms, specifically boys, about their feelings when it comes to friendship, life, and connection. Throughout their conversation, Traci and Niobe tackle the many issues embedded within our culture that work to de-humanize us, Niobe’s newest initiative—The Listening Project—and the power of transformative interviewing, and the scientific evidence pointing to the current crisis of connection we’re facing not only in the U.S., but around the world. If you’ve ever wondered if a single person determined to listen and not judge the individual sitting across from them can change the world, this is your proof that listening can in fact restore our humanity and change our culture for the better. Sit with Traci and Niobe as they engage in this heavy, yet hopeful, conversation. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:07] Meet Dr. Niobe Way 

[15:05] Issues in the culture that de-humanize us 

[21:13] Niobe’s story on friendships between boys in the classroom  

[28:45] The Listening Project and transformative interviewing 

[45:37] Traci and Niobe’s dreams for disrupting the culture and addressing the crisis of connection 

[48:32] The scientific evidence behind the crisis of connection  

[54:59] Niobe’s word for you 

[1:01] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

PACH – The Project for the Advancement of our Common Humanity 

The Science of Human Connection

Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection 

The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“We born wanting, starving, for connection to each other. And that’s basically all we want in our lives: to be deeply connected to one another and to connect to ourselves as well.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“We’ve created a culture that clashes with our nature.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“We say, ‘the problem is you, not the culture in which you live.’” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“The problem is that we have created this culture that’s based on this hierarchy of humanness. It’s very critical that we stop taking the symptom and treating it as if it’s the problem, because it’s a symptom of a problem.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“If it’s just about holding hands and being nice to each other, it’s not going to get far because we’re not disrupting the fundamental structure that creates the problem.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“At the root of all good connection is interpersonal curiosity.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“The question is not, ‘how do we punish that person? But, ‘how do we understand what happened so that it doesn’t happen again?’” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“Listening is not just simply about shutting up. It’s about engaging with people around their questions. Learning from someone else about the answers to your own questions. Valuing interpersonal curiosity. Seeing connection not just as connecting on social media, but actually allowing someone to be seen, and heard, and listened to.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

“We need to start from a place of humanity and who we are as humans, in order for us to get to a more just and humane place. And until we start from that place, we’re never going to get there.” —Dr. Niobe Way 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Dr. Dwight Turner has been studying and teaching on the concepts of otherness, race, and justice in psychotherapy long before they were trending topics in culture. He recently put out his first book on just that topic, in the hopes that readers will walk away with a better understanding of their own privilege and tendencies to otherize in culture today. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci gets to sit down with Dr. Turner to discuss his book, the idea of creating equality and justice out of disgust, and the balance between being an individual and adapting to society, especially when it comes to the COVID-19 pandemic. This is a thought-provoking and engaging conversation between therapists, but also one that is accessible to anyone, regardless of their background in psychotherapy or counseling. Traci and Dr. Turner’s conversation ends with his wish for you, the listener, to think about what one or two things you can do within your own community to benefit the life of someone else. Don’t miss out on this important and timely conversation! 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:34] Meet Dr. Turner 

[05:25] Dr. Turner’s book 

[10:17] Aha moments in writing Intersections of Privilege and Otherness in Counselling and Psychotherapy 

[13:40] Creating justice and equality out of disgust 

[19:23] What Dr. Turner hopes the impact of his book will be 

[26:43] The balance between being an individual and adapting to society 

[36:09] Psychotherapy’s participation in other-ing 

[39:58] Dr. Turner’s wish for you

[42:52] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Intersections of Privilege and Otherness in Counselling and Psychotherapy 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Identity is formed at an early age by what we are not as well as what we are. And then our egos fight tooth and nail to maintain that sense of self.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

“We are a far bigger creature than the one we created as a child.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

“There’s a chance to learn something more out of difference if we can move beyond things like disgust or shame or rage that we’ve been taught.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

“Any drive towards understanding difference, otherness, privilege, has to come from a moral and ethical and soul-like place in oneself.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

“There’s a balancing act between duty to oneself and duty to those around you.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

“We can’t divorce culture from family.” —Dr. Dwight Turner 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Meredith Bell has been helping individuals and teams communicate and connect more effectively for over 30 years. Since she began her career, a lot has changed in the ways we communicate (thanks, smartphones!), but a lot of the fundamentals—like building trust, how to encourage someone well, and practicing neutrality and curiosity—have remained the same. Even though there’s now seemingly more ways to connect than ever before, Meredith’s work is probably more vital today than it has ever been.

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Meredith, an individual she has admired from afar for a while now, on how to build genuine connection in a time when it’s all too easy to hide behind an email or text message. Throughout their conversation, Meredith talks about taking things personally, the four ways to encourage someone, and why it takes practice and accountability to re-wire our brains for connection. No matter what your work environment is like today or who you surround yourself with at work and in life, this episode on connection and communication is one you need to hear this week.

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro

[02:36] Meet Meredith

[07:24] What has changed, and what hasn’t, in the 30 years Meredith has been in the field

[12:59] Taking things personally

[17:26] How to build up safety and trust in the workplace

[22:39] Getting neutrality and curiosity to stick

[27:02] The practice and accountability behind re-wiring our brains for connection

[30:04] Four ways to encourage someone

[36:58] Meredith’s books

[38:27] Meredith’s word for you 

[42:08] Outro

Resources Mentioned

 Connect with your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

 Strong for Performance: Create a coaching culture with learning & development programs that stick

 Peer Coaching Made Simple: How to do the 6 things that matter most when helping someone improve a skill

 The Prosperous Coach: Increase income and impact for you and your clients

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“One of our key goals is to help alleviate the unnecessary pain that often exists in the workplaces.”

—Meredith Bell

“Focus on serving that other person. It doesn’t matter who it is or what your past relationship has been. If you think about, how can I be present for them in a way that really serves them, it just makes a huge difference in the way that the whole interaction goes.”

—Meredith Bell

“I make a point to make note of things about a person that I genuinely appreciate in the moment.”

—Meredith Bell

“Every single person, no matter how you measure their success, we all have this need to be acknowledged and appreciated and valued.”

—Meredith Bell

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

At some point in our lives, we’ve probably all felt like we didn’t belong. For Nicola Lipscombe, that sense of not belonging came to a head while she was working in academia and doctors discovered a cancerous tumor in her chest. Nicola knew it was time for a change, and thus began the second half of her career where belonging and heart-centeredness have taken center stage. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Nicola on all things belonging, listening, and connection. Nicola now brings her knowledge into the workplace, hosting retreats and intensives where she helps those in the corporate world discover the power of holding space for others and themselves. Traci and Nicola discuss why they believe it’s fun to hold space for others, how to convince Type A personalities that they won’t be any less productive if they start connecting better, and how intentional listening can help us connect during a pandemic. Whether you’re already a connection guru or you could use a little more heartfelt connection in your life, you won’t want to miss this episode. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:36] Meet Nicola 

[09:27] How Nicola’s relationship to belonging shifted 

[14:38] Heart-centered connection and belonging in the workplace 

[22:47] “Embody” and “space-holding” according to Nicola 

[30:16] Why it’s fun to hold space for others 

[36:37] Converting Type A, driven personalities to operate out of their heart-center 

[42:17] Nicola’s word for you

[44:32] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

NicolaLipscombe.com 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“We crave and yearn for connection, yet we can be scared to be vulnerable enough for that to occur.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

“When you have that sense within yourself, you actually have more capacity to be with others and create that for others because you’re not so worried about yourself.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

“Embodiment is the act of settling into your body, into your skin, into the space that you inhabit. There’s an element of mindfulness, of being fully present in the moment, but it comes from being grounded within your body.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

“If we really want to fully connect with another human being, we have to embrace our own personal humanity, otherwise you’ve got a sort of half-human trying to connect with another half-human in a fully human way. It doesn’t work.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

“You grow in yourself through the act of being consciously present, openly listening to another.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

“Don’t underestimate the power of listening to be able to be a beautiful replacement for that human physical touch, because you can think of listening as a hug you can give with your ears.” —Nicola Lipscombe 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

For many, art is a language all its own. This has never been more true for Daren Todd, a Portland-based musician turned painter who discovered painting during quarantine when he lost his bartending job. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down with Daren to hear his story of gaining a following for his painting through Reddit, starting Art Larger Than Me, and his thoughts on how art can serve as both love language and accountability for the battles our country is fighting within itself. 

Daren is a transgender Black man who always saw art, specifically music, as a way to express himself. But when the pandemic hit, painting became a way to express himself and connect with others in a whole new way. Together, Traci and Daren talk about how art has impacted Daren, his feelings about the Capitol Insurrection, and how art can help us create emblems of accountability that help us as a collective address our different shades of shame and racism to create a more inclusive and equal society. Daren is a dynamic advocate for the power of art and loving those around us while still holding them accountable. Don’t miss this important episode!  

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:08] Meet Daren 

[11:52] The heart behind Art Larger than Me 

[14:48] How Daren hopes his art serves the marginalized communities he’s apart of 

[16:40] Art as language 

[19:32] Art’s impact on Daren 

[22:37] Daren’s rebellious spirit as an artist 

[26:03] Traci and Daren’s shared Santa Barbara history 

[27:27] The impact of the Capitol Insurrection on Daren 

[32:21] Emblems of accountability 

[37:13] Shame in our societal consciousness  

[43:41] Daren’s word for you

[45:33] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Art Larger than Me 

The Downstairs Gallery  

The Neighborhood Arts Collective  

It’s Future Time 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“I’m almost glad I didn’t go to art school because I see so many people that have gone that are just so jaded and broken down and beaten down by that system.” —Daren Todd 

“I try to use that gift that I’ve been given to reach out to people that maybe haven’t been reached or aren’t being reached, and to speak for people who haven’t found a way to speak or have been silenced.” —Daren Todd 

“I believe that art is a language that transcends dialects and can say a lot, and it’s open to interpretation by every person because no two people see the same.” —Daren Todd 

“I believe that it’s not so much about the outcome as it is about the daily practice, and when you focus on the practice, the outcome comes secondary.” —Daren Todd 

“How much more time are we going to have to wait for a simple right to life, to freedom, to justice, to the pursuit of our happiness? And we’re not asking to be held above, we’re literally just asking to be equal.” —Daren Todd 

“You’re not going to get anywhere by avoiding things that make you uncomfortable.” —Daren Todd 

“I never want to shame someone for where they were. I just want to help them get to a better place.” —Daren Todd 

“The most grounded I feel on this earth is when I’m reaching out to help someone else. And I think if each one of us just shared a little bit of what we had, there’d be more than enough to go around.” —Daren Todd 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Listening well isn’t an easy skill for most of us. We like to talk, and in a culture that values productivity and solutions above all else, simply listening can often feel like we’re not being useful. Dr. Kelsey Crowe, author of There is No Good Card for This, thinks differently. 

An empathy coach and founder of the nonprofit, Help Each Other Out, Kelsey knows a thing or two about listening—making it her mission in life to teach us how to empathize in an increasingly self-centered world. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci and Kelsey laugh and listen together, talking about all things empathy, connection, and attention. 

Throughout their conversation, Kelsey shares with us her three basic rules on empathy for idiots, how we can ask for the attention we need, and the value of gestures. Especially during a season where we’re dealing with more uncertainty than ever, empathy is so important—not just for others, but also for ourselves. If you’re looking for a practical guide to becoming a better listener, and better person and friend in the process, look no further than this dynamic and empathetic conversation between Traci and Kelsey. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:24] Meet Kelsey 

[06:51] What Kelsey discovered about empathy 

[09:45] Kelsey’s rules on empathy for idiots everywhere 

[15:09] Why it’s hard for us to not be useful 

[22:23] How we ask for the attention we need 

[26:23] The value of gestures 

[31:25] What Kelsey’s working on next 

[34:39] Sidewalk Talk in Germany and during COVID-19 

[37:17] Listening during conflict 

[40:26] How can we show up differently for others during COVID 

[44:55] Kelsey’s wish for you 

[46:40] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

There is No Good Card for This: What to say and do when life is scary, awful, and unfair to people you love

Help Each Other Out

The Empathy Bootcamp

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“The value of hearing someone else, truly hearing, cannot be underestimated.” —Kelsey Crowe 

“If we’re thinking about how we’re going to respond, we’re not truly taking in what somebody’s feeling.” —Kelsey Crowe 

“When people are talking, they don’t only want to be validated. Sometimes it’s actually an opportunity for them to understand and build their experience in the course of telling it. And providing people the space to do that is tremendous.” —Kelsey Crowe 

“We find that listening is unproductive, that it’s not useful, when it’s so useful. So our definition of what’s useful has to expand to include presence and attention. Attention is useful.” —Kelsey Crowe 

“We need to figure out more and more ways to display emotional intelligence that’s beyond just how we talk to people.” —Kelsey Crowe 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Thomas C Knox is a connector like no other. The founder of multiple organizations all focused on fostering relationships and space for vulnerability between people, this guy is the real deal. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down with Thomas, her good friend and part of the Sidewalk Talk team, to discuss how to stay connected during quarantine and relating to others even when it seems like you have nothing in common. 

Thomas is the face behind Date While you Wait—a company he started in response to the stories of friends and family who told him their commute was one of the worst parts of their day. In response, Thomas stepped in with a card table and a Connect Four set, inviting commuters on the New York City subway to sit down for a chat or just a game. With a personality that made space for vulnerability and connection look easy, Date While you Wait gained national attention, and is now being turned into a TV show. 

Traci and Thomas talk about how connection has changed during the COVID-19 quarantine, the willingness to step out of our comfort zones to still be there for people even if we can’t be close physically, and why finding something you can relate to with another person is the first step to realizing maybe we’re not so different after all. Don’t miss this important episode on how connecting with others matters now more than ever. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:37] Meet Thomas 

[11:40] Thomas’ relationship with his mom and how it shaped him 

[14:21] Thomas’ Mother’s Day surprise 

[19:30] How Thomas takes care of himself 

[22:57] Honoring Thomas’ friend, Lloyd, who passed away 

[27:27] Relating with others and being vulnerable 

[33:46] Thomas’ organizations and what he’s working on right now 

[36:50] How to connect during quarantine 

[40:29] Sidewalk Talk phone-banking 

[45:13] Mental Health Awareness month at Sidewalk Talk 

[47:14] Thomas’ word for you  

[50:16] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Date While you Wait 

BeGreat Bow Ties

The Connection Collective 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“I just wanted to do something kind for moms. We’re lucky to have them, and we wouldn’t be here without our moms.” —Thomas C Knox 

“The best way to give back is to pay it forward—do it for somebody else. Put a smile on somebody else’s face. That’s something that really matters to me.” —Thomas C Knox 

“Everyone has something in them that someone else has, but we fight it. Once we identify what we have in common, it’s easier for us to relate.” —Thomas C Knox 

“For us to be able to find ways to adapt and still listen to our community is something that is not easy, it can be a challenge. And I’m really proud to be a part of an organization that realizes that there are people that still need our support and still need to be listened to.” —Thomas C Knox 

“Show love, because we need it now more than ever.” —Thomas C Knox 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Loneliness is something that has probably plagued all of us at different points in our lives, but it’s a feeling that has been more prevalent this past year than any before with a global pandemic that sent us all into our homes. But what if that feeling of loneliness could be combatted safely, from our homes, and through the help of strangers? Enter Open Bubble’s George de la Ville Bauge. 

The Frenchman developed the connection app Open Bubble before COVID-19 became a reality last spring, but its inception has been instrumental in combatting a pandemic of loneliness in the elderly and young alike in this year of social distancing. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with George all about Open Bubble, why he decided to use an app to address the loneliness he was feeling in his own life, and why connecting with strangers is such a gift. Don’t miss this timely and important conversation that can help us all step outside of our bubbles to lead less lonely lives. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[02:44] Meet George 

[08:20] Open Bubble 

[11:34] The gift of connecting strangers  

[17:11] Why George chose to combat loneliness through an app 

[26:00] Getting in touch with our humanity again 

[30:08] How meeting strangers impacts loneliness 

[37:48] George’s wish for you 

[41:00] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Open Bubble 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“Loneliness is not only being isolated, you can be lonely with people around; you can be lonely because you think in different ways. What we’re trying to do is tackle the feeling of loneliness.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

“There are two hurdles we are trying to solve: whether the other person is available, and what are we going to talk about.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

“We all live in bubbles, and at some point, it’s very beneficial to open a window into one of those bubbles and let some air come in.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

“Any war in the world, between neighbors or between countries, starts because people don’t understand each other.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

“I just want to get people in touch with each other and let the magic happen.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

“Nothing really brings more joy than connection with another person. You can find real joy talking with another human who you didn’t know ten minutes before.” —George de la Ville Bauge 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Drug addiction and the loneliness and mental health struggles that often precede it are highly talked about issues facing our country right now, but that wasn’t always the case. Back in 2006, when author Alicia Cook’s cousin, Jess, died of an overdose, death from drug addiction was often swept under the rug. While it’s become much more of a frontline policy talking point in the years since, people like Alicia are still determined, maybe now more than ever after the year we’ve had, to tell the stories of families plagued by the dual issues of drug addiction and mental health. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down with Alicia, author of the wildly beloved book of poems, Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back, to discuss the biggest lessons Alicia’s learned about drug addiction and loss throughout her journey, the intention behind her book, and the policy changes around drug addiction and mental health both women hope to see happen in the near future. 

Alicia’s journey of becoming a voice to this voiceless population of people affected by drug addiction really started when her cousin Jess overdosed at the age of 19. Alicia takes a few minutes to honor Jess during this conversation, sharing the other stories that have touched her the most in the process. Traci and Alicia’s conversation concludes with Alicia’s mission to give voice to the loneliness of our generation, and her word for you: everything is temporary, sometimes we just have to wait for the sun to come up on a new day. This is a vitally important conversation, don’t miss it. 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[03:02] Meet Alicia 

[06:50] Honoring Alicia’s cousin, Jess Cook  

[11:33] The biggest lessons Alicia has learned on her journey 

[14:56] The stories that have touched Alicia the most 

[20:04] Alicia’s intention for Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back 

[26:55] How Alicia has fun amidst writing about a lot of heavy stuff 

[29:46] Giving voice to loneliness 

[34:35] Policy changes around drug addiction and mental health 

[41:09] Alicia’s self-care routine 

[45:26] Alicia’s word and poem for you

[48:12] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

Sorry I Haven’t Texted You Back

I hope My Voice Doesn’t Skip 

Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“There wasn’t a voice for these families, and I inevitably became that voice.” —Alicia Cook 

“It’s always so scary to put something so vulnerable and personal out there into the world. But what I’ve learned is, it’s necessary.” —Alicia Cook 

“Dismantling the stigma—the number one weapon we have to do this is our storytelling.” —Alicia Cook  

“Advocates are born the minute someone they love dies.” —Alicia Cook

“Our mental health, whether we’re in a good state or a bad state, touches so many parts of our lives, and it’s impossible to compartmentalize, even though the world tells us we need to compartmentalize.” —Alicia Cook 

“When someone wants to recover, and wants to begin that journey, there needs to be a bed for them. They need help immediately—they can’t wait another day.” —Alicia Cook  

“Even if you feel like things can’t get any worse, that things won’t get better in your life, you need to just hold on, because everything is temporary. Sometimes you just have to wait for the sun to rise and a better day to begin.” —Alicia Cook 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

The Latino community is one that has felt the devastating effects of COVID-19 firsthand. As essential workers and part of a people group that values family and work ethic above all else, the pandemic has wracked this already marginalized minority. But author and founder of EsTiempo: “It’s Time,” Frank Carbajal, is here to tell us that the Latino future is still bright for these resilient individuals. 

On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci talks with Frank about how his story of resiliency and perseverance is just one of many in the Latino community. The goal of Frank’s work is to uplift as many Latino individuals as possible, and together he and Traci covered all sorts of topics in that vein, from how to combat the negative rhetoric often thrown at the Latino community to why loneliness affects Latinos in a particularly potent way. 

The episode concludes with Frank’s heartfelt story of discovering the humanity of a man who had lost it all, and why he wants to encourage you, the Sidewalk Talk volunteer, to always remember that we all have a story to tell. Frank has some beautiful truths to share, don’t miss this episode! 

Episode Milestones

[00:07] Intro 

[00:58] Meet Frank 

[08:00] Frank’s story of resiliency  

[17:21] Building the Latino Future’s impact 

[22:04] Combatting negative rhetoric against the Latino community 

[26:02] Community and loneliness in the Latino population 

[35:34] Frank’s word for you

[41:58] Outro 

Resources Mentioned

EsTiempo 

Building the Latino Future: Success Stories for the Next Generation 

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“You can’t fail when you’re passionate. There’s no failure in passion.” —Frank Carbajal 

“I think of my parents when I see the migrant, farm-working community. That’s how my parents made their success. Words and framing matters.” —Frank Carbajal 

“With support, loneliness means that you’re not alone. You’ll be helped and you’ll be listened to.” —Frank Carbajal 

“We all have a story to share and we all should be respectful of every human life.” —Frank Carbajal 

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT----more----